Recovering Skinny B*tch

by Be Heard on August 2, 2013

in Bullying, Girl Talk, Self & Body

Hi. I’m Amber.

I’m a recovering Skinny Bitch. And by recovering, I mean, I live shakily in a tipsy world choosing whether to be a kind, open human being or a bite-your-head-off, snarky asshole.

skinny bitch pic

I’m 5’1”. I weigh 135 pounds. I’m a size 6, unless it’s winter and my workouts have taken a hit, then I slide into a size 8 for comfort. I’m not your typically proportioned Skinny Bitch, but I manage to slide under their fat girl radar. (And by fat, I mean anyone over a size 4)

I’m little by everyone else’s standards. I’m considered athletic and confident too. But, to me, I’m self-conscious, comparably lesser, and, in tough times, self-loathing. Those ingredients combine in my flesh and you’ve got one deranged bitch on your hands. So messed up, I turn on other girls who are bigger, smaller, shorter (very rarely), and taller than me in attempts to feel better about my uncomfortable self.

The Skinny Bitch Syndrome I’ve got does most of its damage to me. Not immediately just like those six chocolate cookies I am inhaling. It all feels good, until I’m alone. Then, I wish I had more self-control over what goes in and what comes out of my mouth. The bitchiness exits my mouth pretending to be witty snark and it’s effects are far more devastating than the empty calories I consume. All those childhood sayings that having nothing good to say means I shouldn’t say anything at all, went unheeded.

I’ve attended many a social event. Doing so involves hours spent getting ready, trying on a dozen outfits, hating my thick, wavy hair, and redoing my make-up until my raw eyes are unmistakable. All this fuss to show up and fall short. Everyone else looks adorable, comfortable, and to be enjoying the evening. I feel awkward, frumpy, chunky, and lacking confidence. So I do what all Skinny Bitches do: I launch my attack. It begins with the “big” girls moves onto the “anorexic” ones and I usually close my night with a fair dose of Haterade on the rest who didn’t fit into a category of my weight-based binary.

I’ve called girls fat. I’ve reduced them to a number (that was far higher than their actual weight). I’ve pointed fingers at cheap clothes. I’ve rolled my own two eyes at bad jokes, uneducated thoughts, and bad manicures. I went so far once, to hate on a girl for her poorly maintained brows. (If only she could see mine now)

My Skinny Bitch split-brain managed without guilt until a few weeks ago. After realizing the venomous quality of my words, I gave up talking shit for a month. At the same time, Brittany wrote about equating body image to new shoes. And I thought, “I love shoes and so does she. Maybe she’s got something going here.”

Shortly after her post I attended a birthday party for a friend I’ve known as long as I can remember. She’s one of four (skinny and beautiful) sisters. I am younger than their youngest by mere months. We sat and talked and giggled like old times. The iPhones came out -time for Instagram documentation-, I looked chubby in all of the pictures. We talked summer diets and bikini bodies which left me feeling ugly and unmotivated. Don’t even mention dinner portions. The Skinny Bitch in me reared her ugly head as I scanned the local vicinity for fodder.

“Look girl, there’s a 300-pounder.”

“Easy target: the THICK one.”

“Curves, girl please, those are rolls. And not of the buttery biscuit kind.”

Oh, that Skinny Bitch screamed inside of me. But, I’d taken a fast. Brittany spoke to me in that moment, she said, “Go get that new pair of shoes, girl. They’ll be far more comfortable than those four rigid pairs you’re pretending to love right now.” I heard her.

I chose to deny the Skinny Bitch in turning over a new, more friendly leaf. I excused myself from the beautiful, skinny girl group and stopped by the ladies’ room. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I realized my mission: befriend women instead of berate them.

Rosie, as I’ll so lovingly call her, was beautiful. And completely self-conscious. And so used to being victimized by skinny bitches that she lived with a chip on her shoulder and a scowl on her face. Underneath that tough exterior was a woman whose deep-seated faith had her worried daily about serving others in new and unique ways. She longed to blend in, but knew the work she was doing begged her not to –a challenge she’s learning to embrace.

