Where I grew up, being single is not really a thing people do. They marry their high school sweethearts and go on to have 19 babies in four years. Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration, but it’s really not too far off from Small-Town-Middle-Of-Nowhere-Canada where I live. (And that may be my town’s real name. You’d never know it wasn’t.)
My parents got married at 18 and 21. My little brother just got married a few weeks ago. He’s three years my junior, and at 23, has been with his wife since they were 16. In my mid-twenties, I’ve already been in more weddings than I have fingers.
Now that I’m “getting on in my twenties,” as my wise, older aunts like to remind me, it’s kind of expected that I find a suitable mate and settle down sooner rather than later…because it’s just what people do. My family is getting so desperate at my lack of a long term relationship that a couple months ago my mother told me that I should “go on those Internet things and find a nice guy.”
To paraphrased Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You, ummm…. have you seen the unwashed miscreants that live in this town?
So thanks Mom, but I’m good.
Really.
I honestly enjoy being single.
I get to make my own decisions about BIG! LIFE! THINGS! in which I don’t have to take someone else’s opinion into consideration.
A couple of years ago, I moved to Europe for a year. If I was in a relationship I doubt I would have ever even thought about doing that. I would have missed out on dancing on a table in a bar in Ireland, walking on beaches of Greece at sunset, making out with that cute Aussie after a night of far too many beers under the Eiffel Tower, and so many other moments that make me think, holy crap that was fun!
To this day, I have friends tell me they’re jealous of my year abroad, wishing they could have done that. I found a job, booked a flight and in no time at all…had taken off to do whatever it was I wanted to do. But they couldn’t, because they had to think about and make a decision with someone else in mind, and it’s just so much harder to organize two peoples lives day to day, let alone two lives moving halfway around the globe. Making your own decisions without having to think about what someone else wants to do makes for stellar life adventures!
There’s even beauty in the little things. There are no TV-remote wars, and you’re welcome to watch all of the educational tv you desire. (Reality tv counts as educational, since it’s about the REAL WORLD. I’m being worldly, not shallow.) Watching baseball, hockey, football, or some-other-sport-that-I-just-can’t-grasp-the-concept-of just isn’t as fun as watching a rose ceremony where you commiserate on twitter that the only possible explanation for him keeping the crazy one is that he is crazy as well. It’s just not the same watching it the next day when you already know who is going home thanks to the internet, which you googled on your laptop while silently wondering what the hell a down is and how it can be important when no one is ever sent to pack their belongings and leave immediately.
I can wake up to pee in the middle of the night and do not fear falling into the toilet in the dark because someone has left the seat up, and I can pee with the reckless abandon that one can only experience when he or she is single. The kind where you know with absolute certainty that you were the last one in your washroom, and you’re not going to find any surprises anywhere.
And, while I’m in the bathroom not falling into the toilet, I can sigh and think, man, I should really shave my legs in the morning, except I know that I’m gonna wear jeans tomorrow. So upon crawling back into bed, I set my alarm clock for 15 minutes later than I was going to get up, because shaving my legs can wait a day when I’m single. Or two. Or 27. And no one will ever know. More sleep, heck, I’d stay single just for that. Plus, I’m pretty sure that during the winter I could have easily won a leg hair growing contest. Show me someone who is in a long term relationship who has ever won that contest. Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Another single perk is that the cookie complex is obsolete. You know when you get to the end of a package of cookies and there is one left, and you’re all, damn, I should leave it because it’s polite, and don’t want to seem like a pig even though these are the best cookies I’ve ever eaten? So you both shy away from the cookie, but can’t buy more cookies because you haven’t finished the last cookies, so you’re stuck in a never ending cycle of not being able to eat cookies until one person finally takes the plunge and eats the damn cookie and then the other person gets mad because they wish that they’d been the one to eat the cookie. Not so much a problem when you’re single. You can totally eat all the cookies you want. You can finish off the package and no one is the wiser. Except the teenager bagging your groceries at your grocery store, but being a cougar isn’t really my style.
I can watch the movies I want to watch without having to try my luck at rock, paper, scissors. I can stay up until 3am reading a book that I just can’t put down with the lights on, or go dancing with my girlfriends at the drop of a hat. I don’t have to worry that a relative that I’ve never met is going to have a Happy Vasectomy Party the next day at which I’d have no idea what is appropriate conversation or if I should bring a gift. And, to top it off, I can eat all the Mexican food I want without thinking about any possible embarrassing consequences.
Do I want to be in a real grownup relationship with a nice guy who treats me well and who I can hold a decent conversation with? Would I like to meet someone who makes me laugh, and that I could someday spend the rest of my life with?
