I need to be pregnant. That’s right, I said NEED. My uterus is aching for a baby to kick around for nine months.
This isn’t just “baby fever”. I get choked up when I hold a baby. I even had to pass up lunch with a friend last week because the three other women that were going were all bringing their newborns, I was PMSing, and I didn’t think that I could make it through lunch without getting depressed that I didn’t have what they did.
For the record, it doesn’t help that everyone I know is knocked up. I may act excited to your face when you tell me you are pregnant, but in reality, I’m not. Ok maybe I am happy for you, but I’m not excited. Because I want your baby. Not in an “I’m gonna kidnap your baby” way. More like in a “I’m so fucking jealous that everyone I know is getting what I want more than anything else in the world” kinda way.
I know that a big reason for this desperate wanting of a baby is simply biology. I’ll be 27 in February. We’ll have been married for 2 years in March. My friends who are are several years younger than me are having their second babies. My hormones are going bonkers. BONKERS I TELL YOU.
Husband, however, is not as ready as I am. He is in the Navy for at least the next 13 years. He has (legitimate) concerns about being gone for the birth, missing birthdays, not seeing our kids grow up, etc. These are normal concerns. I do not blame him for having them. Add on the fact that he is, in fact, a boy, and it’s really no surprise that he is nervous about having a baby.
I, on the other hand, want to smack him up side the head and tell him to get over it and get busy. We’ve been going with the “not diligently trying but definitely not preventing” method for awhile now and that’s not cutting it. I also know that military wives have been doing this for years. It’s part of the life that we BOTH signed up for. I knew that he would be gone when I married him, so these things aren’t my concerns. I’ve accepted them already.
Of course, there’s also my “what if something happens to him and I don’t get to have HIS baby?” fear that I’m pretty sure most military wives feel this at some point.
He understands my needs and I understand his concerns. So we compromised and made a deal to get me, er, I mean us a baby.
You see, I have gained about 32 pounds since we got married 2 years ago. We don’t need to discuss why I gained this weight, but I know I need to lose it. It’s unhealthy, especially considering the overwhelming history of diabetes and heart disease in my family. But I don’t think I can diet. I’m not one of those girls that is capable of making herself feel guilty about something she ate. Food is good. I like my coffee and my coke and my chocolate and my cheesecake and my Five Guys Burgers and Fries.
I don’t do well with goals and guilt because I can rationalize my way out of just about everything. Husband initially made me a deal, that if I could fit back in my wedding dress by May* that he would pay for me to have a “trash the dress” photo session with my favorite photographer. This wasn’t him being mean or calling me fat or anything, so please don’t get the wrong idea here.
It was a real conversation where I admitted that even though I wanted the photo session, I just had to buy a size 20 bridesmaid’s dress so my size 10 wedding gown probably won’t fit. Then my light bulb went off. I can sew. My dress laces up the back. I could probably just make it work. Boom. Rationalized my way out of having to lose that weight. Unfortunately, even though I didn’t tell husband that I was thinking this, I’m pretty sure he was reading my mind.
Because then he said it.
He said if I lost the weight that I wanted by May (at least 25 pounds), that we would try harder to get pregnant. I’m talking ovulation kits and thermometers and the whole nine yards. He wouldn’t complain, and he promised to keep his word. And I believe him, because that’s his thing. He’s honest. Almost to a fault.
But, I have to lose the weight. I have to eat right and stop drinking the 3 cokes a day and get off my ass and exercise. I know it will be better for me. And they say that it will be easier to get pregnant if I’m not overweight.
I’m scared. And nervous. But you know what? This is the only reward that I think I can really work towards. A baby as a reward for losing weight. The most amazing gift in the world in return for 25 measly little pounds.
So what say you curvy girls? I need your help. Your support. Your expertise. How do I do this without spending oodles of money? I have 3 months. Let’s do this.
*We are moving away from my favorite photographer at the end of May, thus the deadline.
Hannah, Curvy Girl Guide Contributor, Peggy Ann Design
You can do it, Hannah!! (For the record, I think you are beautiful as it is). XOXOOX
smooches
You can do it and you are gorgeous. Wishing you good photo-shoot and baby thoughts.
