We are beyond thrilled to have Alice Clayton, published humor erotica author of [amazon_link id="B003AILNS2" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]The Unidentified Redhead[/amazon_link] and [amazon_link id="B00452V84Q" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]The Redhead Revealed[/amazon_link], here today talking about being sexy, curvy, and funny in the bedroom. She’s smart, witty, curvy, and can tell one hell of a sexy story. If you haven’t yet had the chance to read the first two books of her Redhead series, get them now! The third book in the series is due out in Spring 2013, and another standalone book is due out this November. Alice is one of our people; you will love her like we’ve come to love her.
• • •
Hi. I’m Alice. I’m sexy. sucks on banana
I’m also funny. slips on banana peel
Oh yeah, I’m curvy, too. makes 4 loaves of banana bread but keeps 3 for herself
I’m also smart. analyzes nutritional content of banana and socially conscious sources banana to sustainable banana grove in the tropics and a patron of the arts buys banana painting from guy on corner downtown.
That’s a lot of hats to wear. Why don’t we just concentrate on the sexy and funny for now, yes? Great, on we go.
Sexy, Curvy, and Funny
Robert Pattinson once said, “You know, I really like Tina Fey. She is, like, the sexiest woman.” RPatz said it ladies, so let it be written, let it be done. With shows like 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation showcasing funny-ass women and the success of Bridesmaids, I think the era of the funny and sexy woman is here. Not that it hasn’t been here before (see: Lucille Ball through Debra Messing).
I find it ironic that the same week that Rush Limbaugh insinuated himself between a woman and her slutty birth control pills, [amazon_link id="034580404X" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Fifty Shades of Grey[/amazon_link] made the bestseller list. Say what you want about that book, but it made 2012 The Summer of Smut.
As someone who bills herself a comedic erotica author, I say BRING IT. Bring on the smut. But please bring it with a side of funny, and hold the heaving bosoms and ripped bodices. (Bodici? What’s the plural of bodice? If a bodice rips in the woods, does anyone feel it?) I digress.
The scene at the beginning of Bridesmaids when Kristen Wiig is being thrown all over the bed by Jon Hamm is priceless. Not just because it’s funny, but I get the sense that Kristen could totally own his ass. Like, break that guy in bed. She is sexy as all get-out, and fearless, which is a quality I find very sexy. That was a great sex scene, and it was real life. Things didn’t line up, things were missing other things, jiggling was happening, but who cares? Because in the throes, do we care if the cat throws up on the bedroom floor? Nope, we keep on keepin’ on, chasing it down. But we giggle, right?
Giggling during sex is the best; just make sure you are both in on the joke. And that later on, you dodge that pile of cat puke on your way to the bathroom. There’s nothing worse than cold cat food and fur balls squished between your toes when you are still afterglowing.
I asked some of my guy friends about women being sexy and funny, and here’s some of what they said:
“A woman that can make me laugh is a rare find. Not only is it attractive, but it gives me a deeper sense of connection to her.”
“A woman that is funny to me is a women who is quick on her toes and can see life on a multifaceted level. These qualities suggest her intelligence is high and that too is sexy. So in a sense depending on what a person finds humorous, funny is equivalent to smart.”
“I prefer a woman who can banter over one who can hold a room. I want to feel the power of a one-on-one, not a women who thinks she’s working the whole crowd. There’s a difference.”
That last one kills me dead. P.S., they all showed these to their ladies that night, and yeah, they all got some. Well played gentlemen, well played.
I recently read an amazing contemporary romance, [amazon_link id="B006XWY424" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]About Last Night[/amazon_link] by Ruthie Knox. It’s charming, lovely, witty, and very very steamy. The author herself “insists that a decent romance requires at least three good sex scenes.”
Boy is she right about that. I try to inject witty banter into as many of my sex scenes as possible. I really had a great time writing this scene from [amazon_link id="B003AILNS2" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]The Unidentified Redhead[/amazon_link], my first novel. Take a look and see what you think:
“Mmm, Grace. You sure this isn’t affecting you?” he continued, pressing down on me. I almost lost my balance. He pushed me back up against the door, slamming me against the doorbell. I heard it ring out.
“Coming!” I heard Holly say as she clicked across the floor to the front door.
“Not quite, but she’s close,” he chuckled, removing his hand and leaving me breathless and rosy cheeked.
(Want to read more? [amazon_link id="B00452V84Q" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]See me later about a book or two I’d like to sell you…[/amazon_link])
Sex can be funny, and it should be funny sometimes. You can’t take it so seriously. And if you can find a guy who can make you laugh, and then make you come, hopefully repeatedly, you’ve got yourself a winner folks.
I once heard a story about a woman who was very early on in a relationship, when she was still trying to maintain the sexy front. Everything about her was undulating hips and perfect curls thrown over a shoulder at just the right moment. Her head cocked to the side just so, lips always slightly moistened. Erotic personified, right?
This sex kitten never took a bad step, except for the first time she elevated their physical relationship to the…oral level. And she, well…she sneezed. Yep, sneezed at a very inopportune moment and very nearly bit off more than she could chew. After the screaming stopped, her guy admitted it was one of the funniest things that had ever happened to him, and after they laughed themselves right off the bed and onto the floor, he proceeded to rock her world. Repeatedly. Mr. Alice still tells that story…
Now let’s throw a little curvy into the mix. Sexy, funny, AND curvy? More cushin’ for the pushin’. As crass as that sounds, it makes perfect sense though. Who wants to crash their hips into someone that can bruise them? A man just wants a soft place to land, some skin to grab onto before their eyes roll back in their head, so they can find their way back from Idiotville when you make them see God.
So swish that behind ladies, swing those hips! Show him what he can grab onto; he’ll be thrilled that you own your curves. And when you slip and fall on that banana peel, laugh at yourself. Beat them to the punch.
Now I have to go write some more comedic erotic. Go get your giggle on…
sucks on banana again, but then chokes on it until she cries…sputtering, she gives up, and eats the banana
- Alice Clayton is a new novelist with an unholy love for her Kitchenaid mixer. Making her home in St Louis, she enjoys gardening but not weeding, baking but not cleaning up afterwards, and is trying desperately to get her long time boyfriend to make her an honest woman. (Hi sweetie!!)
If you’re into reading that sort of thing, get Alice’s two current (very funny erotica) books, [amazon_link id="1936305062" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]The Unidentified Redhead[/amazon_link] and [amazon_link id="1936305380" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]The Redhead Revealed[/amazon_link].
Like Alice’s (new) Facebook fan page, follow her on Twitter, read her (ghost town) blog, and check out the hilarious podcast that she and her fancy Hollywood actress friends create, Not Your Mother’s Podcast.
photo credits Alice Clayton