Working with my mother has given me the opportunity to see what she has dealt with, not only in the work environment with deadlines and emergencies every other day, but also some understanding of the pressure she was under when my brother and I were children.
My mother was a single mother with an eight year old and a five year old when she took her current job. Of course my understanding is tenuous at best, given my lack of children, but now I get why she sometimes ran late when picking us up from our after school program and why she couldn’t be at every game and why she went away some weekends only to turn around and go away again. I get it because I’m doing similar work with a similar schedule. But I will tell you what I told her; I don’t know how she did it because the mere though of doing work/travel/fundraisers and then going home to children who need my attention makes me want to weep and then take a nice long nap.
My mother did what she did because she didn’t have a choice. In order to provide for her children she had to work. Such is the case for most women; in order to keep their children clothed and fed they also need to have a job. Whether or not they want to stay home is irrelevant because staying at home doesn’t pay the bills. It’s an unfortunate circumstance for so many, but it is also the reality.
That was the point that Hilary Rosen attempted to make on Wednesday evening: That Ann Romney, wife of Republican Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, was able to stay home and raise her five boys because her family (her husband is a multi-millionaire) could afford to give her that choice. Unfortunately for Hilary Rosen, the words she chose to use were not the best. When saying “Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life” therefore she couldn’t possibly advise her husband on women and the economy, she meant to say that so many mothers have to worry about paying their bills, sending their children to school, putting food on the table and they don’t get that luxury.
What Rosen’s comments turned into was something I was embarrassed to watch unfold via various social media sites. Something about what happened yesterday was worse than the usual Mommy Wars that I’ve bared witness to over the years. It was unsettling and cringe worthy.
Perhaps my wincing was because I was raised by a single mother who didn’t have what Ann Romney has? Maybe I knew what Hilary Rosen was trying to say? Or maybe, it was the ensuing tossing of people under the bus? Then again, that’s what happens in an already tumultuous campaign.
What occurred between Ann Romney and Hilary Rosen put women against women, which saddens me no matter the circumstances. It was also an utter deflection of the real issues and problems that all Americans are faced with. Including a jobs and economic crisis that doesn’t give women the opportunities and choices they deserve, and a congress hell-bent on cutting services to the most vulnerable communities including – but not limited to – disadvantaged women.
My hope is that both sides realize that women should be a priority. We need to be listened to and not thought of just as a voting block, but as group of people with different lots in life who want to do the best we can for ourselves and our families.
What are your thoughts on this debate?
Some great perspectives on the Romney/Rosen debacle:
The Myth of the Rich, Selfish Working Mom
This Lazy Stay-At-Home Mom Never Worked a Day in My Life
Caution: Linkbait Ahead
Not Another Mommy War
Heather Barmore writes about the hodgepodge of her life at No Pasa Nada and about politics at Poliogue: The Art of Political Dialogue. She started her personal blog as an early twenty-something with no idea of what she wanted to do in life. She is now a late twenty-something with the same problem! (Who knew?!) She started Poliogue because she loves politics more than anyone you’ve ever met and wanted to share that love (or obsession) with anyone and everyone. She now lives in her hometown of Albany, NY where she works in politics while writing (or as she says, ‘creatively whining’) on the side. You can read more from Heather on her blog, No Pasa Nada.
I keep feeling dismayed that we put so many things ahead of us as opposed to seeing common ground. It’s ‘she does this’ or ‘they believe that’ and none of it is matter of fact, like a child pointing out something they see and then moving past it to find out about the person.
Using conflict to forward an agenda is bad business, it puts the focus on anger not on progress.
I agree with you. This political argument aside, all you have to see to view mothers gnashing teeth is go to Baby Center (http://blogs.babycenter.com/) blog page on any given day. Stay at home moms against working moms, formula vs. breastfeeding, cry it out versus attachment parenting– oye! The judgement!
Mothering may not be viewed as ‘work’ by all, but it certainly is one of the most vital roles in the world, no matter your methods. It’s unfortunate that it becomes such a rage fest between mothers all the time.
