I am not your average eighteen-year-old girl.
I prefer watching sports over trashy reality television.
I am comfortable debating politics, the finer points of baseball, or the specifics of at home hair color.
It is quite a contradiction, one that I don’t think guys my age know how to deal with. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
You see, I am not the average eighteen-year-old girl for another reason. I’ve never been kissed. Like, ever. Not even in the midst of Truth or Dare, if you want to get technical. Nor have I ever had a boyfriend, though not for lack of effort. I assure you that I engage in all manner of oral hygiene practices deemed necessary. I am not a Cyclops, and I am, in fact, attracted to boys. I actually think I’m pretty and smart.
The average response is not, “Oh hey, now that you mention it, that makes sense because you’re so young.” In fact, when I tell people for the first time that I’ve never been kissed or had a boyfriend, their reaction is usually shock. I suppose, to them, never being kissed by 18 years-old is a bad thing.
I should probably have a much bigger issue with my “innocence.” The thing is, though, I don’t really care that I’ve never been kissed.
I’m so cool with my virgin lips, in fact, that I wonder why other girls my age, and even younger, aren’t. I mean, where did that convoluted way of thinking start? Whoever said that females had to be concerned with making out with boys? Who in the hell told a woman that how many smooches she’s shared is a direct correlation to her self-worth?
Enough of this “Poor girl, she must be homely or socially awkward” mentality. Since when is it customary among women to assume one is undesirable based on lack of experience? I’m perfectly fine with being about ten times less experienced than most of my age group.
Sure, there have been guys that I liked, even one that I was downright infatuated with (which is a whole other story), but I am not the type of girl that will date a guy just to date. For me, and this is a somewhat radical view amongst my peers, there has to be a REAL connection. Liking the way his hair falls boyishly over one eye simply isn’t enough. Maybe my standards are just too high.
I’m not trying to put down anyone that had a successful relationship during high school, but I do wonder whether there was a genuine connection, or whether they just liked the other person’s hair. If it’s the former, then I guess I’m just not one of the lucky girls, if it’s the latter, then I’ve made the right decision to wait until something seems genuine.
Keeping my lips to myself hasn’t been a conscious choice either; but, as I get older and the circumstances remain the same. I am compelled to make sure that my first lip lock is one that I won’t regret. Even though I am perfectly comfortable in my own skin, my self-esteem has both good days and bad. I dare you to show me the woman that feels 100% confident everyday.
I long for an unconditional love like Ellie and Carl have in the movie, Up
I know that who I am is enough. Without a man to call my own or the memory of a first kiss to treasure, I know that I am worthy. I’m worthy of love, of adoration, of friendship, of laughter, of honesty, and of respect.
That’s something that I think all of us young women – whether you’re on kiss number 1 or 1000, boyfriend number 2 or 20 – need to remember.
Fallon lives in Western WI geographically, but her heart will always be in the suburbs of Chicago, where she was born and partially raised. She’s 18 years-old with a high school degree and a year off to focus on sleep, work, and various other shenanigans. She’ll being going to college in the fall for a double major in Broad Field Social Studies and Secondary Education with a minor in Japanese. You can read more from Fallon on her blog, Childlike Abandon.
Rock on.
I’m 26.
Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me. Then I remember that it’s okay and there isn’t anything wrong about waiting for the right time, right moment, right guy. (If only I knew when he might show up…)
The timing of the opposite sex does leave a little to be desired, huh
. I promise there is nothing wrong with you!
I’m so inspired by your experience and self-awareness. I have 2 little girls ages 6 & 7, and while I wouldn’t want them waiting to date until they’re 40 like their daddy wants, I do want them to be self-aware and strong in their beliefs that they are worth the right guy or girl to sweep them off their feet.
I told Brittany this earlier this morning: you’re a better writer than 3/4 of the bloggers out in Blogland (including me). Keep up with your writing journey, whatever that means to you, and always write from your heart. Tell your truth and never be ashamed. You deserve the many good things that will come from your talent and honesty.
