Some Like It Curvy: Telltale Signs You’re Bad In Bed

by Meredith on February 4, 2013

in Sex & Relationships

bad in bedOkay, so our last sex article was about how to tell if he will suck in bed. It was a hit. But is got us talking, what do women do that gives off a “she’s not going to be a very good lay” sign?

Ladies, I asked the boys, and they had plenty to say.


I’m married to you. So I never have bad sex. Like, ever. But even before I was married to you, I can’t remember having bad sex. Huh. That’s weird. I guess I’m lucky. But then again, I’ve only ever liked very confident girls. If a woman is insecure, I would think she would be bad.


When women are bad kissers, it usually translates to being bad in bed. When women have little to no “physical” coordination (i.e. dancing, athletically, etc.), it usually translates to being bad in bed. When women aren’t physically fit or at least flexible, it usually translates to being bad in bed. When women are virgins or have only had a couple of lovers, it usually translates to being bad in bed.


All sex has been good sex. Especially now that I’m married. I take what I can get.


If her breath/teeth are bad more than likely her *** will be smelly.  If she is not taking care of something like teeth breath, nails… she isn’t taking care of herself down there either.. and if it isn’t smelling right… it’s more than likely gonna suck.


If she drinks so much she is falling down drunk, it won’t be fun. If she has a ring on, I assume she will suck in bed. If she brags about how much fun it will be to take me back to her place, she is most likely just going to lay there like a fish on a beach.

But really, does it even matter? Guys will pretty much pounce on anything if we get the green light.


The number one way you can tell she won’t be any good is if she’s a bad kisser. Is she can’t get her kiss to “synch,” she won’t be able to find the same rhythm as you in the sheets.


Really stuck up girls are typically bad in bed. They think they’re God’s greatest gifts. And mostly all they do is lay there like a dead fish. So stuck up girls are most likely the worst lay.

I think girls who are a little different will be better in bed. Like, if she has tattoos or if she’s punk rock, I like that. I think she’ll be more… open to things.


If she has bad breath, it’s a no go. Mostly.


If I had an answer for this, I would be a rich man. So I just try them all out.

hbo girlsimage courtesy of TVGuide

So there you have it. The boys are all over the place, but at the end of the day, they don’t really care. They’ll still do it to you, even if they think you’ll be bad in bed.


So be your confident self, brush your teeth, don’t act stuck up, and don’t get so drunk that you’re falling down.

Fiona McGier February 4, 2013 at 12:29 pm

Re: “edgy” girls with tattoos being more “open to new things”…I read a letter in a magazine asking if a woman’s having tattoos means she’ll be a wild thing in bed. The woman advisor said that unless the tattoo says “I love ball gags and leather restraints”, that it’s best to wait until a future date, after you’ve had “normal” sex a few times, to suggest that!
BTW, I have 12 tattoos.

Nuala Reilly February 4, 2013 at 12:52 pm

Fiona, I have 5 tattoos…and none of my restraints are made of leather. LOL

Fiona McGier February 4, 2013 at 1:03 pm

Nuala…haha! Yeah, I prefer the fur-lined handcuffs myself…

Nuala Reilly February 4, 2013 at 8:02 pm

no one likes to have to disguise cuff marks the next day at work. Fur lined is genius.
Ha ha ha ha!!

Amanda February 4, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Great advice dudes! I’ve been married for almost 17 years and he says he’s more than satisfied in bed so I guess I’m okay? I only have one little bone to pick…when Herb said if a girl isn’t athletic she might not be good in the sack…I’m horrible at sports but have never had a complaint. I do know how to dance, though, so maybe that helped. :D

Ashley February 15, 2013 at 1:44 pm

I want to know how to improve in bed. I’ve only had one parner, and he didn’t complain, but you know, for future knowledge?

Fiona McGier February 18, 2013 at 11:15 pm

Ashley, don’t think of it as a competition. Think of it as an opportunity to live totally “in the minute”. Open up all of your senses and enjoy everything there is to experience about that man. Even if it’s only for one night. Men so often don’t really feel appreciated…many times it’s their own fault, for being so desperate to get laid that they don’t slow down enough to enjoy anything.

And be sure you know what excites you and brings you to completion. By yourself. Otherwise you won’t know how to tell him to touch you so you really enjoy being in the moment with him.

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