Amanda – My feelings exactly. We have so much more in common with each other but it quickly turns into put downs. At this rate we will always be stuck in a constant back and forth instead of focusing on the real issues.
Amateur Mommy (Amanda) – I have never understood any of that BS. Who cares what another parent does with their child? As long as that kid is fed, happy and healthy then who cares if you co-sleep or formula feed or do CIO?
While I agree, fundamentally, with what Ann Rosen had to say. Her saying it very poorly is inexcusable given the fact that being a talking head and saying things in the best way possible is pretty much her whole career – yes, I know she’s a Democratic Strategist – potAto/potato. And then to come back and say, “i didn’t attack her” or to have all of these apologists who don’t know her talking FOR her trying to say what she meant is worse than what she actually said. She said it. She meant it. It was a poor – very poor – choice of words. I’d respect her more if she stuck by it rather than trying to redefine it.
And there are MANY non-multimillionaire couples out there that one of the parents stay home. My mom did it. My dad worked two jobs until I was 10 and my brother was 15 so she could do it. It was the choice they made. My dearest friend’s husband stays home with their little girl. It’s not the choice for everyone and I recognize that it’s not even a POSSIBLE choice for everyone, but it is something that is doable for more than just multi-millionaire households.
But saying someone hasn’t worked a day in their life and therefore couldn’t POSSIBLY be qualified to let her presidential candidate husband know what other women go through who do work and do struggle with money just because they don’t is ludicrous. Romney (the Mr. of the two) said that she campaigns without him sometimes and that is what she was telling him she was hearing from the women she was having the opportunity to speak with. At no point did she said she felt that way. Or understood for that matter. Or could empathize. She told him what women were concerned about. And given how UNCONCERNED the Republican party seems to be regarding all things women? I don’t have a problem with Romney (the Mrs.) saying that. It seems like a complete non-issue to me. But I guess not to Ms. Rosen.
That being said, Ms. Rosen said what she said, she knew what she was saying (to assume one in her position didn’t realize what she was saying and exactly how it would come across is just ignorance run amok). And she meant it. She should stick by it.
*Hilary – Sorry
And for the record, I’m a Democrat and will be voting Democrat because I respect my lady bits more than I respect Mitt Romney or any other potential Republican candidate – just so I’m not accused of being some right wing nutjob. But I also don’t subscribe to the idea that you have to rail against one side just because you’re affiliated with the other. And I can admit when someone on my side has been a complete and utter tool.
Amy,
“Accused of being a right wing nutjob”? “…don’t subscribe to the idea that you have to rail against one side just because you’re affiliated with the other?” I’m astounded at your choice of words given your previous posts. I am a proud, fiscally and socially conservative, 28 year old woman. I respect my lady parts as I respect all other parts of my body… to include my “non nutjob” brain. I appreciate that we all have different views but using words like that to classify members of my political party does not help bridge the gap in the aisle. Let’s work together to respect and promote women not attack each other.
Thanks,
Katie
Katie,
That one word is what you had a problem with out of my whole reply?
1) At no point did I say all conservatives are nutjobs. (My husband is a conservative).
2) At no point did I specifically call anyone out as being a nutjob.
3) No one can deny there are right wing nutjobs just as there are left wing nutjobs. Not even you.
4) In the online world it is easy for counter-arguments to be dismissed as just noise coming from the other side of the opinion and given by an aforementioned nutjob of opposing side. I made it clear that is not the case here.
5) You claim you want us not to attack each other but you pick out ONE word – that addressed no one specifically – of an otherwise well-reasoned reply and rake me over the coals for it… personally… and publicly… and then say we should attack each other. That’s funny.
Have a wonderful day! It was lovely to meet you, Katie.
Thanks,
Amy
*shouldn’t
re: Hilary Rosen…how can anyone know but Hilary as to what she was thinking? Okay, she was fortunate that she had the choice to stay home and raise her kids…does that make her a brainless twit that is unable to think an intelligent thought? I don’t think that makes her unable to talk to women who work outside the home, whether they want to or not. It was a stupid thing to say, let’s face it.
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