When I was in law school there was one professor that made most of the ladies—and probably some of the dudes—swoon. He was young and handsome but established. He was brilliant yet humble. And he was unbelievably cool; he drove a beat-up old Subaru and had a beyond gorgeous wife.
This professor without fail wore a long sleeve shirt and jacket to class. One of the very first law school rumors I heard was that he did this because he once got in trouble for letting students see his arms covered in tattoos (during a pick-up game of basketball if I’m remembering correctly). There was wild speculation about what they could be. Everyone was dreamy over the fact that such a successful lawyer could be such a rebel. In case you were curious, the field of law is still super conservative and visible tattoos are a giant no-no.
Well one day the air conditioning in the law school broke. It was 80 trillion degrees (at least by my estimation) and the school actually closed early. I was in his class and it was insufferably hot. So hot in fact, he took off his jacket and then, mid-lecture and in what felt like slow motion, rolled up his sleeves. Nothing. No tattoos. You could hear the wind collectively blow out of every one of my female classmate’s sails and a Facebook thread immediately went up about the busted rumor. We were all devastated. Maybe me most of all because, you see, I’m secretly super tatted.
I got my first tattoo at 17, at a time in Illinois when the legal tattoo age was 21. I was in an inexperienced tattoo artist’s bedroom and afterward I got drunk on Goldschläger to ease the pain.* I spent that entire summer in one piece bathing suits and long shirts even though low-rise jeans and crop tops were totally in-to hide it from my disapproving family.
If you met me today you would never guess I would be the sort of person to have multiple tattoos. What’s that they say about a book and its cover? I’m very reserved. I’m a rule follower and am exceedingly shy. I tend to be pretty risk adverse, am a homebody and a giant nerd who geeks out over stuff like water law in western states. But my personality seems to shift when it comes to tattoos. I will get a tattoo at the drop of the hat. For me, they are a roadmap to my life. I can tell you everything about where I was, what I was feeling, and who I was with. They connect me to people and places that may have fallen out of my life and they are, by far, my best memories.
I understand that by having visible tattoos I put myself out there in a way. I am also well aware that some situations call for them to be covered up and I do so without being the least bit bothered. And I don’t mind at all if people look at them or ask me about them (although whether they get the short or long answer often depends on my mood). What I am absolutely amazed by, however, is how far some people think it is acceptable to go.
I have had people physically grab me in order to get a better look at my tattoos. I have had people tell me I would be so much prettier if I hadn’t done this to my body. I have listened to a partner at the law firm I worked at rant about how dirty and uneducated and disgusting people with tattoos are and how they should be embarrassed about going into public with decent people. I have had people scoff and tell me how much I will regret my decisions in the future. I have even had a guy tell me I must like it from behind because I have a tattoo on my back. What!? Are you kidding me? How are any of these things ok?
My decisions are completely my own and I refuse to think poorly of myself because I did something in my own life that some don’t agree with. This is my body and nobody has any right to judge it or what I do with it. Perhaps I just don’t define beauty the way some do; my definition is certainly not limited to fresh, unmarked skin. And I will not be made to feel ashamed of my body because someone else has a narrow view of what is and what isn’t beautiful. Moreover, why should anyone else care if I’ll regret my decision to get tattoos someday? If I do, that’s my own burden to bear.
Most of the time I am really good about shrugging it off and letting people get their opinions out, but sometimes the things people say just really hurt. The group I am painted into because I have tattoos can be suffocating and how people think they know me just because they can see such a small portion of my decisions written on my body is beyond me. Because the things they couldn’t possibly know through these tattoos are the things that really define me. I am a lawyer and a wife, a sister to two, a daughter, I am a vegetarian who frequently tries to go vegan but can’t seem to give up cheese, and an unapologetic cat rescuer. I am more than my ink.
*I do not in any way recommend doing something so absolutely foolish. It was a stupid and reckless move on my part that I am lucky did not have negative consequences and one that I do not advise anyone to repeat.
Brandi is a lawyer in Denver who spends very little time actually lawyering. She can usually be found working for free at a non-profit, hiking up mountains, or bossing her husband around because he made the mistake of asking her for help with his business one time. She’s horribly technologically inept (unless people still use AIM in which case she’s a genius) and takes one bite out of every donut instead of finishing a single donut in its entirety, which is probably a metaphor for something but she hasn’t figured out what it is yet. You can read more from Brandi on her blog, Randi Nickle.
My husband is a juvenile probation officer so he keeps his many tattoos and full sleeve covered. he’s very well dressed and preppy looking otherwise. what surprises me is how many people who are tattooed and/or alternative looking who treat him differently once they see them. they treat him like a some frat boy until they see his ink, then they suddenly change dramatically and have questions. (especially about his sleeve, which tells a story) i find that most people don’t treat me different because of mine, other than asking what they because two are in hebrew. of course, i’m a SAHM so in general people don’t “see” me.
That’s really true too. When I was in getting one of mine the tattoo artist asked me very condescendingly if it was my first one. When I proceeded to tell him about all of them you could really feel a change, like suddenly I was part of the club or something.
