In High School we had this horrible thing called a pound book, named for its weight. A large binder full of lined notebook paper, one page for every person in the class.
Across the top of each page, the name of a student, and below that, hand written anonymous messages about the student whose name graced the top of the page.
The book made its way around the entire school. As soon as it was your turn, you scrambled to find your name, to see what was written about you.
Some was good. Most was bad.
Fat. Easy. Bitch. Skank. Fag. Whale. Cheater. Retard. Whore.
How on earth could any of those hateful words define the life of a young person?
And how on earth could any of us think that those words could define our lives now?
Some days, I still hear those things in my head when I look in the mirror. Only, they aren’t coming from others. They’re coming from myself.
I’ve become my toughest critic. I’ve become my own pound book.
And, it ends here.
Last week, we took a very hard first step in a new initiative we are calling, Project Real. We got real about our real weight. And, it was freeing. Scary? Yes. But, freeing none the less.
This week, we are getting real about the flaws we see in ourselves. All the tings we can’t look past, causing us to miss out on all the things that make us absolutely gorgeous.
Gone are the days of the hateful Pound Book, at Curvy Girl Guide, we’ve got ourselves a Boost Book.
An amazing place where you can upload a photo of yourself, and tell us what you see. Then you can sit back, and let the us tell you all the beautiful parts of yourself you don’t see.
This is me.
My husband took this shot, in an attempt to finally allow myself in front of the camera on a family vacation. I want to love everything about this picture of my daughter and I, but, I hate it. It is a picture that almost brings me to tears. This moment was so happy and memorable in mind, but when I see this picture, I can’t bring myself to look past the back fat, how could he not have told me it was just hanging out like that? Or, the way my saggy chest creases, how huge arms are, or how I am so afraid to smile as big as I want to in that moment, because my greatest photogenic anxiety is my double chin.
What is wrong with me?
I should think more of myself than I do, and you should, too.
We’d love for you to join us in putting the end to self criticism and rediscovering all the beauty we may be missing.
Join the movement!
Click here and upload your photo to our Boost Book Flickr Group, let us know what you see when you look at yourself. And while you are there, take a moment to comment on the photos of other brave women. Remind them of all the reasons they are gorgeous, worthy and hot as hell!
← Previous Comments
You are so right, we are our own worst critics. When I looked at that photo the first thing I thought was how beautiful you are. Look at those dimples! I didn’t notice anything else, until you pointed it out.
I had to laugh ( not AT you) really laughing at me, because I do the exact same thing with my pictures. I tend to point out all the flaws because I want to make sure that the person looking at it knows that I know they are there. But looking at your picture I didn’t see any of the flaws. Maybe when people look at my pictures they don’t see my flaws or maybe they see them, because in my picture how can they not, but maybe they don’t see them as flaws!
Thanks for this post! Now you’ve got me thinking!!!
Brit, when I look at you I see:
- really great hair that always looks good
- someone who looks confident with her curves (and accentuates the best ones in the right ways)
- a killer smile
- with cheekbones to match
- a great friend, wife and mother who I’m proud to know.
I just cannot believe your school had one of those books! It’s so Mean Girls!
“Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen, Gretchen!”
You are gorgeous, Brittany!
Beautiful eyes and smile
Your curves are killer
I have always envied your beautiful hair
I never knew about this pound book – sure as hell hope I wasn’t in it!!!
Isn’t it stilly how critical we are of ourselves? We need to embrace our beauty and just be ourselves. Our husbands think we’re damn sexy – about time we do too!
You are so right. When I look at a picture, all I see are my flaws.
But when I looked at your picture, I had to search for everything you pointed out. All I saw was your adorable dimples, great hair and smile, and that beautiful mini-me on your lap <3
First of all, I am horrified by this book! I feel like we were sheltered in school. I mean I went to an inner city public school for heaven’s sake, but we never really had anything mean and hateful like that. A death threat here or there? Sure. Putting people down like that? Not really.
You know I didn’t even notice the things you didn’t like about that photo. The first thing I noticed was your beautiful, full lips. Your gorgeous hair. You beautiful skin. The killer cheekbones. The cute dimple. *And* you can wear the hell out of a pair of Jackie O sunglasses. An enviable trait.
