Yesterday I logged onto Facebook and saw a status update that kind of surprised me, so I did what I always do, I went to twitter to overshare.
Admittedly, it was not my greatest moment on twitter. Within a few moments, I had a reply.
I’m not going to lie, my first inclination was irritation. I pride myself in being relatively PC and inoffensive and I was surprised that someone had taken offense.
The tweet wasn’t meant to be mean, it was just meant to relay a story that I found upsetting. I will be the first to admit that, as I’m sure was evident, there was some jealousy buried in the tweet. While she’s fitting into skinny jeans that I doubt I could fit one of my thighs into, I ate a record 4 pieces of pizza the night before. I am unquestionably jealous of her self-control.
But despite the green eyed monster penning my tweet, I really, truly, didn’t have any ill will in writing it. I wasn’t trying to call her a name nor did I even realize that my words would be considered a pejorative, I was just oversharing the way I normally do.
My use of the description that she was “impossibly thin” wasn’t meant as an insult, I was trying to frame the story. I felt like the difference between a very thin girl being excited about losing weight and fitting into skinny jeans was a bit different than someone who is an average size or larger doing the same thing. And she is very thin. I used those words, admittedly thoughtlessly, as a way to frame the story.
But not with malice. Not with a desire to be unkind.
I see now how it didn’t come across that way. I read something Ali wrote last week discussing this topic from the perspective of a thin person losing weight. And I nodded, because I’ve been there and there are few things as frustrating as people telling you to eat more and putting you down instead of being excited for your improved health. But I’ve also been on the extreme of it. I’ve been too thin while still losing weight. I’ve rejoiced in fitting into skinny jeans that represented an unsafe weight loss for me.
And that’s my worry for this classmate. I hear her talk about eating healthily and I see her lunches and I cannot help but be reminded of my own past disordered eating. And I have a hard time celebrating her losing more weight because of it.
But my motives and my defense are sort of irrelevant right now, because I wrote those words. They are mine, they came from my fingertips and they were offensive to others. As someone who has never called another person a name because of their weight or appearance, I feel sort of sucker punched that I did that today without even realizing it.
I had never considered it before but now I’m left seriously wondering, is calling someone “impossibly thin” the same as “impossibly fat”?
Katie is a 28 year old Southern Californian, married to a doctor, racking up as much student debt as possible as a full-time graduate student in a health science. Her hobbies include abusing parentheses, baking complicated desserts that almost universally involve frosting and loving her two cats more than is socially acceptable. She’s currently balancing her first child and graduating from graduate school. So planning and timing are also things she excels at. You can read more from Katie on her blog, Overflowing Brain.
I think the answer to that question depends on if you are ‘impossibly thin’ or ‘impossibly fat’. I know from experience that people are generally offended when the truth hits a little too close to home for their liking.
I know that it doesn’t bother me near as much when someone says ‘too skinny’, as it does when someone picks on an overweight person, me being kinda big myself. Nor do I ever remember feeling bad when someone said I was too skinny, when I actually was too skinny, mostly because it is where I wanted to be.
I don’t know too many people who are ‘impossibly skinny’ that don’t want to be, though I have met a few. I know I have never met an ‘impossibly fat’ person who wouldn’t sell their soul to be smaller.
It’s all personal perception. If you think it’s bad to be too skinny, then you are offended. The same goes if you think it’s bad to be too fat.
I think…yes, it is. I also think as someone with a history of disordered eating, you already know that. But it shows how far you are recovered to say this without considering if it is offensive, even including the term ‘barf’. Does that make sense?
I truly don’t mean to be a troll, sorry if you think I am being antoagonistic, because I’m not.
x
I think you expressed something that I would – frustration at someone who we perceive as unhealthy, or unheathily obssessed with their weight. So, I would be annoyed as well. Just as I am annoyed when a friend complains they want to lose weight, and posts about drinking, eating unhealthy at restaurants, etc.
