Ok guys bear with me here. I have a hard time talking about very personal things. Always have. It took me nearly a year to tell my mom I had started my period, and I only told her because school was over and I could no longer hoard the 10-cent tampons from the bathroom vending machine.
Anyway, today I’m talking about how I embraced my feminism through personal grooming.
I remember in high school when the topic of going bare started being discussed among my circle of friends. It was probably after that one Sex and the City episode where the girls go to L.A. and accidentally get Brazilian waxes. I sort of just sat around and giggled as everyone talked about their lady bits. I guess I had just never thought about doing anything other than some simple grooming, or why it should be done at all.
And then I went to college and started having sex. And it came off. All of it. Before I knew it, that was the norm. I don’t think I knew a single girl who had any pubic hair for a long time. Until I, quite inadvertently, became good friends with the manager at the restaurant I worked at. I walked into one of my classes on the first day and she was there. The class only had about 12 people and was some sort of gender studies class, although I can’t for the life of me remember exactly what the class was about. We started going out to lunch every day after class and struck up a really neat friendship. Throughout this friendship we ended up sharing quite a bit of sex talk. Mostly because she was a lesbian, I was straight, and we were both curious about what it could possibly be like with the opposite sex. One day she asked me what I did with my lady hair. I told her I didn’t have any. She said something along the lines of not understanding why straight girls did that to themselves, that hair was sexy and feminine. I just shrugged and brushed it off as a difference of opinion.
For years I didn’t think of that conversation and continued on in a bare is better fashion. Then, something within this last year changed. There was no big event, I didn’t have some sort of “coming of age” moment, but something definitely changed. I started thinking about myself more and started analyzing some of the things within myself. I came to the realization that I didn’t have any strong feelings regarding grooming styles, but I had just been taught that one way was better a long time ago and I never questioned that.
How crazy, because questioning the accepted realms of femininity and traditional gender roles is kind of something I do. So I asked my husband if he had an opinion. He had only ever seen me one way, and I wanted to know what he thought about a change up. I should have known he would respect my decisions about my body regardless, but I couldn’t help but be a little concerned about what he thought.
Then I went for it; I let things start to grow. I had fun and made shapes; it was an adventure. With every new change I felt more alive, I felt more in control, and I felt more female. And without getting too into the details, my husband loved it. This little change had such an impact on how I viewed myself. I can’t believe how a little patch of hair enlivened my inner feminist. I finally know what my friend was talking about all those years ago.
I, in no way, am trying to imply that to have hair is to be more woman, that would be insanely hypocritical of me. I just know that challenging the status quo made me learn so much about myself and embrace myself in a way I never had before. And taking the time to go in search of what you really like can be a great experience. Hair or no, we should all know what makes us, us.
Brandi is a lawyer in Denver who spends very little time actually lawyering. She can usually be found working for free at a non-profit, hiking up mountains, or bossing her husband around because he made the mistake of asking her for help with his business one time. She’s horribly technologically inept (unless people still use AIM in which case she’s a genius) and takes one bite out of every donut instead of finishing a single donut in its entirety, which is probably a metaphor for something but she hasn’t figured out what it is yet. You can read more from Brandi on her blog, Randi Nickle.
So…I’ve had this discussion with the husband. He says he’s good either way. For the first, oh, 14 years of our marriage it was all hair. For the last 2 years, nada! And, I quite like the stripping it all away, mainly for cleanliness reasons. I never experimented with shapes, though I knew women who did. Also, for the record, I like the husband to be well groomed in the nether regions, the main reason being I don’t like hair in my mouth. Yeah, I went there! LOL
Haha, and agreed!
I can’t get my head around ‘bare earth’. WOMEN have pubic hair. Children do not. It’s creepy. Why would you want your genitalia to look like a pre-pubescent child???
Ick.
I get that as an over-arching principle (although I would venture to guess most who do it don’t associate it with being child-like), but I also totally understand those who love the feeling of being completely smooth, it can be sort of luxurious. To each her own!
I agree, Jean. I’m an old-school feminist from way back in the day, and I read an article years ago about why American women shave their body hair off. The explanation was that we try to keep females “childlike”, because only children have no armpit, leg or pubic hair. Now if that’s not a chilling idea, I don’t know what is! Why on earth should a grown woman want to look like a kid? Because men are only attracted to very young females? And why on earth should grown men be attracted to children? Major EW!
As for men shaving, many do it to make their, ahem, shortcomings appear larger…at least that’s why porn star men do. But it doesn’t work. Adults are hairy…that’s the way we’re made. Not that much trouble to spit out a hair. The follicles are there to provide an outlet for the hormones and pheromones.
When I was pregnant and dealing with morning/all-the-time sickness, the sight of any kind of hair in water made me puke. To this day, I can’t stand the thought of a hair in my…
/gag/
mouth.
