I’m stuck.
I was born in Landstuhl, Germany while my father was in the U.S. Army. For over a year, when I was an infant and toddler, I was a world traveler. Oh, the places I went. I just wish I could remember them.
My family and I moved to Texas (Houston) in 1980, when I was 2 years old. This is the only home I’ve ever known. I’ve never lived outside of Texas and I’ve never been more than 3 hours away from family. I adore my family and I’m proud to be a Texan, but I’m so ready for a change.
I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m desperate for more. I desire change. I want to pick up and go and experience life with no holds barred. I’d love to move cross-country, to a state that I adore, with no worries. I’d love to start fresh with a clean slate. I’d love to meet new friends, continue to connect with old friends, find a job I love and maybe one day find the love of my life and start a family. Big dreams, I have them.
Now would be the perfect time to follow these dreams. I have a job I don’t love, I’m single and I have no children. Other than family, nothing is really holding me here. My married friends have been encouraging me to follow my dreams. My single friends say I’d regret my dreams later. Is this what a mid-life crisis looks like? I hope not, I’m only thirty two.
For the past few months I’ve lamented my choices. I have thought about what states I’d like to live in, what type of job I’d like to have and the pros and cons of moving. My pros list is longer than my cons list, but my cons list includes leaving my family, and am I really ready for that?
Oh, how I wish I was the type of person that could just pack my things and go, but I’m not. I’m a planner. In order to even consider a big life change, such as moving to another state, I’d need to have secured a place to live and a job. Winning the lottery would be very helpful at this point.
I haven’t made any firm decisions yet, but I’ve updated my resume and I’ve started looking at the job market in a few different states. I’m keeping my options open and hoping that the path I need to follow will be clearer soon.
Have you ever felt stuck? Stuck in life, stuck in a job, just stuck?
Greis (pronounced Grace) is a single, 30 something, Texas girl with an iPhone addiction. She loves her hometown Houston sports teams, Astros Baseball & Texans Football! When she’s not working as an inside sales analyst for a local manufacturing company, you can usually find her on the internet, watching trashy reality television or snuggling her niece, Audrey. In her spare time she enjoys a good chick flick, reading teenage vampire books (the sparkly kind) and dreaming about what life will be like when she finally wins the lottery. You can read more from Greis on her blog, Amazing Greis.
YES!!! Right now. I am wanting to do more, more, more. But my company is a little stuck at this moment. We are transitioning to getting much bigger, I can feel it. So I just need to hold tight. But holding tight is hard when you feel in limbo.
Sometimes I just think, “Why in the Hell did we choose to live in Toledo, OH?”
We’re about the same age. Maybe women just feel this way around this time.
Your single friends cannot fathom the responsibility of “married with children” life. Listen to your married friends and do it now. Also, your single friends may be a little bit jealous of your spirit of adventure. Many people try to kill your dreams when they are too afraid to go after their own.
This.Is.True.
I moved to Chicago on my own, knowing no one, for graduate school. It was scary and I cried a lot the first month but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. GO FOR IT!
Holy cricket! This could of actually been written by me, right down to the fact that I too was born in Germany when my parents were in the army! But we moved to back to England rather than the states.
I too am at one of those points where there is nothing holding me somewhere, but I just don’t have the guts or reason to go anywhere!
Lottery win please!
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Hello. I’m your age plus 30… Looking back in my rear view mirror, these “stuck” times turn up at regular intervals. I think it’s life’s way of forcing us to make a change.
It’s great that at 32, you recognize that these times hold opportunity. You get to choose – stay in your safe comfy rut or test the waters, turn the knob and at least see if the door opens.
What if I fall flat on my face? You will get up smarter. The scary uncertainty will be there regardless….
I too am in a stuck place right now. I quit my hideous job, requested my less than adequate retirement fund and began writing all the stuff I didn’t write these past 40 years because I was busy building someone else’s dream.
Of course my family was not happy. But this is MY dream people! For a while it looked like they were right. I had no clue where I was going… but finally a little glimmer appeared… and it got bigger! Completing my first story brought a level of satisfaction that I didn’t know existed! And I haven’t even sold it yet!
