I remember being fairly young, around 9 years old, when I started noticing that the hair on my legs had grown in thick and heavy and was much more abundant and noticeable than my classmates. I began to be very shy and self-conscious about it, hiding it under thick pantyhose (even during the summertime), as my school uniform only consisted of skirts. It was the first time that I had been embarrassed of the way I looked. I told my mother of my concern, and how I wanted to shave my legs, but she was reluctant. She said that when I reached 11 years old that I could start shaving. Those were the two most embarrassing years of my life.
With girls developing at a faster pace these days, and our society filled with unrealistic ideals of beauty, it’s difficult as a parent to know just when to start helping your child cosmetically. But what age is too young?
Recently, a New Jersey mother was arrested for allowing her six-year-old daughter into a tanning bed. The young girl, Anna, told a school nurse that she received a burn on her leg when she joined her mother in a tanning booth. Patricia Krentcil aka ‘Tanning Mom” is currently being brought up on child endangerment charges. In an interesting and ironic turn of events, a ‘Toddlers and Tiara’s’ stage mom, Mickie Wood, decided to lash out at ‘Tanning Mom’ by saying “Pageant girls are spray tanned to give them a little color,” …”It is in no way, shape or form a mandatory part of pageantry. It is an individual choice each family makes. But let me make one thing perfectly clear, I have never witnessed a family have their child use a tanning bed.” She goes on to say, “That is awful. People for whatever screwed-up reason choose wrong paths for their children and/or themselves. We simply have to do what we can to reach out and help people see that what they are thinking is warped and detrimental to their lives.”
Mickie Wood’s comments raise a question: Is what pageant moms do really any different from what mothers like Krentcil do? Does Mickie Wood have the right to judge what ‘Tanning Mom’ did? What these women have in common is that they are the ones that are initiating and consenting to the cosmetic acts. These mothers are the ones who are, in a way, making their daughters feel less than if their make up is not painted on, or their skin is not dark enough. The underlying message here is that if their young daughters had (insert cosmetic procedure here) done, only then will they be beautiful and worthy. News Flash: At the end of the day, all that a little girl wants is her mother’s approval, not a tan.
There is an alarming trend which started a few years back called ‘Virgin Waxing’. Supposedly, if you begin waxing a preteen’s legs or pubic area before she reaches puberty, you can stop the hair growth before it starts. A mother who takes her daughter for a ‘Virgin Bikini Waxing’ may claim that she is doing it to help prevent future hair growth for her daughter, but in reality what is she really teaching her? The thought of giving a young child a pubic waxing disturbs me deep to the core. Why is this becoming OK in our society? By agreeing to take your daughter to get a virgin waxing, you are stating that you are fine with her becoming sexualized before her time.
I believe there is a fine line between forcing a child to have something done cosmetically for a parent’s own selfish, vanity filled reason, and a young preteen who is self conscious about the hair between her eyebrows. Children can be mean, and being constantly bullied and ridiculed because of a hairy upper lip can make a young child feel embarrassed and isolated. It is our jobs as parents to be able to determine just when the right time is to allow our children to alter their looks cosmetically (with our help of course!). What we truly need to do is to allow them to enjoy their childhood, without beauty hang ups- after all, they have the rest of their lives for that.
Great post from a lot of points of view. I could not agree more about the virgin waxing issue. So very wrong.
On the other hand, I also remember being embarrassed about my leg hair at the age of 10. I didn’t have a lot but I still didn’t like it. I snuck razors out of the cabinet and shaved (cutting myself hellaciously in the process!) because I couldn’t stand it anymore. I absolutely believe when my little girl comes to me and wants to shave I will calmly discuss with her why and if she’s feeling like that I will teach her and guide her as to how to do it. I don’t want her to feel that way and I want her to know it’s also okay to want to take care of your body.
I was in 5th grade when a female classmate yelled ” EW!! LOOK AT THE HAIR ON YOUR LEGS!” as I was pulling up my white tights. Until that moment, the leg hair never bothered me. That night I asked my mom if I could shave and she said I was too young. That summer while playing with a group of friends, a boy I had a crush on shouted ” YOU HAVE HAIRY ARMPITS!!” in front of everyone and their mother. I was mortified. I went home, hid in the bathroom and against my mothers wishes shaved my armpits and my legs. When she asked if I’d been shaving, I replied ” No.” I know she knew better, but never said anything more to me about it. So when my daughter began getting hairy legs and armpits I took her into the bathroom and showed her how to shave. She too was in the 5th grade. I did not want her to endure the scars that I did because of the incidents I faced when I was her age.
I was very embarrassed by leg hair as well. When my mom realized I was planning on not attending a birthday party because it involved water and I was embarrassed by my leg hair, she shaved them for me and continued to do so until I was old enough to do it myself. I was in the 4th grade and even now thinking of the compassion my mom showed me puts a lump in my throat.
