I had been dating Gabe for 8 months, and he was my first boyfriend. I’m a Sophomore and he is a Junior and we met at a summer soccer conditioning camp in our town.
Gabe spent pretty much every weekend at my house hanging out in our basement. We have a pool table and Wii, and when my parents finally went to bed, we’d even get a chance to mess around a little. We never had sex, but we did a lot, and even in the heat of things, we’d take sexy pictures of each other with our phones.
It wasn’t to be weird or dirty, I completely trusted him, and when we were apart, we’d send the pictures to each other and wish we were together.
In April, my family took a trip during spring break to Myrtle Beach. We go every year, and even though my parents really liked Gabe, they didn’t feel comfortable letting him come along. I was mad, but it wasn’t like we couldn’t text and chat the phone the whole time.
Two days after I left, I noticed he was being tagged in a lot of pics on Facebook of him at parties with lots of girls, mostly Junior and Senior girls. I asked him about it, but he said he was just hanging out with buddies, and since he didn’t have a car, he had to go where ever they went for the night.
Then a lot of the girls in the pictures started friend requesting me on Facebook. I thought it was weird, since I didn’t really know them super well, but since they were hanging out with Gabe, I figured it wasn’t a huge deal.
My fourth day in Myrtle beach, Gabe stopped responding to my texts. I started getting really mean posts to my Facebook wall from the girls he’d been hanging out with.
Some of them calling me ugly or fat. Some of them saying they’d seen the naked pictures of me on Gabe’s phone and they were all laughing at how disgusting I looked, and how they were going to post them all over Facebook and send them to all their friends.
It was so embarrassing, and I felt helpless, because I was supposed to be having fun with my family at the beach, and instead, I was in tears trying to text Gabe all day, and he wouldn’t respond at all. Not to mention, my parents are both friends with me on face book,which was like the biggest mistake ever, because I feel like I have no privacy on there, but now they were going to read what these girls were posting all over my wall. I tried to remove the posts and block the girls, but they kept using other people’s accounts.
My parents eventually saw what was happening and my mom was crying and my dad was so upset. They were angry with me about the revealing pictures Gabe had of me, but they were more angry at what was happening to me online.
By the time we returned home, my dad had set up a meeting with the school principal, but I was so afraid it would make things worse. Gabe had changed his Facebook status to single, and removed all the pictures of us together in his photo albums. I tried to talk to him at school, but he was always around his friends, and they just laughed at me and called me names like skank or fat, or told me that I smelled.
I was so confused about what happened. I cried at school and I cried at home. I just wanted it all to end. I hated myself for trusting Gabe so much, and I hated my body because of all the bad things they were saying about it. I even considered killing myself because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to be seen as this fat, easy girl because before all this happened, none of those words even crossed my mind when I thought about myself in my head. I wasn’t super pretty or super skinny, but I was OK enough looking, and I played lots of soccer, so I wasn’t really overweight, but my legs were bigger from all the running. And, how could I be a skank if I was still a virgin and Gabe was the first boy I even kissed?
My parents tried to make me get rid of my Facebook page, but we compromised by me making it entirely private and only keeping close friends as contacts, and I also changed my cell phone number.
The principal met with Gabe and the main girls in charge of attacking me online, but they didn’t really get in trouble. They stopped talking to me all together, so I went from being made fun of all the time, to being a social outcast.
I have transferred to a new school for next year. It’s smaller, but I know some of the kids in my grade already from playing soccer, so even though I am going into another year of high school really scared about all this happening again, I’m going to try really hard to control what I put out there about myself, and that includes never, ever taking any revealing pictures of my body, or sexting with guys on my phone.
My dad always says, If you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to respect you?
So, that’s my goal. Respecting and loving myself – regardless of what lame ex-boyfriends and their hateful friends have to say about it.
-Grace, 16 years old, Michigan
I’m so sorry your learned these lessons (guys being jerks, the immaturity of high school students, etc) in such a horrible way. I hope other young women read your story and think twice before they take photos that could be harmful to them. Thank you so much for sharing this, I hope you are proud of yourself for writing this down.
That’s a goal every woman, no matter WHAT their age, ought to have! I hope you meet your goals and that you love your new school!
I’m very, very sorry this happened to you, but I thank you for being brave enough to share it. It’s been about 11 years since I was a teenager myself and it’s hard to always know the challenges and difficulties that go on nowadays with kids your age.