I’d love to be that girl who had the balls to get tatt’d up, but since getting my one and only at 18, I still haven’t decided where and what to put the second.
My husband is the same way. He says he wants another but takes so long in the decision making phase that he never actually goes through with it!
I’m a mother. A speaker. A writer. A wife. I have four. Five soon.
You’re a brilliant woman who has pieces of expression dancing across her body and I love that about you.
I have a very visible (and absolutely beautiful) tattoo down my entire forearm that I get comments on often. From looks of disapproval to questions on how bad it hurt. I’m currently in school to be a real estate agent and I’ve been met with different degrees of disdain- this is a profession, much like law, where presentation counts and people aren’t very quick to let go of their ideas of what someone in that position ‘should’ be and ‘should’ look like.
That being said, I’m a lot like you in that I dress conservatively, I have two kids, a husband (who’s also tatted up- though not in generally visible places- and works in management as an engineer) my idea of fun is a new book, and I geek out over things like cost appraisals.
This idea that we’re somehow ‘less’ because of our tattoos is so archaic. I don’t know about you, but I feel a whole lot ‘more’ because of them.
Thanks for the great article!
I love this. I love tattoos. I have 5, and this just makes me want another lol
I got my first tattoo almost two years ago. I figured at the time it would be my only one. It’s small, on my wrist and very sentimental, making even the staunchest of anti-tattoo folk go, “Oh. Well. Okay.”
Two weeks later I had an idea for another. And then another. And then a shoulder piece. I’m a rule abider, too. I’m shy, too. I don’t like to make a fuss or draw attention to myself, but I’ve found that getting tattoos, and marking my thoughts and feelings on my body is more cathartic than any therapy session. I like that while I may be bad at emoting and expressing what I’m feeling I can point to these places on my skin and let them do the talking.
I’m tatt’d i have a total of 4, 2 very visible wrist tattoos and not visible 2 hip area tattoos. I work in a surgeon’s office as the office manager and at a church, no one seems to mind or at least they don’t show that they mind lol. Most simply ask why or what they mean. I do get a lot of shock when i tell them i have more than the ones you can see and that i have like 3-4 more that i would like to get done (planning my next one as we speak
. My brother is a tattoo artist and has done 2 of mine and he is tatt’d from head to toe. I have lots of friends who don’t have tats. Actually my husband doesn’t have a one but he doesn’t judge me for having mine. So proud that you wrote this.
“I am more than my ink.” I think that may work itself into a tattoo of mine one day. I have music on my left ankle, a fleur-de-lis star on my back between the bottom of my shoulder blades, and my chinchilla’s footprints on me. So far.
That’s so funny! One of my next will be of my dog’s footprints! Great minds and all…
Heck yes! I have mt baby Chester’s footprints on the back of the shoulder he loves to sit on . The other two tattoos I will occasionally ‘forget about’ until I see them, but my Chester is ALWAYS with me!
Every person has a story, and we are each the artists of how we express our stories. Some become authors to write about their stories, some become speakers and some choose to paint their stories freely on their bodies…
Whether we choose one of these ways or another to express ourselves, we are each on our own journey and should feel free enough to express both the wretched and beautiful aspects of it without the need to worry about derogatory impositions and self-righteous onlookers.
I have seven. I have plans for 3 more. My most recent ink is a clam on my right foot. My mom, sisters, and I got the same tattoo to represent us. It is our symbol of solidarity.
All of my other tattoos have meaning or a story. And for all those who hate or say “They’ll look terrible when you’re older”, I ask this…How good do you think your un-inked skin will look at 70?? It’s like anything else in this life. Have your opinion but please, please stop trying to force your beliefs on me.
I read somewhere “the difference between people with tatoos and people without is, those with, don’t care that others don’t”
But I have to ask… do you think when you get older, you will regret them? What will you do? have the removed? (Is that even a thing, or like, something from the movies?!)
Haha, it’s totally a thing! But removal is expensive and, from what I hear, very painful.
I really gave it a ton of thought before I got my first big visible tattoo (the little one on the wrist, whatever) and I just can’t see myself regretting it. In fact, I’m really looking forward to having children on my lap (my own one day maybe, or even nieces and nephews) and telling them my life story through this visual medium. I think it will be really special. And then I look at my own grandmother who almost never bares her legs or arms and I think, so what if they do end up looking a little worse for the wear, I don’t have to let anyone see them if I don’t want to.
When I was working as a CNA, I had a resident who had several tattoos. They just looked like tattoos on older skin. Nothing disgusting, and no big deal
Tattoos are so addictive! I have 4 and i cant wait for my next one. My boyfriend doesn’t have one YET but his appointment is next Friday and he’s getting a sleeve on his arm. Go Big!