I noticed your beautiful smile and dimples and like Natalia said I honestly didn’t notice the other stuff until you pointed it out. We really are our own worst critics, my husband constantly tells me I’m beautiful and all I can think of is that he’s just saying it to get laid.
Ok, I am just really thrilled that my high school DID NOT have a pound book. I’d prob still be in therapy. IF I had been popular enough to warrent a page which I likely was not. I cant upload or view photos because of my work security settings but I’ve seen pictures of you before and I think you’re adorable. Also, anyone with kids as beautiful as yours must be pretty damn good looking.
i too had to go searching for the things you pointed out, because what i saw is that Gigi has your gorgeous smile.
granted i do the same thing to pictures of me.
Thank GOD my school didn’t have such a book….maybe they did and i was too lame to get in it?! I look at your picture and see your amazing smile, fantastic hair, your beautiful daughter. I also did not notice the other things untill you pointed them out. You have a way of inspiring so many of us. Thank you for that.
Actually, I was looking at your dimple and smile. Never noticed the back fat! I do the same thing, though….
I went to upload a picture, and to be honest I’ve committed the greatest sin of all. I’ve cropped myself out of pictures that I hate. I’m a bad person for it. Does my daughter not deserve to see a picture or two of her mom holding her? So what if my hair isn’t cooperating or my smile looks strange. So what if my eyes are too open or my chin is doubled. I need to stop doing that. Sure, I don’t need to get an 8X10 copy of a picture that I hate – but it may someday be a picture that she loves. And I need to remember that.
Also, I saw the picture before I read the words – and I thought – she looks happy in this picture – meaning you (Gigi always looks happy). Oh, and how awful is it that your high school had a tool in which to anonymously degrade everyone’s self-esteem? I hate that.
Man, I seriously thought this was a post about favorite pictures. The dimple, the hug, the gorgeous hair. It screams favorite picture. I wish we could all do each other a favor and like some hideous quilt, just yank the covers off so we can all see what’s really there.
I love that photo..I think that it’s really fun, cute and adorable…nothing of the things you’ve said.
It’s funny how we do this..how we dream of ‘good’ photos. How they can make us cry, over the silliest things. We really are our own worst critics – and I wonder how we all collectively GOT to this point. Was it things like burn books..? Because I never had anything like that (thank god)..yet I still cry over basically every photo that is taken of me and my mind beats myself up over EVERY. LITTLE. FLAW.
Yet when I look through that pool of photos…all I see is beautiful, happy, lovely women.
When I first saw this post – I cringed and thought – oh gawd – there is NO way I’m doing that…but then I realised that I HAD to. I have to put myself out there because the automatic reaction that I had was exactly the problem…so I opened up the photos on my computer and posted the first one I came across. Even though it’s (at the very least, in my mind..) an awful photo…I did it. Well, I cried – and then did it. And am still fighting the urge to go run back and delete said photo.
Thanks for working so tirelessly to take back the photos, the self esteem and all of the other things that we ladies beat ourselves up over…
We have a “no deleting” rule around these parts!
I cringed hearing about the Pound Book. HORRIBLE. Ugh. Kids are so cruel to each other. Why? How do we learn to do that?
When I first saw that photo of you I did not notice your back or chest until I read on and you pointed it out. I thought: “She’s pretty. She has a nice smile. She looks happy. I like her sunglasses and her necklace. Her daughter is adorable. They look like they are having fun. I wish I could wear a tank top.”
You are gorgeous! I didnt see any of your “flaws” until you pointed them out!
The only thing wrong with the way you look are those sunglasses. They’re hiding your pretty eyes
Like every said, I didn’t notice a single one of those things you mentioned until you pointed them out. Even now when I look at the picture I don’t really see them. I’m not gonna bullshit, if I search them out I see them. But honest to god, I don’t see them unless I do. Why can’t we see our own pictures through other peoples eyes? This is what happens when we look back at pictures we were so sure were ‘terrible” when we were younger. http://www.myspace.com/my/photos/photo/1291292/Album Like that one (pardon my myspace
) I died when I first saw it. I’m the one on the left and I thought I looked so horribly disgusting. My arms were huge my waist was HUGE that dress showed every roll and I was just so fat and gross. …uh, what? I want to be able to see pictures of myself for what they are and not how I skew them and I don’t want to have to wait ten years for it to happen.
