Weddings.
The big day.
The day a woman dreams of since she was little. The day she can truly call herself a princess. How glamorous, beautiful, and magical the bride is. Everyone talks about her, how amazing she looked, how wonderful her day was.
No one talks about the dark side of weddings. I had to learn the hard way what the life of a bridesmaid would entail.
These are the Dos and Don’ts for bridesmaids on that magical, special, and memorable day as told and seen by me, The Professional Bridesmaid (I have been a bridesmaid ELEVEN times, so I think I have earned that title).
DO: Take one for the team. This may come in the form of wiping down the brides ass with a towel because she chose to wear a petticoat, in the middle of July, in 117° weather, in an outside wedding. Believe me, she will thank you someday.
DON’T: Show up and the rehearsal late and/or drunk. These habits are not helpful when trying to figure out where you are supposed to stand, and vomiting on the shoes of a groomsman is not the best way to say, “Hi, I’m the girl who will be walking down the aisle with you tomorrow. It’s nice to meet you.”
DO: Encourage the bride to get the dress she falls in love with. Even if that means that she flies to Ohio from California to see a dress she saw online because that is the only place they carry it. It may seem a bit certifiable to you, but to her, what’s a few miles to stand in her way of looking like a princess.
DON’T: Try to save the bride money by making her cake for her. I mean, sure, you’ve seen those cake shows where the cake designers make those amazing cakes in, like, 8 hours. Heck, you’ve made a cake or two in your life, how hard could it possibly be? For me, three batches of Rice Krispie treats, two jars of jet puff marshmallow, an entire box of fondant, a bottle of red food coloring, and a bottle of purple food coloring later… we figured out just how hard it could be. With purple stained hands we put the prototype that we worked on for about three hours in front of her fiancé. As you can imagine, he decided to up the budget and get a real cake.
DO: Remember that this is the bride’s day, and her happiness is the number one priority (not yours). This is not the day that you insist that she throw and after party, after the reception, and that she hire a mariachi band. Isn’t the reception the after party?
DON’T: Hire a cheap limo for the Bachelorette party. Once the steering went out and the limo driver had us all get out again in the middle of the street to push the limo off to the side of the road. Yes, we were pushing the limo. “Cheap” limo company; lesson learned.
DO: Try your bridesmaid dress on before the day of the wedding. The day of the wedding is not the day you need to find out (since you had to order the dress 6 months in advance) that you should have laid off the cream cheese puffs and the cake at the bridal shower. There is nothing worse than trying to safety-pin someone into their dress 20 minutes before we are supposed to walk down the aisle. If the dress doesn’t fit anymore, have a professional seamstress let it out a bit.
DON’T: Recommend that the bride use mouth wash 2 minutes before she is about to walk down the aisle, and then offer to pour it in her mouth. I once spilled green mouth wash all down the front of the bride’s white wedding dress. Pro Tip: Tide to Go stain sticks actually perform small miracles.
DO: Wear what she asks you to wear. If she wants you all to have matching shoes and pink hair-bows, just wear them, and do not complain. If she wants everyone in a different pastel color, and you all look like Easter eggs, just wear the Easter egg dresses, and do not complain. She is the one paying for the very expensive photographer to make these images into lasting memories.
DON’T: Argue with the other bridesmaids. Nothing stresses a bride out more than girl drama. Save the drama for after the wedding.
DO: Make a checklist of things that may be helpful on the big day, and bring those things with you. Safety pins? Check. Deodorant? Check. Needle and white thread? Check.
DON’T: Stress her out at the last minute. The groom is running late? Don’t even tell her. Just handle it with the other girls (or go find his mother!). Quietly.
Asking you to be a bridesmaid is a very special request that a bride makes. And while she may become a hair pulling, stark raving mad monster leading up to her big event, at the end of the day, it is her day and as a friend you should be there through every insane moment knowing full well that one day, you will most certainly return the favor.
What advice do you have for bridesmaids this wedding season?
Danielle B. is a mother of one beautiful baby girl, married to her high school sweetheart, has two dogs, and is is a woman navigating the corporate world. She is sometimes sarcastic, always kind, always giving, and is loyal to a fault. She’s a bit odd and boarders on OCD; however it’s selective. Follow Danielle on Twitter.
ELEVEN times!?!?! I’ve been a bridesmaid a measly 6. I thought I was a pro! I’d add band-aids and ibuprofen to the list of necessities for the big day. Inevitably, some other rookie bridesmaid will show up with a hangover and another will not have broken her shoes in properly. Clear nail polish is also a must.