It’s very important for people who go through this sort of thing to make others aware so that hopefully it can be better prevented.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Remember that you are strong, beautiful, and no one, no matter how cool they think you are can take that away from you. Not a guy, not obnoxious girls, no one. This will get better. Take it from someone who has been there.
This makes me so very sad.
I am a high school teacher and while our small school doesn’t have a ton of major bullying? I still see/hear about what goes on via text and facebook.
I try to be very open and frank with my students about having these sorts of conversations, but I know it still goes on.
You are so brave for sharing your story. As heartbreaking as it is, other teens and the parents of teens need to hear this.
I let one boyfriend in college take some questionable pictures of me. When we broke up, he would not give them to me. He told me that he had already thrown them away. They were not digital, but printed outfrom some disposable camera.
To this day, I have to wonder, who else did Josh show those pictures to? What did they say about me? Did he actually throw them away? Will they ever resurface?
My husband BEGS me to take questionable pictures for him. I refuse. What’s the point? Even with my husband, I will not do it. You just never know what can happen if things go wrong.
BTW, Gabe is an asshole. You deserve better, and you will get it. That was a lesson learned the hard way. You will find out in life, that many of us only learn our lessons the hard way (at least that is true for me).
Why does the Internet turn girls into little pixie sociopaths?!
So sorry you had to deal with that. Best of luck with the fresh start. You’ll be okay.
Because a lot of girls are mean anyway, and they can be even more mean (meaner?) behind a computer screen!
If inofrimaton were soccer, this would be a goooooal!
GJENAv tlryitruexyi
JfHWMu thvawmcodxid
Thank you. I’m sorry you went through this and I want to punch that kid in the junk. But I was thinking about sending texts to my bf. Now I’m not. I hate that you are a cautionary tale. But I thank you for it too.
I’m so sorry to hear that people are so awful.
But I promise you that while this seems so big and terrible right now, high school ends up being a pretty small part of life. There is so much more out there after high school.
And you got through something tough and awful. You’re that much stronger for it, and that much further ahead than those mean girls.
And I hope that this year is much more enjoyable for you. You deserve it!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. What a hard lesson to have to learn. Even though I know you won’t forget all the things they said, keep telling yourself how untrue they are. Your ex and his friends are the ones with the problem, not you. There are men who are trustworthy and girls who would never treat another girl like that so don’t stop trusting people. Your goal is a good one and writing it down is a huge step. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope you love your new school. I suspect things will be very different there!
(((Gracie))) Girls can be pretty mean, and boys can be big jerks, huh?? High school was awful for me, girls I had never met, and boys I had never kissed decided to call me a whore, a slut, and spread any rumor they could about me.Thank goodness I was pre- Facebook, but some girls MOTHERS even took to harassing me via IM & phone calls ( really? MOTHERS, ugh, how sad!)
I had a long, lonely 4 years, but I’m here to tell you it gets better. It gets MUCH better!!!! Hold tight to the friendships you do have, and hold your head high & remember that when those 4 years are over, and you are still strong & move on, those nasty people will still be trying to find their own self worth by belittling others. Someday it will click ( probably a long some day away, when you aren’t still hurt) and you’ll be able to just feel sorry for them, and proud of yourself for being more confident & self secure than they could ever wish to be. Hang in there sweet girl, it truly does get better!!!
I shared this because I have several teenage “friends” on Facebook and I want them to be so aware of how bad the world can be. I don’t want it to happen to them (of course), but I do want them to be smart. This is a horrible, hateful thing that happened to you, and I wish it hadn’t, but I thank you for having the guts to share your story and hopefully spare some other girls the heartache.
NO one sets your worth but you. Those girls were just hateful bitches trying to tear you down to build themselves up. This is such a hard lesson to learn, but now that you have you can move forward. You are beautiful and smart and fantastic and don’t let anyone else ever try to steal that away from you.
that coward! when young, girls and boys can change their minds for what the group says. He probably saw as this beautiful girl with whom he could have wonderful time, and not at al as his friends call you. the feeling existed, just he was inmature to handle it.
good luck next time, all experiences make us grow stronger.
(sorry for the mistakes, spanish is my primary language)
Oh honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. High school is hard enough anyway. It sucks to have to learn a lesson like this but I’m so glad you’re telling your story because for some other teenager out there this is going to hit home. I hope this year is SO much better for you.
Grace, you are brave for writing this. You are strong for dealing with it. Chin up. It *will* get better.