Yes, eventually.
But, I’m not in any rush, and I’m definitely not willing to settle.
I’m hell bent on trying to be positive that Mr. Right will come along, enjoying my life and being young, happy and carefree instead of settling for Mr. Good Enough For Right Now and kicking myself later.
Besides, always getting the last cookie while watching reality tv, knowing you don’t have to shave your legs later sounds positively heavenly to me.
I think you’ve got a great attitude about single-hood, despite not being single myself anymore. I really enjoyed my single years, and did a lot of fun and crazy things before meeting the guy I’m now engaged to (though I met him at 23).
I will say that, at least in my relationship, I’m still encouraged to do a lot of the same things I did when I was single: I go out with my friends. I stay up late reading (though stretched out on the couch now). He doesn’t notice if I go for what I think is a long time without shaving. I’m grossed out before he is. And with the advent of internet TV, we’ve never once had a fight about what to watch.
Of course, this is not to say that you shouldn’t revel in your singlehood, because things do change when you’re paired up long term. I can’t just take a trip to Europe for a year, and if I want to quit my job or move, I have to figure out what the fiance wants. But, I guess my very long-winded point is: when you find the right person, you won’t have to give up some of the best things about being single and YOU, and the other things won’t feel like such a sacrifice.
I was going to write something along these lines, but you’ve summed it up perfectly. I got married at 27, and became a mom at 30, and as much as I love my life, I wouldn’t change my 20s of having fun, going to grad school, and living my own life for anything! Enjoy yourself – the rest will fall into place
Good for you! Enjoy it!
I sometimes think about what it would have been like to be single and young….I don’t regret my life at all, but I do imagine I would have lived like you.
Enjoy it!! xoxoxo
It sounds like you’re having a great time! I had a friend leave our not-all-that-small-town because she had to live where not everyone was married by 24. I completely understood her reasoning, despite my wedding at 24! Your priorities are different single than they are in a relationship. The worst relationships ever are between people who weren’t ready to stop being single. You’ve made a really smart choice!
I love, love, LOVED being single and having my own place. All to myself. Sigh. Actually, when I met my husband, we dated for 3 years and continued to live that rockstar lifestyle. Even marriage didn’t kill that. It was kids that did it…Kids are the ones that change things more than marriage
Thank you thank you thank you! I’m 25 and single and I’ve never had so much fun in my life! I do so many things by myself and I love it. It’s liberating. I eventually want to settle down someday, but for right now, I’m 25 and want to take up all that life can offer without having to compromise with someone else. I’m moving from Maine to South Carolina in three weeks and I couldn’t be more excited to embark on this adventure solo. It’s perfect timing and I am going to take everything in!
I love this. I’m in my 20s and thoroughly enjoying singledom.
Good for you! Enjoy your single days. I was single until I was 29 and I had a great time in my 20′s. I traveled and lived where I wanted and moved around and followed my dreams. By the time I met my husband I was ready for more. I listened to many lectures from my grandmother about how my eggs were getting old and I needed to hurry up and reproduce. I am so glad I waited until I was 31 to be a mother. I don’t feel like I missed anything and when I did become a mother I was ready to do it. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do!
You took the words right outta my mouth. Luv this! Also living the “selfish kinda life” and it’s great.
Now I’m kind of jealous.
Shh…me too
I never, ever leave the last cookie. Ever. If he wants the cookie he should get to the package first. Suckah!
LMAO!
I was born an old maid. I am seriously wishing away my twenties because the uncertainty is so freaking annoying! I’m like, Nega You. But I envy you. I would love to experience what you have. Killer goats and all.
Great post! I loved being single, and it’s fun to read about other single girls who are living it up. Your year abroad? AWESOME.
I was just talking to some girlfriends the other day about how nice it was to be able to eat cereal for all 3 meals if you felt like it and not having to worry about whose turn it is to pick the movie.
AND! I so relate to watching my shows the next day on DVR.
However, I’m glad I had my single time and I’m glad I took my time finding the right fella. Even if he separates the cookies into two even piles: one for me, one for him. And then doesn’t eat his pile for like a million years. And mine are gone in roughly 2 days.
Dude, if I didn’t love you already, I’d make you mine simply for your cookie theory (bang on, BTW). <3
I think I want to leave my husband now because, damn, single life sounds like fun!
(of course there’s the whole 3-year-old boy I don’t really want to get rid of…)
unwashed miscreants. mmhmm.
I LOVED this Erin! This post was so funny, so true and completely you! Love ya LLT!
