It’s not every day that they let a guy take to the pages of a magazine focused on women.
Daisy: Can you write an article for Curvy Girl Guide?
Me: Sure?
Daisy: Perspective of a single male, talk about what is important when you meet someone.
Me: So this is basically a dating piece.
Daisy: All the magazines have a single guy talk about his adventures in dating. Or lack thereof.
Me: Shut up.
Daisy: Oh, and make it funny.
Since this is my first foray in the hallowed pages of the Curvy Girl Guide, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Namby (well, not really, but I blog anonymously under this nom de plume), my time remaining as a twenty-something is measured in days, not years, and I am a lawyer in Chicago. As I alluded to in the opening conversation, I am a single guy that has been brought in to write an article on dating. Or how not to date, as the case may be. Now on to opening myself up so you can laugh at me, judge me and tell me why I am single. So, what is important when I meet someone? That’s simple: she has got to be smoking’ hot, have flexible morals and freakin’ loaded. Preferably with a twin sister.
Just kidding.
Yes, there has to be a physical attraction but that’s just the doorway to whatever might be. Looks are fleeting, thus I cannot make them my primary focus when I’ve met someone that I’d like to have a relationship with. So when I meet someone, the things that are important to me are a little more than skin deep; I want to see someone with a vision for where she wants to go with her life (and that is similar to my own), I want to see someone who is secure in herself, I want to see someone who is caring and understanding and I want to see someone who is intelligent. As covered above, I’m a lawyer and have what can conservatively be called an ego. I don’t think that I am arrogant (though I can be) and someone that I am dating needs to be able to kick me in the teeth when I need it (and trust me, I need it from time to time). Summing it up in ten words: I want her to be better than me in every way. Cheesy, yeah. Cliché, yeah. But this is what I am looking for when I meet someone.
The problem that I keep running into is that I find myself compromising my simple guideline just to be dating someone.
Like I said, I’m nearly thirty, so I’ve got an idea about what is important to me when meeting someone, and I also know what things will prevent anything from ever developing with that someone. Much like what is important to me, the things that are major problems are equally succinct; (1) dishonesty, (2) game playing and (3) rooting for the University of Michigan football team. Maybe that last one is flexible. Maybe.
So when I meet this person, these are the things that are important to me. I can’t speak for most guys, only myself, so I will not make some grand proclamation that all guys look for this one specific thing. Well, maybe I can…
We all like to have our jokes laughed at by the ladies that we meet.
These are just my thoughts. Be kind. Don’t judge harshly.
And let me know what I’m missing.
Curvy Girl Guide contributor Namby Pamby is an almost 30 single guy living the life in Chicago. He gets paid to dress pretty, go to court & talk to crazy people.
I think you forgot to mention the extremely important criteria of getting along with your friends. Ahem.
That’s a given. YOU’VE MADE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR!
Dating is hard, yo!
You sound like a great guy! Why are you still single? You are looking for the same things I am looking for in a guy. I think that people put too much stock into physical appearances as well, and what they they are looking for is probably staring them right in the face the whole time. You are correct, that smoking hot babe may not be so smoking hot 20 years from now, and she may also be a very shallow person as well.
THIS: “I want her to be better than me in every way.”
Add in, “I want her to like herself,” and you’ve made the perfect recipe for finding your perfect woman.
So, Angie, you’re saying if I like myself my Mr.
>JTRight will come?One can only HOPE!
“The problem that I keep running into is that I find myself compromising my simple guideline just to be dating someone.”
It is SO refreshing to know that men do this too. It is also refreshing to know you are almost 30 and still in the boat that I am flailing to escape at 25.
My best friend is 31 and finally found a man who she loves. She rarely settled on people she didn’t find compatible, but the fact that she waited and found an amazing man (who is seriously a great match and an awesome human in general) is my current gem of hope.
It’s always good to hear that others do the same things that I do.
If a woman is better than you in every way, she’ll start looking for someone that is more “in her league”.
I look at it as a reason to continue to improve myself so that she wouldn’t start looking elsewhere. It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally realized that I can’t stay static when I am in a relationship if I want it to last.
I look for that as well in an order to motivate myself to better myself. Sometimes it doesn’t work (like what Janice was saying when the other person gets bored), but I believe that when a great relationship forms a synergy happens. Each person has their strengths and weaknesses which complement the other person’s. Therefore, both people work toward improving the weakness that happens to naturally be the other person’s strength.
As I finish typing that I wonder how drippingly idealistic that sounds!
P.S. I like to make up words (see: drippingly). Blame Joss Whedon.
“Much like what is important to me, the things that are major problems are equally succinct;….and (3) rooting for the University of Michigan football team. Maybe that last one is flexible. Maybe.”
#3 is not flexible at all. Hahaha. Sort of.
amen on not rooting for university of michigan.
agree on (3)…except…NOT FLEXIBLE! Can you tell I’m from columbus?
sooo….laughing at jokes, eh? that’s what it takes? (Assuming I’m completely awesome in every other way)
Totally agree on #3 – die hard Buckeye Fan here.
I understand the “I want her to be better than me in every way” thing. I married a man that is super smart (not that I’m a dummy, however). For me its a turn on when I ask a science-y question or even just how to set my automatic watch (duh, I know!) that he has an answer. Plus, he also happens to be a Buckeye
I almost said to myself, “Wow, sounds like a great guy. Wonder why he’s still single.” Then, I read his #3 and I’m moving on.
Go Blue!
HARSH
Go Bucks!
6 months ago I met a great guy. Good job. Means of transportation. Goals. Cleans up after himself before I visit. My family thinks he’s great. My friends adore him. Eerily similar interests & even more eerie is how our taste in food, drink, movies, books, art, humor, etc. overlap. Even better, they don’t overlap enough that we aren’t regularly introducing new stuff to each other.
One week ago we broke up. Because, at this point I don’t see myself falling in love with him.
We all have our standards & preferences but if that it factor isn’t there you can end up with a technically perfect relationship without any heat.
I agree completely. Sucks about ‘it’ not being there.
You didn’t mention boobs. I’m concerned.
Considering that you are writing for Curvy Girl Guide, I am surprised that you didn’t write anything about curvy girls.
Hi. I live in Chicago, will laugh at all your jokes, and love the Buckeyes. We should meet.
I attempt a lot of bad jokes
Dating was so much easier in our teen years. Right now I am much more stubborn and have my opinions on every single thing and it’s getting harder to find someone who thinks alike. Being a girl all I needed in a boy was a cute smile. Right now I want him to be intelligent and witty, be able to spell (!), have his own mind instead of waiting for me to make all the decisions. It doesn’t seem like a rare qualities, right? Well, I suppose all these kind of guys are hiding from me. That or this must be lawyers’ curse (heard about it in my first year of law school. Should have quit then. Didn’t. Here are the consequences).
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