First of all, you, Brittany, Meredith and Heather are all an inspiration. I’m a long time lurker on all of your blogs. Curvy Girl Guide is such a wonderful place to come and feel supported by a community of strong women. Thanks for that.
Also, thanks so much for that high praise. I will be sure to follow my heart in all things. This article was the first step
…you flatter…
This post is kissed by a wisdom rare in someone 18.
Thank you Amanda, I only wish it wasn’t quite so rare!
i didn’t get my first kiss until i was 16, and i was constantly made fun of for that. but i waited for a boy who was worth it, who was worthy of ME. i’m now 26, and i’m married to that boy, and i’ve never kissed anyone else. and i don’t want to
rock on, beautiful girl.
(also, you’re an amazing writer, keep it up!)
That is so romantic! Thanks for sharing your story, and don’t worry, I’ll keep writing
I’m stumbling over my words to express how much I love this. Such innocence with SUCH amazing intelligence and insight, beauty and brains, awareness without worry… This is so so great, and better written than most everything I’ve read this week.
There is something to be said about experiencing that teenage puppy love, but I feel like that is so lost in today’s society (kids these days! yikes, I sound like my grandfather…). I bet a lot of girls would trade that first kiss (and first much more) for a do over, and I have no doubt that Fallon will, in her own time, find that love that she’s looking for.
Man, we need more girls like her.
Kelly. I, too, am finding myself at a loss for words. I SO agree that there is something so beautiful and sweet and innocent about puppy love, thank you for bringing it up. I also agree that much of that is lost today. THANK YOU so much for your kind words. I know I’ll find the one when the time comes.
You’re self respect and self value is extremely admirable. You are perfect role model for young girls everywhere. It’s a shame more young girls don’t think the same way… Thank you for giving me hope that it’s possible for my daughters to care more about themselves than the pressures of society (:
Brandi, thank you! I have no doubt that your daughters will be raised well; being aware of the pressures they face is the first step.
*Your
Great job, lady!
I kissed a boy for the first time at 15, but felt absolutely nothing. He was a nice boy, but I was SO desperate to have a boyfriend, to prove to everyone at school that I had self-worth, that people liked me, that I completely missed the fact that I didn’t even really like spending much time with him, let alone kissing or dating him. I did something totally similar in college. It wasn’t until I was a senior in college and 21 years old when I met my now husband, that I had the kiss you describe and it would’ve been totally worth the wait. And while everyone else around me in high school and college was off having sex, I was waiting. I waited until I was 24, and I do not regret it even the tiniest bit.
There are simply some things that are worth waiting for, good for you for realizing that at such an early point in your life. You’ll find it makes all kinds of life decisions easier. You’re clearly an extremely bright girl, good luck in whatever comes next.
Thanks so much for your comment, Katie! I must say it is very encouraging to hear your “success” story of sorts. For me, it’s less about waiting for “the” one than it is about waiting for one that counts. Thanks for reinforcing that.
I never had a boyfriend in high school either. I don’t think most adults think it’s that big of a deal. Actually, remembering back, most of my friends didn’t have boyfriends either. Unless you count imaginary boyfriends in Canada.
Wait, do you mean to tell me that there are boyfriends besides the imaginary ones from Canada? Hold up.
This was a great post. I can certainly relate. I had my first kiss at age 17 with my gay best friend…and it was a stage kiss for a play we were in together. Awkward? Yes. My first kiss was in front of my high school drama teacher and all my friends (and the boy who I REALLY wanted to have my first kiss with). My first “real kiss” was just 3 weeks before my 19th birthday, the day I started dating my first boyfriend. I had for so long felt embarrassed that I had gotten to age 17 without having kissed anyone, and to nearly age 19 before I had a “real kiss” with feeling behind it. Looking back though, I’m glad it happened that way. I wasn’t ready beforehand, and I didn’t want to kiss someone just for the sake of kissing them. I’m now 24 and have been married for nearly 2 years, living a normal, healthy life.
