Do I look pregnant to you?
Seriously, don’t answer that.
For the love of Nutella, pasta, cake and all things good in this world, don’t answer it. Ever.
I have two kids who are 14-months apart.
No good can come from an honest answer.
Let me paint a picture. This morning while getting dressed I notice that my hard work of not eating carbs after 10pm is really paying off. When standing sideways, my pants lie almost flat from my hips to my chest. Almost. But that’s good enough for me, for now. I’m nice to myself that way.
{An hour later}
I’ve got the baby on my hip and I’m walking my toddler into preschool. Another mom—who happens to also be a former colleague—stops me to chat.
Hey, how’s that job search going? she asks, and proceeds to make small talk.
You know, it can be really hard in this market, she tries to reassure me. Especially when you are pregnant. How far along are you?
Hold the phones. Stop the presses. What did she just say?!
I AM NOT PREGNANT! I scream inside.
Homicidal ideation: In my mind I run towards her with a sharp object.
In real life I calmly explain to her that I’m not pregnant and make the conversation last as long as possible so she can squirm awkwardly for at least as long as it will take for me to fix my ego.
Because you know what? For having popped out two kids in two years, I look more than acceptable. Sure, my postpartum belly may not have completely receded yet, but I’m giving the collagen some time to reactivate, and I refuse to give up whole milk in my coffee. I refuse.
I’m not wearing yoga pants (for once), my hair is blown dry and my face is not one massive under-eye circle. So go put that in your air-dried hair pipe, and smoke it. I’m doing pretty well.
So let this be a lesson to all persons considering asking about someone’s pregnancy:
Unless she has specifically announced the imminent fetus, do NOT under any circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant. Ever.
Has this ever happened to you?
Curvy Girl Guide Contributor, Kate is not a reverse-weight-ist. She doesn’t get upset when people are naturally skinny, she just tries to feed them carbs to see what happens. She’s an inter-culturally married mother of two ethnically named toddlers, and is coming to terms with the fact that being a soccer mom is no longer optional. She writes at Perpetually Nesting and loves a good chat on twitter.
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My first baby is 10 months old and I admit, I do look pregnant. I was asked by the woman at the chemist the other day but I can kind of forgive her because I was asking about cold medicine. However, she wasn’t the pharmacist and could have handled it better. Still hurt my feelings.
Now I realise why EVERYONE has been asking when we plan to have another. Subtle way of trying to find out if I am pregnant.
As a single, unattached, extra “curvy” girl with no intentions of getting pregnant… I think what I’m learning the most from this post is to never ever wear anything with an empire waist.
Oh my goodness – yes! I was walking out of the apartment building with all three children, when one of our elderly neighbors was coming in. She looked at me so happily and with excitement. I said hello and she said, “Congratulations! When are you due?”
I said, “I’m not pregnant – just fat.” And I walked away.
In London, this type of situation can lead to supreme awkwardness on the tube… When you see a woman standing up who you think might be pregnant and you want to offer her your seat: do you go ahead and do your good deed for the day? Or do you run the risk of offending someone publicly in a crowded train carriage on their way to work? Fortunately, London Underground now issues “Baby on board” buttons, which definitely help shed some light on the matter. The other argument, of course, is that if you’re pregnant and you want a seat: just ask for one! No one ever says no
1) I do ask women when they are due, but I have NEVER been wrong. It’s not just about being big; it’s the drum-tight belly with the protruding belly button.
2) An adult has never said this to me, but my kids poke my belly and ask if I have a baby in there at least once a week, which pisses me off enormously.
2) I would PAY to look as good as you do, and my “baby” is 5 years old.
I was recently working a booth at a convention for my company and my husband and little girl were with me. That morning before I left, my husband told me as I was walking out the door that I was looking great and that the outfit I had on made me look really skinny. That afternoon, my husband and little girl came to check out the convention and while my husband went to look around, my little girl stayed with me. My next door booth neighbor (a guy) walked over at one point and said, “Is she and the one on the way your only ones?” I was mortified, but I responded, “No, SHE is my only one.” And, then to make me feel worse, instead of just saying, “Sorry,” he said, “Oh, it looks like you are pregnant,” and then, I felt I had to defend my belly by saying, “Still have the baby fat from this one.” I gave him the stink-eye for the rest of the convention and I have yet to wear that shirt again…
More times than I like to admit. Most recently the culprit was my FIL. He knows we are trying and have had 4 miscarriages, we have given him and MIL explicit instructions to NOT ask, we will tell them when there is something to tell. One of the MOST insensitive things he’s ever said to me. Walked up to us at a family gathering to say hello and pats my belly first thing. My husband and I look at him in disbelief and in his back-pedaling he says “Looks like someone needs to lose some weight.” This coming from a 300+ pound man! My husband asked “Dad, did you just call my wife fat?!?!”
Needless to say, he hasn’t asked since.
I’ve had it happen twice, both times when I was about 30ish lbs lighter than I am now. I smiled ignored the comment and kept going, then was asked again (it was while working as a cashier) and I said flatly “I’m not pregnant”. Then I stared pointedly. She squirmed and walked of feeling pretty guilty, while reassuring me that I wasn’t fat. Umm you just asked if I was pregnant so clearly you have an opinion on my body type.
Now, I’d probably ask about his/her latest prostate exam/pap smear. Then follow with “Oh, I thought we were asking one another inappropriate questions”
I have a 5-year old and a 1-year old, and this happened to me over the summer. I was at a festival, enjoying the scene, when this woman – who was nice and round herself – came up and handed me her business card and told me she does pregnancy portraits. I was kind of dumbfounded – I had no flipping idea what she was talking about. And then of course I snapped back into reality I realized she was talking about how pregnant I looked in my baby doll dress. For the love of Pete, who doesn’t? I just handed the card back to her and told her I wasn’t pregnant. She looked like she wanted to melt. Good.
Being a pregnancy photographer must be a dangerous business to be in if you are relying on approaching women and guessing whether or not they are pregnant in order to drum up business.
The first time this I was asked if I was pregnant was when I was 14. I was at a concert and a lady had patted me down (I’m from detroit) and asked if I was pregnant. I said “NO” (and as a young teen/virgin) was very offended, she continued and asked “then what is that” and I had to tell her I’m just chubby. It hasn’t stopped since. I’ve been asked by co-workers (who then try to cover and say it’s because I glow – I work outside in summer, IT’S SWEAT), or the cashier at the university cafeteria who congratulates me (in an empire waist shirt I never wear again), or even a rotund woman at a Lebanese restaurant (who then insults herself and says “I have little fat too, you see?”. I’ve worked with kids for years now, so I’ve learned to not take their INCREDIBLY RUDE comments to heart and just explain to them flatly that you never ever ask a lady if “she has a baby in there”. Hopefully my education of one of these tykes will, someday, prevent them from embarrassing themselves or another unlucky lady.
When I was twelve years old, back in 1999, I was a flower girl for my mom’s second wedding. I thought the entire thing was wonderful — I had a cute dress, my mom looked beautiful, there were tons of pictures taken and everyone was so, so happy. I was too, until we got the prints back. As my mom and I were flipping through the photos there was one of me walking down the aisle and my mom proclaimed “God, Missy; you look pregnant!” This was far more hurtful than when a six-year-old little girl asked me if I was pregnant last year.
For crying out loud, how can someone ask “are you sure?” Clearly these people were not old enough to pay attention when they had any younger siblings, or cousins, or pregnant friends, because it doesn’t even begin to show until long after the woman would have missed a period. “Well, come to think of it, my last period was four months ago… I hadn’t even noticed until you asked, thanks!” >.<
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