Her friend, and social life raft, was Jill. Also gorgeous, filled with a heart for adventure and service. She left a career she knew inside and out to seek something new and different and more interesting to her. Her heart is in Africa where she once spent months embracing little village children, a place she longs to return. She wants a marriage and a love story, but can’t imagine giving up her missionary work, so she waits until she meets her life’s passion reflected in one fleshy, hunk of a man.

Sure, she isn’t a size 2, but who is these days?

In my humble opinion, these women do have more to love. Not because of their size, but because of who they are. They aren’t getting by just on looks –like I try to; they’ve also got amazing, well-intentioned, inspirational personality.

I am a recovering skinny bitch. With enough social discomfort, those skinny bitch thoughts surface. Lately, I’ve transformed them. I turn them into something positive by pursing that girl I so deeply want to criticize out of my own lame-ass self-esteem. Though it’s socially challenging and, sometimes, awkward, these overwhelmingly beautiful women make my life all the richer.

At the end of the day, Brittany was right. The shoes were a hell of a lot more comfortable.

Amber Thomas is the Mrs. and head (read: only) blogger over at Mr. Thomas & Me. She’s a small town girl with big city dreams, a heart for God and family, with a whopping side of sarcasm. Nestled in sunny southern California with her college sweetheart turned husband and spoiled puppy dog, Amber is either running, eating, writing, or making a ruckus. She’s working to retire her self-righteous childhood faith while learning to fit comfortably into her new -and beautiful- progressive, God-loving worldview. The moral of her story: love wins. Yours, mine, and His. 
 
Didn’t get enough of her just yet? Find Amber here too: Blog || Twitter || Facebook || Instagram || Email || Telegraph
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Jenny August 2, 2013 at 9:08 am

Wait, are you making these “300 pounder” comments out loud? Adults do that? Call me naïve but I honestly didn’t know that was a thing. I am curvy, I compare myself to basically every girl I come into contact with, and sometimes I enjoy feeling like I look better, or smaller, but I cannot even imagine saying something out loud. I didn’t know people did that after high school. Wow.

Amy August 2, 2013 at 10:38 am

She said her INNER skinny bitch was screaming those things. No, she did not say them out loud.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 11:16 am

Jenny,

Not out loud this time. Previously, yes. Shamefully, yes. Disgustingly, yes. At 24-years-old, you’d think I have my shit together, but I don’t. Thankfully, it’s a lesson learned at 24 and not 34… To save myself a decade of missed opportunities.

The currency of our culture is comparison much like the card game War. Daily I’m fighting to leave that need to be better, thinner, stronger, funnier behind and working towards a girl who thrives on new friendships and different perspectives regardless of the body they come with. Because really, what’s our weight got to do with it?

Thank you for reading.

alicia August 2, 2013 at 9:18 am

Love this. It is so awesome to see that no matter what we have got going on the outside, chances are we are all uniquely beautiful and equally awkward on the inside.

Thanks for sharing your journey.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 6:43 pm

“Changes are we are all uniquely beautiful and equally awkward on the inside.”

Yes Alicia. Yes. (as I pump my fist excitedly over my head)

The packaging might look different, but we’ve all got emotional and psychological baggage to mess us up… And, the challenge of life seems to be what we do with it. This happens to be the part I chose to take. (Much thanks to Brittany indeed!)

Audra August 2, 2013 at 9:54 am

On so many levels, I am just like Amber. Hating myself for not being a just barely 4 but a puffed up 4. I hate pictures of myself and would never wear a bikini, until Brittany made me realize how incredibly dumb I was being.
Thank you for including Amber’s post.

Brittany August 2, 2013 at 10:05 am

Absolutely. I know it’s a change from the norm here. But I think we have to address all sides of this issue. Body hate and women hate, changing the flow of discourse is what matters, and it’s all well and good that I preach body love until I’m blue in the face, if women can’t relate to my end of things, it falls on deaf ears.

Bringing in a different perspective from “across the aisle,” was something I thought was important.