My two cents on losing weight happily…..real cooking with real ingredients and incoporating movement into every day. Walks after dinner, bike rides, dance classes – it doesn’t have to be traditional, but every piece of movement helps. I’ve had a lot of luck tracking what I eat (helps remind me that I really don’t want to write that 4th peanut butter cup down next to other three as I reach for it) either in a notebook or with a smartphone application or website. I’m a huge fan of the Cooking Light cookbooks- tasty, easy recipes that come with all the nutrition info which makes tracking what you eat a lot easier!
great advice, Daisy!
Thank you so much Daisy! Obviously this post was written several weeks ago, & I have been sort-of doing weight watchers since then. The writing down what I eat has definitely helped me. I’m down 9 lbs, but ive been stuck there for 2 weeks. I just need to make time to move around. Its hard with a full time job and a blog and a handmade shop and getting ready to move to CA, but I think I will try what you said – even if its just a walk or something after dinner.
I gained a ton of weight when I first got married and then went on the South Beach diet and lost 40 lbs in 6 months right before I got pregnant. We had been trying for almost a year when I finally got pregnant and I totally think it’s because I lost that weight and got healthy! I thoroughly researched a ton of diets before I chose this one because other than the 2 week kick-start, it was a really healthy way of eating that allowed me to eat things that I enjoyed. It was hard to give up regular white potatoes and pasta, but it’s so worth that bundle of baby love that you’ll get in the end. Also, get support! Online, here, friends, etc. It makes it a TON easier if you’re doing it with someone else, either IRL or virtually.
thank you so much!
Men! LOL! My husband wasn’t ready for a baby for almost 10 years after we got married. Seriously! I am now almost 34 and we have an almost 3 year old son (we got married fairly young). Good luck! I know what it’s like when you want a baby really bad and your significant other is not on the same page.
As for weight loss, you can do it. Just be healthy about your approaches (healthy foods and exercise). Cut out processed foods and eat whole foods as much as possible.
I personally think Weight Watchers is a great program, you can enjoy the foods you like in moderation and understand portion control and trade-offs. You even get activity points for exercise which means you can eat more.
Walking is a great exercise, also. I enjoy dvds and working out in the comfort of my own home (30 Day Shred, P90X, No More Trouble Zones, etc.). Find what works for you and stick to it. You CAN do it!
You will find tons of online support! To be honest, my online buddies hold me accountable and keep me motivated.
1) Write down EVERYTHING you eat – it helps you see where you can make changes.
2) Get rid of the processed foods. Start cooking for yourself with healthy, natural ingredients. Foods that aren’t natural are confusing to the body and get held on to because we can’t process them properly. Don’t just cut out any foods completely. Let yourself have treats. This will make the difference between changing how you think about food and staying healthier vs just a short-term diet.
3) I’m a big fan of the little tricks to increase movement throughout your day. Get a pedometer. Track your steps on a normal day. Then make small goals – increase your daily steps by 100, 200 a day. You’ll be amazed at how quickly this gets you in the mood to do more exercise.
4) Get a buddy to keep you honest. Don’t compete – just share. Talk about what’s working and what’s not.
You can do this. You can. I managed to shed over a hundred pounds with just little changes. It took a while, but it happened. You’ll get there, Hannah!
You can so do it!I lost 40 pounds between the end of august and the beginning of november by just counting calories. It is WAY simpler than it sounds. I tried to walk a bit every day but if I did exercise, a lot of the time I just used it to eat something I wanted. I used an app on my phone to track the calories so it was crazy easy. I ate whatever I wanted knowing that if I ate something lavish it was going to mean a tradeoff of a plain salad or something later but I always stayed in my calories and it always made me lose weight. After about a week you fall into a nice routine and start knowing what things are gonna cost you and because it works so well I was really into it and not at all inclined to cheat. I would still be losing weight, and be almost at my goal, if I’d been able to keep up with this but lo and behold losing weight (this is my theory) changed my cycle a bit and so my husband and I, who had been practicing the okay “not diligently trying but definitely not preventing” ended up pregnant! SO I firmly believe you can do it and you’ll have your baby! I can’t wait to read all about your big news when it comes!
You can do this. 9 pounds is great! That is over 1/3 of your way to your goal!