Keep rocking your confidence – that’s what defines you as a person, not the age at which you have your first kiss
This makes me happy
Thank you for the hope! And I’m glad it worked out well for you.
I so agree that confidence is what defines you. Thanks for sharing your story!
Fantastic post!! LOVE! xo
Thank you for sharing that! I’m 23 and most of the time I’m ok with my virgin lips and perpetual single status but there are other times when it makes me feel really alone. So Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for reminding me that it’s ok and I’m really not alone and I will definitely keep it in mind the next time I’m feeling down.
I’m 23 too and never been kissed. Both this article and your comment are exactly right!
I definitely have my good days and bad as well, but even on the bad days, like you said, it’s important to remember that you are not alone.
I can not begin to say how proud I am of my girl! It has little to do with the fact that she has not yet been kissed and everything to do with her wisdom, care, compassion, intelligence and downright spunk as a women in the world. She is right, she is equally as capable of debating the finer points of of the most recent baseball doping scandal as she is watching that latest (quasi) presidential debate and challenging them as well as MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. She did not mention her love of John Stewart or Stephen Colbert. I think she could give them a run for their money too! If she were not going into education she she would make one hell of a reporter or lawyer (among other things). Love you sweetie! Mom
A supportive mom must have *something* to do with it too
Great job, mom.
Thanks Kelly, I do my best, but I swear, she came out that way, asking why with her eyes even before she could talk. : )
Thanks Mama
. You did do a pretty terrific job raising me 
You have raised a fine young lady!
Thank you so much for this. It feels good to know that I’m not the only 18 year old who has never been kissed, that there is hope I will find someone. And yes, Carl and Ellie are my dream of what I want in love
You are welcome! I have total faith that you will find the one someday. Your avatar is Luna Lovegood, I mean, let’s be Sirius. He’s out there
can I “like” this comment? because I do. So hard. I think my HPnerdisms are showing
This is beautiful! Thank you so much for this post. I have a little girl, and I worry everyday how to instill in her a self-confidence that doesn’t rely on the approval or liking of boys. You give me hope that it is possible. You need to keep writing – and keep on encouraging young women to value themselves and recognize that they are amazing on their own, without a boy/man on their arm.
Thank you! I will keep writing, because I know that even if my words only touch one person, it will be worth it. Just the fact that you are conscious of that need as a mother is a good sign. I know many people who cannot say they were that lucky.
What did your parents do to help instill such an awesome sense of self confidence and self worth in you? I would love to be able to do that with my own daughter to make sure she knows that she is worth so much more than what the world has to offer and worthy of so much more as well. You seem to have that locked up better than any 18 year old woman I’ve ever met (or any 37 year old for that matter). Don’t change for anyone.
I wish that there was a magic formula I could give you, but as both of my parents have said, letting your daughter grow and offering her support when she needs it is key. Also key is knowing when to let her make mistakes, but showing her that it doesn’t make her any less amazing to mess up. I have faith in you; your unconditional love for her is clear.
Don’t worry, I won’t.
I didn’t date in high school. My first boyfriend was when I was 19, a sophomore in college, and he gave me my first kiss.
Well then hey, what’s another two years when I’ve already waited eighteen? Thanks for sharing!
I wish I would have been as smart as you when I was that age. I have a twelve year old and she is on the verge of being boy crazy. I’m going to read this with her. Thank you!
Tell her that there’s nothing wrong with having the occasional crush, so long as she doesn’t take the outcome too seriously. I can date my elementary years by the boy I liked, but (obviously) nothing came of any of them. You’re welcome!
Oh Fallon- I kissed too many boys in high school and when I got to adulthood I hated that it happened. It is so hard to be a teenage girl and I am determined to teach my daughter that SHE determines her self worth and not a man. Thank goodness I was smart enough not to sleep with anyone until I met my Husband. I have often thought of how awful it would have been to have been with someone I didn’t truly love. I feel so lucky that the only man I’ve ever been with is my Husband. I hope I can teach her the value of that too.