Grace, this sucks and I’m sorry it happened to you. I want you to know that depending on where you live, the police may be able to help you. I just prosecuted a bunch of nasty girls for doing the same thing that was done to you, and they’re going to be spending part of their summer doing community service and thinking about what they did.
I wouldn’t survive high school the way it is now. It sounds like you handled it well and I hope you forget all about it by graduation!
Babygirl!!! Gah, I just want to give you a big ole smooshy hug right now. Look, it is hard enough being a teenager, and the internet makes people so brash and brave (and think they can hide behind it!), and I’m sorry it’s affecting you this way.
Women/girls who behave that way are not only lacking confidence in their own bodies, they’re also lacking class. You deserve better in both worlds. Go to your new school confident that you’re a total hottie, and that’s how everyone will see you!
You’ll be better than them in the long run, guarantee it.
I am so sorry Grace! I had a similar situation with mean girls my senior year of high school. No sexting though since we barely had cell phones when I was younger but I so understand the hurt that can be caused by being a bit of an outcast due to a few mean kids. I cried every day.
I really hope that you can get past all of this at your new school. Just remember that you are better than these people. You do not need to even think about them anymore. Live your life! Life does get better and these girls and Gabe will just be a small insignificant memory one day. HUGS!
Holy Hell. I can’t imagine going though that at 44, never mind 16. (I’d like to THINK I’ve amassed some life-coping skills by this age!) You are a survivor (however unnecessarily it came about- it shouldn’t happen!), and sharing your experience will prevent countless others from suffering the same. Thank You for sharing!
It was so incredibly brave of you to share your story (and it is so well-written!) and it will be a source of comfort for many other girls! I am so sorry you had to experience this. Not all guys are like Gabe and I hope you will soon find someone who will treat you as you should be treated!
Grace, I’m so glad you have such loving parents and that you realized you are worth far more than these people have tried to make you feel. Good for you for sharing your story; hopefully it will help some other girls to learn from your mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up about it – we’ve all done things that didn’t turn out like we thought they would. Thankfully it wasn’t worse. Hang in there – I know high school can seem endless and hopeless at times, but it will get better. Hugs!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have two daughters & a third on the way & I’m already so scared of the things that they will have to go through in high school. I hope that I can take stories like yours & teach them valuable lessons from it. The most important being to not be like those awful girls your ex was hanging out with. Be the person in school that everyone likes!
Keep your chin up & don’t let those awful girls bring you down.
I can imagine how difficult it was for you to open up about this but thank you.
Thank you for sharing and helping me learn how to become a better parent.
Thank you, Grace, for sharing this with all of us. I am so very sorry you were hurt and attached the way that you were. This kind of thing makes me worry for the future of my children but I hope to use your story as an example to both of them. I think there are so many lessons here. I love what your father says about respect and I completely agree. I hope to teach my children but to never treat people the way Gabe and his “friends” treated you, as well as to teach them to respect their own bodies and realize the danger of the cyber world we live in. I wish you the very best of luck at your new school and the very best in life, knowing that you obviously are a beautiful person, in spirit and in body.
Grace, I’m sending you a HUGE virtual hug. You are so brave to share your experience and I’ve no doubt that it will help many young people (and their parents).
The world you (and my nephews) are growing up in is so very different from the one I did – it’s scary in ways I’d never have been able to imagine.
Cherish yourself. Put yourself first. You’re on your way to an amazing life.
I am so sorry that all this happened to you. I know first hand that once you fall in love for the first time you trust that boy with your whole world and they have the power to shatter it completely. I hope your story reaches other young girls about sexting and how someone you trust can turn into your worst enemy in a blink of an eye. ((hugs)) Just keep your head held high no matter what, learn from the past, and focus on your future
Thank you for sharing this with us, even though it must have been really hard for you to do. I’m 29 years old and that line about respecting yourself is hitting close to home. Thank you for reminding me that it’s important to stand up for myself, and to love myself – because if I don’t, then who will?
Good luck and keep writing.
I’m so sorry you went through this. However, I’m so glad you’re working on respecting and loving yourself – that’s something many of us still need to figure out. Thank you for warning/reminder of being careful what I put out there to “trusted” people!
Grace, I see these things happen all the time where I work. Well, I guess I should say “in my profession” because I’ve been at three schools in the last 10 years and, though each was different, the problems that you’ve described have been the same. At first, I heard about this when I was a teacher and then I became a high school dean and now I’m a middle school assistant principal.
