Fear can manifest itself in many ways. For me, in regards to my weight, it rears its ugly head when it comes to doing things that many don’t even give a second thought.
Like…
Going for a Bikini Wax.
It’s not the pain that I fear. I have an extremely high tolerance for pain. Save stubbing my toe. Because that? Is way worse than childbirth. It’s allowing someone (other than my husband) to look at my nether regions. I fear being talked about, after I leave the salon. Now, I know that we all look different “down there”, but the weight gain of four pregnancies and an fairly indulgent lifestyle prior to those pregnancies has deposited fat in the weirdest and most intimate of places. This is something that makes me very self conscious; to the point of not wanting to wear a bathing suit without a little skirt attached. I’ve heard of this being called “FUPA” or “gunt”. The names make it even harder for me to take myself to the salon that specializes in bikini waxes. Do I really want to be known as the girl with the [ugly named body part] getting a wax? No way—I mean—I do all I can to hide this on a daily basis. Why would I want to let some stranger look at me on purpose, let alone pay them to do it? This fear might not ever go away, so it’s trimming for me. Because a girl’s gotta be groomed.
Getting a Full Body Massage.
I know how good a massage feels. I’ve had a hand massage. I’ve had a scalp massage. I’ve even had a shoulder massage. One time I was even given a gift certificate with instructions to use it for a full body massage, but I turned it down. Instead I opted to use it for a highlights at this particular salon/spa. I guess it’s like the bikini wax. I feel my body is different and it’s hard for me to come to terms with someone that I don’t know touching me that way. I really wish I didn’t feel like this.
Taking a Pole Dancing Class.
When I think of “strippers” I think of tight bodies that look good in g-strings or thongs. I’ve been to strip clubs before and I have never seen anyone with a body like mine twirling around a pole. And, this notion holds me back from taking a fitness class that involves a pole and dancing.
I know that I shouldn’t be afraid to do these things, but I am.
What things are you afraid to do because of your weight?
Mishelle Lane is a born-and-raised Buffalonian, wife of a pilot, mother of four, and professional photographer who currently resides outside of Atlanta. Online she has been writing on her personal weblog, Secret Agent Mama, since 2005, with a mix of photography, self exploration, poetry, and quirk, as well as playing with social media on Facebook and Twitter. While she is passionate about many things, nothing makes Mishi happier than when she is behind her camera, snapping away. And, very rarely will you see her without her camera. You can read more from Mishi on her blog, Secret Agent Mama.
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I’m currently living in Denmark with my wonderful Fiancé who I met online 2 years ago, Being able to travel from North Carolina to Europe was amazing, but as soon as I got here…It hit me, I was a big girl in a skinny person country. I’m 5’4 and weigh 215lbs, so I’m pretty heavy..and you wouldn’t believe the looks I get when we go out, it kills me. He tells me not to worry, that he’s proud to have me, But nothing helps…I’ve went into clothing stores to purches a new shirt, or pants….and NOTHING is my size, Their 2XL would be a size L in America, and we found a plus size clothing store 30mins away, But the largest size they offer is a 20, and sadly..I’m a 22
Urgh. So I guess when It comes down to it, I pretend I’m a ”Concert T-shirt,Jeans and sneakers” kinda girl, but deep down, all I want it to be able to wear a cute little sun dress and some high heels 
Hello everyone. This is my first time ever responding to an article or anything of that sort. But I just thought it to be time to share my feelings for once. I am 16 years old, about 5 foot 1, and really overweight, maybe by 60 or 70 lbs. My weight has been an issue for me since 6th grade. It’s stopped me from doing everything. Literally everything. I can hardly go outside w/out thinking that everyone is watching and criticizing me. High School is awful. I’m the shortest one in my high school and big. I wear sweaters ALL THE TIME, no joke, 24/7. Even if it’s like 90 degrees out (altho i never really leave the house). Only at home do i wear T-shirts, but RARELY. i havent gone swimming or worn shorts since elementary. My family is no help, a lot of my family is overweight, but they feel the need to verbally put me down. It’s bad, no support from them either. I don’t have many friends cuz of my weight, i feel unworthy of friends and many other activities. I’ve always wanted to join cross country, but have to much fear of being made fun of. It’s gotten so bad that i know i have depression. I’ve been suicidal but never actually attempted. I cant stand life. And i know that im only 16 and have really no reason to end life now, but i cant handle it psychologically. I won’t asked my mom to see a therapist or anything cause she’s a single mom and i have an older brother that asks for expensive things, so i feel bad for asking too. All of your comments do help, but i know i will never fully accept myself. I can’t even date or attend school games cause of my fears. I’ve had one of my brothers friends call me fat three times that i recall, plus i actually thought he understood cause he is sort overweight too, but is losing it now. I actually have a crush on him too, but after what he said, im not so sure anymore. I’ve been called fat by almost everyone in my family, including my grandmother and mom. It’s beyond hurtful. It’s unbearable and unforgettable. Sorry if this have been long. I have a lot to say. Cause i realy don’t have anyone else to talk about it to besides my dog, but it helps to get a response too. If anyone has read this far Thank You for taking the time to read this. Any support would be Deeply Appreciated. =) P.S. I admire all of you women’s courage and confidance!
I’m afraid to be naked in front of anyone. Even my boyfriend. I’m actually terrified and have always been afraid of people seeing my body since I was young, not only am I overweight, I’m also covered in self-inflicted scarring all over my right arm, legs, stomach and chest. I can’t even have sex or share an intimate moment with someone without physically trembling and being so afraid I can’t even move or moan or anything, I just freeze up. Eventually as sex goes on, I start to breath and think and realize that I’m okay, but it really worries my boyfriend and he always feels like it’s his fault, which it isn’t, and I feel terrible.
