I have a gold vibrator that I call my Electric Boyfriend, and I’m not afraid to use. Or talk about it.
I’ve had my share of vibrators over the years: Big Pink, The Beaver Twister, and Small Blue, but the gold one wins. Mostly because it’s pretty and gold.
Why do I love my gold boyfriend? Why don’t I love my gold boyfriend?
Sometimes, you just need to be in, out, and done with the job without the annoyances of a clueless lover. I mean, a leg-humping is funny, just not particularly hot.
I’m sure there’s all kinds of physiologic reactions that occur when you have an orgasm, and if I were an intellectual person, I’d look them up and list them for you, but it’d be dull as toast, so I’ll just go with this: the reason I like to have an orgasm is because it makes me feel absolutely awesome afterward. Endorphins are nature’s way of reminding you that you’re alive.
And, because I like to feel awesome, without having to abuse prescription narcotics, I’ll take all of the orgasms I can get.
A vibrator is much more dependable than another person, especially if you spring for an expensive one. It’s always there, waiting for you…or your kid, to find it and bring it downstairs when you have super-conservative house guests over for brunch. Or, at least, that’s what I expect to happen someday because my kids like to humiliate me. Plus, it was a scene in Parenthood and that movie is like gospel.
I love that my vibrator doesn’t want to cuddle after a particularly rousing orgasm, and could care less if I go have a smoke instead of talking about feelings. Feelings are boring and frankly, I’d rather go to sleep after an orgasm than talk about my day. My vibrator could care less about feelings.
Not to mention, unlike boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends or other such lovers, vibrators are portable. As long as I’m not flying. I’ve never tried to fly with my vibrator in my suitcase, but I like to imagine it would be, at the very least, entertaining to watch TSA discover it.
Lovers may come and go, but vibrators are forever, or at least until breaks from overuse.