I was 22 years old when I took my first antidepressant. Paxil.
Postpartum with my first son, I had spent months locking myself in the bathroom and sobbing. Because I had always been prone to periods of feeling “down,” I didn’t realize how seriously something was wrong until I was found myself laying awake in bed one night, staring at my sleeping husband and fantasizing about punching him in the back of the head.
Don’t get me wrong, he totally deserved it (note to my 21-year-old self: 26-year-old dudes who are really into working out and being in bands sometimes don’t make the best husbands…..thank goodness for aging and maturity), but feeling violent was out of character for me.
When my doctor first suggested medication, I was hesitant and worried that only crazy people took antidepressants. But within three days of starting Paxil, I could feel a fog lifting. Within a month, I knew for the first time in my life what it was like to feel “normal.” I wasn’t crying all the time. I felt calm. Peaceful. Patient with my son. Completely rational. Things I had never really felt before.
Six months of Paxil was just the right cocktail to get my brain chemistry in perfect working order. Since that first round of medication, antidepressants have become a regular part of my life for which I am grateful, yet, even among friends and family, I find there are still numerous misconceptions about these drugs.
For example:
- Antidepressants are “happy pills.”
They’re not. Antidepressants do not cause feelings of euphoria or bliss. They slow the re-uptake of various brain chemicals which regulate mood (serotonin and in some cases norepinephrine). They don’t generally release dopamine (the happy chemical). Antidepressants don’t make you feel happy. They can help you feel normal, and able to pursue the things that do make you happy.
- Only crazy people take antidepressants.
For better or for worse, antidepressants are the number one most prescribed drug in the U.S. As many as 1 in every 10 people are on some form of antidepressant medication. We don’t hesitate to take medication for an out-of-control thyroid, high blood pressure, or diabetes. Why should someone be stigmatized as “crazy” because they take a medication to help balance brain chemistry? While depression may be characterized as a mental illness, it often has an underlying physical cause.
- Antidepressants are the easy way to avoid dealing with larger problems.
Antidepressants should be used in conjunction with talk therapy. And there’s nothing easy about taking them. They cause side effects ranging from weight gain and anorgasmia (yes, that’s the inability to have an orgasm) to dry-mouth and nausea. They can take four to six weeks to be effective, and it may require multiple medication changes and dosage adjustments in order to find the one that works.
If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, please do not hesitate to contact your physician to discuss the possibilities of talk therapy and medication. Do not let the misconceptions regarding antidepressants keep you from getting the help you need to lead a normal, healthy life.
Audrey Binkowski is a writer, a mother, a digital marketer, and a hoarder of vintage items. Seriously, her closets and cupboards are full of old crap that belonged to dead people. You can read more from Audrey on her blog, Laugh Mom.
Misconceptions about anti-depressants kept me from taking them for years. It also felt like if I finally gave in and took them, I was admitting that I wasn’t “right” and that I was “crazy”, which in hindsight is obviously not true.
It’s amazing how clear things become once you get a little distance from the fog of depression.
Love this Audrey!! Great info! XOXO
I only just started taking Prozac this past January. I’m 30 years old. For years, I felt like if I resorted to medication, I was losing some kind of battle. Now that I’m on medication, I feel like, “who was I suffering for?” I have perspective that I didn’t have before, and there’s no way I would go back.
No one should have to battle to get through the day.
Love this. I think women often feel we have to “tough it out” and just get through it. But why? Not worth suffering.
I was first on antidepressants in college. And for me, Zoloft was a Godsend! I finally felt like myself again. (When I am struggling with depression, one of my first clues is that I inappropriately overreact to situations that wouldn’t normally bother me at all. My emotions are disproportionate to the circumstances.) I used it again, for about a year after my son was born. I was recently speaking with a good friend, who confessed that she feels a sort of depression lethargy, which is sucking the life from her relationships, including that with her husband. She wants to do counseling, and I encouraged her to try medication at the same time. She was very reluctant, even after I’d shared my experiences. There is a huge stigma against using medication for a mental illness in this area of the country (midwest), and it is unfortunate, because as a previous poster asserted, you are not winning any awards for having to slog through the day when things could be so much better.
Zoloft got me through one of the roughest times in my life. It didn’t fix the problems, I did that on my own. But Zoloft helped me to keep things in perspective.
Whenever I start patients on medication, I let them know that antidepressants aren’t meant to make them go around skipping and smiling. Just as you said, they balance your neurochemicals so that you can feel like you are reacting appropriately to the things happening around you. Antidepressants are never a life sentence of medication. Usually we keep patients on medication for a year from when they are feeling better. We avoid taking patients off the medication during the winter, as mood disorders seem to worsen or accentuate at that time. 75% of my patients when that year is up tell that they don’t want to come off the medication. They feel functional, they like people, people like them and that is fine, we use these medications safely long term.
Thanks for weighing in, Dr. Curvy!
Thank you for sharing a subject that still seems to be so taboo. I don’t believe everything can be solved with pills (better living through chemistry?) but nobody should ever be ashamed to seek help from therapy and/or medication!
No, pills don’t solve anything. But they do help to balance out brain chemistry so problems don’t seem so insurmountable.
I write about my struggle with depression on my blog and my daily cocktail of Prozac and Wellbutrin. The misconceptions are really ripe. They do not automatically make me happy or lazy. The meds have kept my lows higher then they would be without the meds and I am thankful about that.
I write to try to stop the stigma.
Thank you, Jen, for working to remove the associated stigma.
thank you for writing this. antidepressants have allowed me to finish college and keep a stable job. however, i am still ashamed to admit that i take them – only a friend and my mother knows. i wish i wasn’t so worried about people finding out, and what they may think of me in return.