I tell you all of this to set the stage for what I’m about to say:
Why do you assume (like sooooo many of my students) that the first place to start is your school? If this happened in the summer when school was out, where would you turn for help? I ask this because I’m sure you’re upset that Gabe and the other girls weren’t punished, but schools can’t be responsible for disciplining students for the behavior they exhibit outside of their jurisdiction.
I guess I am wanting to know where Gabe’s parents/guardians were in all this. I want to know how to best approach a parent when their child is bullying mine.
Changing schools may help a bit, but those same behaviors and expectations that boys have of girls won’t change very much. The biggest change you mentioned was having respect for yourself and, now that you are working on it, I’m sure you will be able to stand up to this type of pressure. For that, I am very grateful. You need to do a lot of healing and to forgive yourself.
Honestly, I don’t really expect you to answer all of my questions, because, as a reaction to this behavior, it’s something adults need to think about. Not just schools. Hopefully, we can start having these discussions based on your experiences, because schools just cannot do this alone.
Bullies often have bullies for parents. Kids don’t learn the obsession with popularity at school, they learn it at home, too. The best way to approach a parent who is bullying your child is directly, but it won’t always work. The parent may not want to see it (because their child is an angel) or may not care. The best thing you can do is watch your child carefully and teach them about their own self-worth and be in their corner until your dying breath. (I have a mama bear for a mother, who, the day my little brother came home with bruises he couldn’t explain, started raising hell.)
Although the school can’t do everything, Grace’s parents did the right thing here. Yeah, the incident happened outside of school, and the kids can’t really be “disciplined” per se for it, but her parents can’t watch her at school. It’s best if the school knows what’s going on so that they can make sure she’s safe in the school environment.
Grace – you are a very, very brave girl for sharing your story. I hope that in your new school you find the peace that you deserve.
Grace – Thank you for sharing your story. I know it won’t help much now, but please try to remember that by sharing what you’ve gone through, you will probably make some other girl think twice before she shares anything that could be used to hurt her. That’s such a wonderful, powerful, brave thing you’ve done.
Never, ever let anyone make you feel you’re not beautiful. And never let anyone make you feel you’re not worth having around. You are. You are amazing.
Thank you for sharing this! Good luck this year!
You might be only 16 years old, but I think you just taught a lot of women that are older than you a little something. Not just the dangers of sexting and what you put online. But also what it’s like to have courage and to be strong.
No one should ever have to go through something like this, especially not when you’re that young. But you made it through, and that’s what’s important.
Keep your head up Grace.
You’re beautiful and strong and wonderful. Don’t EVER let anyone tell you anything different.
Thank you for being brave enough to share this story. I am in my thirties and have said MANY times that I am so thankful FB and cell phones did not exist when I was in school. My daughter is only 4 but I plan on saving this and sharing it with her when she is older. Remember to be kind to yourself. I hope you find some terrific new friends at your new school. Don’t let someone else’s bullying/stupidity hold you back.
You are a brave young woman, and I wish many good things for you. As far as Gabe and the mean girls, just remember that karma takes its sweet time, but it visits eventually.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It was a very powerful post, one that I plan to share with my daughter some day. I hope you are doing well.
Oh, Grace, this is a lot to go through in high school. I’m so sorry. Good luck to you at your new school!!
“I’m going to try really hard to control what I put out there about myself, and that includes never, ever taking any revealing pictures of my body, or sexting with guys on my phone.”
Its too bad that your parents or any other older person did not teach you this. Your parents appear to be loving and caring, but I’m just wondering – did either of them have a discussion with you are sexual boundaries when your boyfriend started spending weekends at your home?
Perhaps most parents are not aware of how electronics like cell phones and internet are used for pornography and crossing legal privacy rights boundaries, as most parents did not grow up in the digital age like kids are growing up now – so to have such a discussion with their kids may be something that doesn’t even cross their minds.
That’s such a horrible thing to happen, but unfortunately it’s a risk with online social media. It comes down to education and knowing how to conduct oneself online. Essentially if you don’t know much about the platform you’re using, you can’t really protect yourself and your privacy online. There are social media courses such as http://www.socialmediaeducationgroup.com/ designed to inform you of the capabilities of social media platforms and educate you on how best to conduct yourself online.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will be bookmarking this to show my own kids someday.
Gabe is a douche
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