I like your point about being with someone you love. For me, it’s less about waiting for marriage and more about waiting for someone that I truly care about. If I were to lose my virginity to someone I didn’t marry, I wouldn’t have too much of an issue with it, as long as it was the right decision for me at the time.
I’m sure your daughter will turn out fine; it sounds like she has a pretty great mom.
You: you are amazing!!
I didn’t have my first kiss/date/boyfriend until I was 19. And after I broke up with that guy I didn’t kiss another guy for two and a half years. I’m 27 now and have been with the second guy I ever kissed for five years now. We have the Ellie and Carl thing going for us, I think.
I wish I had always been as confident and self assured as you are. I was like that for a long time, I probably never would’ve kissed that first guy. He found my weak spot and played it to his advantage. Oh well. I survived, and learned a lot for it. I can only hope to someday raise daughters as strong, confident, and funny as you are
Good for you that recognizing that while it might have been a mistake, it was an important learning experience. It sounds like you’re stronger than ever now. I’m sure you’ll be a great mom one day! Thanks
What a fantastic post! I savoured every last word of it.
I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 21, nearly 22. Unlike you, by the time I reached my late teens I’d managed to convince myself that I must be a big, big freak because no boy had ever even glanced in my direction, let alone attempted to kiss me. My self esteem plummeted as a result… Bravo for your (rightfully) positive attitude and your realisation that kisses from pimply teenage boys are not linked to self-worth. Intriguingly, you and I look quite similar facially. But you have way better hair.
So… About that first kiss… I could write a whole novel about it. But I’ll be merciful (!) and sum it up thus: he was Italian. It was not a holiday romance, I was living in Italy at the time. After an evening spent speaking only in Italian, and drinking local wine on a terrace overlooking the Umbrian hills, he drove me home. On my doorstep, that man gave me my very first kiss. It lasted about 20 minutes, no exaggeration. I experienced pure euphoria, he knocked my socks off. This may sound like a cheesy romance novel but it happened to me.
Was it worth the wait? Was there a meaningful connection between us? No question, on both counts.
Hope your first kiss, when it comes, is special and memorable.
Don’t feel too bad, that’s not my natural hair color. To the best of my knowledge, its in the dishwater/ashy/dark blond range. At least it was seven years ago; I’ve gotten really good at dying it.
That is an amazing first kiss story. Circumstances aside, we all deserve to experience a perfect kiss like that. Whether it’s in the rolling hills of Italy, or waiting in line for the subway, or during recess in sixth grade. Thanks for sharing, it gives me hope!
Aww, I love love love this post. I had my first kiss just after my 16th birthday and it was magical and perfect. In the middle of Montana summer woods, sunlight streaming through the tree’s. And it was such a sweet, innocent kiss. I’d had “boyfriends” before, but none that I wanted a first kiss with (guess that means something). I didn’t stay with him (he eventually couldn’t for the next step, which I wasn’t ready for, and decided to have that experience with someone else), but I’ll never regret that first kiss, and how long it took to get it.
I’m impressed with you, how mature you are, and how completely different you are from “those darn kids” nowadays. (omg, I’m only 26! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?????) You give me faith for the next generation.
I like your story because even though you didn’t stay with him, it was still a great experience. When I say that I’m waiting for something I won’t regret, this is a good example. I know that I won’t automatically fall in love with and marry the first guy that I kiss, but I also want a least a little “butterfly” action going on.
Thanks! Trust me, you’re not the only one that doubts my generation on occasion.
Can’t say I waited till I was 18 to be kissed. But I waited a long time for the rest of it. I got married at 36 still a virgin. Not a born again virgin or a everything but intercourse but a complete virgin. In my early 20′s no one was surprised but in my late 20′s and early 30′s people were either shocked or offended which I found weird. Surely my choices about my body and relationships are my own. But as it stands today I am proud of it and do not regret the choices I made one bit.
