For twelve years, I have hidden my weight from my husband, refusing to step on a scale in front of him. This man sees me naked every day. He’s been in the bathroom while I pee. He’s held my hair while I vomited (from the flu…not tequila…give me some credit here). He has touched every single inch of my body. Yet, my weight has been a shameful secret.
I don’t even watch “Mad Men,” but I Google “Christina Hendricks weight.” A lot. A lot more than anybody ever should. Because she is curvy and stunning and I feel like if only I could somehow relate to her I might feel better about myself. The internet consensus is that Christina Hendricks wears somewhere between a size 4 and a size 14, and weighs somewhere between 120-200 lbs. As a society, our notions about shape and weight are that drastically skewed.
Recently, I was having a conversation with some of the other CGG writers about women’s body type. I’ve always thought Tena was stunning. And, I met Daisy at last year’s BlogHer and thought she looked thin, fit and stylish. I confessed to comparing myself to them and feeling fat, unattractive, and inadequate. Turns out, all three of us are almost the exact same height & weight. And we were all guilty of comparing ourselves to each other and finding ourselves lacking. How is it possible that three women with very similar body types can all admire each other, but feel so damn bad about ourselves?
I think the answer is that shame lives in secrecy.
When we refuse to talk about weight, when we keep it hidden, tucked away in our closed-door bathrooms and doctors’ charts, it takes on a life of its own. Like a parasite burrowing into the flesh of its host, laying eggs and multiplying until it eats away everything that matters.
Our bodies shouldn’t be a source of shame.
Our bodies are strong. Our bodies give life. Our bodies provide nourishment and comfort and pleasure.
Our bodies are not shameful.
Our bodies are beautiful.
When I asked women around the web to send me photos with their height and honest weight for a blog pictorial, I expected to be laughed at. And I was, a little bit. But mostly, I received support. Words of encouragement. Confessions of struggling with body issues and self-loathing and envy of others, from women of all sizes. Stories of feeling “less-than” or unworthy, because of a number on the scale. And pictures. Lots of pictures.
I am shocked and overwhelmed at the number of amazing, stunning, bold women who agreed to come forward and share in hopes of moving the needle toward a more realistic perception of weight and body image. Nobody was cajoled or compensated. Everyone volunteered, willing to reveal the number on the scale for the entire world to see. Because they didn’t want their weight to be a source of secrecy or shame. And because they don’t want yours to be either.
My name is Audrey Binkowski. I am 5’4″ tall. I weigh 169 lbs. I am beautiful. So are all of these daring women. And so are you.
Audrey 5’4″ 169lbs
Caitlin 5’4″ 201lbs
Daisy 5’4″ 155lbs
Taryn 5’1″ 204lbs
Dana 5’4″ 230lbs
Julie 5’7″ 305lbs
Katie 5’4″ 137lbs
Jenny Grace 5’5″ 162lbs
Ali 5’2″ 114lbs
Tanis 5’8″ 170lbs
Brittany 5’8″ 220lbs
Mishi 5’8″ 233lbs
Adrianne 5’5″ 155lbs
Allison 5’3″ 140lbs
Yvonne 5’4″ 179lbs
Nanette 5’4″ 177lbs
Amy 5’4″ 135lbs
Angie 5’5″ 225lbs
Jen 5’9″ 154lbs
Holly 5’4″ 160lbs
Greis 5’3″ 195lbs
Tameshia 5’10″ 262lbs
Tena 5’4″ 158lbs
Meredith 5’4″ 184lbs
Heather 5’3″ 150lbs
Michelle 243lbs
Shawna 5’10″ 185lbs
Want to get real about your body? Add your photo to Curvy Girl Guide’s “Project Getting Real.”
Audrey Binkowski is a writer, a mother, a digital marketer, and a hoarder of vintage items. Seriously, her closets and cupboards are full of old crap that belonged to dead people. You can read more from Audrey on her blog, Laugh Mom.
[Some images courtesy Lotus Carroll, Mishelle Lane Photography, and Greis on Flickr]
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Audrey,
Bless you for such a frank, gutsy article. As I read your story through tears, I realized just how much I have been punishing myself for being overweight. We have our own scarlet letter to wear and I never realized until now how much shame has crippled me.
I might not be your height and weight, but I have been doing the same kind of comparisons with other women for years now. Thank you to everyone for the photos, they were inspiring. It really was amazing to see how many beautiful women there were out there, and just how inconsequential weight numbers are when defining us as people.
We have to stop focusing only on numbers, because when we do, we become faceless, invisible statistics devoid of any personality or soul. The photos were a testament to each woman’s uniqueness, which in the makes numbers irrelevant.
Thank you, Thank you!
