Many women have said to us, “I’ve lost my sex drive. Help!” Have no fear, girls. Curvy Girl Guide is here!
Let’s just jump right into this ladies, and allow me to tell you, I can totally empathize. During my last pregnancy, I had sex exactly twice. Two times in nine months. And both times, I made myself do it, just to please my husband. But he wasn’t pleased. He could tell I wasn’t into it. The fact that he hadn’t had it in so long was a secret blessing because it just meant he would finish faster. At which point, I could get back to my self-loathing-cake-eating-pity-party. Which? Was way more fun than sex at the time.
Sometimes, we just don’t feel like it. And there are a lot of reasons why, so let’s just bang those reasons out today (that’s what she said).
I’m Not Attracted To Him Anymore
I “get” the whole falling out of attraction to someone thing. But that’s a conversation you need to have. Shaun had it with me once, and it killed me. I hated him. But it was also eye-opening. I had let myself go, and I did used to be super cute. So I began taking better care of myself.
Currently, I am going through this whole, “I have a headache,” thing again. But mainly because it’s Movember, and my husband’s face looks like he should be driving around white cargo van that has no windows with “FREE CANDY & PUPPIES!” written on the side of it.
Only one more day of this…
And trust me, boys don’t like to hear they’ve let themselves go anymore than we do. I know, because I recently looked at my husband’s beer gut, his endless line of multicolored golf shirts, and his Old Man Jeans and proclaimed, “You’re turning into your father!” And guess what? Mustache aside, he’s trying harder to be someone that I find attractive again.
And I’ve stopped pooping with the door open for him. It seems to be helping us get in the mood.
Sex Begets Sex
Just make yourself do it.
I had to put us on a Saturday night schedule to get us back in the groove after our nine month hiatus. And I picked Saturday because I knew I could drink a couple glasses of red wine. And that wine would ultimately loosen me up. Literally. Red wine makes me loose.
But I noticed that pretty soon, we were also having sex on Sunday morning. And then we would have sex randomly on a Wednesday. And the next thing I knew, Shaun was telling his buddies at bowling league that gets “laid all the time.” He wore this sex around like a freaking badge of honor. And while I really don’t appreciate him talking to the bowling alley guys about our sex life (as I talk about it to the entire internet), it sure beats him saying the opposite about our sex life.
You Are Beautiful
Repeat after me, “Boys like boobs. They like little boobies. They like saggy boobies. They like two different sizes of boobies. They like fake boobies. They like floppy boobies. The like fall-in-your-armpit boobies. Boys also like vaginas and butts.”
I’m glad we’ve worked that out.
Now stop feeling bad about yourself when it comes to getting naked. And if you still don’t feel good naked, the Hips & Curves Lingerie store will make you feel better. They aren’t paying me to sat that, by the way. Their stuff is really just that awesomely sexy. CLICK HERE! YOU ARE WELCOME!
I’m Too Tired
Dude. I hear you on this one.
Can you just sleep over on your side of the bed and get your boner out of my back? Chasing kids, working all day, and cleaning up after you has taken a toll.
But sometimes? Sometimes you need to change up your normal routine. Changing what you’re always doing will trick your brain into not being tired every night at 9pm.
Remember when you were dating each other? Like, in the beginning, and you would totally go out on dates during the week? And you just couldn’t wait to get him home and rip his clothes off? You weren’t tired then. You were more concerned about taking a minute in the bathroom to freshen up.
With busy lives, kids, and routines, this isn’t something you can do all the time. But once in awhile, find a way. Find a way to change what you currently do for the sake of your orgasm.
Make Your Brain Think About Sex
Hand to God, smut has changed the game in our bedroom.
Fifty Shades of Grey was the first series of smut books I had ever read, and let me tell you, I would wake him up and make him have sex with me. Shaun is a walking endorsement for sex books. I also don’t mind porn from time to time. And even a toy that I play with all by myself helps. All of these little things make me think about sex and since he is so handy, I might as well get it on with him, right?! RIGHT!
Make yourself think about sex, and pull your partner into these fantasies inside your head. So what if you yell out, “Spank me again, Christian!” He’ll understand.
Need some ideas on how to get your brain thinking about sex? Brittany Gibbons (our founding Curvy Girl) recently put together a great little list of naughties. Enjoy, you horny little toads!
Maybe It’s Medical
Women are a walking set of hormones.
There could be so many medical reasons that explain your loss of libido. According to WebMD (the Internet’s HOLY-CRAP-WE-ARE-ALL-DYING bible), nearly one third of women (ages 18 – 59) experience a loss of sexual desire at some point in time. And a lot of times, there could be a medical reason behind it.
Here are some of them:
- Your birth control pill
- Low testosterone
- Antidepressant medications
- Blood pressure medications
- Vaginal dryness
- Changing your dosage on a medication
- Mental illnesses such as depression
- Thyroid disorders
And many more medical reasons could contribute to your loss of a sexual appetite. If you think there’s something physically wrong, don’t be afraid to talk to your gynecologist about it. That’s why they went through a bajillion years of vagina school.
Try something new, and see if it helps.
Jumpstart your brain; read some smut.
Talk to your doctor, because maybe it’s something that could easily be fixed.
Seek couples therapy (and they even have sex therapy!), and work out your issues. For a lot of women, sex is sensual. It’s a heady experience, and we need conditions to be just right. I don’t “do” hate sex. Don’t even touch me if I am mad at you.
And if that doesn’t work, get yourself a new lover…or invest in a good vibrator and a bottle of red wine.
Have you experienced this? What worked for you? And what have you tried that didn’t work?