It seems to be you will also be able to look back with confidence and pride at the choices you have also made. Its wonderful, congratulations.
I can see people being shocked about your decision to stay a virgin until marriage, but offended? That’s a new one for me. I’m surprised that people have that much personal stock in another person’s bedroom activities. Maybe they were secretly sorry that they didn’t wait! Good for you for not letting them make you regret your choices.
Thanks!
I was the opposite of you in high school… I had my first boyfriend at 14 and lost my virginity to him. I’m 33 now and not married to that boy (which is fine cause he was a jerk and my husband is WAY better than him) but a lot of times I wish I could have waited. I try to justify my actions with “if you hadn’t made the choices you did, you wouldn’t be where you are now…” but there are days where I just wish… how different my life would have been…
Beautiful work. I admire your strength and wisdom. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for sharing. I hope when it does happen that it is everything you want it to be and more.
In some ways, I think having a bad experience before you met your husband was a good thing. I mean, it really sucks that he was a jerk and I’m not saying that you have to date your share of frogs to get to a prince, but perhaps you appreciate your husband more now? I, too, have lived with regret, and it sucks, but the only thing that really matters is that where you are in your life right now is awesome, regardless of what brought you to this point. I agree, though, we all have our days.
Thank you so much. Your sentiments are my sentiments exactly!
*sigh* A great article.
Awesome, Fallon.
Didn’t have my first kiss until I was almost 21 and the boyfriend came after that (he’s now my husband) once I found that connection founded on friendship, I couldn’t let it go.
Not to say that all first kisses become husbands, but the stuff you’re looking for is going to make for a meaningful relationship, however it lasts.
Great article!
I agree with you one hundred percent; whether or not wedding bells come from my first kiss, I just want it to be special. I could honestly care less about if I’m in a relationship at the time or if one stems from the kiss, I just want an experience that I won’t regret. Also LOVE your point about a connection founded on friendship. I don’t think true love needs to begin that way, but friendship is a key factor.
Thanks!
Fallon, you are an absolute doll, and I adore your self-confidence, your clarity, and your depth. I hope to instill such wisdom into my little girl.
Thanks! I’m sure it won’t be too much of a challenge.
I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 19. And I married the guy. He was my first everything and I’m glad he’s the only one. He might be the worst kisser in the world, but I’ll never know
He was my first ever boyfriend at 19. Sure I had some admirers, but I wasn’t settling for just anybody. I’ve been happily married for 11 years now. Hang in there girly. It will happen when it happens.
That’s what I want–a “first everything.” I would love to be able to say that I only ever dated one guy–the man I marry. It makes me happy to know that it does happen outside of my imagination.
I was 18 when I had my first kiss and it was “stolen” from me by a jerk of a guy because of a single second when I hesitated thinking a first kiss might not be all that important. (Seriously, I was regretting as he leaned in.) You’re wise beyond your years, so cherish your conviction in something meaningful and true, and keep doing what’s right for you!
In my mind, it shouldn’t count as your first kiss unless you want it to. I mean, if it wasn’t special and for the right reasons, I wouldn’t count it. Similar to how middle school relationships don’t really matter in the big picture.
Thank you! I will.
Um, is anyone else feeling a little inadequate as a writer after reading this?? Wow, I am beyond impressed/mortified that what I thought was well written at 18 could have been compared to a piece like this! You are so well spoken and polished and talented and will no doubt go very far in life. Thank you for sharing and wherever you end up, please keep on writing.
Also, that first kiss will be well worth the wait! Good for you for not settling, and more importantly, doubting your self-worth just because you are doing something on a different time table than your peers. I wish I had had that kind of courage at your age! You seem like just an amazing young woman, and your parents must be so proud!
I know, right?! When I was editing her, I kept thinking, SHE NEEDS TO WRITE FOR A LIVING!