Pick a city, go there if even for one day. Experience it! See if you like them and they like you! Otherwise, how will you ever know?
I like what Martha Beck says about this:
1. Do it, go there, try it.
2. Notice – do you feel warmer, happier, more alive or colder, more miserable and dead? If it feels colder, do something else.
3.Repeat as necessary.
Yes it will be scary, but that’s there regardless…do it scared.
Besides you can always go back home. Blessings~
sorry! didn’t mean to be so long winded! LOL!
I know the feeling that you have. I have it right now and have had it for months. I too am mid 30′s, single and have no kids. I love to travel and after an amazing trip to India last year I came back and realized the life I was living could not be mine. I’m at a job that I hate and have nothing to keep me where I am. So I’m taking the plunge, quitting my job and traveling. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I say do it. Follow your dreams. Do what’s going to be best for you and make you happy. It might be a rough beginning but I bet you won’t regret it!
I, too, am an Army brat. I moved around most of my life. Even after I was an adult and had a great job, I still moved from apartment to apartment every 3 years or so just because I felt I had to. There are a
lot of us nomads and alone we feel weird. But there’s a page on Facebook that’s united a lot of us and helped us to realize we’re not alone. Check it out: http://www.facebook.com/groups/193393060721119/
I have rat in a cage syndrome.
I have lived all my life outside of Boston except for a time away in college and a 3 year mistake in western NY state. I yearn to move far far away. To escape.
Both my parents are sick. My Mom is dying and my Dad has a lot of health problems. I can’t leave and live with myself. Thus I have rat in a cage syndrome. I want it more.
I have so much to say on this subject that I can’t possibly fit it into one little comment box so I’ll wait until you’re at my house (2! weeks!) to unload all of my Sage Advice on you.
But I gotta tell you: the people who tell you’d regret it later? Are nuts. What’s the worst that could happen? You move someplace, decide you hate it & miss your family, so you move back to Houston. But at least you TRIED. Life is all about the journey, babe. Go have one.
13 days! Can’t wait!
We have so much to discuss and talk about. And I get to hug you and your girls!
I’m kind of the opposite than everyone: I like being “stuck.” Even though I like routine, like sameness, like familiarity, I SO get what you mean and what you want.
I say GO FOR IT. You’re young, single, and nothing’s keeping you from doing what you want.
I second everyone saying GO FOR IT! The worst that can happen is you end up back in Houston with your family. My best friend is moving to Chicago in a week, leaving her family in Dallas and arriving here with NO JOB. She’s scared out of her mind, but she needed to do something. And the worst that can happen is she ends up back where she started.
If it weren’t for the born in Germany and growing up in Houston part, I would have thought I wrote this. All of my friends are married and having kids, working jobs they love. And me? I have none of the above. I hate my job. I think about picking up and moving to NYC (which I LOVE), but I’m a planner too. I look at jobs, I update my resume, but when it comes down to it, I’m scared. While I feel like I’m not living the life I should be, I like parts of the life I have. I like watching my niece and nephew grow up. I don’t want to watch them grow up over skype. I like going to my parents house for Sunday dinner. Yet, sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my own mediocrity when I know I’m capable of so much more.
I hear ya, Greis. It took a lot of back and forth between my husband and I before we decided to pack up our toddler and move to another state. It’s scary not knowing if it’s the right step to take, but sometimes ya just gotta try it out!
GO. DO. IT. NOW. My husband and I, along with our two kids (4 & 9) up and moved 2000 (!!) miles away from all of our friends and family last year because we decided we would rather deal with it not working out than regret not doing it. We lived where we had grown up, gone to school, etc. Let me tell you, that decision was THE BEST THING WE HAVE EVER DONE. We are happier, our kids are happier, we’ve made great friends. Life is good. Do we miss our families? Yes, but because we moved to a cool place (just outside Boulder, CO)-we’ve had a steady stream of visitors. And that time with them is quality time-not just running into each other or come over for dinner time like when we all lived within 10 miles of each other. CO is awesome-move here. Good luck!
