A few weeks ago I wrote about infidelity and spoke anonymously with people who have been on both sides of an affair.
The conversation was eye-opening, but it didn’t stop there. The emails poured in, and today, we are going to share one of them with you. She is the other woman, and this is her story.
I’m just gonna put this out there:
I’ve been seeing a married man for six years.
I feel like my heart is about to pound out of my chest. I’ve never written that line ever and I don’t even think I’ve said it out loud.
I’m not proud of this. It’s something I really dislike about myself. I know if my friends or family members knew, they’d be very disappointed in me.
We didn’t start our relationship with these intentions. I can’t even remember how exactly I fell down this rabbit hole. All I know is I’m not ready to stop – and neither is he.
I don’t want to “steal” him away from his wife. (I hope that she never finds out about us!) And by no means does he want to leave his wife, either. He tells me that he cares about her and that he loves her and they have a great relationship, blah blah blah. He has never bad mouthed his wife. I’ve asked him on several occasions why he cheats and to my surprise he tells me, “it’s fun, I like having fun.” I would have bet money that he’d say the typical ‘I don’t find her attractive anymore, we don’t have sex anymore, I’m out of love with her,’ but nope. He loves her, they have great sex and it’s not her, it’s him. He simply likes the rush of cheating.
I would never want to be in a relationship with him. I tell him that I don’t trust him. I figure that if he can flat-out lie to his wife about his actions then he can easily lie to me and say he doesn’t have another woman somewhere else.
We have this crazy sexual chemistry that I’m addicted to. When I’m with him nothing else matters. Morals, ethics, values are all out the window. Catholic guilt? What’s that? I just don’t care.
We’ve tried to stop. I think we were successful for about three weeks, then we just gravitated back to each other. The thing is, I also consider him my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. I can cry in front of him and not feel like an ass. I can tell him about my day and how much it totally sucks and he hears me out. I do the same for him. He vents about his work, his family, any personal issues he might be having. I remind him about his wife’s birthdays, give him advice on her birthday, Christmas and anniversary gifts. For crying out loud, I even helped him plan her surprise birthday party.
I do all that stuff because as his friend I want to help him. I like knowing that I’m helping him. I’m there for him the way he is for me.
I know, I know, you hate me and you’re calling me every single name in the book. In my sick and twisted way of thinking, somehow I’ve convinced myself that since I don’t want anything serious with him and I don’t love him, it doesn’t count as cheating. This is purely just a physical addiction.
Yet, I feel like an asshole when Catholic guilt does set in. I’ve confessed my sins to my priest. I’ve cried rivers while in church.
In my last relationship I was cheated on. I know what it’s like for the shoe to be on the other foot. That kills me because I remember how devastated I was. I remember the depression I went in to. They’re memories I keep locked up and I hope and pray that when I actually do find Mr. Right he’ll only have eyes for me.
We’ve talked about stopping. I told him that if we stopped I couldn’t continue being his friend. I’m not friends with my ex-boyfriends and I don’t keep boys that have seen me naked as friends. The “no more friends” thing kills him. He panics. He tells me that he doesn’t have friends. That makes me sad. I don’t want to abandon him since I genuinely care about him but at the same time I know when I do find a relationship with someone I want to settle down with I won’t be able to keep up with this double life.
Now it’s your turn. Hit me with your best shot. Tell me how horrible I am. Maybe I need to hear it from others in order to actually stop. Am I the only one with this kind of situation?