That’s not to say I don’t understand why someone might take offense, I suppose. We all can be more understanding.
I do think that there can be some similarities – and it varies. But I had a classmate in HS who couldn’t gain weight and was always naturally thin. She talked about how it bothered her that people always accused her of being anorexic when she really wasn’t. I could imagine that hurting when you don’t like your body for being ‘too thin’, just as some of us struggle with being ‘too big’.
I think it is. I am a fluffy mother of 2. My 15 yr old son is “impossibly thin” as well as his dad. I have tried to get my son to gain weight since he was a toddler but no luck- he just cant gain any weight. The doctors have suggested I feed him milkshakes before bed and many other suggestions to try to bulk him up -but its not happening! He is almost 6′ and weighs about 125 lbs! Some people just cant gain weight and then there are people like me who just look at food and gain weight! So calling someone “impossibly thin” can be like calling someone “impossibly fat”. My son deals with the kids at school who are always telling him that he is too skinny and needs to eat more. Well those people should come over and see just how much he really eats!
It can be hurtful to be called “impossibly thin”. Some people are not trying to be thin- they are just made that way.
I think it is. Not every super skinny girl has an eating disorder. I have a good friend that is naturally super skinny. She eats junk food and whatever she wants and still stays really skinny. At 38 she looks normal. When we were in jr. high and high school and even college she was so skinny it was too much. People used to say to her “you are so skinny!” and she would get upset. EVERY GIRL worries about thier bodies, thier imperfections and the way they look. She did not want people to say how skinny she was or ask her if she ate. It was offensive to her and hurt her feelings. Another one of our friends was a bigger girl. The three of us talked often about the fact that skinny comments can hurt just as much as fat comments. Just remember EVERY GIRL/WOMAN has issues about their looks expecially when they are young.
Exactly. It doesn’t matter what shape or size, EVERY woman sees her imperfections when she looks in the mirror. I think the problem, Katie, is that on twitter or facebook, you can’t hear the tone. Like when people say they need a sarcasm font. But to be honest, I still feel like I can sense a little bit of negativity underlying the words in this post. I think it’s subconscious. Like when you talk about her fitting into skinny jeans that you doubt you could fit one thigh in.
As a naturally thin person (which is really just genetics & nothing I had anything to do with), most of the time, it doesn’t bother me when people make comments about my size. I have pretty thick skin anyway. However, there are other times when the words ARE said with malice or bitterness, and those words are just as hurtful to me as the opposite is to someone who weighs more than I do.
I have the perspective of someone who has been thin for my entire life. I have good genes and a good metabolism.
I have had people EXCLAIM ‘My god you are so skinny!!’ at work, in other public places, etc. It doesn’t hurt, but it does make me think, what if I turned around and said ‘My god you are so FAT!!’ That is unacceptable and I know it.
I’m glad you wrote about this. It’s just something to think about when we are judging others. You don’t know their situation, fat or skinny.
You completely hit the nail on the head with me, Meg! I have always been very thin. And my entire life – even when I was pregnant and put on 50 pounds – people have exclaimed “You are so skinny!” In addition, I’ve also had “You’re a rack of bones!” “You’re so tiny, I could snap you in half!” and “You must never eat anything/you must eat like a bird.” And those are just a few of the comments I’ve had over the past 30+ years of my life. And of course, instead of retaliating, I let the rude comments slide.
I had always wondered why it was socially acceptable to regularly comment negatively on the “skinniness” of an individual. I would never tell someone “Wow you are a lump of lard!” in response to calling me a rack of bones. It is just poor manners, and hurts feelings. Everyone has issues about their bodies, and as the old saying goes “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” – curvy or slender!
Agree!
My only thought here is that people find it ok to comment on someone’s “skinniness” because being skinny is socially acceptable, whereas being fat is not. In it’s own way, it is kinda like people saying “Wow, you are so beautiful!”, when it is not ok to say, “Wow, you are so ugly!”. The person who is exceptionally beautiful may take offense to the focus on their appearance, whether or not there is anything they did to accentuate that or not.