Stupid myspace. if anyone cares, it’s here.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/31606454@N04/5574381206/
I see beautiful skin, great dimples and a gorgeous face (I’m adding that in because I’ve seen other pictures of you). As I was reading your post I thought, “What back fat? What creases?” I think my arms are too big too, despite all the exercise I do. Yours look fine to me.
Wanna know what I saw? Like, honest to goodness?
I saw beautiful skin and smooth shoulders.
I saw a momma loving on her little precious baby, and smiling with the joy of holding her close.
I saw a beautiful and enviable collar bone, with a beautiful necklace.
I never once noticed the “flaws”. It never crossed my mind to dissect the picture to look for anything other than beauty, joy, love, and a life well-lived.
You are beautiful! Totally jealous of your complexion. I know how you feel though, my son is almost 5 and I still have not lost the baby weight. I now have horrible acne I never had when I was a teen. I never in a million years thought I would have to worry about it at 29.
I think this project is such a good idea. Ive gotten to the point now that I cannot stand to look at pics of my self and yet it seems that my significant other loves nothing more than taking them. No matter how many times a day she tells me I am beautiful – and it is numerous – I just cant internalize it.
Looking at this picture I see amazing skin, beautiful coloring overall and mostly I see happy, which is the most beautiful feature in the world.
Wanna borrow my eyes? I see a confident, loving mother with wicked awesome hair, flawless skin, and an adorable dimple. I so wish I had dimples.
I get what you’re saying though – I used to see all the flaws when I look at pictures of myself. Learning to let those flaws go and just enjoy the moments, is something I have really embraced this year though.
I am guilty as ever of being incredibly hard on myself. I’m actually trying to give up being so negative for Lent. (Yeah, still trying…)
Your picture is beautiful. You look happy, healthy, and attractive, but the beauty also comes from you as a person and your daughter, and your love as a mother. When you mentioned ‘back fat’, I had to scroll back up to look again, because I had no idea what you were talking about!
One thing that helps me be less negative is the realization that pointing out flaws only draws more attention to them. It’s almost like we want people to believe our negative thoughts, when they don’t see it and think we’re beautiful. We have to stop tearing ourselves apart and start seeing what other people can see.
I’d kill for your hair and dimple(s). Honestly, I didn’t see any of those “flaws” until you pointed them out. And I still don’t see them as flaws..just who you are.
I think you look pretty, and I like your necklace.
I’ve never even heard of that type of book and I’m sure my crazy high school had one. Then again, the girls would just talk negatively about a person “behind their backs” all the while standing not even two people in front of you and pretending to whisper.
You are one inside and out gorgeous young woman!!! I’d slap you silly if you lived near me just to get you to see it too!
Wow, that sounds absolutely horrible. In high school, I had the same teacher for Biology 2 and Anatomy, so I was in her class for 2 periods a day. On Valentine’s Day, she made us all decorate a piece of construction paper with our name on it. Then the entire class period, it got passed around and everyone had to write something NICE about the person whose paper they had. So being in her class twice a day, I got two pages full of compliments! It really made us all think differently about our classmates and it made us all feel good about ourselves, even just for a little while. I may have gotten compliments like “You are smart” “I like your shoes”, but some people wrote really heartfelt comments. I still have those papers and that was almost 10 years ago.
Wth. I look at this and all I can think is, “Dang, this is probably my favourite picture of Brittney.” I’m an avid Barefootfoodie reader…and I’ve seen many photos. You look genuinely happy, motherly, and adorable. Even the skinniest of girls have some “back fat”. You are beautiful. Your gutty insides are lovely, and so is your modest half smile.
Only suggestion….rock the double chin, laughing smile…..I bet it’ll be more gorgeous :]
I’m new here – but I think you look just gorgeous! And happy! Honest.