Lizzy August 2, 2013 at 6:09 pm

I thank you as well, Brittany. I was just like Amber (down to the measurements and age) until I started reading your blog. It truly changed my life, and it is extremely sobering to see what I once was written down. Thank you for this post, and thank you for everything you do.

Miss-E August 2, 2013 at 10:24 am

Thanks for this post. I’ve never understood this “us” and “them” mentality when it comes to anything. Sure, I’ve been critical of others, and I’ve also been the butt of criticism and snarky comments. I’ve always seen this vitriol as pain – a person’s inner turmoil that has nothing to do with me. It’s rarely about someone feeling/being better than me, but feeling worse about themselves. When we realize this, it opens a door to be kinder to others who are cruel to us, and when that happens, many times I find, I get kindness back.

Love this. Thanks Amber and Brittany.:)

Dawn August 2, 2013 at 10:32 am

WHY??? Why why why do we do this to ourselves?

It was actually a bit of a relief to read something like this and know I’m not alone with this ridiculous way of thinking. Thank you, again, Brittany for this much needed reminder from Amber that we’ll be so much happier once we learn to love ourselves for the amazing, beautiful women we are. And most of all, being cruel to our “sisters” won’t accomplish anything other than making us feel even more petty and worse about ourselves.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 1:53 pm

Why, oh why? Oh why?

It’s hideous and ugly and unbecoming on all fronts. So who taught us this was any shade of okay? It’s not, but until we talk about it openly, (somewhat) uncomfortably, and honestly, we aren’t going to be able to change those cultural tides.

Thank you for engaging, for reading, and for being relieved. Because, really, I feel that same relief in my heart. It’s a beautiful thing to be honest about my Before. And I’m proud, excited, and working constantly for my After. For months I set in a puddle of guilt and shame (rightly so!) over the foul words that I’ve let escape my lips, until I realized there’s decades ahead of me to fight the comparative ways of our culture… And so, the war begins!

Jamie August 2, 2013 at 10:36 am

While I’m shocked she and the “skinny friends” were still (at their age) quite so mean to other people OUT LOUD of all things. I mean we all think nasty thoughts given the right environment but to verbalize them is something else. I do admire her for bravely writing this out and submitting it to an author who’s fan base would probably give anything BUT positive feedback. It takes courage to admit you’re being a bitchy person and a lot of work to not be nasty. I think as women we are mean to each other, and by being mean to each other we teach our men/boys it’s ok to think these thoughts about women as well. Thanks to both of you for putting this out there for people to read/discuss!

Amber August 2, 2013 at 11:23 am

Jamie,

This time the words were internal, not external. Before they’d have been whispered so disgustingly pretending to be nothing more than a few words -though we all know the better. Unfortunately, our culture finds comfort in being “better” (obviously defined in many ways)… But for what end?

I am blessed to have learned this lesson at 24. Though I should have my shit together by now and I should understand the damage words do (because, yes, it’s been done to me), I chose to be ignorant. Thankfully, Brittany and the community of readers here has confirmed that beauty is internal, not-so-much physical, and all kinds of radiant regardless of how well we “fit” the cultural norms of which we’ve all been inundated.

Thank you for reading. And for being open to the conversation. It’s not easy to be vulnerable, but it is damn rewarding!

Kristi August 2, 2013 at 11:17 am

As a life long chubby girl who heard the insults from everyone, including my own grandmother, I loved getting to hear from one of the name callers. My age has nearly always corresponded with my dress size – rough for a teenager. My mom always used to tell me that the mean kids only called me names so they’d feel better about themselves…. but part of me never really believed it until now.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 1:48 pm

Kristi,

I’m sorry on behalf of the mean girls. And I’m sorry for the way that I added to and prolonged that hate even if it wasn’t directly to you. It’s so ugly to think about the way my words have done damage to others and, while I can’t take them back, I can begin a new conversation about how all us girls can work together to feel better about ourselves -big, small, short, tall.