I am no good at diets either because I can rationalize ANYTHING! However, you will feel so much better when you do get prgnant if you lose the weight you want before hand. You are then weighed every single month, if not more and you can do absolutely nothing about the scale going up, so the etter the baseline number, the happier you will be. The bright side is that once you are pregnant, you can take a guilt free trip to Five Guys to satiate the baby’s cravings!
hannah! you CAN lose it, girl!
(i just set a similar goal http://aholeistodig.blogspot.com/2011/03/31-by-31-list.html)
i am not a military wife, i can however relate to the weight AND the baby need. we adopted our first child two years ago. after years of much loss and pain, i am so thankful for him! having him doesn’t make me want babies any less though. i cannot have children, it is super hard sometimes realizing that dream is dead. everyone i know is pregnant too. i am finally able to be more joyful than bitter when i see THEIR babies.
sending you a big hug!! i will be praying for you on this weight loss and baby journey! we can cheer each other on…i have 31 pounds to lose….also food is my bff.
XOXOXO
I think the above covers it but also cut out all liquid calories. They don’t fill you up and they have a TON of suger. No soda, no juice, no sweetened iced tea, no jambe juice smoothies, no suger in your coffee etc. Plus, you won’t feel as deprived because you will still get to eat food. Also, I am a calorie counter. It’s not fun but I’ve lost 40 lbs since last October so it does work. I stick to 1200/day and 2000 on the weekends so I don’t feel deprived. Good luck with babymaking!!
I got pregnant both times after losing weight following a low carb diet. I’m not saying that would work for everyone, but it definitely worked for me (when nothing else had, not even IUI and fertility drugs). I think the key is to keep your goal in mind and find something that really works for you. There are some great inspirational weight loss blogs out there too if that is your thing. I’m currently trying to lose weight and be healthy as well. Here is a link to what I’m doing, http://www.mommamadeitlookeasy.com/2011/02/assignments.html.
Good luck!
I lost 35 lbs on weight watchers.. its not a lot of money, and you can still eat what you want.. in moderation of course. good luck!!
Wow, there’s some great advice on here. I agree wholeheartedly with Ms. Pink about South Beach. Because South Beach isn’t really a diet. It’s about learning how foods affect your body. If there’s a history of diabetes in your family, I’d definitely suggest you read it (I commented on here before about diabetes & South Beach). I, too, love food and wouldn’t ever be able to give up the foods I love. It’s all about balance. I want a coke everyday, but I know if I have coke, I’m going to need to drink more water to make sure I’m properly hydrated. I want my chocolate, too! So if I go to the gym, I get to have that cookie. Daisy made a really good point about cooking real food. Cook in advance, too. Sometimes, you just need something quick, and it’s easy and convenient to grab something that’s not very good for you, but if you have a casserole ready to go in the freezer, you can dodge that bullet.
As far as exercise goes, you have to find what works for you. As soon as I get out of bed every morning, I walk my dog. I don’t really think of this as exercise, but it is. For me, it’s just time to wake up, breathe in some crisp morning air, enjoy a sunrise. Then we walk again in the evening, which is quiet time, time I can use to unwind from my day. I also go to the gym, where I like to take classes because I like having someone else tell me what I’m supposed to be doing. If the gym isn’t for you, Comcast and DirecTV have exercise programs available 24/7, try some of them. And find a workout buddy. Exercise is more fun when shared.
Hannah- your goal to lose weight is AWESOME! If you like the idea of Weight Watchers but don’t want to spend the money, try downloading the mobile app MyFitnessPal. It’s a website as well – MyFitnessPal.com. It is a calorie counter with a database of TONS of foods. It is rare that I look something up and can’t find it on there. I’ve lost 16# so far! Keep us updated!
I’m going through something similar. We haven’t told anyone that we’re going to start trying, but I’m working towards getting my body ready! I know losing weight would benefit so much of my life, but it would definitely help in the getting pregnant area. I started Weight Watchers a month ago and I’ve already lost 10 pounds. It has been really easy. A lot easier than I ever thought. Plus, any time I am tempted to cheat, I just think “you’re doing this for the baby” and then I don’t feel like cheating on my diet anymore.
Good luck to you! It will all be worth it when you look good, feel good, and have that baby on the way!
git er done!