I say you should go for it! As long as you have a job to move to, just do it. It would be an exciting adventure. Just remember, where ever you end up, your family will only be a phone call or plane trip away. Good luck, I wish you the best.
GO!
I am a dreamer, but also a major planner like yourself. I have to have everything figured out all of the time. I always wanted to escape my state, get in new surroundings, and see what a life with more spontaneity would bring.
Alas, I found a Kentucky boy I love and married, and while I don’t regret that one bit, part of me always wonders what life would be like in a completely different environment, not riddled with people who know my family or know me from high school (and even college). Not that there’s anything to be ashamed of, but what would it be like elsewhere?
So, on behalf of us practical dreamers out there, go!
So my bit of advice might be in contention with others.
If you’re going to move (and I fully support a move!), don’t move to be near friends unless you’ve lived near them before. To me, one of two things always happens: 1) You realize that you cannot stand being near them that often or 2) You become such good friends with them and their friends that you don’t make any other good friends and if they move away or they have a falling out, you’re alone.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t move to a state or even city where you have friends, but just make sure that you find your own neighborhood and make new friends from work and other places if you can. I moved to New Orleans for my husband and seriously, if our relationship had fallen apart, I would’ve been stuck there finishing out a school year with absolutely nothing. He was my closest friend and all my other friends were friends of his.
Take this advice for what it’s worth. I say follow your dreams.
Great points Katie! I’ve never planned/considered moving anywhere just because of friends, I mean yes it would be great to know people wherever I decide to move, but it won’t be my #1 reason for moving.
I’ve been thinking about/considering making a move for a few months now. I’m just sad I didn’t make the decision years ago. I still have no clue where I’ll end up, or when.
I say go for it now. You can always come back to your family…that’s the great thing about family.
I married and became a mother so young that I didn’t have a chance to do those things. Thankfully Shane is crazy awesome and I got to do the Vietnam trip this year, but I still feel like I missed out on so many opportunities.
Now. With all of that said, we are seriously considering a move to the Houston area next year, so I want you to forget everything I just said and stay there so I can have you there with me!
Really?!?! Go figure.
We must see each other soon!
Do it, especially if you are financially stable. If I had the money, I would be right there with you. I am so grateful for what I have, but I want more experiences…..and I want them while I am single with no kiddies.
Anyone who tells you not to is projecting their own internal shit onto you.
I firmly believe that the older you get, the harder it becomes to move out of that rut. DO IT NOW! You’ve got so very little to lose, and your family is only a drive or plane ride away. This is very exciting, a new adventure! Take the chance. The only regrets you want to contemplate at the end of your life are the roads you DIDN’T travel.
What everyone else said. Go, do it now, you are not getting any younger, you can always move back. 10 yrs ago I moved from the Boston area to the Phoenix area….for a MAN ! I was in love and figured “What’s the worst that could happen?” I can always move back, but I knew I had to give it a shot. I’m still here and still in love. That’s why airplanes were invented. Your family is always your family. Good Luck
I’m a fellow Texan so let me throw in my two cents. Do it. Yes. For real. Especially before you have kids. Go, travel, move, make friends, explore, all of that stuff. When you are ready you can come back home. I can’t imagine every living anywhere other than Texas, but if that is your dream you need to follow it before waking up one day regretting that you didn’t.
Holy crap! I think you just read my mind. I have been feeling the exact same way you have been for the last few years, so finally, I have decided to go back to school, and in 18 months when I graduate, I am moving to a different town. My parents haven’t fully realized this yet, because when I moved back to my hometown 5 years ago, I think they were secretly excited, but now I am bored and it’s time for a change. You can always come home and visit, but you don’t want to live your life full of regrets because you didn’t take that step out of the door. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
I’ve been in your shoes. Grew up in the suburbs of Houston, Texas. At 26, I was itching for more. My friends were all getting married and having babies and i was getting bored. I packed my stuff and moved to Chicago where I still live today. I’m not going to say it has been easy, but I’ve never regretted the decision. I have made a few great friends along the way, have some amazing memories and experiences, and even somehow found a husband that I certainly wasn’t looking for.