I also don’t like eating in front of people (all through high school I went hungry at lunch because I was afraid to eat at school and wouldn’t pack lunch hoping I’d save myself embarrassment and lose weight by not eating), I don’t like exercising in front of people, I don’t wear girls bathing suit bottoms, and I would never wear a bikini, I mostly wear baggy sweaters to hide a bit of my weight, and I try to hold my head up at all times, not because I’m confident, have a constant fear that I have a ‘double chin’… It’s difficult to deal with. I’m only 18 and I’ve been with most of these problems since I was a kid, the scars don’t help, but I hope one day that I’ll have enough confidence and happiness that I’ll be able to do all these things.
Just a couple of things i would like to say. I model as a hobby, but i would never do nude because i also feel VERY self-conscious about how i look “down there.” Idk if i look “right” or not lol. Same reason i don’t get bikini waxes, i guess :-/
And btw, you do NOT have to be a stick to take a pole class! Firstly, at least in my class, it’s not much like stripping at all…it’s more like dance aerobics using a vertical bar. My class doesn’t even use heels lol. Some of the moves may be “sexy,” but mostly it’s about the spins and the tricks.
it takes some getting used to, i tell ya what!
Plus it’s not a bad dance to start out in because IMO most people probably look awkward to begin with
I’m 28 and a mother to a 2 year old spunky little boy.. since the teenage years my weight has seen more dips and climbs than a rollercoaster. i’ve always lacked self confidence – even at my skinny weight (wayyy back when) which was 125 lbs. i weigh more now than i have before – 160 (stepped on the scale tonight, covered my eyes, uncovered them quickly to see the numbers) during my pregnancy i went from 130 to 153. i lost all but lbs of the pregnancy weight shortly after due to some issues i had after the pregnancy (i somehow had a soft tissue infection on my collarbone which affected my left arm/side for the first month of my son’s life) i was happy about losing the weight, but not happy about how it happened. i gained a little more back after that, then my husband was deployed for 3 months and i lost it all again and a few extra lbs.. i was down to 128 and able to fit into a size 6 jeans. estatic. then my husband got out of the military shortly after he returned from that deployment, i lost my father last year and we moved… poor diet and stress are to blame for my weight gain. i’ve tried to motivate myself to begin walking again as i did before we moved, but i can’t keep my commitment to it.
my confidence has actually improved, you’d think it’d be at an all time low.. but its not. i don’t exactly ‘love’ my body 100% but everyday i feel a little better about it. i am who i am, this body has given life to a blessing and hopefully will give life to as many more blessings that God has in store for my husband and i.
i may not be perfect to someone else, but to my husband i am.
i may have a puffy belly, but thats OK.
i may have stretchmarks, but those are my reminders of the life i helped bring into this world.
i actually have a butt now, something i have lacked before. i like the fact that i can put on a pair of jeans and look at my rear thinking – really?! thats MY butt?! I HAVE A BUTT! its gratifying!
i may have cellulite, but its not the end of the world. those dimples aren’t cute but they also don’t define who i am – neither does the puffy belly, stretchmarks or the butt… what defines me is my personality and my being – not my looks.
i think the world today has a very miskewed idea of what is beautiful as well as what a ‘real woman’ is.
a real beautiful woman to me is someone who is not insecure about her body, loves herself inside and out as well as loves her flaws.
i always try to remember that life’s little imperfections are what make life so perfect.
I feel the same way about massages- but because I am hairy!
I never go to the beach or swimming even though swimming is one of my favorite things on this earth. I love the water but basically never do that. I haven’t actually asked out a girl since maybe junior year of high school, and don’t plan on doing so anytime soon for fear of making her feel disgusted. I don’t go shopping for clothes in actual stores, I buy clothes online. I hate eating in public and refuse to do so if I am by myself, even if I am starving. I very often avoid going to social functions for fear of judgment. I don’t go to amusement parks. Don’t like going to movies near opening day because if the theater is crowded I don’t want to have to make people sit next to me.
Honestly, the list goes on and on to the point that I can’t even name off all of the things I don’t do because of being fat. There are so many things you end up not doing that you internalize it, and stop even bothering to justify it with the fatness anymore. It becomes something you just don’t do because that’s how it is.
I have stopped going out with my husband especially to a bar, because others do judge fat people, especially in bars. My husband is not attracted to me he acts different with me especially after I had our son. He comments about women he works with at a bar about how they could be swim suit models. So when these bar employees host BBQ‘s and have employees and their spouses over…i never go. I stopped going out period unless its to run errands. I dont go into restaurants to eat and if i have to, i order something very small. I don‘t dress up, do my hair or put on make up like I used to when i was a tad thinner. I do care what others think of me and i dont want people thinking I am lazy because i am not..it takes a lot for me to lose weight and i get discouraged so i stop. When i stop excercising i feel bad and just hide from the world. Guys never look at me, my husband doesnt compliment me and my parents comment about my weight. I WANT to lose weight, I want to be thin and goodlooking..but i am in a hole, a very deep hole both emotionally and physically and i dont know where to start..its a vicious cycle. Sometimes i wish i wasnt here…but i have a 11 month old son who is everything to me and to him, I am perfect and he loves me the way i am..so for him..i live.
I have not gone to my hometown for big functions, such as my favorite Aunt passing away, my class reunion or just this month my dear cousin who passed unexpectedly who I grew up living next door too and was more than a cousin, but a friend as well. Mostly because of the shame I feel for being so heavy, and the fact my mother will look at it as a failure on my part. I won’t buy clothing, as I feel that being this heavy does not deserve the expense when I have so many items in my closet. And I am not chunky, but more like 60lbs overweight.
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