This is a wonderful movement and I’m super proud of everyone…but I have to admit I’m completely bewildered at how you get past it. I think about posting a picture of myself and telling everyone my weight and I’m still mortified. I’m jealous of your confidence and all of you are absolutely beautiful.
Adria,
I started by having anxiety attacks about this post for three days. And then I blurted my weight out to my husband, right after he told me he didn’t care and didn’t want to know.
Once the cork was out of the bottle, I just walked around telling random people. Now the mailman knows my weight. I’m out of control.
Here’s what I noticed about these stunning women:
They have a 1000 watt smile
Some have beautiful children
They are clearly doing amazing things
Nothing is holding them back
Just.Like.Some.’Skinny’.Women.
I love this. Thank you.
As everyone else said- this is amazing. I’m a little teary-eyed because it struck such a cord in me- I’ve always felt large and out of place. I would NEVER reveal my weight- not to my husband, my sisters, NO ONE. I kind of hated that my doctor even knew my weight.
But as I was looking through the pictures, I was struck by the amount of strength I saw in each woman- not their size- but how strong and capable you all looked. I love that I’m no different than any of you! Age 31- height 5’7″- weight 162.
I am 19 years old 5’9 and I weigh about 157 and I love my body!
This makes me proud of all these women! Way to be you!! You are all beautiful
I love this post. I just want to be happy with who I am and feel good about myself. I want to be healthy but still eat the foods I like without beating myself up about it. But mostly I just want to feel beautiful. Thank you for a lovely post.
Wow.
You guys are amazing. This was just the post I needed after a rough week of struggling with my own body image. Rock on!
i’m 34, 5’10″ and 150 lbs. i’m a (currently injured) runner who has had 4 kids, including twins and i curremtly look like this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mommymae/5559032171/
we are beautiful!
not only can i NOT spell, but i failed to say who i am, really.
I love you guys. I might just have to get a pic and jump in on this.
I LOVE THIS POST!
As a bigger girl, I have NEVER liked that ‘number’. I hid it whenever I could. I was ashamed of my weight and the squishy bits and pieces, even made a joke about me and Santa having the same ‘Jello Belly’. The highest I ever hit was 300lbs.
2 years and some change ago, I got sick. I couldn’t eat, and I lost a tremendous amount of weight. I went from around 230lbs, to 148lbs in a few months. My husband was deployed, the docs didn’t know what was wrong with me, on and on and on… yada yada yada.
Still don’t know what is wrong with me, but even at the 148lbs, I STILL felt horrible. My bones ached, my hair fell out and the stress was overwhelming.
I’m still sick, and I still have a sucky image of myself, but I’m comfy right where I am. (Contradiction MUCH?!!! HAHA!) I have no clue what my weight is right now, and I couldn’t care. I found out something awesome on this sickness journey that my body has forced me to undertake… Start living life to it’s fullest and quit worrying about a stupid number, cuz your life can be changed in the blink of an eye.
Love to all!
Chrissy
PS, I can’t find a place to upload a photo?
Could someone help me?
Here you go:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/1608201@N25/
I LOVED this post!!!
What a great idea!
Completely inspiring!
I’ve been torn of posting my stuff for the last four days…but I did it. My pic is up on Flickr. The number still makes me want to barf, and if it wasn’t for the puking, I’ve considered bulimia (before anyone lynches me, I haven’t done it). But I’ve sucked it up and posted.
Audrey, thanks.
Ms Dreamer. 5′ 4″. 247 pounds.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing… and for giving everyone else the opportunity to get up and put it all out there.
I’m sharing!
Except that didn’t work…
http://www.amadisonmom.com/2011/03/weight-for-me.html
This is amazing, empowering, motivating, uplifting. I love it.
This is amazing. I am 5’9″ tall and weigh 176lbs.
Most of my teen and adult life I weighed between 125-140 lbs.
Then life circumstances (job loss, depression, move to a city I hated, extended unemployment) happened and I gained 60 lbs.
At my heaviest I weighed 205lbs.
As of this morning I weigh 176lbs and I think I look good. I am curvy no matter what my weight is, it is my shape.
What kills me is that not a week goes by where someone doesn’t mention how fat I am (compared when when I weighed 125-140, which is how most people were used to.) My self esteem is in the garbage and I am trying to get it back, whether I lose 30-40 more lbs or not.