That pound book is an atrocity. I can’t believe something like that exists. How horrible.
You are SO beautiful!! I can’t believe you hate that photo. You have gorgeous hair and dimples to die for!!!! And didn’t notice any of the things that you did!!
Love this so much!
Going through others’ photos really sheds some light on just how hard I am on myself. It’s so hard not to say things like, “Your hair is GORGEOUS, not like the big pile of crap on my head…”
Such a great exercise!
You have awesome hair! And a great smile. And beautiful skin. You look like the kind of mom every girl wants in this picture. Beautiful, confident, affectionate, and with a great sense of fashion.
I didn’t see any of the things you mentioned until you pointed them out. And even then I didn’t see flaws of the magnitude you saw. No, my first thought when I saw that picture is that you could totally pass for a tv or magazine photo “mom.”
I think this photo is adorable! The first thing I noticed is your awesome dimples, your beautiful hair and how cute you and your little girl look together. When I read the things that bother you about it I actually had to really look for them. I would’ve never noticed the few tiny things in that photo that you perceive as flaws! We all have little things we would change about ourselves, but on our bodies as in our lives, there is no airbrushing
We all need to celebrate the good and accept the not so good. Now I’m going to go squeeze my ass into my jeans and try to practice what I preach LOL 
The first thing I saw was the super cute smile and dimples and lovely clear complexion! I wouldn’t have even noticed anything else if you hadn’t pointed it out.
The first thing I thought when I saw the picture was that you picked a fantastic photo of yourself to show your “good stuff”. I also thought man she looks thin. Those are my thoughts and I also agree with others on the hair, lips & overall loveliness. Hope you’re feeling Gorg-e-ous now or at least for a little bit!
There was a book like that when I was in grade school. It would have been the late 60′s. But this book had a set of questions that everybody had to answer..little personal bits like favorite TV show, favorite snack, music, etc. Harmless stuff. I forget what we called the book but we were always passing it around trying not to let the nuns see it.
I looked at all the pics of these lovely women and boy…are they hard on themselves. Really brutal! I’m not an exception. I rip the hell out of any picture I see of myself and go to the very same extremes that these ladies do.
Where did all this self loathing and self criticism come from? TV, mags, etc. that’s where. How often do we see “normal” looking women in ads, etc.? How do we become so sucked into these images that are blasting us each day? We just do. I’m so sorry about this. And it takes up too much time and worry and suffering..all this dislike of what we look like. Jane Eyre was a real plain Jane and she got Mr. Rochester in the end.
You are gorgeous and I didn’t notice the back fat til you pointed it out. Stop pointing it out!!
Also, for the sake of your kids, please allow yourself to be photographed and be happy. My mom hated the way she looked and refused to be photographed. She died at 55 and now I have maybe 5 or 6 pictures of her. Not enough for as much as I loved her.
Wow – such great comments on an awesome post. Here’s my first impression of your photo – gorgeous hair and smile and dimples and collar bone. Very stylish and YOUNG (I’m 42 so I notice YOUNG now the way I’ve always noticed THIN) and a beautiful daughter. In fact, I thought – what is she doing writing for Curvy Girl – she’s skinny! (Yes, that was my honest first impression.) Kudos to you for posting the photo and being honest about your thoughts and feelings!
I’m new here, and don’t know you (or this site but I’m loving it!) and my first thought when I saw your photo was “wow, that’s what I want my hair to look like!”. It’s beautiful! Thank you for posting this. Maybe next time I see a photo of myself that I hate I will remember this and think of the things everyone else sees instead.
i too had to go back and look for the “flaws” you pointed out. first things i noticed? beautiful hair, beautiful smile.
I understand the inclination to only see the flaws when looking at yourself in a picture. I really do because I have the same complaints when I look at pictures of myself. But MY LORD, WOMAN – you are BEAUTIFUL! I HONESTLY thought you were going to say, “This is the one picture I love of myself.” And I am not blowing smoke up your arse, either.
I want your hair – the color, the texture, the healthiness. I want your full lips. I want a dimple (at least one of my daughters inherited a dimple from her dad. too bad for me and her two sisters.) And you have beautiful skin.