I’m a corporate trainer for my company and i do presentations in front of dozens around the states and Canada. I was worried that my boss was going to make me wear pants to hide the tattoo around my ankle. She said we would play by ear and if she heard any negative comments, we would have to discuss. I’ve been training for 8 years now and we havent had that discussion. I’m very lucky! I do hear alot that i dont strike them as the person who would have tattoos. That just makes me laugh because they don’t know me at all. I also ride my Harley on weekends and that would freak them out to. I do believe that tats are being more accepted than in the past. I got my first one when i was 18 and i hid it from my parents for 2 years. (it was on my hiney so not like anyone would be seeing it anytime soon.lol). Beautiful post and thank you for sharing this with us.
I got my first one 18 years ago and took a lot of grief for it. Now that most everyone seems to have one or more, it is no big deal. It is a small one on my upper arm and it is rarely visible.
I am getting 2 more October 19. One behind my ear and one on my inner wrist. Since I am already 52, no one can say ‘how will they look when you are old’!
The artist I am going to is the one that did 2 complete sleeves, hand tattoos and many more on my Doctor (who is also a woman). My, how times to change.
I have a large tattoo on my back, and work in the very conservative public accounting field. Luckily I also work in the fairly casual Silicon Valley. However when at other offices or working with more conservative partners I have to be very careful about my dress, because you can see the top of my tattoo in basically everything short of a collared shirt and blazer.
I think I’ve been really lucky. I do get quite a few disapproving looks from strangers, but the overwhelming response to my tattoos has been pretty positive. You know this since I’m your sister, but for anyone else reading, I work in real estate and event catering which are both fairly conservative fields. I try to cover the more visible ones while I’m working, but generally for me people just want to know about them. They say I’m brave for having a half-naked siren on my arm. They like the word “lovely” on my collar bone because that tells them exactly how I feel about myself and my tattoos without having to ask me what the hell I was thinking.
I can’t imagine being told I’d be prettier without them. That’s something I would definitely not stand for! Maybe because the one on my arm is so big and intricate they think I’m badass and don’t want to mess with me
Regardless, I love everything about this article and I love you and your tattoos!
I have 7 and wow, it’s the first time in a while that I have counted and didn’t realize I had that many.
I was at a show once and was talking to a guy that had been tatted quite a bit and as soon as I mentioned that I hadn’t had any done in a shop (no longer true), he straight walked away. I was amazed that even among the tattoo-ed there are super judgey people. Yes it probably wasn’t the best decision I could have made any of the times, but I also made sure the environment was clean and new out of the package needles and cups were used. Some of the shops I’ve been in haven’t been as clean as the places I got my first several tattoos.
I really wish I had the money right now for the design I have in the works, I am ready for more.
Oh, and I work for the government and the only comment I’ve ever had, was from my boss about whether or not to pierce my dimple. Nothing about the tattoos, most of which aren’t visible unless I wish.
Daisy,
My first tattoo was done in ‘the best’ shop in the city (at the time). I thought they were a bunch of buttheads.
In October, the shop I am going to has all women artists, hopefully no buttheads.
Beautiful post. Beautiful comments. I am really feeling the love here. I don’t have any tattoos, nor do I wish to have any, but I love seeing other people’s and hearing the stories or sentiments behind them. My favorite tattoo ever is on my SIL, whose baby passed away at 2 days old. She got his footprints tattooed on top of her foot.
He didn’t have a shop because he was working on him MFA at the time. We did drink with him afterwards, but he never would have worked on us if we had been drinking before hand. I do remember him redoing his outline because he wasn’t happy with the placement and you telling him it was fine. Him and I were like, no way, it can’t be just fine. He was an interesting guy, I wish I still was in contact with him so I could add onto what I have. It all seems like a million years and a lifetime ago when we made such rash decisions.
Since I cannot see mine I often forget they are there. I doubt I would ever be able to talk Matthew into getting one.
I read somewhere that more than 25% of people between 18-50 have tattoos these days.
I forget about the one on my back too!
And I didn’t mean to imply that I regretted doing it that way or that he was a bad guy, just that I was lucky and it was a rash decision and don’t want to encourage others to make similar decisions that could end not as well. I do also remember he was a little peeved I was only 17!
No, no, I know you didn’t think you meant it negatively or anything like that. I just think that although our decisions were rash, you have always had better sense than to get yourself into a truly bad situation. Unlike some of our classmates I know of who ended up with terrible tattoos from some random guy giving tattoos at some drunken house parties.
Lately I’ve been seriously considering getting a tattoo. Thank you for helping me add another pro to my pro/con list. I’ve always been interested in people’s views on tattoos. In ancient times they used to be a high status symbol, now sadly not so much.
I personally love the judgement that if someone has tattoos, they must be uneducated. I am highly educated, I’m a teacher, and I have two tattoos.
My husband, who is a nurse, also has tattoos. (One of them is even a dirty tattoo, hee hee! Ahem.)
I think tattoos are beautiful. I envy those who are entirely covered, because they are unapologetically free to be who they are. I have one tattoo, my best friend has 4 (including 2 that are huge), and my best guy friend is covered head to toe. I think as time progresses and the old fuddy-duddy types die out, tattoos will become a more accepted part of society. I am thankful that I (and my 2 tatted up friends) work in an environment where it’s ok to openly show off our art. It’s part of who we are and we love it and don’t apologize for it.
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