We’ve all heard the stories about young people using their phones to send each other illicit photos. They call it “sexting,” and while it’s shocking, it’s easily dismissed by attributing the behavior to youth, inexperience, and a sense of invincibility. It becomes a little harder to comprehend when we start talking about celebrities and politicians with families and successful careers on the line sending wiener pictures to strangers and lovers all over the country.
But again, these are people in positions of power who likely feel like they can get away with anything. What really drives home the point of just exactly how widespread the practice of sexting has become is hearing about the 21-year-old Amish man who was arrested in his buggy after attempting to meet up with a 12-year-old girl he had been sexting from his cell phone.
When even the Amish are sexting, I have to wonder, is everyone doing it (except for me)?
Crowd-sourcing the topic via Twitter brought in some interesting responses. I had hoped to write a balanced piece with both the male and female perspective on sexting, but could not find even one male willing to ‘fess up. The only man who even responded said his sexting isn’t anything scandalous (only to his wife), and he felt creepy/ungentlemanly talking to me about it. I also have to wonder if the recent media attention on sexting has made men more cautious about the behavior.
Women, however, were more than willing to talk about sexting, and some of their responses were quite surprising. The women who responded ranged in age from 32 to 43 and were all married. Most sexted only with their husbands, though a few had multiple sext partners and one sexted with both her husband and her ex-husband. Only one of the women had ever sent a picture of her genitals, though it had occurred prior to her marriage and she admitted to later regretting it immensely. All had received pictures of their partner’s genitals and reactions ranged from, “It made for really good masturbation fodder,” to “I was entertained from laughing that he would send it during a work meeting.”
The women who responded reported that sexting helped to add spice to a relationship, kept partners feeling connected when apart, and made them feel naughty and desired. Many women reported sexting with their partners as an important part of foreplay.
Some of the other interesting insights shared:
“It’s mostly dirty talk. My phone camera sucks so I didn’t text him pictures, but I would take videos and pictures with my point and shoot and email them to him. I would send him illicit texts while I knew he was at work.I loved feeling like I had the power to make him spring a boner whenever I wanted to. I could send him a dirty text while he was at work and know that he was going absolutely crazy. Honestly, it was also a way for both of us to feel superior to his friends’ relationships. His work buddies were getting texts like “What do you want for dinner?” and I was texting him some seriously dirty s$%t.I worried about getting caught, always always always. I had to compulsively check my phone to make sure I’d sent the texts to the right person and not someone random or like my uncle or something. I would almost always immediately delete them as well.I enjoyed sexting when I was dating. It was fun and empowering. Sometimes I feel boring for not doing it any more- like the women I used to make fun of when they would text their men asking what to cook for dinner.”
“We usually send dirty one liners. We’ve done photos but with kids who will sometimes pick up the phone, after one “incident” we usually don’t do that. It makes me feel sexy, wanted, fun, and anticipation for later. I wasn’t afraid of getting caught, until we did by kid and kids friend! Also, accidentally sexted the wrong person (that was a little embarrassing). We delete after sending and have a special hard drive for pictures. Sexting can be a great way to spice up a relationship but really important that it doesn’t get into the wrong hands!”
“Sexting keeps the spark going in our relationship. I don’t worry about getting caught because I only sext with two people and neither of them would ever show anyone. I love sexting with my husband, it really makes foreplay HOT! He tells me what he wants and what he plans to do to me. It really adds spice when we get home.”