What Real Men Find Attractive

by Be Heard on November 26, 2010

in Self & Body, Sex & Relationships

What men find attractive in a woman is greatly misunderstood. The reason? Society inundates us with often contradictory messages of what female beauty is, and few of these accurately represent the opinions of real men.

Take the film and television industry. They are notorious for casting ultra-skinny actresses in roles that are meant to represent the female ideal. This, of course, sends out the message that real men prefer women you have to squint to see when they turn sideways.  This isn’t accurate, however, and what most people don’t realize is that Hollywood has an ulterior motive in casting the way they do. The line about a camera adding ten pounds is not just some old joke, it’s true. How someone appears on screen – especially a giant movie screen – can be very unflattering. Making matters worse, directors shoot their actors from every angle imaginable. Over time skinny actresses have proven to be easier to make appear attractive under the harsh glare of the moving camera, and that is why they are cast – not because they represent what the average man desires.

Similarly, the fashion industry prefers skinny models because their lack of curves doesn’t take attention away from the clothes they are modeling. Remember, a model’s job is to sell clothing – not a curvaceous form. Like Hollywood, the fashion industry has an ulterior motive in presenting the women they do.

On the other end of the spectrum I often see so-called experts on talk shows who say that – instead of skinny actresses and models – real men like every women under the sun, and they usually get a good chuckle out of the audience by portraying men as dogs who can’t resist any warm body with an X chromosome. This isn’t true, men have taste and standards just as women do, but like the above examples, talk shows have ulterior motives. They want to please their primarily female viewership, and by telling women what they want to hear they keep women watching.

So what do real men actually find attractive in a woman? The answer is not as simple as you may think. In fact, what men find attractive is pretty complex and varied. All you have to do is spend five minutes as a fly on the wall of a locker room to see this. When guys get together to discuss the women they find attractive, the women they mention make up a very diverse group. Tall women, short women, skinny women, full women, black women, white women, Asian women, Latino women, young women, older women…the list goes on from there. And men are just as likely to get hot and bothered over the check-out clerk at the local supermarket as they are an actress or model. Despite this varied taste, men aren’t dogs. There are plenty of women they don’t find attractive, and that list is just as diverse.

While the preferences of men aren’t as easily pigeon holed as society would have you think, there are some qualities that all men find attractive in a woman. These are qualities men are rarely given credit for appreciating – like style, confidence, intelligence, and humor.

The taste of real men is complex and varied, just as women are, and while not every woman will be for every man, every women who cultivates their personal style, confidence, intelligence and humor, will be turn heads. Take it from a real man – a woman will be most attractive to men if she stops trying to realize society’s contradictory messages of female beauty, and instead focuses on being the best version of herself that she can be.

Mike lives in Los Angeles with is curvy wife and curvy daughter. You can find his writing here.

peach November 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm

lovely post. it’s reassuring to hear this male point of view.

Tiger November 27, 2010 at 3:31 am

Thank you Mike, it’s nice to be reassured that my view of being more then the size on my clothes is on the money. I’m still trying to convince a friend of this however.

Brandi Cortes November 27, 2010 at 8:29 am

Very well written and communicated. Thank you, Mike, for sharing this. I’m one of the lucky women who after two bad marriages, has found a man who loves my body as it is: all the curves & genuinely appreciates them. However, in spite of his reassurances I still get sucked into the insecurities paradigm that is womanhood. It helps maintain a clear perspective when REAL men share their point of view.

Erin November 29, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Hi Mike,
I stumbled across this post and didn’t know it was you! I am a long-time follower of Heather’s (and yours) over on her site. What a nice surprise when I find out that this Mike is that Mike. Thanks for the post. I wish all men could articulate themselves as well as you do. Heather’s a lucky woman. Go kiss that chubby baby for me!

Bill April 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Why the hell do you think the fashion industry has something against fat people? Skinny models because they photograph/look better in designer clothes? Yeah right, and Rosie O’Donnell is the next top model. No guy watches the Victoria Secret Fashion Show and thinks, “You know what? These girls would be hot if they had a muffin top.” The target audience is the majority of viewers and the majority wants to see pretty things. Stop saying that it’s ok to be fat, it is not, Chubs, now put down the jelly donut. You want to talk about pleasing a target audience? LOOK AT WHAT SITE YOU’RE ON, a whole website that doesn’t mention the many pitfalls of being overweight. Not ONLY is self esteem affected but the immune system, heart, and overall well being of a person deteriorates as weight increases. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obesity#Effects_on_health Yeah, yeah I know. WIKI?! But follow the reference links on the page and they will tell you the same thing wiki does: Being overweight is one of the leading causes of death that is preventable. I mean, there are starving kids all over the world and people are dying from eating too much? Get a grip people; use a little bit more logic and a little less butter.

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