As women, we can be our biggest supporters and critics. But, what about the men? I asked six guys in various points of the relationship game, does weight really matter?
Patrick, in a relationship: Although weight can have an influence on the initial attraction, once you get to know someone it will become less of a factor in the level of interest as you get to know the other person. This is a two way street though, guys worry about their appearance and weight too. Naturally, we want our partners to be healthy but we also understand how genetics can play a role. If someone in the relationship is overweight and not happy about it, I think as long as some effort is made to make better choices, you will find a helping hand before anything else. We want to make our partner happy as much as we need to be happy ourselves.
Adam, single: The politically correct way to answer this question is to talk about inner beauty. About how important someone’s personality, sense of humor and intelligence are to the long-term success of any relationship. How bodies shift and change, but the person inside is what counts. Bullshit. The long-term success of a relationship is dependent on more than that – on a combination of physical, emotional, and intellectual attraction.
When I date someone, I have to find her facial features innately attractive, I have to feel an emotional connection with her, and I have to find her physical figure personally attractive. As a result, I do take weight (or, more accurately, shape and figure) into consideration. It’s considered right along with other traits that are important to me, such as intelligence, sense of humor, personality, her smile, and her eyes. In the end, I’m looking for a complete package.
Ken, single: Look I am going to be dead honest with you, I am not into totally skinny women, you know the ones that are thin as a rail, any more than I am into women who are morbidly obese. If that doesn’t compute with you, that’s ok. It’s about attraction, and for everyone it’s different, plus you asked for honesty in this blurb. Now I will be first to admit I love a woman with curves. I really like women of most size ranges in the middle. The thing is, and I believe when I say this, I am speaking for a lot of men, it is all about attitude. If you are a little heavier and are all militant and completely self conscious about it all the time, it is a turn off. There is nothing sexier than a woman who is comfortable in her own skin regardless of how much skin she has. The other half of the equation has nothing to do with the woman, but with the guy. The thing to keep in mind (and this is for the guys) is, if you sincerely make a woman feel beautiful about herself; if you remind her everyday how beautiful she is inside and out, then her size will never be an issue, because she will make you happy the rest of your life.
Andre, in a relationship: Personally, a woman’s weight isn’t a major issue, but there are limits. If I notice a girl can out eat me and/or consume more unhealthy sustenance than I’d ever consider ingesting, then I’ve got a problem. If she’s a heavy breather or requires more than one seat at a sporting event, then again I’ve got a problem. On the flip side, if she looks like she needs to be fed and I can see a little too much bone structure, then I’ve met a girl with some possible red flags. Plus I can’t help but think about the pelvic bruises I’ll probably have to endure.
Andrew, single: Never a cut and dry thing, since it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. I’ve never been too attracted to ‘twigs’ but weight can play a part. If a woman has some weight on her, but wears it well (by wearing properly fitting clothes, not being self conscious, etc) I don’t think twice. But too often women who have issues with their weight (either real or imagined) have a decent amount of emotional baggage to go with it. I can tell them 1000x that they’re beautiful, but if they don’t believe it, it doesn’t matter. They’ll more prone to be sullen, complain about food, be catty towards other women, and whatnot. That’s been my experience, at least.
Tony, in a relationship: When I was single, weight was not an issue as much as being physically fit was for me. A girl, or a guy for that matter, can be physically fit and still be heavier than some damn fish wrap or magazine tries to tell us we should be. But, if I could not get out and go on a hike or bike ride for the afternoon with her, and not have to call 911, then my desire was less than average towards her.
Wow, that was like reading a breath of fresh air. Though I must admit, I’m still giggling over the bruised pelvic bones comment, probably because that particular comment goes both ways. My husband was really thin when I met him. Now…he’s, um, well fed. LOL!
I love hearing that men don’t want girls who are too skinny either. There’s got to be some middle ground.
Yay for medium build!
“not have to call 911 after an outing…” made me laugh!
Love this! I think it’s something most women know somewhere inside of their heads. It’s the same for us…. I don’t want some guy whose in the gym 5 hours a day and barely has a neck but I also don’t want a guy who can’t move the couch across the room or lift some heavy boxes…. I just want someone in the middle… healthy, strong, will share a pizza with me on occasion but will also be athletic enough to do some snorkeling on vacation or go on a long walk and keep up with my dog. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and I’ve been everything from a size 4 to a size 12 and he has never, ever said one word about my weight other than to express concern when I was getting too skinny (he was right) so I feel like I’m pretty lucky in that department.