If I am honest with myself, I love my eyes and my nose. They are perfect. There are lots of things I’d change but since this is a positive post, I’m going to skip the self judging. Own your beauty, woman.
You know whats crazy, when I saw the picture before I read the post, I thought to myself, oh this must be the picture she loves of herself, its so perfect and happy and seriously, could she look any more beautiful?
I’m sorry you hate this picture – all I see is perfect hair, a happy mom, gorgeous dimples and a beautiful little girl loving her mama.
The thought of that pound book brings tears to my eyes. As someone who has never been what could be considered thin, I shudder to think what would have been written about me in a book like that. My self-esteem was (and still is) low enough without that. If not criminal, that book was at least morally reprehensible.
Brittany, you are beautiful. The first thing I noticed was your wonderful smile and that adorable dimple. My eyes went next to your gorgeous hair, precious daughter and that cute necklace you’re wearing. What you see as flaws, I didn’t even notice.
I do the same thing as you though; pointing out what I don’t like about myself. This is why there are so few pictures of me and even fewer that I even half-way like. I’m not sure that I have the guts to post a picture of myself in your album but I’ll think about it.
I am regularly ashamed at myself seeing a photo of myself with Special Agent or the Baboos without having to magnify and obsess about my flaws instead of how happy I am to be with them. What a narcissistic ass! (oh yeah, positive thoughts).
I hate photos. Hate them. Haaaate them. I love that my 10 year old daughter still thinks she is beautiful in every photo, and I am scared for her that before long, she will be seeing all of the things she thinks are “wrong” about her looks. Sigh.
So, I will stop, And I will post and then cringe, but less than normal.
http://www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com
Never having seen you before – I noticed gorgeous hair, a dimple, and a cuddle with a small girl who obviously loves you. I didn’t notice the other things at all until you pointed them out.
My mom used to say – funny, 10 years ago I thought this was a terrible picture of me – and now I think I looked pretty good!
I just found the Curvy Girl Guide last night, and I’ve been gently perusing in my free time, but I had to comment here. I know I do the same thing with my photos, the violent critiques that suitably erase the beauty I know I have, but honestly, this is a gorgeous photo. I had to look twice (before I read your narrative) to wonder what about it you could hate. Your hair is perfect, your dimples are unbelievable, you accessorize in a stylish, sophisticated way, and you’re obviously raising a confident, beautiful daughter. If I could see my photos like I see yours, even though there are parts about them I do not like, I think I’ll be much better off. Thank you for the lesson!
I’m always a little surprised when you write these types of things about yourself because I think you are gorgeous. Seriously. Also, I think your body rocks. Everytime you post a full body shot I always think “holy shit, she’s hot”.
I totally get what you are doing to yourself, never mind I didn’t see any of what you saw in yourself. I will never for a time, several years ago, when I was super fit, running, and lost about 50 lbs, I went into Walgreens to pick up a few items after my workout. I was wearing some very old shorter, yucky green spandex shorts. These shorts I rarely wear, as they are my “back up” pair, when I have absolutely nothing else to wear.
As I walked down an aisle, I noticed a very fit woman walking towards me, and my very first thought was, “Man, she was great legs!” And about a second or so later, I glanced up, and realized I was looking at myself, walking towards myself in those larger-than-life mirrors they have at the end of the aisles, for security measures! I had only really seen the legs of “the woman” and hadn’t noticed it was me, not recognizing my shorts and hadn’t really noticed how much weight I had lost and toned up.
Well, the sad thing is, that the very second I realized just who I was admiring (myself), I instantly went from “admiring” the reflection in the mirror, to criticizing all the “flaws” I saw…big butt, flabby arms…wide waist….it was like I just couldn’t see any longer what I saw before no matter how hard I tried. When I thought I was seeing a different woman, other than myself, I was full of compliments, and as soon as I realized it was me…I zeroed in on my “flaws.” How sad…every since then, I try so so hard to see myself as others most likely do and appreciate it….especially now since I am no longer a runner and have been through medical issues…all the more reason to appreciate what I have!
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