Two years ago, my husband’s ex girlfriend, whom he had dumped years before, reached out to him on Facebook. She sent him a friend request, which he had declined (on 3 different occasions!). Frustrated, she sent him a message saying she didn’t understand why he was ignoring her. They hadn’t seen each other in 9 years at that point.
Last year, my cousin too was contacted by an ex-girlfriend (whom he dumped as well) on Facebook. He on the other hand replied to her and they had some back and forth email conversations. He was in a serious relationship and his ex-girlfriend’s intentions were not simply friendly.
Which brings me to my story…
I was dumped by my first love 11 years ago. For years, I had been googling his name trying to figure out how his life had turned out. He was never big on computers and didn’t have a Facebook profile (I checked) so he had no social media imprint. He was virtually untraceable… that is until I found him on Facebook last month (he had opened an account the month prior). I hesitated when I saw his name pop up for the first time after a decade. I asked myself if I should send him a message… would that be stalker-like? Before I could think, I sent him a quick message and hit send. He replied and we caught up a bit. He too was married, had kids. But that was it.. and he proceeded to ignore my friend request. I felt like I was being dumped by him all over again.
So let me ask: Why is it that we feel the need to contact our ex’s on Facebook?
1. We want to see that their lives turned out horribly: Yes, I wont lie. I want to know that my ex’s life didn’t turn out as well as it could have. I mean, after all, he dumped me and I rock- so in turn he should suffer. A part of me wanted to know that he never lived up to his potential.
2. We want them to see that our lives are amazing: So true. Personally, I know I look better today than I did at 19. Also I am a strong, independent, successful woman (something I was not at 19). I wanted him to see that after all, I am this amazing catch that he missed out on. In Yo Face Sucka!
3. Closure: In these specific cases, us women were dumped by men that we loved. In my case,we didn’t even have the break up talk- he just disappeared. Often times, by reconnecting you feel a sense of validation, like what you had may have meant something to the opposite side as well.
Listen ladies- at the end of the day we know that our lives are better off without the men that dumped us… But spill it- have you ever Facebook stalked your Ex?