I have a gold vibrator that I call my Electric Boyfriend, and I’m not afraid to use. Or talk about it.
I’ve had my share of vibrators over the years: Big Pink, The Beaver Twister, and Small Blue, but the gold one wins. Mostly because it’s pretty and gold.
Why do I love my gold boyfriend? Why don’t I love my gold boyfriend?
Sometimes, you just need to be in, out, and done with the job without the annoyances of a clueless lover. I mean, a leg-humping is funny, just not particularly hot.
I’m sure there’s all kinds of physiologic reactions that occur when you have an orgasm, and if I were an intellectual person, I’d look them up and list them for you, but it’d be dull as toast, so I’ll just go with this: the reason I like to have an orgasm is because it makes me feel absolutely awesome afterward. Endorphins are nature’s way of reminding you that you’re alive.
And, because I like to feel awesome, without having to abuse prescription narcotics, I’ll take all of the orgasms I can get.
A vibrator is much more dependable than another person, especially if you spring for an expensive one. It’s always there, waiting for you…or your kid, to find it and bring it downstairs when you have super-conservative house guests over for brunch. Or, at least, that’s what I expect to happen someday because my kids like to humiliate me. Plus, it was a scene in Parenthood and that movie is like gospel.
I love that my vibrator doesn’t want to cuddle after a particularly rousing orgasm, and could care less if I go have a smoke instead of talking about feelings. Feelings are boring and frankly, I’d rather go to sleep after an orgasm than talk about my day. My vibrator could care less about feelings.
Not to mention, unlike boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends or other such lovers, vibrators are portable. As long as I’m not flying. I’ve never tried to fly with my vibrator in my suitcase, but I like to imagine it would be, at the very least, entertaining to watch TSA discover it.
Lovers may come and go, but vibrators are forever, or at least until breaks from overuse.
I used to have one and I loved it. My guy is begging me to get once since he is deployed and will be for the next 7 months, but omg I dont want to deal with the looks and potential humiliation. I can just feel the judgement in the chicks eyes…shes gonna think I’m fat and sloppy with no make up and can’t get any!
Crystal, those people see so much, they’re not even going to blink over you buying a plain vanilla vibrator.
However, if you embarass easily, the other commentors are right. Go online. Because if you buy a vibrator at a store, they will put batteries in it and check to make sure it works before you leave.
Crystal, just buy it online! My ex always bought mine for me online and it comes delivered in a very discreet brown paper box that doesn’t scream “open me-vibrator inside”. I feel really icky going into porn shops alone so the online option works perfectly.
Thank You,
Melissa
@Crystal – go online, http://www.goodvibes.com, seriously!
I’ll second teh internetz. Companies that ship in plain, unmarked boxes? No clerks to deal with? It’s a total win.
@Crystal: If you prefer to see something in person, depending on where you are, you can also find women-run sex shops, which tend to be nicer, more comfortable and less judgmental. Plus the women who work there tend to be normal looking. Try The Smitten Kitten (if you live near the Minneapolis area) or Early to Bed (Chicago). And thus ends my tour of feminist sex shops in the Midwest
(BTW, they both have online ordering, too.)
P.S. I think that there are a few Toys in Babeland locations on the West coast, too, but I can’t say for sure.
And if you’re in the ATL area, go to the shop on Piedmont. It’s not women-run, but it definitely has a less sketchy clientele than the one on Peachtree.
Oooo! Thanks for the recommendation! I’ve been looking for a place to go in Chi!
Another nice place to go in Chicago is The Pleasure Chest off the brown line. It has a huge selection and the staff is really nice!
As long as you take out (or reverse) the batteries first, flying’s been no biggie. Just make eye contact and they’ll know you don’t give a shit.
A lot of vibrators now offer a locking mode for travel purposes.
A vibrator is a must have for all women!! P.S. Crystal, listen to your boyfriend, you won’t regret it
I don’t like the sex shops either… Have you tried a Pure Romance party or website? It’s like a tupperware party, or a Mary Kay party, but with toys and accessories. And Wine. They usually have lots of wine.
