I love my girlfriends, each and every one of them, to the core.
They are supportive, funny and caring. They meet me for “after work cocktails” and sushi dinners and are always available when I need someone to help me with an unexpected emergency (like flooding my apartment, or any injury I inflict upon my klutzy self). My friends who are far away make time for phone chats and they send birthday cards without fail. In short, I have a fantastic friend gallery. The only thing that I hate about them is the fact that they are all diminutive in size.
At least 95% of my close girlfriends are petite and tiny. They could all go on vacation with one suitcase full of sample sized clothes and share. Whether I met them when I was three years old or in law school, they all share a lithe build and tiny waists. When I got married I had beautiful Vera Wang gowns given to me as a gift for my bridesmaids, and I just mailed them each a dress knowing full well it didn’t matter which one because they’d all have them taken in and size wasn’t an issue. Sure enough they all looked great…and smaller than me. There is something profoundly unfair in standing at the altar as the bride and the biggest girl up there—even if you know in your heart of hearts you are not exactly big.
By average standards I’m not a lumbering giant, but when I’m with my best friends I feel like one. At 5’4″ I tower over the majority of them, but for the few who are taller than me, they could hide their entire body behind the width of my thigh. I wear a solid size in shirts and yoga pants, yet I don’t take part in the girl ritual of borrowing clothes because my friends’ would be laughably small on me. Their pyjama pants wouldn’t go past my knees and their t-shirts would make someone wonder if I was taking my fashion guidance from Clueless. Heaven help me if I have a disaster at their house and need a change of clothes, because frankly I’d be S.O.L. And, like every other woman in the world, I find myself comparing my attributes to theirs.
My size seven feet are like flippers compared to so-and-so’s size five tootsies.
My shirts would be a tent on her.
She could fit both her legs in one leg of my jeans and have room to spare.
I don’t like shopping for clothes with my friends anymore, as I resign myself to the full-priced racks because the sale corner is only filled with tiny-person clothing and odd, fuzzy sweaters that could serve as a living room throw rug. It makes me feel inadequate as they discuss having a dress nipped in at the waist and I consider swapping the one I’m wearing for a bigger size so I can have some more breathing room. Who needs to flip through a fashion magazine to feel bad about their body when they can just meet their girlfriends out for lunch?
What I should do, what I need to do is stop comparing myself to them. As I’m busy lamenting the junk in my trunk, they are busy wondering why I haven’t chimed in on the discussion at hand. They are not judging me when I order a chicken sandwich with french fries for dinner and they get a salad…or ribs…and they don’t give a darn that if I had to loan them a rain coat they’d have to roll the sleeves up a few times. They love me for me, even if I tend to forget to send birthday cards and the movies I pick always turn out to be duds.
Somehow though, it is easier said than done…and I can’t help but wonder if my best friends make me look fat.
Daisy is a lawyer married to a lawyer (insert lawyer jokes here) living in a small condo in a big city with a new baby and beagle. She breaks up the legal-speak by blogging about life in Chicago, which is filled with escapades of urban living. In the summer she enjoys patio dining and in the winter wonders what she was thinking when she moved here. You can read more from Daisy on her blog, Just Daisy.
Okay, I get that we all have body image/perception issues. But you are 5′ 4″. If your friends are smaller than you they are abnormally small. Size seven feet are tiny in my world. I am 5’11″, wear a size 11 shoe and am hoping to get down to a size 12 by spring, which is actually small for me on my large frame. You? are not large. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but come on.
I’m 5’5″ and am the tallest of my friends. It does happen, and when you’re overweight (like me), you (I) can feel like Gargantua the Gorilla. It’s all about our own (negative) perceptions.
I’m not sure how to respond, other than to simply state that it isn’t about how large I am or I am not, but how your perception of reality is skewed by what your reality becomes. Whether or not I’m actually large has nothing to do with how I feel when I meet up with my friends and feel so different than them.
If it helps, i feel like a giant next to YOU. I am 5’7 and my feet are 10′s sooo…..:)
It’s definitely a perception thing. Luckily, i pick my friends based on who can drink me under the table or keep up with me in a chicken wing eating contest. TRUE STORY.
San Diego. Chicken Wing Eating Throwdown.
We need sponsors.
And also, a LOT of chicken wings.
I prefer blue cheese dressing.
If you said Ranch, we couldn’t be friends anymore.
That’s not fair. Doesn’t matter if she’s truly “big” or not– it’s how she feels. And I’m pretty sure that’s what this site is about– your own body perception.