There’s a pretty good chance that a lot of the people whose opinions you’re worried about are also taking antidepressants. There’s no shame in doing what you need to do to be healthy.
I recently started taking Prozac after several months of AWFUL premenstrual syndrome. I’m talking just out of control anger, hating everybody, that kind of thing. Not fair to my family at all. I was really hesitant to start taking it because, well, I always said they weren’t for me, you know? But holy cow. I am so glad I made that decision. I just had my third period since starting the Prozac and it was a WORLD of difference. I was a little grumpy and had some massive chocolate cravings but that’s it. None of the other stuff. The stuff that made me hate myself and everyone else. It was such a good choice. Even if it was a tough one.
I know that pms/hating everyone feeling well.
This was a great post! I have to take anti-depressants to help with anxiety and they are definitely NOT happy pills, and it took me weeks of not being able to sleep to finally give in and go talk to someone about what was wrong because I thought only crazy people went to psychiatrists. I’m a lifer, but that’s okay with me. I’m not ashamed of it anymore. I can not help my brain chemistry is different than others. I AM a happier person but that’s because i’m not constantly overly worrying or feeling so down I don’t want to get out of bed anymore.
Thanks for sharing this!
Fantastic article!
I was 31 when I first went to my doctor, after an aunt who is a nurse told me she suspected I might be depressed. I’m incredibly fortunate to have an amazing family doctor who explains things very well. When I did the test with him he was shocked that it took me so long to see him – but I had been feeling bad for so long (as well as horrible insomnia) I thought that was just who I was! I was hesitant about meds at first too but as Audrey said, if you were diabetic, you’d take meds, etc. After a detailed explanation of how the brain works, I agreed. I remember that just before I left he hugged me and said “You’re not crazy. You’re perfectly normal. Ask 10 of your friends – 5 of them have been where you are”. (see, I told you my doc was awesome).
At first I kept it a secret and then started talking about it. Sharing it. And people came out of the woodwork to tell me that they knew what I was going through (a cousin, my grandmother!). After I eventually did come off the meds (5 years med free) four of my friends recognized that they needed help as well – and said that they only considered it because I had been open about it. I now have the skills to recognize when I’m heading down that path again – and luckily I’m able to work on myself to change it – but I wouldn’t hesitate to go back to my doctor.
My doctor described it best – if you imagine an elastic around your wrist, anti-depressants are just the snap of the elastic that some of us need for short term – and for some of us it’s a scrunchie we keep around our wrist all the time.
thank you for writing this! such truth. i began taking anti-depressants when i was 22 and about 8 months into my marriage. they helped TREMENDOUSLY. i’m not exaggerating when i say that they were a life saver for me. also, i took them in conjunction with talk therapy, which i highly recommend. annnnd i definitely had the first two side effects that you were discussed….weight gain and anorgasmia but i’ve since learned how to deal with both of those. again, thanks for writing this.
Thanks so much for this. I started taking meds in my late 20s, and after they kicked in, I remember saying to my mom, “I think this is what normal people must feel like.” To be able to handle the downs of life and feel the ups–that, to me, was better than any “happy pill”. I might never be able to go off my anti-anxiety medication, but you know what? I’m okay with that. My life has opened up, and I’m so glad I took the step of admitting I needed help.
Amen!
Im glad this post was written…I have pretty severe depression and I have moderate Bipolar Disorder. I am one of those people who NEED medication, but I pretty much refuse to take it. I struggled with depression from the time I was 12 until I was 19 before I sought any kind of help. I started with my high school guidance counselor, who referred me to our school psychologist who strongly suggested I go to the county mental health office. I never did. A year later I finally saw someone who prescribed me Paxil. After taking it for a little over a month, I had EXTREME suicidal thoughts and discontinued it. He prescribed me Prozac…same situation. I stopped taking meds altogether. Another year later I was hospitalized in the behavioral health section of a hospital…yeah thats what you think it is…a loony bin. I was held for 8 days and pumped full of Adavan, Trazadone and Zoloft.
I continued taking Zoloft for about 6 months, but it changed me. All I could do is sit around staring off into space with dilated pupils. I was high out of my head all day. No one wanted to be around me because I just acted weird.
Today, I still haven’t found anything that works for me, so Im coping without, but getting very close to giving it another try.
Depression doesn’t make you crazy, it makes you real.
There is some great evidence that fatty acid supplements (omega 3′s – fish oil capsules) have been very effective as an adjust to therapy for bipolar disorder. The issue with bipolar disorder is that you won’t find success in the traditional mood meds. You have to use the atypical mood meds, or even some old school meds such as lithium or depakote. Don’t give up on the possibility of feeling functional, Talk to your doc about these therapies!
I love my zoloft.
It keeps me even – no big anger waves, no ups and downs.
It took me years to finally admit that I may need medication. I’ve been on Sertraline now for almost three months and I am noticing a difference and even my husband says so. The only thing I’ve had trouble with is the side effects, which do go away in time. I imagine once I’ve been on them at least 6 months, there will be a massive improvement.
Great job! You really described it concisely and easily. Wish I had these words for my friends and myself when the decision to take medication was made. I lost 7 months of my twins’ lives to PPD because I just didn’t think what I felt was wrong. I mean, a new mom who lays in bed counting chores she should be doing instead of napping? Clearly a mess!
We just moved to Poland from Texas, and again, I underestimated the fog of depression. Mine just lifted and, low and behold, I can do what needs to be done without getting bogged down just thinking about how to do it.
Hooray for taking care of ourselves!
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