I have a sister who is 7 years older than me, and I wanted to be just like her. So of course, I started shaving my legs on the sly when I was younger. When my mom figured it out, she bought me an electric razor I could use, and then she didn’t have to worry about me nicking an artery or something (don’t laugh, I’m very accident proned).
The point is to not embarrass our children, but understand the fine line between vanity and basic grooming.
I remember back in middle school a friend of mine was “forbidden” by her mother to shave her legs till she reached HIGH SCHOOL! One day I remember the boys making fun on her hairy legs in capris. She was so upset! I later went home and told my mom about my friend, and she was furious at my friends mom for putting her daughter threw that. My personal opinion is elementary is a bit young but middle school, if it’s noticeable then it’s time to teach your daughter how to shave.
I remember my first time shaving my legs I told nobody not my mom or older sister. I tried to do it on my own and ended up with razor burn galore!!! So bad!! Lol
I remember when I wanted to start shaving my bikini area: I’d been at a pool party, and one of the other girls was made fun of by some mean girls because she didn’t shave and some of her pubes were visible. She was mortified and I simultaneously felt bad for her and terrified that mine were perhaps visible, as the thought of shaving them had never occurred to me before. I told my mom about it and she said that whenever I wanted to, I could shave that area, however I felt comfortable. I was 13 – I’d already been shaving my legs and armpits (on the rare occasions that I thought of it), but my bikini area had NEVER OCCURRED to me. (Probably because there wasn’t that much there to concern myself with, lol.) But I underscore that because I think that girls SHOULD still be that innocent at 13. I am not at all in support of virgin waxing. It bothers me for many reasons.
With something like shaving, I think it’s very important to be aware of the messages one is sending, the messages one’s child is receiving elsewhere, and how the child is reacting. I was in 6th grade when somebody said to me in the locker room “geez, you could at least shave your legs.” I was perplexed for a moment because I didn’t even know that was a thing people did – my mom has never shaved her legs. I ignored the idea for a while, and first tried shaving when I was 14, hoping my knee-socks would stay up better. Even though I experienced similar peer pressure as what’s been recounted, the fact that shaving didn’t even exist in my world as a thing women did made my reaction an emotionless “huh?” I don’t know how or if things would have been different if my mom shaved, which is why I think it’s important to have a rationale for your own behavior that supports the right kind of attitude. If I have a daughter, I would want to communicate to her that I enjoy the silky smooth-shaven feeling, and it’s sometimes more comfortable in the summer, but there’s nothing dirty or less beautiful about having hair on the legs.
I think makeup and spray bronzer would fall into a similar category – talk to them about it when they bring it up and frame it the right way. “Virgin waxing” makes me go ick, and I probably wouldn’t allow it, but IF the child is already aware and is the one to bring it up… I could see how some people might make a different choice. But I think putting a child in a tanning bed is definitely across the line, beause young skin is actually more vulnerable to UV damage. Rates of skin cancer are highly correlated with the number of sunburns received in childhood and adolescence.
I started shaving my legs in the 6th grade but I had to use an electric razor. My mother didn’t let me use a regular razor until I was in high school. Sometimes I wish I still use an electric razor – I cut myself every time I shave, lol.
I was just thinking today, while at the pool with my almost 15 year old and 10 year old stepdaughters, about shaving legs and elsewhere. The older one has been shaving her legs for a while now, I can’t remember when her mother first let her shave her legs. I was looking at all the other teens at the pool and was thinking, “wow, I never shaved my bikini area when I was that young.” I didn’t shave my bikini area for the first time until I was in college. Of course, when I was a teenager, I never wore a skimpy little bikini so there wasn’t a need to shave down there. I couldn’t believe how small some of the bikinis were that I saw.
God, I +wish+ virgin waxing had been a thing when I was a kid. Would have saved me loads of time and trouble as an adult.
How the hell do you even tell your daughter about a virgin wax?
“Honey, when you get older, you’ll notice all guys like women to look like porn stars, so to save you the time and trouble of shaving your vagina, I’m gonna take you to a complete stranger every 3 weeks so they can wax it for you before you even know what pubic hair is! Yay!”
Complete bullshit.
Also, I see nothing wrong with a girl as young as 11 to want to shave her legs. I think I’d prefer to start my daughter with an electric razor until she gets a little older and I can trust her to shave with a real razor.
When I was in 6th grade, my mom casually mentioned what “that white stuff on her upper lip” was for. She had noticed I had haphazardly tried to shave my embarrassing girlie mustache. She did it in a way that opened up the topic of body hair, since I was clearly aware and didn’t like my upper lip hair, without further embarrassing me.
At that point, we had “the talk” about shaving and or waxing different parts of the body.
She kindly began to take me to get my uni-brow waxed, and bought me the supplies to nair off my mustache.
This is also when I decided I wanted to shave my course-haired, very hairy legs. So she taught me how.
My mom was great and supportive, and if I ever have a daughter I would do the same.
For now, I’m waiting to see how my son reacts when his uni-brow starts to darken and show more dominantly on his precious face…
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