Every single one of us truly IS beautiful, but we’ve all been told otherwise by one person, one magazine, one TV show, or another… And somehow, it’s those ugly, mean-spirited words that remain ingrained in our minds.

deb August 2, 2013 at 11:24 am

What I’ve never understood is why do people even CARE what someone ELSE looks like/ weighs/ believes/ whatever? I sure don’t. Be fat, be skinny, be religious, be agnostic, be blonde or brunette, a flip flop lover or stiletto fan, stay at home mom, working mom….. WHO GIVES A FUCK?

It makes NO IMPACT on my life whatsoever what anyone else does in that respect. Wear a size 4. awesome. I’ll be chugging here away in my size 20 and perfectly okay with it. Wear a size 28. fantastic. I’ll still be chugging here in my size 20. Your size has NOTHING to do with MY self value.

How pathetic are the lives (and most likely self esteem) of those passing judgement (whether in their head or aloud)?

If the worse thing someone can throw at me is ‘OMG- look how fat she is’ – and thats the ONLY thing you have against me… GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn’t high school anymore, stop acting like it is.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Deb,

I can’t explain why someone else’s looks effect me because, really, they don’t. I can say, yes, who gives a fuck? Now, I don’t. But at one point in my life, I did. Thankfully I’m young and have years to work on my own (lacking) self-esteem while investing myself in changing the way women look at and treat each other.

Your size doesn’t change your value, or mine. Turns out, my size isn’t my value either. Unfortunately, for some, we don’t learn that as children and we must as adults -as is the case with me. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say my life is pathetic, I would say my actions in those insecure moments are.

Life’s about recognizing one’s short comings and learning to grow beyond them. This has been a part of that story for me. You’re so right, we aren’t in high school anymore; but really, this isn’t okay there either. Everyone deserves respect, kindness, and authenticity regardless of size… So now, we figure out how to teach that to our younger generations while practicing it our very selves.

Laura August 2, 2013 at 11:41 am

I used to be a skinny bitch on the inside but I wouldn’t dream of saying that mean shit outloud. Sorry but no sympathy here. You have a lot of growing up left to do.

Dawn August 2, 2013 at 11:58 am

Which she has openly admitted.

Lizzy August 2, 2013 at 6:05 pm

She knows that. Did you read the article?

Amber August 2, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Laura,

You are so right, there is more growing for me to do. I choose to share my journey of personal growth online in case it inspires change in another woman or even a younger generation, just as Brittany has done for me.

The words were inside my thick head this time… Though they’ve been shared out loud before. They’re ugly regardless and not worthy of sympathy, something I don’t want or expect. Instead, I want for women to realize, regardless of what the number on the scale, we’ve all got issues we’re working through so why not share in the process with honesty and vulnerability, then turn on one another in a crazed, hate fest.

Ellie August 2, 2013 at 11:52 am

The journey is always an interesting one no matter where on the spectrum you fall. We all have our own, and sometimes it takes a brick thrown at our heads to put us back on the right path. Kudos to you, Amber, for offering up yours.

The bigger picture here is the self-loathing. For some reason it’s so easy for a lot of us to fall into the mindset that we are less of a person because of some snide remark or some silly something or another you read in a magazine or heard on TV. It’s amazing that one little thing can set us off on a downward spiral of self hate when the people you love and love you the most tell you every day that you are smart and beautiful and amazing. For me, it was a discussion about Jennifer Aniston back from when I was in college in 1995 or so. I am often compared to her because we look similar. There was some gossip show on TV and the commenter made a remark that she was fat by Hollywood standards at a size 6. Damn. I was a size 6 at that time. Never mind that I was a very fit size 6. I swam at the collegiate level and was a very muscular 140. But in my mind I was fat. Did I live in Hollywood? No. Was I a television star? No. Was I being judged by Joan Rivers? Nope. Was Brad Pitt my boyfriend? Ha! Not even close! Now I am a size 10 at 151 pounds and I’m 5’3″ and some days it’s still a struggle to believe my husband that I am beautiful and desirable. I’m far better than I was years ago because I have learned a few things since then.