I come from the same kind of town as you. All over Facebook I see people getting married and having kids with the people they were dating in high school. At the ripe old age of 23 they have two kids and have been married for like 3 years. Me? Im working full time and not shaving my legs, or underarms, and lord knows Ive neglected that bikini area. But it doesnt matter…no one is seeing it. Sometimes being single is pretty awesome
I could of written this post, minus the traveling abroad for a year. Though, I do think about taking a job in another state for a year or two, just to get away from my “norm” and family. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
I’m 32 and single and I’m happy. Sure, I hope (and dream) about finding Mr. Right one day, but for the time being I’m ok with my life where it is right now. My mother, on the other hand, is NOT!
Awesome post! I never dreamed of being married….I loved living alone…staying up late…and sleeping in. I lived on my own from age 20 until 31 when I married. It was a surprise to me and everyone else that I found someone I wanted as a “permanent room-mate”. Enjoy yourself…eat ice cream for dinner…drink the whole bottle of wine if you want…and eat all the cookies! You go!
mo
I married at 24 and yes, i often think about what could i have done if i didnt get married so young.
But then again, I had my girls at 26, so I like the fact that I am a “young” mom.
Also? I dont shave my legs 90% of the time and my husband still loves me and wants to get it on. Now that’s love!
I just got married last year, at the age of 36. I know lots of people get married in their 20s, but that would have been WAY too young for me! I enjoyed my single years, but being married to the right guy who I waited for is even better!
I did it backwards! When I was young, all I wanted was to be a wife and mother. So much so, I got married at 16 and had a baby just before I turned 18! Of course, we ended up getting divorced, a year later.
One more failed marriage (relationship started when I was 20) that lasted til I was 29 and I felt like I was done. I was ready to be single.
I thoroughly enjoyed being single again. I was a single mom, raising my youngest son all on my own. I liked that I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. I liked that I could eat hors d’ouerves (sp?) for dinner. I liked that I had control of the TV. I loved it all. I even had a few boyfriends that wanted to move in with me and even though I cared about them very much, I was happy that I didn’t have to take their decorating ideas into consideration. I flat said “no” and that typically ended the relationship.
However… Four years ago I met a man that was perfect for me. And even with him, at first I didn’t want to move in or get married. But, a year ago (after my last child flew the coop), we did finally begin cohabitation. I love him dearly and we are now engaged; but sometimes… Sometimes, I wish we still lived in separate houses.
I still don’t shave my legs though; and yes, he knows I will eat the last cookie. LOL But, I let him have the remote, most of the time.
“pee with the reckless abandon that one can only experience when he or she is single.” BRILLIANT!
As someone who was in relationships a lot in their twenties and then decided to take a good long break in their thirties, I can tell you that being single by choice is pretty wonderful at any age!
I am in a very similar situation as you, and well I enjoy my single life. Im going to move to Asia for a year so getting hitched isn’t ideal right now. Im content with where I am. Thanks for this post, brightened my day.
I have also go from the situations of single life, but i think become single for long time is not good, one day you need a partner of life partner to share your feelings.
A friend of mine posted this on facebook, and I was imediatly intriged by the title, since I too think that singleness is grossly underrated amongst my friends and family. However I was very disappointed with what I read. Every single reason you gave for enjoying singleness comes across as selfish and immature (maybe that’s why your’re single). Your article left out all the real benefits to being single. I mean the *lasting* benefits – the advantages that actually make a difference in the world (or even the ones that make a difference in your own life long term – other than the joy of reminiscing about being drunk).
I agree with you that not being tied down to a town or city is a huge benefit to singleness; along with the freedom in general that you have when you don’t have to confer with a significant other about big (or small) decisions. But, if all you use that freedom for is self indulgence, having fun, and entertaining you, than you aren’t making a very strong case for singleness.
An aside: You claimed that your desire to watch reality TV instead of sports isn’t shallow. While you won’t get any argument from me that sports is less shallow than reality TV, reality TV is still very, very shallow.
I think your friends that started a family young should be commended. Making and keeping a promise is a mature and noble action. Families are a wonderful thing, and raising the next generation is an en-devour even more underrated than singleness. That doesn’t mean that everyone should get married and have kids though. There are many noble and mature en-devours that cannot be carried out by a committed husband/wife/father/mother – the world needs single people!
If you think, however, that always having the toilet seat or TV channel your way is a great reason for being single, than you’ve missed the point. (You’ve also missed the point of marriage if you see it as a “ball and chain” and if you think that having to understand someone different than you is a nuance.)
Please, don’t spend your freedom on just you. Take advantage of your singleness to do the good things that married people can’t do as easily; and when you do, you may find Mr Right.
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