I have a tendency to overeat… Or you know, eat like a high school boy who plays football when I’m actually a 25 year old with 2 kids who wont run because my boobs bounce too much…
Ive started removing a scoop of food from my plate/bowl before I eat so I make sure I’m eating more normal portions. I’m also cooking and using a lot more vegetables and trying to cut back on my pasta and rice (I would never do a no carb or even low carb diet, I’m just trying to do a carbless meal every now and then. And drink more water
I lost all my baby weight and ended up pregnant a few weeks later… Now I’m sticking to the healthier eating because its for my baby
It takes courage to write your feelings down for all to see. I admire you. I hope your dreams come true. You deserve it!
You can do it! I am a big fan of Zumba…it’s exercise that doesn’t necessarily feel like exercise. And in one hour you can burn a TON of calories! (plus, you can learn a few moves to show your hubby later too *wink wink*)
I have friends that really like Weight Watchers too. I lost 55 pounds a couple of years ago by incorporating exercise and making some lifestyle changes. It was important for me to make some changes that I could maintain. You can start simple & make some swaps food wise – skim milk, Diet Pop, Splenda or stevia for coffee instead of sugar, sugar-free syrup in your fav starbucks drink instead of the standard, etc. The biggest for me is exercise & cooking/eating real food though. Packing a lunch instead of grabbing fast food, etc.
I suggest you start by incorporating exercise first. Because once you DO – you start wanting to eat better food (& you also begin to prize the work you just put into it & don’t want to waste it on eating crap).
You can do it!!
I have a water bottle from lulu lemon that says “Sweat everyday”. I made that my goal. It doesnt matter what I am doing, packing (I am also moving), go for a walk, or a walk/run, abs and squats while watching TV. Or 100 crunches before bed. Also drink water, it so easy and stops the snacking.
Hannah—I was pregnant with my first on my 30th birthday after being married to my husband for three years. Things seem to be right on track for you my dear.
One thing that helped me with the “not diligently trying but definitely not preventing” method was having a general idea of when I was ovulating. Sounds bizarre but I swear that is how I ended up pregnant the first time. I’m not talking about getting tests and monitoring the temperature of your uterus or any thing like that, just counting out a couple of weeks from the start of your period.
As far as the weight is concerned? Do you have a Wii? I lost 10 pounds over the Christmas holiday just playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii. That and LOTS of water will help you off that plateau you seem to have hit.
Sending you lots of dropped pounds and good swimming spermy vibes.
Oh Hannah. As I read this I felt like my heart crept up into a giant lump in my throat. Your scenario is so similar to mine. I’m 27 and my husband and I will celebrate two years of marriage in April. Stopped taking the pill 15 months ago. No baby. Some days it bothers me more than others. And my weight has gone up and down depending on the amount of stress in our life. It’s UP right now and at church on Sunday someone thought I was pregnant! If only I was. It was like a dart to the heart in so many ways.
Thank you so much for your honesty and openness in this. It helps me to feel strong and want to keep on going. Thank-you!
Oh Hannah. You CAN do this! And I know you will kick ass. My heart was sad reading this because I understand your frustration. It sucks. But this is a great reason to work for! No more cokes!!! We’ll be your cheerleaders
Mwah! : )
You’re right. I’m not helping with my “I will just buy better shapewear!!” am I?!
First of all, water. I hate water, but I love to chew on ice (and I read your “Things about Hannah” and I know you like ice too). So I fill up 4 glasses of crushed ice (which is super hard and not good for your teeth when it comes out of the freezer at your home like that) add water til it’s all covered and I let it sit for 15-20 minutes. SO it’s melty. And not so hard. And then I eat it. All 4 glasses. In the morning before I eat breakfast. I do the same thing before lunch and dinner.
If I’m not home…I find a place with “Sonic” ice (here our Zaxbys has it…but if you are going to also order chicken & toast from there…skip that) and I eat it. It slowly has got me better with drinking water. Now I can drink more water if the ice melts before I get to it.
Water. At least 1/2 of your weight in oz. Every time you want a snack? Water/ice.
I also have an unhealthy relationship with my scale. When I was HARD CORE dieting last year….I would step on the scale when ever I wanted to cheat. To remind myself why I was doing what I was doing.