Today, I view all of this from a perspective that is quite different. I am a massage therapist. I see naked people nearly every day. I touch naked people every day. When they are on the table, in my mind, they are a complex network of muscle, joints, bones, and skin. Holding all of that together is their inner spirit. My hands see only that. It’s amazing how much energy the body gives off. I can tell where the person is with their mood. I can tell how relaxed they are with their body. I can read into their personalities. These are all things that they offer up themselves through their spirit and body. They don’t even have to talk. I don’t judge. I couldn’t do what I do if I did.

What I have observed over years of being a massage therapist, is that it tends the thinner people who are the most self-conscious. They will make comments about their body, even apologizing for it. They will call themselves fat. They will comment about how they hate certain body parts or will want me to work crazy deep to the point of causing intense pain and they say they like it. Sometimes I feel like I am participating in their own sick form of self-harming (this is VERY rare, but has happened). I cannot tell you how sad that makes me. Beautiful women who think they are disgusting and ugly and worthless. It radiates off of them. They are fooling nobody.

The human body is a beautiful thing. It is our own uniqueness that makes us beautiful. Our inner spirit shines though that body. The most beautiful people are those that can offer up that spirit with love – no matter what their body looks like. We are at our most beautiful when we learn to love who we are on both the inside and the outside. Self-CONFIDENCE radiates off the body, too.

Stray thought… Isn’t it amazing that we are all human beings, but all so different? How many millions of us are there on the planet? And it’s only a few who are genetically identical. Shouldn’t we celebrate that uniqueness instead of trying to fit a certain often-unattainable mold of what we think we should be?

Be yourselves. Love yourselves. Do not compare yourselves to others. Live your own journey and learn the lessons you need to to be comfortable in your own skin. Learning to accept yourself and others with non-judgmental love is a great place to start.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 1:40 pm

Amen, Ellie, Amen.

Girl, I couldn’t imagine looking like Jennifer Aniston and being compared to her… It’s amazing how those connections are so easily made by others and then made into a jail for our own psyche. Like, since I resemble her, I must keep her proportions, her beauty habits, and so on.

“The most beautiful people are those that can offer up that spirit with love – no matter what their body looks like. We are at our most beautiful when we learn to love who we are on both the inside and the outside.” – You have hit the nail on the head here… It’s so simply said, but so difficult to live out, especially in our body-obsessed culture. Unfortunately, I subscribed to so many of those “rules” and “thoughts” about what a body says about the spirit inside of it… Something I wish I’d learned sooner, but I’m thankful for now. Beauty IS made up of those things that connect us to one another, be them love for God, for food, for family, for make-up, for others, for sports, and the list goes on…

I once heard someone say, you can’t love others before you truly love yourself… And, at the time, it didn’t mean a whole hell of a lot, but now, I realize the truth there. As immature and unbecoming as it is, low self-esteem is poison to my heart that comes spewing out my loose lips. I’ve traded in my misdirected bitchiness to an awe for others regardless of their shape, size, beliefs, family, etc. We’ve all got a story and why not share them, love them, and embrace our similarities AND our difference.

And a stray thought for your stray though: It blows my mind some days that we can look at dogs, cats, birds, horses, and see that there are so many different makes and models, but then we look at ourselves (which really is another species in the animal kingdom) and expect every human to look the same.

Caroline August 2, 2013 at 2:11 pm

I think that you struck on something that should be included in all the discussions/rallies/movements regarding bullying lately. We have focused so much on the kids getting bullied, we haven’t asked “how much does a kid have to hate himself that he has to torture another kid to feel better?” We should be helping and supporting the bullies as much as we do the kids getting bullied. We should be teaching empathy and instilling a sense of self-worth into all children, so we don’t get to adulthood and realize we’ve been skinny bitches, or whatever you want to call it :)

Amber August 2, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Caroline,

You are so spot on here. So spot on. As a child, I learned (not from my mom, but throughout my years in school) that the popular girls are the ones who eat others up and spit them out in blubbering messes. My little brother is in elementary school and going to campus you see that it’s so encouraged by some mothers, teachers, school staff and that simply terrifies me for my (future) children… The woman-on-woman gendercide has to stop, but it seems it needs to start at the roots -with our daughters.