It’s very comfortable, women salespeople only, and educational.
You get to see, touch and discuss the merchandise, ranging from lotions and massage oils to full on dildos.
I’ve been to a couple and I really liked them, and you can find a host for a party or just shop online at their website. I think it’s just pureromance.com I’ve been happy with every purchase I made there.
I have to agree with this one. We’ve tried other companies parties and they just didn’t have the same feel.
Just always be smart and have extra D batteries on hand. Nothing more frustrating than having that puppy die out on you halfway there…
Am I the only disappointed that Aunty Becky didn’t provide a link to her gold electric boyfriend for online purchasing?
Hm. I got rid of all mine when I got married. I know, what an idiot. Disposal was pretty entertaining though. I watch WAY too much criminal investigation shows, so I was convinced that someone would find mine and they would somehow end up at a crime scene or something and I’d end up incarcerated for the rest of my life. So I bleached the hell out of ‘em, dismantled them and then disposed in a couple different dumpsters on the other side of town.
I’ve been divorced 6 years and FINALLY worked up the nerve again to go into a store in Orlando (BTW – I don’t live in Orlando…lol). I’d never seen them “test” the batteries before and wanted to crawl into a hole when the sales person (??) got sidelined by a customer with questions and she was waving the package around like a magic friggin wand (haha… no pun intended). The customer of course was a guy, saw the package and with raised eyebrow looked right at me sheepishly standing to the side in mortification.
I fell in love with vibrators even before I started managing a porn store lol. I try to keep my store very woman friendly despite a largely male customer base & out of six sales clerks five are women.
I will occasionally shop online for toys because you can sometimes find and item cheaper but, I would rather go to a store before I make a decision to actually get to see the products and test them especially in the case of a high priced item.
I love online toy shops, and my favorite feature is the reviews. That is what sells me, hearing real women’s experiences.
I can also recommend Cupid’s in Chicago; it’s the only place I go, the clerks are very helpful and matter-of-fact and I’ve never felt embarrassed when they see what I’m buying. With my most recent purchase, one clerk even gave me a tip about dealing with a tricky battery-compartment cover, and said ‘You’ll enjoy this.’ And I did.
I love mine and I’m in the market for a new one too. My kids have found mine under my pillow. my little one (6) came in and asked if he could borrow my light saber. The older one (9) said, that’s not a toy. It’s to massage mom’s back! Thank heaven I didn’t have to do any explaining!
i have never had one, a vibrator and sometimes i wonder if it would have been the best course of action instead of having all those boyfriends with worries about this and that. but sex is sex isn’t it. i love the way you put yourself out there…very impressed. i worry that maybe even with a vibrator i wouldn’t have an orgasm…if a man can’t do it for me why would a machine?
@Purple,
The machine is a tool for YOU to use. Not really comparable to a man…and plenty of men can’t do it for women!
All those boyfriends each started from scratch…if you learn what you like best, you can have a guaranteed good time!
Good Luck, hope you give it a try… ;p
I have had vibrators for most of my adult life. The first one I bought at age 16 was out of the back of a magazine. It was sold to be used as a back rub aid. It was a strange shape for a back rub aid. I am 56 and there is still a place of honor in my bedside drawer for a vibrator.
I have had the little pinky sized one (easy to hide in my younger years when I was self conscious of using it) to the “Rabbit” as per the Sex and the City show. Great ear action on that baby.
I have used them by myself and when all alone. I have also used them to add a bit of spice to wonderful sex between my lover and I. Oh boy can that ever be an O-la-la moment!
Only thing though with my vibrator…. I have asked my nearest and dearest BF… If I should die before you, please would you be the one to clear out my bedside drawer before anyone else sees what’s in there?
It’s so funny you wrote this, because I flew last month and FORGOT that my vibrator was in my toiletry bag. TSA discovered it, took me to the side, and made me take it out of the bag and TURN IT ON for them. Then I had to get the full-body pat down. The TSA agent was SO EMBARRASSED, which made me laugh.
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