Still not saying that it is ok one way or the other, but just my thoughts.
I don’t think it’s ever really ok to comment on anyone’s size, regardless if they are underweight, overweight, or even perfect weight. Especially when you add “barf” to the end of the comment.
You said exactly what I was thinking!
Agreed. And I regret it something fierce.
It seems to me that any time one woman disparages another woman’s appearance, she’s fallen into the trap. The idea that “real women have curves” can’t exist without the idea that “thin women aren’t real women.” The whole thing just promotes disunity. I don’t think most of us say these things to purposefully wound, but until we can all say “real women are any people who identify as women,” we’re always going to lose. All of us.
That said, if a woman is really thin to the point of endangering herself, maybe the right thing to do is confront her privately and directly?
I have the same knee jerk reaction to skinny people losing weight. But I just keep reminding myself its jealousy. And then I roll my eyes and bring them my homemade chocolate chip cookies
I think it is rare to find a woman who is completely 100% secure in her appearance. I know they exist and I wish I could meet one but I haven’t yet. As a bigger person I tend to react poorly when someone whom I perceive has an ideal weight exclaims they need to lose weight. I tend to clam up and stiffen when the topic comes up because, irrationally, I somehow think they are criticizing me. I mean, if ‘they’ need to lose weight then what am I? It is stupid and ridiculous and I try to straighten my head as soon as I start thinking along that line, reminding myself that fat or skinny I will always be self-conscious about my own appearance and I believe most people are the same.
Reading through the comments, I agree in one aspect with a lot of them — it is NEVER okay to walk up to someone and comment on how skinny they are out of the blue, in the same way you would never walk up to someone and tell them they are too fat.
However, this wasn’t just a case of proclaiming someone to be so skinny — it’s a response to someone publicly advertising that they fit into their skinny jeans. In my experience, someone who does not want any reaction does not share things like that (example: I hate when people ask if I’ve lost weight, so I brush it off if someone asks, and I’d never write on my facebook wall that I fit into a smaller size or skinny jeans because I don’t want that attention… it makes me self-conscious about what I looked like before if people tell me I look so great now). If you are openly discussing fitting into skinny jeans, it’s because you want someone to notice.
My roommate is the thinnest person I have ever seen. I never really thought about it or was concerned by it until she came home one day and discussed how frustrated she was that she cannot get size 000 clothing. The irritation comes not from the size someone is at, but from drawing attention specifically to it. I feel the same way about individuals at any size — it’s one thing to casually mention a desire to lose weight, but I have friends at size 8 and friends at size 16 who constantly complain about their weight. I never thought about any of my friends as a size or needing to lose weight until they started harping on it all the time, much as I never thought of my roommate as too skinny until she brought her size into the public light.
Oooh, Sugar Scientist’s point is perfect. It’s the drawing attention to yourself and your weight that sparks the issue. Yes, that sort of invites a response. She was probably looking for more of a “congrats” than a “barf”, but a response nonetheless.
Aside from that, as someone who is healthily thin after years of not being thin, it’s annoying to hear comments that you’re lucky or anything that implies that you don’t have to work for it.
Sure, some people are naturally thin, but I doubt they appreciate the comments (positive or thinly-veiled negative) either…unless of course they’re inviting these comments by posting on facebook about it…
I agree with your point about people trying to draw attention to the issue. And I don’t know the situation here, but, in your roommate’s defense, maybe she really was just frustrated. I’m friends with a woman who is very tiny. She’s only about 5 ft tall and she probably weighs under 100 lbs. And she is naturally this way, though she does exercise and eat very heathfully. But I do remember her making the offhand comment once that she had noticed sizes were getting bigger (i.e., a size 0 was bigger than in the past) because she was having to buy some of her clothes in the children’s section at X store. But she said it in such a way that it was truly a comment on her frustration – I was sitting there, probably weighing about 100 lbs. more than she did, and I didn’t take offense. She wasn’t trying to bring attention to the fact that she was small, she was just voicing her experience. And it was a viewpoint that I’d never considered before.