Respect, empathy, and self-worth are key… And I forgot them for several years. Thankfully, a wake-up call arrived at age 24 which gives me a much needed perspective change before raising my own children. :)

Jeanette August 2, 2013 at 3:36 pm

My question is not just why do we do this to ourselves. Its why do we do this to each other?

I have to admit Amber, your post made it hard for me to like you. It made me wary of you, distrutful. I’ve been called all kinds of names by people both bigger and smaller than you when I was just minding my own business.

I am pretty tall, and big at 180 pounds, I wear a size 12 sometimes 14. Ive been a lot fatter. Ive been spit on, told I was ugly and probably worst of all been made to feel invisible.

Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to your youth. I think your post took courage. That being said, I am also 20 years older than you and my perspective is a lot different. I care a whole lot less about what people think of me and a whole lot more about what I think of other people.

Insecurities do not give you the right to be cruel to your fellow humans.

Lizzy August 2, 2013 at 6:04 pm

I believe the entire point of this article is that she has realized this to be true, regrets her behavior, and is trying to change her attitude and better herself. I don’t think she needs further berating.

Jeanette August 2, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Lizzy,

I am not berating anyone.

Amber August 2, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Jeanette,

Your points capture the meaning behind this post. Insecurities absolutely do not give anyone the right to be cruel to others regardless of their size. In fact, I’d go so far as to say insecurities might be what should drive us to lean into those relationships with others who are different than us… Those people might just see potential in us that is invisible to our self-loathing eye -just as Brittany did to me here.

Thanks for the benefit of the doubt, though I don’t expect you to love my hurtful past -I don’t love it myself- I do hope you’ll know some of us, mean girls, can snap out of our hate-filled mindset and grow into kinder, genuinely sweet women.

My youth surely leaves me at an experiential disadvantage, but it’s also my youth that affords me many years to practice what I’m now preaching -a genuine interest in others regardless of size, an honest respect for the way God made each of us different, and grace for my imperfections. Though it won’t look perfect and I’ll slip up many a time, I also have decades to enjoy this new-found perspective… Decades that, I hope, are filled with beautiful, diverse women who will enrich my life.

Jeanette August 2, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Amber,

Well said. I appreciate your thoughtful, and articulate response.

Danielle August 2, 2013 at 7:54 pm

I wonder if Amber is still happy that she shared……? I think it is exceptionally judgemental to jump on a bandwagon and call someone an AWFUL person because they have had bad and/or negative thoughts about someone else. It could be because of their intelligence, IQ, level of wealth, style of clothing, sexual orientation, weight, attractiveness, hygiene level, political orientation, religious views, etc. To jump on someone who is OPENLY admitting her shortcomings is VERY hypocritical!! To every single person who has come out ‘shaming’ Amber – please review you life, your thoughts and your words – I feel that surely you have said or thought something MEAN about someone in your life. And to Amber – I think you are what we all should be….growing, all the time, losing your insecurities and every day becoming a better version of yourself… KUDOS

Amber August 5, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Danielle,

Somehow, (miraculously I must admit) I haven’t felt attacked, but engaged with. And that was the whole point of this, was to start a new rabbit trail of the women’s body consciousness conversation. I’m so thankful that woman have come, it’s resonated in some way with their lives and they are bringing their point of view to the conversation. Sure, it’d be nice for us all to agree, but then life would be so damn boring. Instead, we’ll come, we’ll interact, and we’ll leave with a new perspective (and, for me, that’s happened).

I realize that I jump, too. So I expected to be jumped on a bit and, weirdly, I felt comfort knowing we can all identify traits we don’t like in others. Quite thankfully, I couldn’t agree more with the people who don’t like bitchiness because, now, I don’t either. While it appears to be an attack, I realize that at the heart of the heated-ness, we’re on the same page, on the same side, and I’m just a traitor trying to illustrate the way our hearts, minds, and souls change with time; that the unbecoming traits that once characterized us, aren’t forever stuck, but can be transformed into something new and much more beautiful.

Christi August 4, 2013 at 1:52 am

Amber, girl, I have a confession.