Oh man, I’m so the same. Just weird about hair of any kind. On the body is totally fine, but the minute it falls off and hits the floor I’m just so grossed out!
I read that article, too, but I interpreted the appeal of a “childlike” woman differently, not as men should be attracted to children – after all, if a woman has pubic hair, chances are good that she’s developed the other secondary sex characteristics that identify her as “woman” not “girl”. I took it to mean that making women childlike was a way of enhancing their helplessness and dependence on men. It certainly fits a patriarchal society’s norms to have women treated like children as opposed to equals.
Haha, I have heard that about male grooming! I say finding what you like down there is a personal journey. Once I really realized it was mine to control and there wasn’t a right way or a wrong way I’ve had so much fun trying out different styles to see what really suits me. It’s like the girl who never knew what kind of eggs she liked because she’s always just eaten them the way her boyfriend has until one day she decides she wants to know what she actually likes so she eats eggs every way until she figures it out. Sort of, I guess?
I’m in the hair camp. I trim so I’m not THAT GIRL in their swimsuit with pubes curling up around the edges, but other than that, it does what wants. I shaved for about a year because my boyfriend at the time preferred it that way, but then I decided it was my preferences that matter. And let’s be frank, it’s a pain in the ass to get all those nooks and crannies and it itches like hell when it grows back in.
Yes, shaving is the worst! I had my first bikini wax recently and am definitely hooked!
I’ve run the gamut. I’ve trimmed, I’ve shaped, I’ve let it go, and I’ve taken it all off. I currently get the brazilian wax on a regular basis. Personally, I like it. Without getting too personal, I like the way it feels. So does my husband. But if I wanted to quit doing it, I would. (He’d be good either way.) I also read the article that Fiona did (I was in high school at the time), and I spent some time thinking about that. Here is the conclusion I’ve come to: I get waxed for me, because I like it, not because I’m trying to adhere to some cultural norm. (If I were, I’d sure shave my legs and armpits a lot more frequently!) Women should feel free to do whatever they want with any of their body hair.
Agreed, totally.
I went through a phase a few years ago where I could take it all off, now I don’t. Some trimming but that’s it. I asked my husband and he likes it either way (not that it would matter in my decision, I was just curious).
I haven’t shaved my legs in a year either, and doubt I will start doing it again.
My sister is a member of the “let it all grow” club. Legs, pubic region, etc. I totally admire her for not falling into the societal trappings of the “way it should be,” I just prefer less, I guess. She has definitely challenged my preconceived notions of femininity though, and I’m so grateful to her for it!
I have eczema, it gets REALLY bad when I shave my legs, so I finally just stopped doing it. I do still get weird looks, but oh well, it’s their problem not mine. My husband doesn’t care and that’s all that matters
It’s up to each woman to decide what she wants to do. Several times in recent years some female celebrities have shown up on the red carpet with hair under their arms and the media went into a frenzy. Really?! I just don’t understand what the big deal is.
Yes! It’s so sad that body hair has come to mean “dirty” and “un-kempt.” There are a million reasons for any person to keep it or lose it and it’s nobody’s business but your own.
I’ll do an American wax when I’m planning on going to the beach or something similar – I love the feeling of my skin post-wax, but I couldn’t do the Brazilian. That’s just too much!
The rest of the time, I let it grow. I wouldn’t say that I like it or dislike it, it just is what it is. Until swimsuit season comes around again
Yes, I just had my first wax, my husband and I went on a beach vacation for his birthday, and I’m hooked. It is SO much better than shaving!
Before we had kids I brazilian-ed it up frequently; but now it is just too damn expensive. I keep everything trimmed well the Hubs does it (he is like not weirded out by anything in the universe) and that seems to work ok but I do love the clean feeling of being waxed- at least the bottom half and the bum area. I never did it for anyone else though. I prefer that he stay at least somewhat trimmed and he is happy to do so- I feel like when their hair gets long it tickles and that is just distracting.
Yes, they are definitely pricey. I guess I totally understand why though!
I’ve had my legs waxed a few times. Totally not worth it. Crazy expensive, and you have to let the hair grow out for 2-3 weeks before you go, and it never lasts as long as ‘they’ say. Not to mention having to schedule around your menses. I’d rather shave and be smooth when I want to.
But the bikini wax? Totally worth it. Especially since it’s a only-when-I-know-I’ll-be-seen-in-a-swimsuit thing. And that makes it more special
Yeah, I’ve never done the leg waxing, for the same reasons. But I totally agree that bikini, and may I add underarm waxes are absolutely worth-it splurges. My underarms tend to always have a bit of a stubbly look and are really sensitive to repeated shaving so a wax before a winter beach-vacay was amazing! Probably won’t be able to get away without shaving for that long in the summer, but will continue to sing it’s praises in the winter
I have to try that — it never occurred to me before!
Comments on this entry are closed.