I’m 5’4″ and some days I feel like a giant, others like I’m unbelievably short. And likewise, some days I feel like I am normal in terms of, uh girth?, others I feel overweight and too big compared to friends or clothes I want to wear. Also, I’m 5’4″ and I typically wear a size 9 shoe or bigger and have A cup boobs. I got the really short demented end of the genetic stick in our family.
But what you say at the end is the whole point- you are you. You can only be you, you will never have anyone else’s genetics, preferences, etc. You have to embrace the wonderfully beautiful person you are and stop worrying about the imaginary yardstick you’re measuring yourself against.
Your are an amazing person and I am proud to call you my friend. I also want your hair.
I can relate to this 100%
it’s how I feel most of the time.
There are times when I leave the house and I feel like the prettiest, most sexy person, until I meet up with my friends and then I feel like a fat hippo amongst svelte gazelles.
They eat more than I do, yet manage to stay so slim.
On my wedding day I was the biggest girl.
My maid of honour crash dieted and I had to have her dress taken in 6 sizes. When I told her to stop, she said she didn’t want to be the fat bridesmaid. Despite her being smaller than me to begin with.
I’ve come to terms that I’ll never be tiny, so I just make sure I shop for clothes that flatter my curvy figure rather than make me look fat.
Plus having huge boobs and a curvy figure with the right underwear and clothing makes me feel fab. And confident.
You are right- time to pull out my old trick, my “confidence manicure” that makes me feel like a million bucks.
i completely understand what you’re going thru…at 6 foot i am the giantess friend, and my best girl friends are 5’4″, 5’5″, and 5’8″…and there was a time when we were all small sized – I used to be a 10..but those days are gone with my 20′s and 30′s….but it seems that even when they got a bit bigger with me…they still look smaller since they are much shorter than me – i just tend to look like a mountain
but it all ends up good…like you, we drink too much wine together…eat too much sushi together…and laugh and cry like there is no tomorrow….i guess our love and hearts (and livers) are all the same sizes…
don’t worry if they make you look large, they don’t care and you shouldn’t either…when you come down to new orleans and we go out for lunch…you will definitely look minuscule
it’s a gift….
Size be damned I’m looking forward to our lunch and I’m definitely getting dessert!
I TOTALLY get this. I used to be the small one among my friends- now I just fit in. HOWEVER, my mom and sister are both size 4 on bloated days and that makes it tough.
You might want to find bigger friends and I will be looking for a larger family members or a way to fatten them up.
Tena, you look fantastic- maybe differen than you used to, but still fantastic.
Gah. I used to be convinced that my best friend growing up only hung out with me to make herself look skinnier. If we went out together, naturally teenage guys were going to notice her thin, 5’8″ frame and blonde tresses over my then total averageness.
Anyhow, life is funny. A year younger, she also used to wear my hand-me-down bras. That is, until hers stopped growing altogether, and mine kept going.
This made me laugh out loud! Too funny. Keep rocking it.
Ha! I am about 5’10″, in high school my best friends all measured in at about the 5’2″ range. I always felt like the mountain peak and was annoyed when they wore my hoodies like you would a boyfriend’s. My feet were large, my hands were large.
My issue has never been my weight or height, really, it’s been my strength or my biggness—People always assuming I can do it all or the “they’re just intimidated by you.” One day someone said to me, “You’ll never fall over with those feet beneath you and with those hands in front of you nothing will be too much for you.”
I am so grateful that I have come to a place where I can appreciate my body, its size and strength, regardless of who is around me.
You’re loved here!
That makes me feel hawt
Also, you made the Comment of the Day!
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=143717982353349
PeeEss: I’ve loved your blog design for FOREVER. *love*
Amanda, we love you!
For a gal who is always shoving her size 1 foot in her mouth, this is huge!
And thank you for the design love.
xoxox
wait. how can you have a size 1 foot? are you a little person?
I’m 5’6 floating between 142 – 145 and am still working to get to 136. I’m the biggest out of my friends. No lie. My best girlfriends are taller, thinner, and more toned than I am. Seeing one of them all nakey in Europe (nothing funny here, just sharing a room!) was possibly the best thing for me because it made me realize – all bodies are different. She’s got the world’s longest torso and teeny boobs whilst I remain short waisted and big busted. Even if we weighed the same (which we almost do) we would NEVER look the same. She has flaws and problem areas she wants to work on, so do I. Why can’t we all just accept that our bodies are different and encourage one another to be the best we can rather than tear down people “more ideal” than us out of what I believe to be jealousy?
You make a great point Marge…after all, I’m tearing *myself* down out of a little bit of jealousy. I have to let these feelings go and accept me for me!