Oh my goodness, a simple thank you seems inadequate. Thanks, to both you Laura, and you Meredith. My passion lies in teaching, but I have definitely thought about writing on the side – I do love a good murder mystery…
Plus, teacher’s incomes are notorious for being, well, teacher’s incomes.
Whatever combination of writing and teaching I end up at, I promise to do my best to narrate my life, for those who will listen.
Now I love you even more!!
I’m a teacher too! You will be great at whatever you decide to do (writing teacher???). You are a great role model, and will be able to teach your future students so much by your example.
You are right that teachers’ salaries are lame, but, in theory, that does make it so the people that truly love teaching are the ones that go into it, rather than just those that want to make lots of money and have the summers off. At least that’s what I tell myself when I am out of money two days after I get my paycheck each month. Ha!
Take care!!!
I do like that philosophy when considering teacher’s salaries; makes it a bit easier to justify
. I’m planning, at this point, on high school social studies. I went back and forth for a while between that and English, but I just really LOVE history, civics, and the like. I will probably get a dual certification just for flexibility’s sake, but for right now I would love to teach American history or civics, or some kind of advanced political science.
Thanks!
You too.
Since this was such a good post, I’d like to take the opposing stand to spice it up a bit.
I love how secure you are with yourself that you don’t need to have a guy validate your self-worth. In fact, that is the basis to the stuff that I teach. You are awesome.
Now let me get into it a bit deeper. There is a difference between NEED and WANT (Now I’m talking solely on the basis of kissing here, anything further is for the racier crowd).
Needing someone to validate you, needing someone to kiss you, is very very unhealthy. I think this part is understood.
But wanting to. That’s a different story. You are ALLOWED to want to kiss someone, and to DO IT as well. If you like a boy, it’s not trashy or slutty to kiss someone just because his hair falls in a hot way.
There is a fine line between being adventurous in life and going way too far. When I’m 90 years old on my death bed, I want to remember my life as one that was a bit mischievous and risk-taking, but also loving and coming from good place.
LIFE IS RIDICULOUSLY SHORT. If you want to kiss a boy, there’s no reason to hold back.
Now, it’s time to get even deeper.
The movies like UP, The Notebook, and all other love stories with happy endings are not real.
Noah and Allie would have been divorced after 4 years of marriage.
It is healthy to have very high standards. My standards are stupidly high. For me to date a girl she needs to be a stupendous person all around.
It is unhealthy to be unrealistic about what you want. Are you going to wait until you find the perfect person to kiss? There is no perfect person. And what’s more, you will not realize that person is perfect at first glance. The guy that may just be “alright” at first can end up being your dream man after dating him for a while.
Let’s go a step further.
No, you don’t have to be experienced with kissing. But you DO have to be experienced in relationships. What if you find your “Noah” but you two just can’t make it work because you are not used to being in a relationship with someone? Most baby boomers are getting divorced because of two reasons:
1. They married the first person that was nice to them.
2. They got married before they knew how to be in a serious relationship.
Why? Because during that time, most people didn’t have sex until marriage, and they dearly WANTED to have sex, so they all rushed to get married. (I am making sweeping generalizations, but bear with me please.)
I have this weird feeling that your generation, part of my generation, and the generation after ours will have a lower divorce rate than what it is now, because I feel people are getting into more relationships before marriage and they are getting married later in their lives. I personally hope to get married at around 35 years old. My dad got married at 25. Huge difference in age.
But I have been learning how to be in a relationship, and learning what makes a relationship great, and getting a lot of practice.
Every time I date a girl, I learn more about what I want in a person, and what I don’t want. My initial idea of what I wanted in a woman was totally different than it is now, and it’s because I’ve been in a handful of great relationships with great women.
I am so incredibly happy to know there is a girl out in the world that is TRULY independent, and confident enough in herself that she doesn’t need the validation of a boy, that is the type of daughter I would want for myself. You’ll have to give my future daughter some lessons on being independent.
