I love my husband very much. But sometimes I hate him, too.
You see, I am married to a Perpetually Skinny.
You know the type. They’re the ones who can eat whatever they want without gaining weight. They’re the ones whose metabolism never actually catches up as they age. They’re the ones who can order a pair of jeans online and be reasonably assured that they are going to look great when they put them on.
My husband is thin, but he’s also muscular without even trying, and athletic without even working at it. About a year ago, I trained for several months to run a 10k. I was working my butt off, running even twice a day sometimes, trying to work my way up to 5 miles at one time. It took me about three months to get to that point, and yet I was still sore and hurting and no where near a ten minute mile. Yet my husband one day, after not having worked out in any shape or form in years, goes to the gym and runs five miles in under an hour. And then comes home and announces it like he just took the trash out.
Yeah. So.
I’ve lived the last 15 years with him, trying not to pull my hair out at the injustice of it all.
Because I’m married to a guy who does absolutely no weight training whatsover and his arms look like this.
He’s the guy who eats an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s nearly every night by himself. And pretty much whatever else he feels like, whenever he feels like it.
When I get to heaven and get to ask the Big Guy all of my Big Questions, I may ask why he allowed so much suffering in Africa. Or why people are born with disabilities. Or why he allows parents to abuse their children.
OR I MIGHT JUST ASK WHY PEOPLE LIKE ME EAT HEALTHY EVERY DAY AND WORK THEIR ASSES OFF JUST TO TRY TO GET TO AN ACCEPTABLE WEIGHT WHILE OTHER PEOPLE DO NOTHING AND EAT EVERYTHING AND STAY SKINNY. WHY GOD WHY!?!?
Sure, maybe I should be feeling grateful right now. Grateful that he’s able to run at all after a bad accident and years of learning to walk again. Grateful that my husband has a rockin’ body. Grateful that his freakish muscle tone and metabolism probably mean he’ll be a healthy old man with a long life.
But right now, I’m mostly just bitter.
Anybody else married to a Perpetually Skinny? Should we form a support group?
I’m also married to a perpetual skinny so I get it. I really get it…bless their hearts.
It, like, ENRAGES ME to fold my husbands tiny jeans and boxers. It’s like he’s a doll.
BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, B!
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Exactly.
HA! I’m with you on that
My boyfriend is the same way. Size 32 pants. At one point for a short time he had a medication that caused him to balloon up. He was unbelievably freaked out about it and I was shocked at his previously unseen vanity! Pretty funny stuff.
no, I’m married to a ‘curvy’ man or I think I’d cry every day. I’m afraid I’d be adding really fattening stuff into casseroles just to make sure he didn’t make me look bad. You’re a stronger woman than I.
(raising my hand) Nope. I’m married to a perpetually skinny who at the age of 45, decided to start weightlifting again and looks like a friggin’ awesome hardbody while I have to buy a bigger size pants from merely sniffing bread. *sigh* I add really fattening stuff to his food and attempt to force feed him….and it just goes to his biceps, triceps and pecs. Going to put my kids up for adoption now so that I have time to workout 8 hours a day like Madonna.
Yup. Raising my hand. Patrick has a mythically-high metabolism, and because he’s only 1/2 an inch taller than me, I can never weigh less than he does.
Jerk.
*Raising hand* OH ME ME ME!
I weight more than my husband. Hmph!
My husband stepped on the scale in front of me last night. 15 lbs. Guess who has a new weightloss goal? This kid.
Thank god my boyfriend is of the curvy variety. He was a football player in high school and college and still has that body style, just with a belly in front now. He stopped smoking a year ago (yay) but it made him add a little weight. He still has crazy muscles and never has to lift weights. He is the guy everyone looks to for the heavy lifting. My guy “type” has always been heavier guys, maybe just so I don’t have to worry about crushing them or being uncomfortable with a skinny guy.
I was in the exact same position. But over decades things changed and although the hubs is still muscular, the differences between us isn’t as stark as it used to be.
It turns out that skinny is my “type”. So yes, I’ve always been with the perpetually skinnies. GRRRRRR!