All I can see in that entire post is beautiful, gorgeous women!! You all look so healthy and happy. You can’t tell me you aren’t a “healthy weight” or an “average weight” when the media plays such sick tricks on us to begin with. Nobody is perfect and I think every woman should watch this, it’s about how the media objectifies women and manipulates their weight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTlmho_RovY&feature=player_embedded
Thank you for this. I wear a size 18 and when other women recommend stores to me I say, “well, [fill in name of store here] thinks I’m too fat to make pants for me.” The woman (NEVER FAILS) says, “Noo…that’s can’t be true!” And I say, “I usually wear size 18.” She looks baffled that I’m not obese and grotesque. I’m glad I’m putting it out there that people who wear “plus sizes” aren’t giant fatties, yet I still blush. Never fails.
This is a great website – I’m glad I found it! I love this article! I run a body-acceptance blog (www.beutifulmagazine.com) and it’s always great to see people sending the same positive messages! Keep up the good work!
Thank you. I have no words.
hello! i totally love this post. i’m the same way with my boyfriend of over two years – sees me naked all the time, yet i’ll never tell him my weight. this site (http://www.mybodygallery.com/) is something that reminds me of what you said about meeting the other bloggers and comparing yourself to them, only to find out you were very similar in weight. it’s a helpful tool to build courage and perspective. anyway, keep on keepin on!
I am so inspired by your post. I’m 6’1″ and 165 lbs. I may not be shaped the same as you fabulous chicks, (though I have always wished) but I have similar issues. I am incredibly insecure about my height and weight. I’m shaped like a ruler. I think curvy women are so gorgeous and sexy! I go to the store and see women with junk in their trunk, beautiful bossoms, some cushion for the pushin’ and am so very jealous. You women look how women should, bountiful and beautiful.
I totally agree with being happy with how we are and how we are, but I do think there gets to a point where our health is being effected by the negativities of being overweight. I’m’ almost 47, have high bread pressure, and I need at least one hip replacement. I weight, at this mornings Weights Watchers’s meeting 166 I “need” to weigh 137 to reach my life time goal. Will I? I’m not sure, but I can guarantee that my hip will feel better and hopefully my blood pressure with go down!
But yes, one should always be happy with whatever weight we are … As my sister says, it’s all in the accessories == and I prefer makeup as well!
Love,
Kathie
This was a beautiful post. I wish I’d found it the day you wrote it because that was my birthday day!
I looked at every one of those pictures and saw the beautiful women in them–not what they weigh. I wish I could look at myself the same way as I look at others.
I want to say thank you for this post it is great to hear from other women who are happy with how they look!! I am 5′ (no inches) and I weigh 138 on my best day. I have been at 200 lbs before for most of my early 20s and about everywhere in between. For the past ten years I seem to be staying at about the size I am now. I am going to be 40 next week and I feel good about myself. My husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world he tells me all of the time!! I do exerscise at least 3-4 time per week and I have a very healthy diet consisting of mostly veggies, fruit, fish and some dairy so if I am meant to be smaller than I am it will happen if not the that is ok too. I think the BMI and Ideal weight charts are so wrong according to those I should loose about 40 lbs I am a size 8 so I dont know that I would look very good as a skeleton!!!
Thanks again for sharing your stories with me!!
WOW. What else is there to say. Did any of us look at these beautiful women and think…she’s so fat, she ought to lose more weight.
No, I think all (at least most) of us looked at them and saw their beauty. The same women who look in the mirror and don’t see their own beauty.
and yet, I’m sitting here thinking that if I posted my picture and weight no one would see my beauty cause they’ll just see my fat. How sad for me! To think that way. And for our generation of women, who all do.
Well, I am posting a little bit late, but, I couldn´t help it. After all these skinny vs. fat, real women this, real women that, who is jealous of whom….. I came across all of these pictures of beatiful women of different shape and sizes and then.. gasp.. they all were supportive and nice to each other. Thank you so much, guys, this felt honestly so theraputic
)))))))))))))
I’m also posting a bit late. It’s strange how I find this post on one of my ‘I feel fat days’… thank you ladies for showing the world what *real* women look like. I have a friend who does not suffer from ‘thigh-rub’ and is a tiny size 6 and still insists that she is fat. Sometimes I just want to punch her in her throat and tell her to go find a pair of jeans that an Amazon like me can fit into comfortably. It’s practically impossible. And yes, I call myself an Amazon, but it’s not in a bad way, promise!
I am 5’11”-ish and about 225lbs and I tell myself on a daily basis when I look in the mirror… Women in history were curvy and men LOVED it!
Loved this post and read every single comment. Here are a couple recent pictures of me. http://www.owlhaven.net/2011/04/22/new-running-gear-fun/ I am 5-6 and 156–have lost 19 pounds since last fall when I started running.
Mary
When I was 15 I had an eating disorder. And after I came out of it I ate too much striving to never have one again. But that just brought me to a new level of unhealthy. So I stopped focusing on the numbers on the scale and decided that being healthy was my most important thing. So I focused on healthy living. My motto is “healthy is the new thin”. I am 22, 5’7″ and I fluctuate between 135-145lbs.