For a person to be offended, the statement has to hit home for them somehow. If it didn’t, they would just scroll by and continue reading their tweets. You admit you weren’t coming from a good place. Fine, you recognized and acknowledged that. I can only guess that the person offended did so for a personal reason as well. I don’t touch weight with a 10 foot pole, because everyone has their own issues. Just do what you have to do for you (as I know, that’s struggle enough), and know that most other people are probably struggling, too.
I can’t help but be reminded of your own past disordered eating either. It wasn’t that long ago that you wrote about it here, which is why your attitude toward your classmate is so disappointing.
“If you take nothing else away from this, I hope you’ll just remember that appearances can be deceiving. What you see on the outside and what’s really going on on the inside are often far from the same.”
You are such a hypocrite, Katie.
To be fair, I think a hypocrite would not acknowledge her regret for saying/thinking this. And call herself out on it.
Frannie-
I don’t know about you but when I see someone very publicly acknowledging a mistake my first inclination is not to call them a name. See the thing is, I am human, I make mistakes. Even as someone with a history of disordered eating I often have gut reactions to things that are not appropriate. This was one of those times. I thought it could be used to foster discussion and as a reminder to me to think before I type. I’m not standing before you saying I was right to write that tweet, quite the opposite.
I’m not going to call you names or put you down because I know that like me, you’re human and therefore prone to gut reactions that are sometimes both offensive and hurtful. I hope next time you’ll offer me the same courtesy.
Just my two cents, not sure if it has any bearing on whether it’s “right” or “wrong” to say either comment.
As someone who stress un-eats, it can be really hurtful to hear you’re too thin. As someone who’s been told she “looks like an anorexic” when you’re already stressed out and not eating can really fuck with your head.
I understand that your classmate specifically mentioned losing weight, but sometimes weight loss & “impossible” thin-ness isn’t something someone always wants.
And sometimes, even if they say they want it, they don’t. I yo-yo a lot, because of depression (When I’m healthy mentally, I eat well and excercise. When I’m depressed, I lay in bed and eat so much pizza my stomach hurts). When I gain too much weight, I try to focus on the positive: Hey, I may have love handles, but I’ve got cleavage now!! And when I lose too much weight, I say Hey, I may be completely flat chested, but I love the way my thighs don’t touch anymore! I’m sensitive about both, but I’m just trying to think about the good parts, not dwell on the insecurites. Maybe this girl was doing the same.
Great post, Katie. xo
I’d say yes, calling someone impossibly thin is right up there with impossibly fat. I was that impossibly thin girl for the majority of my life and because of it people always thought it was fair game to talk about my weight (or lack there of). Only the closest of friends & family knew that I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic but everyone else around was convinced those were my problems and always wanted to talk about it. It took a strong sense of self not to become those things.
But I don’t think you said it with malice, and that’s the most important thing.
You said something that you regret, and I’m proud of you for coming over here and admitting to what you said, how it happened, and what you realized when you spoke to other people about it. It brings up a great discussion – just because the descriptor of “thin” is something many women seek to attain it doesn’t make it ok to discuss. I’m guilty of exclaiming “You look great, you must have lost weight” and I’ve realized, writing for this site, and reading what other people have written here how not-cool this is. Now I just stick to complimenting pretty shoes & great hair. It is all about growing as a person (you know, not size growing but character growing).
Reading through the comments I see that a few people seem to have missed the point/voice behind your post. Bottom line, as has been pointed out multiple times already- commenting on anyone’s size is inappropriate.
