It’s a hot button issue you see tossed about on blogs, message boards and talk shows.
It’s one of the most common points of conflict in relationships along with finances, infidelity and abuse.
Pornography is a billion dollar business in this country, and what that means is, they are very good at what they do.
So what about it breeds so much jealousy, insecurity, and pain?
My husband watches porn. Sometimes with me, sometimes without me. I feel okay about it. I watch it, too. We trust each other.
But, what about the relationships where the trust isn’t there? How does this spin so out of control it leads to fighting and divorce?
I simply had to know, so I went to the source.
Two anonymous men. Two very different relationships.
Guy #1. Married, loves porn, is open about it with his wife, watches it multiple times a week.
Guy #2. Long Term Relationship, loves porn, watches it in secret, sometimes daily.
Alright guys, let’s just jump right in and pretend this is not awkward at all. Porn. What kind do you watch and why do you watch it?
Guy #1: Mostly internet porn. My dads old magazines aren’t as interesting anymore. Honestly, I’ve been doing it since high school and it’s a turn on. Sometimes my wife is home and it leads to sex, sometimes she isn’t and it’s just something fun I look at to get aroused.
Guy #2: Same here, I watch it online and it’s a turn on. My girlfriend isn’t always in the mood, so I feel like I am watching it out of habit since she ain’t [sic] around.
Gotcha, so do your partners know you watch porn? Are they cool with it?
Guy #1: Yes, my wife has known since college, and it really doesn’t bug her. She isn’t insecure about it at all, and sometimes we watch it together, which is my favorite part.
Guy #2: Yeah she kinda knows I watch it. She doesn’t like when I do it, so I usually have to sneak around and watch it when she is at work or her sisters. If she does find out I have been watching it, it usually leads to a long fight, because she thinks it’s like I am cheating on her.
Lots of women feel that way, it seems. Do you think you are using internet porn as a replacement for something lacking in your relationship?
Guy #1: Nope. I am not addicted to it or anything, I watch it because it’s fun and adds some excitement to our sex life. But, if I didn’t watch it, it wouldn’t make my sex any different, it’s just an enhancement, really.
Guy #2: Well, I think that the more we fight about it, the more I watch it, because the more we fight, the less sex we have.
Right, but if it upsets her that badly, why not just stop watching it?
Guy #2: I don’t know, I do feel bad when she says it hurts her, but I’ve never cheated on her, I’ve never even chatted with another girl online. But, I like the fantasy of it, it helps me relieve stress.
This raises a good point. Do you watch porn that you think closely mimics your real life relationship, or are you drawn to porn that features more outrageous/fantasy situations that would be illegal in most states?
Guy #1: Definitely porn that is more like my marriage. I like something I can relate to because that makes the whole fantasy of porn more plausable for me.
Guy #2: I watch some of both. The kinky stuff is more interesting than arousing, but I think I watch the tamer stuff because it feels more like my real life relationship.
Would you stop watching it if your partner demanded it?
Guy #1: I definitely would, but I know it’d never come down to that. She just trusts me and I am not doing anything disloyal to her. It’s really just a form of mental foreplay for me.
Guy #2: She has asked me to stop before, and I do watch it less. I truthfully feel like watching porn keeps me from cheating. Because if I can just play out the sex in my head, it keeps me from ever wanting to stray.
Two very different men, two very different viewpoints. Where do you fall in this debate?