What is so romantic about being paranormally stalked? Vampires, werewolves, witches, ghosts; I’ve read all the books.
Most recently I’ve been reading a book that features a ghost that was living in a witches’ house for a year, unbeknownst to her, before getting a body. At first I was all, “this is so hot, I love him!” He’s respectful, sexy, a little bit dangerous (the ghost is also a witch) and he’s head over heels for the protagonist. Plus, he’s already stuck around for a year so you know he isn’t going anywhere!
My mind immediately went to the scenario where I had a ghost living with me, loving me from afar. So romantic, right? Wrong!
When I’m alone, I fart. It happens and it ain’t pretty. I’ll also scratch certain places on my person that would not be acceptable in polite society. That is most emphatically not stuff I want the love of my life to be privy to, especially without my knowing!
The more I think about it, the less romantic the whole thing got. I began to wonder, is the ghost more of a stalker than a romantically interested party?
Let’s examine the evidence, shall we? Here are some characteristics of stalkers Google was kind enough to find for me:
- Waiting at the person’s home, workplace and/or neighborhood
- Breaking into the person’s home or car
- Gathering information on the person
I’m not intending to make light of a serious issue, but why do women think it’s sexy for a ghost to linger in their homes, longing only to be with them in the flesh? Do we forget that, at times, we’re not much better than dudes ourselves? Exhibit A: The aforementioned farting and scratching.
I’m sorry, what now?
You mean to say that he crept into a teenager’s bedroom and watched her sleep all night? I don’t know about you, but I don’t sleep sexy – as proven by the hairstyle I sport every morning a la Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary, you know, without that whole I look like Cameron Diaz part. Not to mention that Edward is a blood sucking vampire currently fasting from human blood. So he’s sitting there, watching her, fighting his hyped-up need to suck her blood and potentially kill her? Well shit, good thing the lights are already off because I’m halfway to turned on, naked and roaring to go! And yet, I didn’t think anything of it while reading the books. The only thing on my mind at that time was where was my dreamy vampire soul mate?
(I just admit it. I read the entire Twilight series, but it furthered my point and if you ask me outside the context of this article, I’ll deny it to the very end!)
But the question remains, despite everything we know to the contrary, why is it that we find ourselves so turned on in the face of supernatural stalkers?
Megan Andersen is your typical 20-something workaholic. That is, if making up stories about her food, imagining dragons while listening to the band Imagine Dragons, and espousing theories on the self-important nature of bananas is typical. She spends her weekdays working in the customer service field, her weeknights moonlighting as Batman – err, I mean, a writer and in between somehow finds time for her horse, dog, friends and the occasional date (in that order).
image courtesy Wikapedia