BUT- BUT to criticize you for how disappointing you are is ridiculous. At the end of the day, Katie, you are human. You are complex layers of emotion, hurts, weaknesses, strengths, sensitivities, etc- just like the rest of us. Obviously with your comment about your thigh vs. the skinny jeans, you were feeling particularly down on yourself. I can see how her blase’ statement could feel like a kick in the teeth. Those things happen and it’s no one’s fault. Sure, tweeting about it probably wasn’t the kindest thing to do- but you took responsibility for it and have really put yourself out there about it.
Props to you, girl. Really. Grace. Be graceful with yourself… you made an unintentional mistake. You very publicly owned up to it.
No matter what anyone else says- it’s done.
It all boils down to how much we are willing to love ourselves, no matter what. (see: size, shape, etc…)
Love yourself, mistake and all. Maybe you did something wrong without realizing it was wrong- but you more than made up for it.
Everyone will offend SOMEONE, eventually. No matter how PC you are, you are bound to upset someone, somewhere, sometime. It’s inevitable. You can’t please all of the people all of the time, no matter how hard you try.
Speak your truth and let the chips fall where they may. If people don’t like what you have to say, they don’t have to read your words. And if you are really, really, really, really that worried about it, you need to stop writing.
Now, to the question at hand… Is calling someone “impossibly skinny” offensive? It’s apparent that you consider this person to be impossibly skinny, so therefore, you are speaking your truth. It is not offensive, because it is YOUR opinion. Are there impossibly fat and impossibly skinny people out in the world? Yes, as a matter of fact, there are. Is it wrong to call a spade a spade? I think not.
BTW, I’m a fat chick. Love me or leave me, that’s the way I am. And no, I would not be offended if you said you watched an impossibly fat friend wolf down an extra-large pizza all by herself. That would be just as sad as the impossibly skinny girl being proud of fitting into tiny jeans, when what she really needs is a cheeseburger.
I was a super skinny teen/young adult. Tried to gain weight, couldn’t, lost weight instead. My weight was open season for people. Random comments in high school hallways about ‘geez, didn’t my parents feed me already’? from kids I didn’t know, and so on. (And people wonder why I don’t go back to my hometown, or to reunions.)
I actually agree that you didn’t say it with malice, Katie, but saying it at all is/can be hurtful. *shrug* Everyone has issues, and we tend to forget that when faced with what we imagine to be our ideal ‘thing’. (‘We’ as in society in general.)
Thank you, though, for fostering this discussion. It’s important that people realize that it is offensive to talk about people’s weight, on either end of the spectrum.
For the record, Katie, I was never offended by what you said on Twitter (hi, I’m @minderellal). I was just trying to raise your awareness (which I think I did).
I am one of those people who is told constantly to “eat a loaf of bread” or “you’re a hundred pounds soaking wet” and so on. I am naturally thin (although not after three babies!) and have to maintain a certain weight because of having my lateral malleolus replaced when I was 16. Maintaining my normal weight helps take the pressure off of my ankle. I generally ignore comments and let them bounce off of me, but lately I’ve been thinking about this “too thin/too fat” stuff.
My daughter Reese (3) is very small. Reese finally hit the 7th percentile for weight/height. She is incredibly healthy-she’s just small. Everyone comments on how little she is. I just had a son (Charlie) in July and he is a big baby. He is the 90th percentile for height/weight. Charlie weighs more than half of Reese’s weight. I’ve been told not to call him “Chunky Monkey” or I’ll give him a complex when he’s older (for the record, I love my baby and all of his rolls). This got me thinking-why is it ok for people to comment on how small Reese is but not how big Charlie is?
This is where my comment came from. Glad we were able to discuss it without offending the other.
Mindy
OK, I know this isn’t the popular answer, but I have to say that I DO NOT think it’s the same at all. I agree with the above comments that it’s impolite to comment on anyone’s weight… ever. BUT, we all know that being “impossibly fat” has far more negative connotations in our society. No one calls someone “impossibly fat” with a twinge of jealousy. It just doesn’t happen. Ask 100 random people which label they’d prefer, and I’m guessing just about all of them would rather be “impossibly thin.” I’m not saying it’s right… it’s just reality.