Skinny bitch does not only come in skinny forms. As a “300 pounder”, I’ve been called everything, given the side eye, and had people outright take pictures of me while I put veggies in bag because I was trying to eat healthier. I’ve had people condescendingly pat me on the arm while on the treadmill, already self concious because I’m walking the speed of turtles hurdling through peanut butter.

BUT, and that’s a big but (no pun intended, although I did expel a girlish giggle when I read that. Lame, much?) I have to admit, I’ve said things myself. To other women, internally and out loud. I once told a skinny girl to go eat a damn steak because she was on my last nerve, walking around like she owned the joint, all skinny and stuff.

There, I said it.

My point is, we almost ALL have skinny bitch inside us when we are uncomfortable and feeling like the awkward friend. We’re not all nice and totally loving because we’re big, and we’re not all beasts because we’re skinny. It’s hard to ignore that jerk inside us who rears her ugly head when we are feeling less than beautiful.

I applaud you for admitting it, and good on ya for your continued efforts to tell that mean hooker in your head to chill out when things get awkward. Although I’m a way better person than I was when I told that tiny girl to eat a steak ten years ago, I still have less than stellar moments when I’m feeling like this totally hot outfit I put on earlier actually makes me look like that video in the 90′s where Missy Elliott wore her garbage bag (girl rocked it, I would look like a putz). You’re definitely not alone in your skinny beast syndrome, big or small. We all need to be nicer to each other, because we all have faults.

Let’s go sing kumbaya or something.

Ally August 5, 2013 at 8:20 am

THANK YOU! Thank you for someone acknowledging that it’s on BOTH sides of the weight-fence! THANK YOU!

I am barely hovering on the “normal” BMI, usually underweight, naturally skinny product of two naturally thin parents, no bust, no ass, no curves…I spent my entire formative years being told by my peers to eat something (I ate a ton), asked if my bathroom runs were to puke (because surely you can’t be thin unless you have an eating disorder), excluded from mall trips because my friends didn’t want to shop with me, hearing all the jokes about flat chests, called everything from a stick to a boy to a “skinny bitch” and worse….and for Godsakes, I was just trying to get changed in the gym locker room as quickly and inconspicuously as possible. At 28, I still have my newsfeed on facebook flashed full of “Real men love curves, only dogs like bones” and who hasn’t seen the new group “Curvy Girls Rock! F*** Skinny Girls”…well, f*** me then. Thanks. Why are we friends on this site again?

Look, we all hate our bodies. Society makes us ALL feel like we will never measure up. And granted, some skinny girls might have said some really horrible things to a curvy girl in her lifetime. But that NEVER gives the curvy girl a right to go around putting down a skinny girl. Because you know how it feels, you should have a little empathy. Because all you’re teaching is hate, and perpetuating this Body Dysmorphic self loathing that all women seem to have (yet we think can’t possibly be suffered by any female “across the aisle”.)

To every Skinny Bitch and Fat Bitch, and every girl in between spewing this hate, to me, you’re just a Bitch. Shame on you. Take a lesson from Amber, and see a person for who they are. Not their clothes size.

Amber August 5, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Christi,

How did you know that Kumbaya is my favorite song? Seriously, I sang it fireside with my dad growing up and it’ll forever be deeply precious to my heart. I’d gladly add you to that emotional tie.

I love you and your BIG BUT, because, whether we want to admit it or not, we’ve all got one. Mine was, I’m skinny BUT I’m self-conscious and that makes my skinny so irrelevant because I’m so damn uncomfortable in my own skin I act ugly. Then, Brittany. And now it’s more like, I’m skinny and self-conscious about one thing or another, BUT I know other women in the room have similar issues, so let’s band together and soak in the beautiful things we share. Oh, how different the world would look… Or at least cocktail hour before dinner would… :)

Girl, we all feel like we look DAMN good some days and may we rock out those moments. Feel like we’re Beyonce and kill the dance floor. :) Love your soul girl. Love it.

