Oh, Arnie. You have certainly sparked some pretty intense conversations with my husband. Suddenly, I am finding myself smelling the crotch of his pants when he walks through the door from work. Okay, maybe it’s not that bad (that would just be excessive), but I have made it more than clear to him that he will not be pulling an “Arnold Schwarzenegger” on me.
But, how could Maria not have known that he was cheating? I mean really, the man was accused of groping women. And, if she did know that he was cheating, why would she stay? And why the heck did he cheat in the first place?
Curvy Girl Guide readers, if you’re asking yourself these same questions, I have some answers for you! I went straight to the horse’s mouth, interviewing cheaters and cheatees (both men and women, on both sides of this issue). Some of the answers will solidify your deepest fears, maybe cue you into something going on in your own relationship, and probably surprise you.
Let’s get started. Shall we?
WHY DID YOU CHEAT?
- I cheated because he was cheating on me. I just got sick of worrying about him all the time. I needed attention as well.
- It was over. It had been over for months. We didn’t even care enough to fight about anything anymore. We were basically just roommates, but neither of us had the heart to call it off.
- She stopped having sex with me when she was pregnant. I know that sounds so bad. But I really didn’t want to have sex with her either. So I hooked up a few times with an old girlfriend from college.
- It was a crappy adolescent relationship that went on for far too long.
- I married her because it seemed like the next step. It was a bad decision. I wanted out within six months. She wanted to stay together. It began in the strip clubs…
- We weren’t married yet. So I don’t think that counts.
- I was so wasted. I felt so terrible the next morning. I still do. You aren’t going to put my name out there, are you?
- My ex-girlfriend and I began chatting on Facebook. I would literally be talking to her while she was laying next to me in bed cheating. Even though we never ended up meeting up, the conversation was something that I would consider cheating. It went on for months.
- It’s a rush. I cheat on him because he does nothing for me anymore. I have someone that spoils me, tells me I am beautiful, tells me he loves me. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a great dad and used to be a great husband, but the spark is gone.
- She stopped having sex with me. When we did have sex, she would just lay there.
- She was just a nasty woman. I married her, and she immediately got nasty. I’m not talking about her looks, although she lets those slip as well. I’m saying that she was a bitch to me all the time. I hated her.
- I didn’t feel like he wanted me anymore. My new husband was actually who I was cheating on my ex with. Turns out, I found my soul mate! Our timing was just a little off.
- We’re animals. It’s not natural for us to be with just one person at a time. Google it. Men need some “strange” every now and then. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I don’t want to be with you. It just means I’m a man. A red blooded man. Any man who says otherwise is lying.
YOU WERE CHEATED ON? THAT SUCKS. DID YOU SALVAGE THE RELATIONSHIP?
- I left him. Well, I guess I knew for a few months, but I didn’t have any hard proof. Once I actually caught him – I left him. He would lie about everything, and I knew it. But for some reason I just had to catch him and be sure.
- I stayed. I was so crazy about her. It was pretty early in our relationship, so I forgave her. It was hard to forget though.
- I stayed with him. He promised to change. I caught him with my best friend three months later. Cheetahs never change their spots.
- I think I threw him out and took him back no less than four times before he stopped cheating on me. Now we’re married and have four children. It just took him awhile to sew those wild oats. Boys will be boys.
- I was the other woman. We’re married now. His ex-wife would tell you that he ended up leaving her.
- I don’t trust her now, but we’re still working on it. We have kids, a mortgage, a life together. It’s not easy to just leave.
- I thought she would change. She was doing it while I worked nights. I finally had it after months of knowing that she was acting shady. I told her that I had to work overtime, I came home early, and I walked in on them. She tried to come back to me, but I was done. It shattered me, but I had to leave.
- I couldn’t see myself without him, and I certainly didn’t want HER to have him.
- I was actually the cheater. I left her. I still think about her. Do you ever think about someone like they’re the “one that got away?”
- I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, caring for a newborn, and only 23 years old. That’s why I stayed. I would have stayed longer, if he had just cheated on me LESS, or less flagrantly. I’m glad I left mind you. But I didn’t want to at the time, especially since it involved food-stamps and stuff.
- I was totally blindsided when he told me that he was never coming back home after 26 years of marriage. He is coming back Saturday to mow the grass and “talk.”
- No. However, I tried to make it work. What the hell else are you going to do after being in a relationship for 6 years? It just kept on rearing its ugly head, about once a week. Finally, 6 months later, it was time to make the move out. However, it wasn’t just from my own inner strength. One of my best friends had just broken up with his girlfriend and had a 2-bedroom apartment that he couldn’t afford. These things happen for a reason. If this didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have been able to marry my soulmate. If it weren’t for her and Lars I don’t know where I would be today, certainly not with our other two children. Remember, there may be a closed door, but one might have opened.
WHAT WERE THE SIGNS?
- He would always put me to voicemail when he was “out with his friends.”
- I was truly blindsided. I know that sounds impossible, but when you’re raising your babies, you can just miss the signs.
- He started working out and buying new clothes.
- She started to care more about her appearance.
- She stopped talking to me about, well, anything! And this girl loved to talk.
- He would go to the store all the time. Like for everything. No man goes to the store five times a day.
- She was never happy around me anymore, but when her friends were around, she seemed very vibrant. They would leave, and she was back to being miserable.
- The kids started doing everything with us. It was like she was making it impossible for us to have any alone time.
- He password protected his phone and changed the password to his email and bank account.
- He started to delete all of his texts and emails. He never used to do that.
- He started to be really nice to me. He was sort of a jerk, and then all of the sudden he was overly nice and wanted to have sex all the time. I think he felt guilty.
- He became a huge ass. Can I say “ass?” Anyway, he was super mean to me all the time and never wanted to spend time together.
- I just had a gut feeling. Turns out I was right. I found him at her house. The saddest thing is that I couldn’t leave my son at home (he was a baby at the time), so I am figuring this out with him in the backseat of our van.
- Define signs. If I call home at 11:00PM and there is no answer 3 out of 4 or 5 days a week, then yeah, I was suspicious of something going on. Other than the time I came home early from work and found her and him butt-ass naked on my couch in my home….No, I don’t know what signs I should be looking for.
Let’s hear your story! Are you an Arnold or a Maria? Do you have any advice for cheaters or cheatees? What are the signs?