I am working on breaking my Zaxbys addiction…because fast food is physically addicting. And I was CRAVING it so much that really by the time I got it it didn’t even taste as good as I had remembered (except the toast. Lord what sort of crack do they sprinkle on that toast?!?)
I don’t know if I’m helping. But I support you! Forever and ever my friend.
WDE!!
I just tweeted you about this but I’m right there with you! I’m finishing up my 2nd month of Nutrisystem which I did to give me a boost. I had about 40 pounds to lose. I was 25 pounds over my goal weight when I got pregnant with my first. It sucks to be so close to pre pregnancy weight and know that I need to lose more. I’m determined not to let that happen again. I want to be healthy for my daughter and future kids. So after NS I’ll be watching what I eat pretty closely, running/elliptical 4-5 times a week and drinking tons of water like Alena said.
You definitely aren’t alone and it’s definitely worth it! I hope that was encouraging… I think it was really just rambling!
Adipex. You’re welcome.
I am using the MyFitnessPal App to track what I eat and my exercise. We can be friends and support each other on it as well! My user name is AmyLK103!
Good luck!
I’m a navy kid! Luckily, my dad was there when I was born (and when my two little brothers were born) but he wasn’t always around. Tell your husband that we all turned out fine. I mean, there was that one time when my dad came back 10 pounds lighter and minus a mustache and I was a little confused about who he was until he got close, but I’m not exactly scarred for life. Plus, chances are, your kids are going to grow up in a community full of Navy families, so while they might not always have Dad around they have tons of extra moms to make sure their birthdays are awesome.
Plus, you live in the age of the internet! I used to write my dad letters that would take forever to get to him. Not to mention the fact that I started when I was three and didn’t know how writing worked. But he’ll tell you that the random scribbles of what I thought letters looked like are his favorite things I’ve ever written.
And I wrote a fifty page thesis on some obscure statute this year.
While I wish you luck, I also caution, be careful what you wish for. My now husband and I lost a baby at 20 weeks. It was as you would expect, devastating. My only thought was GET PREGNANT NOW! I could not be around babies or pregnant women for a long time. 7 years later we have two rambunctious little girls and while I would never give them up, I wish I had not let my hormones get the better of me. Even though it sounds like it is coming from a place of love, if your husband is telling you lose weight and then you can try “harder” to get preggars, isn’t that just going to mess with your head? And eventually your marriage and chances at a family will all hinge on this thing he put out there into the universe. I would think you would want to figure out why you are not working together on this goal, which should be mutual. If all else fails, I will give you my girls, (the littlest is just turning two but still small enough to cuddle and rock to sleep) for a weekend and you decide if you still want a baby or kids. They do get bigger and learn to talk back!
I wish you success. I am almost 47, and it never happened for me. So I say go for it now. Cause the feeling never goes away.
Best deal ever.
I can understand your feeling of everybody else has what I want. Everyone I know is getting engaged and married and that’s the only thing I want. I have to finish college first because my man is Air Force and lives a little while away.
As far as losing the weight, just remember to eat healthy and at least 1200 calories a day. It’s hard to get started but once you get going it’s easy to stick with. You can do this!
as a fellow “trying to lose weight” person i can tell you a few things that have and have not worked for me… BUT the first one is this:
you are not me, i am not you, our bodies have unique needs and different diets and foods have different effects on different people.
make a habit of drinking water “before”. you want to eat? drink water first, you need to exercise? drink water first. that doesnt mean dont eat, or dont exercise.. just put water as a “pre activity”
find some non starchy vegetable you like. or several.. eat them.
brocooli and romaine and all that? good stuff. i found out that i like them with ginger dressing.. or vinaigrette.
speaking of which.. eat sugar only with fiber in its natural form. so.. eat fruit? fine. fruit JUICE? not so much.. Soda? treat only.
and fruit plus blasamic vinger makes a delicious blended sauce for meat or salads. a drizzle (just a bit) of balsamic combines with pureed strawberry? heaven
what didnt work? low carb.. oh.. well it WORKED.. but i ended up cranky, deprived feeling, and as soon as i lost the weight i gained it all back. if you happen to love fresh made bread (i do, i bake) then low carb will drive you nuts.. if you dont LIKE pasta and bread, low carb will work fine. but do make sure you eat fiber with all starches.. so look for higher fiber breads and whole wheat pasta
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