I get it. I weigh more than both of my SIL’s combined. I’m the largest sibling in my family. It’s hard because I love seeing all of them, but my self confidence takes a hit every time. I always wonder if they’re thinking “She should have black coffee instead of Mom’s pie for dessert.”
It’s hard for me to get out of my head and just enjoy being with them.
Enjoy your pie- chances are they are NOT thinking that.
I think I love you.
Seriously, I came across a picture the other day of a Christmas party where I was standing, arm around a good friend, and my first thought was, “Wow, my right breast is the size of her entire head!”
I’m 5’10″, and I married a wonderfully tall guy, so I wear heels most of the time. So that means I’m running around a group of girls who hover between 5’2″ and 5’6″ or so, while I tower over them from a heel-induced height of six feet plus. What’s truly bizarre is towering over many of their husbands. In a way, it’s empowering.
Most of my friends’ clothing sizes are in the small single digits as well, and I’m curvy. Generally I’ve learned to be ok with it, but the hardest thing is hearing them complain about how fat they are and how they need to lose weight. Makes me wonder what they think of me.
I agree- so painful when they complain about how they look, BUT I try to remind myself that we all have insecurities and it really isn’t a reflection on me. If their pants are feeling snug, their pants are feeling snug- and they are allowed to be unhappy with that feeling.
I can totally identify, Daisy. I’m the shortest and biggest of my gfs (who OF COURSE I love dearly), but sometimes I think I’m the only one who’s noticed.
We just have to remember that they are our FRIENDS and competing with them gets us no where.
I am typically okay with my tiny friends, but there are times that I can’t help but wonder how I look surround by my gorgeous, skinny friends. I wonder if men look at our group and think, “She must have a great personality for them to hang out with her.”
You know, I’m going to go ahead and say we BOTH have great personalities to match our fantastic (if different) exteriors.
I’m also 5’4″ and was always the tallest and biggest of my friends (at least through freshman year of college). Add my tendency to wear heels (even those lovely platform types that were big 10 years ago) and I was a freaking giant, even when I was a size 4.
Now, I have friends of all heights, so I’m not the tallest. I do still feel like I’m the fattest most of the time, except now so many of them are getting pregnant I can’t even claim biggest gut.
But I have learned to walk tall in my heels and stride along. I feel tougher when I’m taller, especially around my littlest friends.
Totally read my mind. I have always felt huge compared to my friends who are all have great, thin figures. I always thought everyone always considered me to be the odd one out. Then, one day I was talking to a friend of mine and she called the girls in our group of friends her “little friends” which made me laugh and I asked why she called us that and she replied that is was because she towers over all of us even when she’s in flats and we are in heels. I had NEVER noticed this but she was totally right. Perception is everything.
First of all, I’m incredibly jealous of your bridesmaids for scoring free Vera Wang gowns.
Okay, now that I have that out of my system. I’ve been the tallest of my friends since middle school. At first it was really hard. When I topped out at 5’10″ in my bare feet (taller than all but 3 or 4 boys in my class), it was a staggering punch to my already low self-esteem. When I got to college, I decided to own the tall. Every shoe in my closet had at least a 2 inch heel, some as high as 6. I worked my height like nobody’s business. And yet, still sometimes, I’m right back to being that too tall girl in highwater jeans, trying to hunch so she can match everyone else. It happens to all of us. I’ve had more of those moments in the last few years. Since my brother married a girl who is 4’9″. My mom (5’3″) and I spend a lot of time with her & her mom (5’0). It’s hard not to feel like a hippo in a ballerina custome when surrounded by such diminuitive dolls. But you know what? My SIL envies my size. She thinks I’m beautiful. And I know if you asked your friend, they envy you, too.
My “hangup” is my weight; however, I’ve watched my 7′ tall hubby have the same problems with clothes, awkwardness, and esteem. He always feels like the center of attention when we go out (stares and “Hey, I bet you’ve played basketball?”) and feels like he has to compensate for that. As he gets older, he has definitely gotten more comfortable with himself, but it’s a constant work in progress to be there. When we first started dating, it shocked me a bit to see a guy have the same sort of image issues as us, but I think we really do all go through it in some way or another.
I completely get this. I’m 5’10”, and love (LOVE) high-heeled shoes, so typically, I’m standing at somewhere between 6’2” and 6’4”. My two closest girlfriends don’t stand over 5’1”, and both (very jokingly) refer to me as their giant friend.
Put me next to my 6’5” husband, and I feel little. My body doesn’t change, just the perspective.
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