I don’t want either label. Or any label. It is offensive to be continuously hounded with comments about one’s size. Full stop. They are not the same comments, true, but they are not that dissimilar, either. Both are labelling the woman as “less than a true woman”. Neither should be acceptable.
Of course it’s the same. If you wouldn’t (to their face) tell someone to eat a salad, it’s not necessary to tell someone to eat a cheeseburger. More importantly, if you wouldn’t say something to someone’s face, don’t tell the internet.
So, the discussion here has been enlightening. I’m not going to go back and reply to every comment because unfortunately I don’t have the time, but also, I can only read them so many times without having a total hormonal meltdown because my guilt level is unreal.
I realize that I made a mistake, a very public one at that. I shouldn’t have used those words and I shouldn’t have written the tweet in the first place. Like all of you, I am human and I make mistakes from time to time. All I can say is that this has been a learning experience and it’s not a mistake I will make again.
Be kinder to yourself. In the greater scheme of things, opening this discussion demonstrates your regret and resolve to do better in the future, and that’s all anyone can ask of themselves: to acknowledge their mistakes and correct them in some fashion. Imagine what you would say to a friend in your place. Now say that to yourself.
(Note: that advice only works if you would be nice to your friend.
Do NOT beat yourself up over it. You’ve punished yourself enough, you realized that you could have potentially hurt feelings and you are admitting to the whole world that you made a mistake (although I’m sure that there are many, many people out there who don’t think you made any kind of mistake. So kudos to you!)
It was a good conversation for us all, and brought recognition to something that people feel strongly about. Positive thoughts – you fostered an enlightening conversation. The “mistake?” Is now dead.
I’ve inadvertently offended someone by calling him “disgustingly thin.” He used to be built nicely. Thin, but muscular. He recently lost a lot of weight unintentionally and it hurt him when I said it. People are sensitive about their weight regardless of how thin or heavy they are.
I’m so glad you wrote about this Katie! Such a great topic for discussion. I think, for me, the only time I’m really INSULTED is when people are so quick to think that I must have an eating disorder because I’m thin. It’s such a huge leap to make that accusation…and yet, it happens all the time. Maybe I am JUST THIN, yanno?
It’s awesome that this point is brought up, because being a very skinny lass meself, I always wonder how the two compare – ‘too skinny’ and ‘too fat’. I’ve always wanted to gain weight, but I simply cannot. I eat like an elephant, I eat junk food, i eat healthy food, and I’m always the same old skinny size! I used to be very upset about not being curvy enough and instead being bony and knobbly, when I was younger…I’m still quite jealous of girls that have some meat on their bones…but now I feel a wee bit better about my size. I mean, I can’t do anything to change it and when people say, “OMG you’re SO BONY! You need to eat more!!” I do find it annoying and slightly offensive. So yes, I do think ‘too thin’ is the same as ‘too fat’.
Ever heard the stuff on the internet about how “real women have curves” and “if I wanted to date someone who looked like a 12 year old boy….”? People tell me they’re jealous about my body, but every time someone tells me that I’m “sooooo lucky to be ridiculously skinny”, I hear guidance counselors asking if I’m anorexic, and girls talking about how my boobs are too small. Everyone has self esteem issues.
“I am unquestionably jealous of her self-control.”
I highly doubt her eating habits are much different from yours. It’s more a question of metabolism and genes. And if she does seriously restrict her diet? That sucks for her. You get to eat pizza AND be hot.
Ok, lets look at it like this, the word that has made such the issue is ‘impossibly’. You didn’t tag “she needs to go and eat a cheeseburger” onto the end, nor did you say “she looks like a skinny little rat”. No, you said “impossibly”. Say a friend of mine who was gorgeous said “OOOH just got a modelling contract”… and I said “My impossibly beautiful classmate just got a modelling contract. Barf”
What’s wrong with that? Except me commenting on her beauty and highlighting my jelousy?
