Fear of Failing, Again

fear [feer] noun – a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Fears, we all have them. Some fears are small and rarely effect our daily happenings. Other fears are big and weigh heavily on our day-to-day routines.

I like to believe that I’m not afraid of much. Sure, I’m afraid of roaches and the thought of accidentally passing gas while being waxed or massaged terrifies me, but these fears don’t control me. They’re usually not things I think about until I’m in the moment, so then I’m fearful at the time, but the feeling usually passes quickly.

Though I may not fear much, one of my biggest fears came to light a few weeks ago when I read that Carnie Wilson had just undergone a second weight-loss surgery. Carnie underwent her first weight-loss procedure (gastric bypass) 12 years ago. She lost 150 pounds, she was a success story. In January, Carnie went under the knife again for lap-band surgery to help her lose the weight that she had re-gained.

This news confirmed, what I already knew, that weight-loss surgery is just a tool in the process, but as is with any diet regimen it too can fail.

Before my weight-loss surgery I was an avid yo-yo dieter. For years I bounced around from diet to diet hoping to find the one that I would finally succeed at. For years I continuously failed. I would do well for a few months and then fall off the wagon. I’d start a new diet and do well for a few months and then fall off the wagon again. Lather, rinse, repeat. It was a never-ending cycle.

My decision to go the way of weight-loss surgery was made after a lot of research. I read up on the pros, the cons and everything in between. I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision for me and not for anybody else.

I am now nearly 2 years post-surgery and consider my story a success. I know I’ve done well and will continue to do well, but the fear of failing this “diet” is always at the back of my mind. A day does not go by that I don’t worry that my old habits will come back stronger than ever and that I’ll gain the weight back.

What I fear the most is disappointing my family and friends. The same family and friends that have supported me and my decisions wholeheartedly the past 2 years. I don’t want to let them down. I don’t want to let myself down.

Seeing Carnie Wilson’s story has helped me realize that no one is invincible. Her journey has reminded me that I’ve worked too hard to get to where I am and that it’s time for me to re-focus and take back control of my well-being. I’m bound and determined to get back on track and lose those final 20 to 30 pounds.

I’m going to put my fears aside and finish what I started.

Greis (pronounced Grace) is a single, 30 something, Texas girl with an iPhone addiction. She loves her hometown Houston sports teams, Astros Baseball & Texans Football! When she’s not working as an inside sales analyst for a local manufacturing company, you can usually find her on the internet, watching trashy reality television or snuggling her niece, Audrey.  In her spare time she enjoys a good chick flick, reading teenage vampire books (the sparkly kind) and dreaming about what life will be like when she finally wins the lottery. You can read more from Greis on her blog, Amazing Greis.