YES! On the clear nail polish.
These are great do’s and don’ts!
My favorites are: encourage her to get the dress she falls in love with and wear what she asks you to wear.
Don’t let the bride…or bridesmaids, get a spray tan the day of the wedding. You don’t want a Christina Agularia situation on your hands. If you have to get some color the day of, opt for a waterproof bronzer like CoverFx. I used this on my wedding day and it didn’t run onto my dress or rub off on my guests clothing.
Great list…Pretty sure I’ve seen and/or done most of these
I’ll be in my 9th and 10th wedding this upcoming wedding season…and I’m pretty sure I might have another few weddings to be in in the next few years..so here are a few more little tips that I’ve garnered over the years.
Do: Pay attention to the bride on her day. Don’t get so wrapped up in your own stuff that you end up forgetting to do what you’re there to do – help her with whatever she needs and go with it. Leave your drama/worries/insecurities/etc. at the door. It’s all about her that day. End of story.
Do: Be polite, friendly and helpful..even if you’re tired, bored and just want to be done your bridesmaid duties. Put on a smile – no point in being a downer and bringing everyone else with you. You agreed to the day, play the part.
Do: Reassure the bride. Lots of brides get jitters or nervous – even if it’s just about standing up in front of a crowd. Remind her that she’s with the one she loves and that she only needs to pay attention to him because their love is the most important thing that day.
Do: Hold back on the booze. At least until you know that everything is done and taken care of and the night is going well. If you’re falling down drunk and the brides mother comes up to you and tells you that she’s going to ‘punch that bitch in the face’ while pointing to the grooms mother – you need to be at least a little sober in order to keep them apart and not let the drama get out of control.
Don’t: Forget to eat lunch!! CLASSIC ROOKIE MISTAKE! Everyone is so busy getting their hair done, nails done, makeup done, WHATEVER – that everyone always forgets to eat lunch and then after the ceremony is done and you’re in the middle of taking a million photographs someone is bound to faint, feel sick or be grumpy. Take ten minutes to eat some sandwiches and don’t forget to keep yourself hydrated!! Water, water, water! It’s a long day, especially during the summer – add an open bar into the mix when you’re already dehydrated and you’re asking for trouble.
And most importantly (imho)
Don’t: Agree to do something you can’t follow through with. Want to plan this, do that, help with that? Great. But don’t agree or offer to do something and then slack of and make the bride more stressed the week before or the day of. Even if you feel guilty for not doing as much as you want to, it’s better to do what you can instead of agreeing to more than you can do and ending up causing unnecessary headaches and problems for everyone else.
Make sure the bride eats on her wedding day. I know at least five different brides (myself included) that were too busy playing hostess at the reception to take a second to eat all that food that we’ve picked out and paid for.
I think there need to be some rules going the other way, too.
DO: Encourage the bride to get the dress she falls in love with.
Bride: Just because you fell in love with a dress in boston, you don’t get to demand that all of your bridesmaids take vacation days from work and pay for a flight to boston to see said dress.
DON’T: Argue with the other bridesmaids
Bride: Don’t pit the bridesmaids against each other. As in, the one who helps the most gets to be Maid Of Honor. And if you have 2 people who you KNOW don’t get along, save everyone some stress and either stand them far apart, or only ask one.
and 1 more
Bride: Give the Bridesmaids (and men, too) a heads-up as to what family drama might pop up. If we know to look for it, we can maybe head it off early. You don’t have to give all of the gory details, but knowing that His mother and Your sister can’t stand to be in the same room together is helpful.
wow, 11 TIMES???!! That’s just crazy!
I’m going to be a bridesmaid this coming summer, so there are definitely a lot of tips on here that are good to know. Like the tide stain stick one. Being that I can barely look at food without getting it on my clothing, I’ll have to remember this gem. Thanks and great post!
This is very good im gonna be a bridesmaid and one girl doesnt like me. She had a fall out with me cos we were too simular basically so we got on each others nerves where as il happily get along with her for my best friends wedding and her best friend to, she wont talk to me at all and infact told another bridesmaid she didnt like me so now im getting ignored by a girl ive met once for fittings the bride to bes fiances sister spoke to me n liked me but other girl blanked me, torn in too as my best mate deserves the best day in the world shes super lovely but i feel unwelcome i want my besty to have a lovely day not feel the tension
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The fight was three years ago …
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