Being away from family has really just made me value our time together that much more. Visiting feels so special now.
My husband and I have been tossing around the idea of moving to Texas in a few years, mostly because we’re both hating winter right now. But the point is nothing is permanent and despite what they say… you CAN go home again!
When I was in my early 20′s, I had always lived only in upstate NY and never even really traveled anywhere interesting at all. I think, even today, I’ve only been to NYC three times in my life.
So when I got a job offer in San Francisco, a city where I knew not a single person, I really wasn’t sure I should take it. But I did. And I freaked out for a week once I was there. Then things started changing. And I fell in love with San Francisco. I just passed my 9 year mark here and now that I’m married to a man from So Cal and have two kids and another on the way, I’m facing the reality that I probably won’t ever go home. I love my family at home and miss them every day, but my life is here now. And I truly do love it.
I say go for it. As mentioned, it doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to.
Do it, Do it, Do it!
I got the wanderlust when I was 24. I lived in a great apartment in a great part of town with great friends, and I was dating a great guy. But I knew that if I didn’t take a leap when I was unmarried and not a parent, I would regret it. I made it known that I was willing to move to NYC, and my company transferred me. I’d only been to NYC once, for two days, and I only knew the people I worked with. It was, hands down, the best thing I ever did. My only regret is that I didn’t stay longer!
Home is where you make it, but if you want to go back to Texas someday, that’s allowed! I went back to Cali and I’m certain that I love it here more because of the time I spent away.
Are you in my brain right now? Because this is exactly how feel. I’m 31, and I did make a major move last year to move to a town 90 minutes away. It was a change because I’d lived in the same town since I was 11 years old. It was home, and it was easy. Moving to a new town was hard, but I’m doing okay. Despite the move, I’m still stuck doing the same kind of job, flip-flopping about finishing college, and I’m bored. I want to move to the East Coast and do something bigger, but I’m not sure if I’ve got the courage. You do seem to have the courage, so I say go for it.
You should do what you need to do to feel unstuck. Stuck often leads to stagnant and you don’t want to get to that place. Your situation reminds me of a Halestorm song, “Better Sorry Than Safe.” You should look it up and listen. It will inspire you to move forward.
GO!
As a woman from Houston (Northside, what?!), I’d like to tell you in my humble opinion to GO, GO, GO!
Go! You will absolutely regret it if you don’t. Your family loves you and will miss you, but with the technology available to you and them, it’ll be like you’re next door, just quarantined behind a little plastic screen. Go! Do those things before you are married and have children! Go! So you have stories to tell those children! Go! So you can look back one day and NOT say, “I wish…” Go! Explore! Live the life you want to live! Explore, screw up, get in trouble and have to get yourself out of it!
I left home at 17 to go in the Navy and have done it, seen it, been there and got the freaking t-shirt. I wouldn’t change any of my experiences, good or bad – and there were a lot of bad ones. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I’d stayed home and gone to college there and gotten a job in a skyscraper and had the 2.5 kids in the big ass house in The Woodlands like all of my friends. I also get dizzy when I think of all the things I would have missed out on: my friends from Iceland, my new in-laws from Michigan, my old in-laws from Tennessee, my jaunt to the United Arab Emirates for a weekend of shopping, my two best friends (neither from home) but most importantly, the love of my life. I would have none of these things if I’d stayed. I can always pause this life to go home to visit my family, but I could have never paused home to have this life.
GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
I’ve been stuck, unstuck and restuck. As a chronic relocater (12 addresses in 7 years at one point & 4 different states so far) I can attest to the allure of the fresh start. However, someone once said, wherever you go, there you are and it is very true. Stuck isn’t a geographic issue. Moving is fun and exciting, but old habits and bad patterns follow you wherever you go if you aren’t careful. Fly be free, but to really unstick, be exactly who you are wherever you are. Best of luck.
