Many men eagerly await the six week clearance by their wife’s OB-GYN after having a baby. While the woman, fatigued and reeking of baby puke, is likely buying herself an extra couple weeks or even months by pretending to be sleeping or having a “headache”.
I am well beyond the acceptable pass of a couple months after baby, but here I am, still avoiding intimacy. I make sure to never look bored for fear that will present itself as an opportunity to knock boots in his eyes. I am nine months postpartum and not 100% happy with my post baby body. The baby often wakes to be nursed in the middle of the night still so my sleep patterns are off. If given a choice, I’d choose a nap over a roll in the hay in a heartbeat. The thought of orchestrating a subtle rendezvous to the walk-in closet is exhausting. The idea of my body parts jiggling and sweating while slapping up against my husband while I am preoccupied listening for a baby fussing in the monitor or remembering a bill that I have to pay is less than appealing. I feel utilitarian, not sexy. The excuses could go on and on, but truth is, I am pretty content with not having sex right now.
I have had lots of sex in my time. I have been having sex for many, many years. I enjoy it, but my priorities have shifted and my to do list is long. The baby is about to wake, the kids need to be picked up from school, I have to make dinner or fold laundry. Sex has become just another chore that has fallen to the bottom of the list.
All around me are suggestions of how to fix me. How to increase my libido. How to spice things up in the bedroom. Take this pill. Eat that food. Buy this toy. Try that position. I’m made to think what’s wrong with me? Am I the worse wife in the world? Is it really that wrong that I would choose to take care of the household duties more than my husband’s desires? Is it so bad that I would prefer to lose myself in a bad reality show than the heat of passion? Part of me feels guilty. It’s not me rejecting him, per say, I wouldn’t want sex with Brad Pitt at this point.
All that said, I don’t feel I need to be fixed. I’m not broken. My life’s complex and busy. I have a lot of obligations, distractions and stress. I’m not dooming us to a life of abstinence. I think it will work itself out and that we will eventually get back to a regular routine of intimacy. I know my husband has needs and I think that my sex drive will return, but I have to confess, I’m in no hurry.
My husband is relatively understanding. This is our fifth kid so clearly, we have figured out ways to have sex after having children. That’s not to say he doesn’t think it’s all in my head and it’s not just something that can’t be fixed with a good porn.
So what say you? Has my statute of limitations run out? Am I depriving my husband by not providing him with what he “needs”? Am I the only that feels this way? Should I do the deed even if it feels like a hassle?