While these 6 men are lovely and hopefully honest, they do not represent the entire spectrum of male preferences. Which is what weight/shape are – a preference. Like being initially more drawn to brunettes, or being tall, or curly hair, or dark eyes. The fact of the matter is, whether you are 98 pounds or 300, there are men out there that find you attractive, not just IN SPITE of your body. (And PS, while I get the reason why talking about obesity as the extreme, using it and women who are very thin as the extremes of unattractiveness is also rude to them and the people who find those ends of the spectrum attractive.)
Here’s the rub though, if you find someone who is attracted to all of you, even your size, if you are constantly wishing you a different size, it demeans their choice as much as it demeans you. It’s like if you were a blonde who has a mate who likes your blonde hair. But you are always saying how you wish you were a brunette and that brunettes are sooo way more attractive than you are as a blonde. While they would probably still like you as a brunette if you made the change, derision of the person they are attracted to and chose has got to be annoying.
So, I have to agree with many of the men above that loving yourself and being comfortable with everything about yourself, size included, is necessary for relationships to work. Not saying that people shouldn’t change their appearance, but out of respect for the people out there who truly do find you beautiful, please don’t put yourself down.
FYI: nobody finds 300 lbs attractive.
Except, yup they sure do.
Sorry for the crazy long comment and the typos!
Ken said it best
also.. “pelvic bruises” hahaha
I like Ken.
Seriously. This whole post and comments put a spring in my step today.
Ken said it best …. yup – he’s got it.
Um, hey, Ken. So, you’re single? Wanna change that?
So I can agree with anyone of these guys about attractiveness BUT when it comes down to extinct, men will always choose the healthy mate. This happens in every aspect of nature. The fact of the matter is, being overweight is not healthy and most guys will always prefer a skinner version of a girl as opposed to the fat one. The sad thing is, the human body fights obesity tooth and nail (literally) and there is not excuse for being overweight. Whats that you say? Thyroid issues? I bet if you ate a Big Mac a WEEK you would be skinny. Excuses = Butt holes (Everyone has at least one and they all stink) I go to the gym regularly (3-4 times a week) for about an hour each time and I have a six pack, broad shoulders, and good sized arms. I would like to be bigger (more muscular) but I would NOT like my girl to be big (as in fat). In case you didn’t know, metabolism is a slippery slope with age and your eating habits are just that, habits. With these factors in mind, it is easy to see that if old habits die hard, fat people die faster. In other words, if eating habits remain constant as age increases, a person would get exponentially fatter as they get older. I know I have beat this point to death but come on people, stop stuffing yourselves and hit a gym. *Battle of the bulge percentage breakdown*: 75% – WHAT YOU EAT, 10% – YOUR WORKOUT ROUTINE, 10% – YOUR EXERCISE WORK ETHIC, 5% – Supplements. Conduct this survey with a pool of THOUSANDS of guys instead of 6 chubby chasers and lets see what the results are.
I bet if you polled six girls, they’d go for the guy that knows the difference between “instinct” and “extinct.”
!!!!
Well put.
Instead of being rude, just don’t visit a site entitled “curvy girl guide.” Also, don’t comment on articles like this. But thank god you have your “six pack, broad shoulders, and good sized arms” to keep you company at night.
“KILL BILL”……Love that movie!!!
Hmm.. The most reason a girl has a complex is cause of men! Because they can call you beautiful and sexy but as soon as they ge mad they call you fat or nasty.. People call you fat for what you eat but if i want too eat a bunch of chocolate cause im chunky ima pig.. But some skinny girl eats it.. its all good…
Oh whats funny is people complain about everyone weight but almost everyone eats the same food!! (:
Personally, I love real women, not those girls in magazines that look half a sandwich away from passing out. I’m a little bit of a chubster but I think real, curvy women are extremely hot
Hi Im 17 and im a size 12 i feel sorry for men and women who are bit fat, because they proberly feel down because they might think they are not attractive. I know the first thing for men or women is looks, but I think its about personality more. Plus i used to be a size 8.
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