I tried to join the Army just to get away. I’ve got my family here but that’s really it. No husband, no kids, hell I don’t even have a boyfriend. But like you, I’m not a go with the flow kinda person. I’ve got to solidify plans before I can do anything. For a year I moved away from home…only an hour away, and it was miserable. I did it on a whim. Called my mom and said, “Im going to Petersburg.” She asked how I was gonna get to work and I said I wasnt. Gave them 3 days notice and picked up everything and left. I could never do it again without planning. I hope you do it so I can live vicariously through you!
If my heart could write it’s story, this would be it. I feel every last word of what you wrote. I’ve been feeling the same need for change for a couple of years now. It’s a vicious cycle of dreams and doubt… I’ve travelled quite a bit and have seen a good deal of this country and I know that there is a better life out there somewhere. The getting there, that’s the hard part. Leaving friends and family behind has become less and less of a worry. I know that home will always be home, but it’s not where my heart is right now.
30 (this year, yay). Single. No kids. Not happy with my job. Not happy with my current State (CA) of affairs… I’ve lived in and now own the same house that I grew up in since I was 1 years old. I feel like a tree that needs to uproot and I’m worried that I won’t find the right soil and climate to thrive in again. But then…the thought of starting over is exhilirating. I have big dreams like you and I feel like the longer I stay where I’m not happy, the more those dreams slip away slowly.
You have to go!!! You have to find your place…you’ll regret it if you dont. I will too.
Thanks for this…it’s a releif knowing that I’m not the only one out there that feels like this. I wish you much luck…and may we all win the lottery!!!
We just moved from Texas to Poland (yes, the country) in January. We have 3 year old twin boys. It was a leap of faith. I ache for my family but can never replace the things we are experiencing here. We’ll go back to Texas in 2013, but I’m doing my best to enjoy our time here.
In 2003 I made the decision to move to another province to be with who I *thought* was the man I loved (we got married, then divorced 2 yrs later). 7.5 hours away from my entire life into a province where French is the official language and I had no one except for him.
I have NO regrets. I still live here in Montreal and now that my life is truly my own, I look back upon it and only wish I had done it sooner. Yes I miss my family, my friends and the English language. However I am So. Much. Happier. Here. I have an amazing life at the age of 33 and while sometimes I long for home, I can always go back and visit which I do when I can, at least once a year. I get my friends who come to see me too and we cherish those moments even more now because of the distance. So while we might be further apart in that sense, we’re all a lot more closer to each other then we ever were.
In the end it’s your life to do what you want with it, always remember that! However you loose nothing by trying and could quite possibly gain everything by doing so!
I thought it telling that it response to one of the comments you said “I’m just sad I didn’t make the decision years ago.”
I always want the crystal ball to tell me if a decision I make now will be the right one later – but sometimes the uncertainty is better than the regret of feeling I shoulda done something so much sooner.
Good luck with your decision.
I think we all feel stuck @ times. After moving all over the US w/my navy father, I thought I would want to never move again. And I stayed n the same area for 20+ yrs. Decided wth I’m going with my heart & not my head & moved cross country.I’m a planner too, but didn’t this time. It sucked – couldn’t find a job, no money for gas to find one, no where to live. Got another opportunity to move back to the midwest for a job & took it. Been here 4 yrs now & the restlessness bug is back. Love my job but hate the area. Most of my family is out west & that’s where I want to be. The thought of moving that far from my”comfort zone” is scary, but if the pieces fall in to place I will be gone in a second. I think you’ll know inside yourself if the right opportunity/situation arises – just don’t over think it – you might miss out on the chance of a lifetime – to be happy!!
:)
Depending on how big of a risk you’re willing to take there are ways to travel and get unstuck. I was feeling stuck as a single 31 yr old. I jumped and have since been teaching and living in South Korea for the last 3 years. Look out side the box and go for it. Once you have kids and a partner your options get smaller.
It’s better to do it and possibly regret it later than to never even try. I’d place bets that you’ll never regret what you try, but you will missing the chance to try.
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