I am now 5’5″ tall and weigh 132 lbs, I am very happy with my weight because 4 years ago I woke up at 207lbs and could barely see the numbers through my tears. I have walked then jogged then ran to my new size and wish this website had been around then, without my husband I couldn’t have done it.
So thanks to all the beautiful women who put themselves out there, and to those who don’t like it @#$%$ you!!
Thanks to all those beautiful women.
I’ve recently started working out and cutting calories. I’m succeeding (for the most part). It isn’t fast and it isn’t easy, but it is worth it.
I have realized, however, that I have NO CLUE what I look like. It is some weird mental blindness. I look at other women and say to myself, “Do I look like that?” My husband is happy with me at any weight (dear man), and can’t help me see myself as I am. So, I began a search for images of women who are my height and weight.
I have been so blessed to find this site. I now have a better feel for not only how I look, but for how I will look as I continue to lose weight. I can also see how deceived I was when I was young and thought I was fat. What I wouldn’t give to be that small again! I will certainly promote this site. Anything we can do to help women young and young at heart to have a better self image is worth the effort!
Thanks so much!!! -Angela
Hey Audrey!
My name is Cher and I am the Social Media Marketing Consultant for Swimsuitsforall.com . We are a size 8-26 swimwear site and I manage their Facebook and Twitter pages. I just wanted you to know that we sponsored your blog post on our FB site today! It’s a fantastic article! You girls are our heroes!
All the best!
Cher.
What a great piece — again! — Audrey. You did have me close to tears. R. has no idea what my weight is, but he certainly is aware of my struggles. With all I’ve accomplished in the past couple of years, I still think of myself as a ‘fat cow’. (My therapist would be sooooo upset if he heard me say that again!) I’m hoping one day to be comfortable in my skin again, but I don’t know when that will happen.
Amy,
Aside from being beautiful on the outside (you are), you are also a person whose kindness and warmth radiates from the inside and makes others (me) happy to have you as a friend.
I am 5’1 and currently weigh 190lbs and losing. My highest was 231lbs. People are always shocked y that number. They think I am smaller than what I truly weigh.
try to improve your website as well as you improve your writing.http://www.gustavolima.org
Everyone is gorgeous! The idea I would body shame myself when in the same breath I remark how beautiful the women who are the same size as me is just mind bobbling! I just saw how I would see myself if I truly didn’t know me. I’ve been so mean and hard on myself. All I see in the mirror is failure to deal with my emotions. I hate everything I’ve gone through because I feel it made me weaker and fatter. I’m 5’2 225lbs and I am beautiful too. My only failure is not loving me.
I feel like every day of my life revolves around me comparing myself to other teenagers. The enatire 16 years of my life has been a strugle. I am 178 lbs and i work everyday to bring that numbeer down at least 30 lbs. Everyday i struggle with loving myself, even though i am a very happy person. I believe all i need is confidance, motivation, and a good eating plan. and btw girls no one can judge you if they see you working out! wish me luck!!!
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Well this is my take. I have been slender, fat and everything in between. Don’t go by what you see in the media, it’s so distorted it isn’t funny. Normal for many actresses is often underweight and fat or overweight is misconstrued as curvy. It’s obvious when you’re overweight. You have rolls, your thighs rub, you jiggle and you’re not athletic in any way. It’s obvious is you’re too skinny. Your head looks out of proportion to your body, you have no boobs or butt at all and you’re just look bony and underfed. Neither of these extremes are “normal.”
That said, there is obviously a spectrum of body shapes and sizes. Some of us are quite slender, some of us are stocky and truly big-boned, some of us are built like rectangles with tiny boobs and others of us have coke bottle shapes, high round butts and big boobs. Most of us instinctively know what’s right for us and what’s normal.
Your weight is different from your body shape, which you cannot alter. It’s interesting that people confuse these all the time. My point is you cannot look to other women for what is normal, whether they’re curvy or boyish. Just because some actress has large boobs and is round and you are too doesn’t mean that’s normal for you.
Take me, as an example. I am 5’3″ 150 lbs size 8/10. I am overweight for my height even though I don’t wear plus and look pretty average in size to most people. But let me take off my clothes and my thighs rub, I have too much belly fat, and underarm cutlets.
I need to lose 25 lbs. to improve my triglycerides, cholesterol, BP and cut my risk of breast cancer and diabetes. Diseases that run in my family. Another woman of my height and size might not have to lose weight to be healthy because 150 is the perfect weight for her because she has big bones and is naturally curvaceous.
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