Nancy August 5, 2013 at 3:11 pm

I did not read the comments by choice, I want to be speaking from with my own voice- maybe plump, never skinny and ALWAYS a bitch (snark)

I can understand why people would want to go on the offensive with comments to your blog. After reading your words I do not feel insulted. I feel empowered. You are acknowledging that you have work to do on the INSIDE. That is what is supposed to matter. Perhaps we are not all the same size on the outside. But maybe we are more alike on the inside. Most women (the ones that I know) are at least a tad insecure with their looks and deflect their own feelings by pointing out perceived flaws of others. We gain a feeling of superiority if we point out the awkward angle of a person’s nose because we want to distract from that burning we feel from our bra back fat.

TRYING to make a change is something. Something that should be applauded. There is no need to make ourselves ugly on the inside to because we do not feel pretty on the outside. I don’t want to be friends with a super model who has a cancerous hairy wart of a soul. I am just fine with a jello jiggler with a kind heart and a positive outlook. So I say cheers to you Recovering Skinny Bitch- Also, I am sorry for the times that I have said- “Look at that fucking skinny bitch over there!” Sometimes I can be ugly too. But I am working on it!

Amber August 7, 2013 at 2:21 pm

Nancy,

Working on it with our best effort is the most becoming thing we can do for ourselves. Seriously, not everyone will bother to try and, while it’s never going to look perfect, the fact you can point at your struggle and work damn hard to make a change is inspiring (to me and it better be to others too!).

I love exercising and I always thought that working out would be the toughest parts of my day, but turns out working on my inside is damn hard… The discipline and overhaul required there is addressing issues of the heart and those just aren’t as cut and dry as my love handles and bra bulge.

Thank you for your transparency Nancy. It’s uncomfortable and difficult for you, yet rewarding and inspiring for me.

AngelLeigh August 6, 2013 at 8:31 pm

I think you’re getting a lot of shit here. &&I understand where people are coming from, I just disagree. I’m not going to write a novel here–I just..I guess I want to say thank you. As a 5’4″ 120lb girl, I’ve had these shameful thoughts as well and I think you made some really amazing poignant points. I’m 23 now and I’ve begun the perilous journey to become a ‘recovering skinny bitch’ too. A lot of that stemming from this site and Brittany’s empowerment. Ah, tears–there are just so many sides to this really sensitive body/self esteem issues and it may sound wonky but, I want other girls–even the girls I’ve unfairly (even in my head) judged, to understand why some of this ‘fat-shaming’ happens. I was never truly unhappy with someone else, just me. I’m not even sure what I meant to really say here. Just, thank you for this. Both of you.

Amber August 7, 2013 at 2:15 pm

AngelLeigh,

It’s so damn hard regardless of where our bodies fall on the scale. We’ve all got issues we’re bringing to the table and, maybe, just maybe, giving and getting shit is part of life and, while it’s never justified, it’s also part of the growing process. Unfortunately, we all learn at different times and while I wish it was when I was younger, I’m also so, so deeply grateful that it wasn’t later in my life.

It’s a journey, girl. And one that isn’t easy or comfortable, but it IS rewarding, enriching, and deeply beautiful, so you won’t be disappointed. For those days that you fall short (I’m still having them more often than I’d like), there’s the grace that we’re all struggling with some issue or another and, while it’d be nice to have our shit together already, part of the strength in this is being able to admit your shortcoming and try again tomorrow.

Thank you, girl. Thank you.

Joy August 9, 2013 at 1:03 pm

I too am a former “skinny bitch”. Like really former since I now am a good 30lbs from my goal weight. I just wanted to mention that the skinny bitch will fade more and more as you get older. I make an effort to pick out at least one thing that is nice about a person no matter all the judgy wudgy thoughts that spring to mind first. This way only the good stands out :)

Shannon McDermott August 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm

Thanks for the post….I just started following Brittany and this is a perfect addition!

In the end, I think it just all boils down to judgment – “You, Her, Them” It’s all awful.

I have been heavy my whole life. But I have also been very bright, witty, kind, popular and honest.

And, I have been judgmental. It is something I have been actively working on for over 4 years..and it still happens occasionally…and I hate it.

I appreciate your honesty…please don’t give up trying to get past this.

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