Some Like It Curvy: Faking It While We’re Making It

by Meredith on January 4, 2013

in Sex & Relationships

How to fake an orgasm:Stop Faking Your Orgasms!

Step One: Moan a little.

Step Two: Shift your hips around and point your right toe (but, like, in a sexy way).

Step Three: Arch your back.

Step Four: Kegel, kegel, kegel…

Step Five: Loudly yell, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Very good.

THE END.

Just kidding! Let’s talk about this girls!

Repeat after me:

I, [insert your name], vow to never fake an orgasm again. My rocks are worth getting off, just as he feels his rocks are worth getting off.

We are all guilty of this. We want the sex to be done. We fake it so he feels better about himself. Or we simply don’t know how to express what we want in bed, so we moan a little and call it a night.

No more!

Men are like children.

Can we all agree on this? Men are like children, and we have become accustomed to just giving into them so they don’t throw a temper tantrum. Nothing is more un-sexy than a man whining to you about not being able to please you. So we do this thing we do to protect their sensitive little egos.

But those days are gone, ladies. Not everyone gets a trophy just for playing. If they don’t perform, from this day forward, they need to know.

when-harry-met-sally

I asked my buddy, Ken, what he thought about the faking an orgasm. And, ladies, it was pretty eye opening.

Can you tell when a woman is faking an orgasm?

No, not if she is good. I honestly have never had a woman tell me she has had to fake one with me, but then again I might never know. I think most guys want to believe we really made it happen so we are more likely to accept a fake as real. Make sense?

Girls, we are so good at faking them, that the man-folk can’t even tell! Does this outrage you as much as it outrages me?

What if she doesn’t have one with you? And she is faking it to make you feel better, would that make you sad? Or do boys even care after they’ve got their rocks off?

No I suppose some guys don’t care but I am not one of them. Here is the deal, I like a woman to orgasm first, then me. The time a woman spends faking an orgasm, she could be telling her partner what he or she needs to do. I would rather it be honest.

Okay, so now we know that most boys do care if we are satisfied. And they want us to tell them what we need.

I think a lot of us fake it to protect your manly egos. Would it hurt your feelings to know your lady didn’t climax?

Most guys want a road map. Yes, we have egos , but real men, they don’t get all bent. They work harder. Look, for me, there is nothing more powerful and full of sexual energy than when a woman has an orgasm and communicates what she wants me to do to get her there.

So there you have it. All we need to do is just explain where “a little to the left” actually is located, tell him to slow down with all the jabbing, explain that sometimes hair pulling is fantastic, and have him focus on 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock during foreplay.

No more orgasm faking. If we are not to the point of explosion, we are going to tell our lover what we need. And if he can’t achieve what we need, then he doesn’t get the mental cookie anymore.

2013 is going to be our year of pleasure, ladies.

Not his.

Ours.

Have you faked an orgasm? And if so, why?

image credit Castle Rock Entertainment

Amanda January 4, 2013 at 10:06 am

Interesting article! Especially from the mens’ point-of-view. Personally, I’ve never had to fake one. Quite frankly, I’m no actress and there’s no way I could pull it off. I’ve been married for almost 17 years and we have no problems in that department whatsoever! ;) If I did have an issue with climax, I’d probably just reach down there and do it myself.

Nuala Reilly January 4, 2013 at 12:36 pm

Nicely done, Meredith. I have never had to fake it with the hubs. Not even once. And I’m one of the lucky ones where he doesn’t ‘get off’ until I do…usually at least twice.
I will say though that I have never had a problem telling him what I like and how I like it, and neither does he. 18 years this feb and we’re still burning up the sheets.

Holly January 4, 2013 at 1:06 pm

“I’ll have what she’s having…”.

brittany January 4, 2013 at 1:07 pm

“Not everyone gets a trophy just for playing.”

I can’t even……..HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Meredith January 5, 2013 at 1:50 pm

That was a good one, wasn’t it?

Jessica January 4, 2013 at 3:57 pm

I have never had a real one with a man. Not once. Not even close. This is going to be a long year…. lol. I give directions but they never listen!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] January 4, 2013 at 4:45 pm

Be a shower, not a teller. Don’t be shy to SHOW.

Meredith January 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Sometimes, you have to make him use his mouth…

Greis January 9, 2013 at 11:40 pm

“Sometimes, you have to make him use his mouth…”

YES, YES, YES!!!!
LMAO, so true.

Elizabeth L. January 7, 2013 at 5:32 pm

I haven’t either. My poor boyfriend. Bless his heart, I feel so bad for him because he really REALLY tries and does a really good job, but I think I’ve developed some sort of block against it now. I give directions (and he listens!) and I’ve taken over, but that doesn’t work either. Except for one time, by the time I tell him to stop and I pick up the reins, I’m usually either too sensitive, too tired, or too “over it” for it to work.

