No Title, Just Me Screaming and Holding Your Hands and Jumping In The Air

unnamed (1)

Everywhere I went, I was asked the same question. Sooo... what is this book is about? And then I give a perfectly wonderful answer about it being a funny memoir of my life as a fat girl and then growing up and being something great. But the truth is, the book is more about what I can't say on national television. Family tragedy, lesbianism, love, failing out of college, fumbling through sex, homeslessness, pee your pants hilarity, and finally, loving the absolute fuck out of yourself. If … [Read More...]

2015: The Game Plan

zero fucks given

I woke up the day after Christmas, briefly forgetting that it had happened. That is, until I walked into my living room to find crap everywhere, empty wine bottles from the previous night's celebrations all over the counter, and I turned on the news to promises of weight loss and finally, finally, … [Read More...]

What I Really Say To Your Husband

Ladies, your husbands are emailing me. Repeatedly. You may or may not have any idea this is happening. It's probably while you're in the shower, or after you go to bed. Or maybe when you think they're texting a co-worker on the couch, or in the bathroom on their iPads. … [Read More...]

Listen, It’s Okay To Be Alone At Christmas

christmas

I have a very romanticized idea of the holidays. I function at a Clark W. Griswold level of holiday merriment from November through mid-January. It's obnoxious. I grew up having amazing Christmases with my grandmother before she died. She filled every room of her house with friends and family as … [Read More...]

Tastefully Simple Copycats

TS Beer Bread

Without fail, this always happens to me. I fall in love with something, and then it goes away. Parks and Rec, the Taco Light from Taco Bell (it was a 90's thing. It was amazing), and my local Tastefully Simple representative. … [Read More...]

Brittany’s Gift Guide 2014 & Merry, Merry Giveaway!

GG2014

This is my favorite time of year. The twinkly lights, the holiday music, the movie Christmas with the Kranks that nobody in my house loves except me. Oh, and the post where I put together the ultimate gift guide for your shopping pleasure, and even do an extra-special giveaway to make it all the … [Read More...]

Stage 5 Clinger

Clinger Text

"You never call me anymore." He said. "Yes I do!" "Um no, you don't. It's Wednesday and you haven't called to bug me at work all week?" So, two things. One, he apparently only pretends to be annoyed with me, which only confirms my theory that my exasperating personality is a large part of … [Read More...]

Contagious But Organized

Erin Condren Planner

Ever have the type of stomach virus that renders every poor schmuck that comes to your door a potential caretaker? "I just threw up so hard toilet water splashed up and hit my face and I pooped in my shorts, what should I do?" I asked, holding a towel to my cheek. … [Read More...]

A Few of My Favorite (Winter) Things

Oversized Sweaters

You know that smell? It's chilly and windy and the air smells cold, like something fierce is coming? I love winter. Not just for the carb-filled food and warm and fuzzy holidays, but for the tall boots, jeans, and a much needed break from crotch sweat. I can finally pull out all my absolute … [Read More...]

I Didn’t Write a Book

Writing about writing is a big huge giant meta wormhole, and it might not appeal to absolutely anyone reading this, but should some desperate author one day google something like "how to write a book, no seriously, please help me?" I hope this post helps them to not feel so utterly, utterly alone … [Read More...]

Raising Geeks

geek

Growing up, I wanted to have two kids. A boy named Josh and a girl named Mercedes. Josh would naturally be the big man on campus, and when I say that, imagine me saying it the way your grandmother says it when she asks you about school. "How's school, Josh? I assume you're the big man on … [Read More...]