But you are young for a reason. To mess up, screw up, find yourself in weird situations, realize who is bad for you through experience, realize who is truly good for you through experience, and to use all that experience as a guide for your future. When I say experience, I mean in relationships, not sexual experience.
The movies are movies for a reason. Love at first sight is more realistically put as love after a few months of dating the person. Genuine connections don’t just instantly happen, they begin from liking the way a boy’s hair falls over one eye. Then you go from there.
Firstly, please don’t think that I am ignoring your comment because it was a slightly dissenting opinion; I have been very busy and I wanted to give your points the time and attention they deserved.
I agree that needing experiences as a form of validation is flawed logic in any situation; this much is obvious and you and I agree on that. I, too, think that it is perfectly natural and healthy to want to kiss someone. I was speaking more on the need for validation.
Personally, I have never encountered a boy that I found attractive enough – inside and outside – to seriously pursue a relationship with. For me, it wasn’t about holding back, but instead about not feeling a deep enough need to go for it. Obviously, if your reasoning is that doing so will label you a slut, there are bigger issues.
I see your point about often needing to date someone in order for a relationship to form. I know that I lot of my peers base their philosophies on this; but, for ME, this isn’t enough. I need to feel some sort of instant, butterflies-in-stomach connection to feel compelled to date. I’m not talking about love at first sight here, but rather, an instant compatibility and the possibility that love, or like, could grow. I do understand that in many instances, love does grows. However, I would rather remain friends with a person until it became apparent that our feelings for each other had developed into something more.
Again, I also agree that you must be with a few “Mr. Wrongs” before you find “Mr. Right.” I am all for that kind of meaningful exploration about what you want and need out of a life partner. I look forward to that period in my life; I know that youth is the time to mess up and be wild and experiment, and trust me, I do that too.
I really don’t care for romantic comedies, or classic “chick flicks” on the whole, because I feel like they set up young women for failure when they do begin dating. Suddenly, no man is as perfect as Nicholas Sparks said he would be.
I do not approve of Nicholas Sparks, but that’s another story.
To me, it’s not about finding the perfect man. I want a little drama, a little “spice,” so to speak. It is about finding the man that complements you perfectly, and knowing that you deserve him in the first place.
That may be much more than you ever wanted to know about my dating philosophy, but I wanted to be thorough. Thank you, again, for your wonderful comment. Feel free to contact me when that future daughter of yours grows up.
To say that Nellie and I are proud of Fallon would be a gross understatement, and not because of her post here (although it did bring tear to me eye). Yes, we brought her into this world, but she grew up ‘her way’. We gave (and give) her unconditional love and the support she needed. Everything else belongs to Fallon. We particularly enjoy watching her grow, absorb knowledge and experience, then assimilate both to become the wonderful daughter and person she is. We love you dearly! GO GIRL!
Thanks Dad
. You probably had at least a little something to do with it…
I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 23. It will come when it comes.
This is awesome on so many levels. You’re an amazing writer and your confidence is apparent. What a gift to know that you are worthy! Keep on being that non-average 18-year-old.
Hey Girl,
It’s a good thing you’re waiting. Kiss when you’re really into the guy and you want him to kiss you. Just like you, I had never been kissed either and it happened when I finally started dating at 19. It was a wonderful experience, regardless of how the relationship went the kiss was totally worth it so you’ll know when it’s right. Plus, these days STD’s are passing orally as well so that’s another reason to keep them sealed LOL… Anyway, it’s a very special moment so don’t waste it on just anyone, wish you all the best!
Haha you make a good point; I am proud to say that I have never been the victim of a cold sore. I agree, regardless, of how the relationship goes/whether or not one exists at the time, I wouldn’t let that sully the memory of my first kiss.
Thanks!
Rock ON, chica!
I kissed a few people in HS. Most of them didn’t deserve it.
Enjoy yourself. There’s plenty of time in life to date or be in relationships, and making yourself a whole person will certainly increase the quality of the potential mates down the road!