Nothing.
I’m merely verbalised that they have a quality that I strive for…
The issue has gone beyond what you actually said, and for the record I think calling someone a ‘skinny little chicken-legged rat” is just as hurtful and insensitive as calling someone a “big fat harpooned whale”
Facts are, you didn’t actually insult anyone. So don’t beat yourself up babe x
It’s not so much insulting as just rude. Saying “you’re impossiby thin, barf” at a skinny person fitting into her skinny jeans (aka getting even slimmer) is the same as saying “you’re impossibly fat, barf” at a fat person not being able to button her jeans (aka getting even heavier). It’s my understanding that any negative-toned comment about a woman’s age or weight is rude if unintentional and insulting if intentional. I can see where you’re going with the model issue, but I think it’s different because while nearly every beautiful person would interpret “too beautiful” as a compliment, many skinny people do not interpret “too skinny” as a compliment. The comment isn’t THAT bad, but if she’s trying to make only comments that won’t offend anyone this isn’t the best choice.
When someone makes a weight-related comment to an overweight woman EVERYONE knows it’s a sensitive subject and to tread lightly if you don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings. The media tells us to try to be thinner, so many people don’t realize that most skinny people have been heard cruel comments about anorexia, vanity, boy-figures, etc, and that weight is a sensitive subject for them, too. Once when I was cold in the office, a heavy (but lovely) coworker told me not to complain because I was thin and that’s why I was cold. You could tell she thought it was friendly teasing, and everyone laughed in a good natured way. I like my body and I’m right in the middle of the healthy weight for my height, but her mildly-negative comment about my weight reminded me of all the other negative comments I’ve ever heard about my body. If I said the exact same thing to her (don’t compain that it’s too hot in here because you’re fat and that’s why you’re hot) it would be viewed as just plain mean EVEN THOUGH SHE’S LOVELY AND CONFIDENT. The exact reasons it would be mean for me to say are the ones why it was mean for her to say: even with good intentions, being critical of another woman’s body is always going to hurt because we’ve been taught our whole lives that our worth as people is tied to our beauty. We can overcome that intellectually and realize that we are valuable for our wit, our strength, our intelligence, but I can’t think of a single woman I know who wouldn’t have an emotional reaction to a negative-toned comment about her body, no matter how high her self esteem, self worth, and love of her body.
This was an interesting post and comment thread to read. My first inclination was to say that the comment should not be taken offensively, although perhaps it was phrased in less than ideal way. The reasoning being – the person is already thin AND highlighting the fact that they have become thinner. Calling someone “impossibly thin” out of the blue could clearly be hurtful for the reasons that have been highlighted, but a person who is broadcasting their thinness presumably finds it to be a good thing, and I think it is contextually clear that the comment expresses distaste with the person parading their unnecessary/possibly-inappropriate weight loss.
But then I think of my own situation. I weigh 50 pounds less than I did a year and a half ago, and people who see me only a few times a year react with comments: “what did you do with the rest of yourself?” “don’t get too skinny!” etc. I don’t think I’m too skinny – I think I was too fat (for my frame) before. I have a much slighter frame than I think anyone realized back then, and I still weigh a bit more than my mom did at my age. And while I’m not obsessed with it, I think I could even stand to shave off a couple more pounds. But depending on who’s talking, I could be that “impossibly skinny” girl who clearly doesn’t need to lose weight. I don’t want to people judge my desire to get a little trimmer even though I am now fairly thin as inappropriate – just as some people are gaunt at a BMI of 25, I should probably maintain on the lighter side. Of course, I wouldn’t post about my smaller pants on Facebook because I think that’s attention-whoring, but social norms differ. So this page is definitely food for thought.
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