I doesn’t affect our relationship (as far as I can tell at least), but I can tell it frustrates him and, at times, makes him feel inadequate. I’m not ready to give up, but you would think after almost 6 months we would have figured it out. :(

Ana @ Ana's Attic Book Blog January 4, 2013 at 4:52 pm

I admit it. I fake it often, but I also HAVE them often. I started faking it 20 years ago, when he would keep going and going and going….way after I had my O or 2 and was done. I learned that he won’t have his till I have an “internal” (which never really happens). Otherwise, he can go for hours till my vajayjay is so sore I can’t take anymore! My fake O sets off his real one. I’ve wanted to let him know the truth, but I don’t think he’ll appreciate that I’ve lied for over 20 years. Plus, he is damn good at giving me the real ones, and I have one every time, but not from intercourse alone.

I guess if it ain’t broke, why fix it?

Meredith January 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Well, there you go then!

Sarah January 4, 2013 at 4:52 pm

Hells to the yes. When things were all fresh with the hubs in the beginning, it was easy to orgasm. Then we got married and I started faking it. I mean, he wanted to have sex ALL the time! How’s a gal to keep up? Then he figured it out and he was so mad at me. He said that if I wasn’t going to have an orgasm, that was fine, but don’t put on a show for him. Whoh. After a slew of selfish lovers, this was a revelation.

It took some effort and patience. We had to figure out what made me comfortable and what was exciting to us both. Turns out, an actual orgasm IS what was exciting to us both.

Not only does he make sure I’m satisfied each and every time, if I’m not in the mood, he doesn’t take it personally. And there’s no required number of times or appointments in the month.

Point being (hey, I’m not a writer) I’m a happy wife….and you know what they say!

Michael January 4, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Is there room in this conversation for a guy who’s faked a big-O?

Meredith January 5, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Do you have a squirt bottle in your penis?!

Michael January 6, 2013 at 12:48 am

No, squirt bottle, but it was the 6th go that night, so she wasn’t expecting much ammo. She was wanting so much for me to finish that last time, but it wasn’t happening, so I faked it.

Meredith January 6, 2013 at 1:09 pm

THE SIXTH GO?!

*crosses legs*

Michael January 6, 2013 at 2:52 pm

Yes. That was a record-setting evening. I was a senior in high school, my girl friend was a freshman at college–since we were both still living at home, we didn’t have a lot of freedom, so I made some sort of alibi and got us a hotel room for the night. We went all out–toys, sexy underwear, and everything. This is the point in the story when I warn parents of teenagers to not let them spend a night away from home EVER.

Amateur Mommy January 4, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I feel like faking is lying. If I’m not into it, or he needs to do something different, I say it!

Untypically Jia January 4, 2013 at 5:49 pm

kegel, kegel, kegel! LMAO!

Wynn455 January 4, 2013 at 6:18 pm

This is my Views being a Guy. EVERY Woman is Different (Being an expert driving a car doesnt make you an expert driving a truck). Guys need to know/learn what buttons needs to be pressed in what order for the person they are with. It would not Bother me them not having an Orgasm, but would if they faked it. When my wife and I were going out, the first couple of times we were in the bedroom, she didnt have one. So I tried different things. Now she has one Everytime and some nights 3 orgasms. Can I tell? At times, Yes. Sometimes she Moans Only right at that Moment. I know when its coming up before she even starts moaning. If you been with a guy for a long time and he cant giving the O, help him out. Work with him. In the end, the reward is far better than faking it to boost his ego.

Anonomostly January 4, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Truth be told, I’ve never had an orgasm from intercourse alone. I’ve had orgasms all different kinds of ways with all other kinds of stimulation, but simply from standard penis-to-vagina intercourse, no, it’s not happening. I really marvel at women who do/can. I figure my body just isn’t wired that way. And yes, I am highly sexual, highly experienced, and older. So it’s not from a lack of trying or from having lousy lovers. Some women simply need clitoral stimulation in addition to intercourse. There, I said it. So no, faking it would not be in my best interest. I’d basically screw myself out of ever having an orgasm.

brittany January 4, 2013 at 8:17 pm

No shame here, I’m with you.

Tawny January 7, 2013 at 8:49 am

I had one from intercourse 1 time when I was a teenager. It was from a position where the penis had direct contact with the g-spot. That position has eluded me ever since. No shame in using other means. As long as everyone is happy who cares!

Natalia January 30, 2013 at 5:22 pm

I’ve faked it before. Not often, though. My man knows how to get the job done ;) I didnt know guys could fake it though… interesting…

everything will fade March 15, 2013 at 8:59 pm

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