Keep writing; be Well!
I had my first kiss when I was pretty young…somewhere around 14. And it wasn’t with a boy that meant anything to me. And I don’t regret it at all. It was this brilliantly funny, messy ridiculous experience that brings a smile to my face everytime I think about it. And I don’t regret the rest of the kisses with the rest of the guys, whether they meant something or not. I had a fun, happy, exciting experience as a young single teenager. I had my first boyfriend (my first love) in high school. I didn’t marry him. I’m glad I didn’t, we just weren’t compatible past the age of about 18. But I don’t regret any of it. I cherish those memories. And now I’m very happily married. Not everyone has the same journey, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think what we’re really talking about here is self-knowledge and self-worth. I salute you Fallon for being so young and having such a strong sense of yourself. If all our daughters felt this way about themselves we wouldn’t have to worry about whether they were involved with boys or not involved with boys because we could trust them to make the right decisions, valuing themselves in that process. The boy you do end up with (whether for a night or a lifetime) is one lucky fellow!
Yes! That’s exactly it. For many of my peers, I feel like their romantic history is a benchmark for how others, particularly the opposite sex, view them – and by extension, how they “should” view themselves. The conversation of self-worth transcends the question of when one shares his or her first kiss. The path that we all take through our relationships may differ, but that doesn’t matter if, as you say, you value yourself in the process. If I had had the experiences, you describe, I wouldn’t regret them either.
Thank you!
I wish I’d been more stingy with my first kiss…honestly I was like 5 the first time a boy put his tongue in my mouth…what the hell did my parents let me watch? I never count that as my first kiss…I count my first one as a boy named Justin in the woods behind our neighborhood when I was in middle school. Mostly because my current boyfriend (hopefully future husband) is named Justin and I think it would be pretty awesome to have my first and last kiss be with a guy of the same name.
I wholeheartedly agree with picking the kiss that you want to remember as your first.
I was 19.
The wait was worth it.
Hey Fallon-
I’m one of Karlyn’s friends from college and she told me about your article.
I really liked your voice that you used in writing this and I can’t wait to read more from you
~Meg
PS. You should keep waiting for your Noah, spin the bottle kisses are lame and gross.
Meg! Thank you so much! It’s nice to virtually “meet” you.
I will take your advice and stay away from spin the bottle
Good for you, Fallon! I graduated high school without ever having had a boyfriend or kissing a guy either. I always felt like I had to justify myself to people when I told them that – but I was always confident in my decisions. I hope your first kiss, whenever it happens, is as lovely as mine ended up being.
I so agree that it often feels like you have to explain yourself and your romantic history when you mention a fact like that to someone.
Thanks!
Great post, Fallon! I’m 33 and have never been in a “real” relationship, not for lack of trying. I’ve had ONE “real” kiss at the age of 19…it was weird and awkward and there was no connection whatsoever.
I’ve definitely had my own personal issues to overcome, but I like to hope that I will one day find my Mr. Right.
I’m sure that you will
Every woman’s love story has to start with herself.
I’ll be 21 in a couple of weeks and I can totally relate to all of this (minus the sports and politics stuff, hah). I love it.
You only get one “first” anything, and I want to save my “firsts” in relationships until I’m absolutely sure I’m ready, and that the relationship will last. I’ve contemplated saving my first kiss for my wedding day or engagement period, actually. Or at least until I’m certain that I’m going to marry the boy (whenever he shows up) before I kiss him.
Hi Fallon,
I finally read your article. Nice work! And, FYI: I was 18 for my first kiss/boyfriend. They were one and the same.
Love you, dear!
P.S.
J & G are looking forward to you babysitting them!!
Thank you I am about to graduate from high school and I am in a class with girls and boys that judge me for never being kissed. I really thought I was the only one. I really needed to hear from someone that felt the same way I did. People just have a narrow mind but, you are more open. Thank you for sharing this with me. It really helped me.
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