Oh yes, this is very much us. Think he’s gained maybe 3lbs since I met him at 19 (now 32). So envious…
Totally. My husband crossed the 35-yr age mark and quit smoking so he has gained a little, but only so that he now looks a normal weight! He fit in my jeans until very recently.
My younger brother has always been this way too. The kid wore size 6 slim jeans till like 8th gr.! I trained for months to run a 5k, asked him to run with me at the last minute and he laughed at my under 30 min goal. Haha
I’m in the same boat. No, WORSE than that — my husband, who is incredibly fit and ripped, wants to put on weight…so he eats everything in sight. Still not working. At least he’s cute.
Oh, gosh, that is *so* me!
I am 5’11″ and now weigh between 175-180. I am finally back down to my size 14 jeans after six years and three sons. But I’ve been a 14 my whole adult life. I’d love to be a 12, but I’d have to eat carrot sticks all day and nothing else. And I love to eat.
I just started running last fall, and though I run three times a week and have run several 5Ks and a 10K, my pace is a solid 11:30 or 12:00.
My husband is 6′ and weighs 155 soaking wet. Size 32 jeans are loose on him. He runs marathons. He will go out and run 17 miles with a 7:15 pace, like you said, like he’s just taken out the trash.
To be even more annoying, he is endearingly kind and extremely patient. I know I need to work on those things, but at least I know I’ll never be as skinny or as fast as he is.
You just described me. I told a friend recently that my husband wore a smaller t-shirt size than I do, and she acted like that was the worst thing she could imagine. But he still loves me.
I’m married to a perpetually skinny who also happens to be 6’6″ tall. Which means he has to put on about 40 lbs. for it to even be noticeable. Oh, and when he does gain weight, he just cuts back for a couple of weeks and does some exercise and it’s all gone again. I mean, yay hot husband, but c’mon. #notfair
Yep, my husband is really tall, too.
My almost-husband (we’re getting married in November) is also 6’6″. He pretty much eats whatever he wants, whenever he wants and always looks amazing. The only thing that keeps me from getting completely stabby is that he weighs more than me because of his excessive height. So…at least there’s that…
See, Kristen, I’ve seen your picture and aside from when you were pregnant, you look pretty darn skinny to me. I don’t see the curvy part.
That said, I am not married to a Skinny. I am married to a pot-belly, regardless of how much he works, what he eats, etc. The boy was born at 9.5 pounds back when the average was 6.5 pounds. Thankfully we fit together well.
YES YES YES YES. D just has to glance at his muscles and they become more defined. His calves are unreal! Biceps galore! And here I am, working with a pilates trainer 3 times a week on top of the cardio I already do, and my muscle definition is, well, NOT LIKE HIS.
SPOUSES OF THE PERPETUALLY SKINNY UNITE!
My husband was so thin and then when we had our 2nd daughter he put on weight with me and then one day he decided he was going to lose the weight because he wasn’t happy and his body was all “Sure buddy, how much do you want to weigh?” right now he weighs 3 pounds more than he did in high school. I tried to explain to him that there is an unspoken rule that men are not allowed to weigh less than their wives. He totally didn’t believe me.
UGH. Right now he is sorting through his jeans on his day off because most of his 32′s are too big and he can pull them right off.
“Sure buddy, how much do you want to weigh?”
This made water shoot out of my nose!
YES. My husband eats horribly and will complain every once in a while that he is too thin. The worst is when he says “why don’t they just lose a few pounds?” about someone who complains about their weight. Um, we aren’t all metabolism mutants. some of us have to work at it. Oh, and he tells me that since I run I should be able to eat what I want. I CANNOT get it through his head that is doesn’t work that way. Ugh.
just yesterday, my boyfriend stepped on a scale and was all, “oh, look, i lost 15 lbs” (while eating butter, donuts and chips) …and this is coming from someone already skinny and fit.
Count me in. My husband was one of those skinny types. As much as I hated him for it, there were a few perks. Clothes shopping could be done without him to try things on. Skinny man + smaller clothes (which take up less room in the closet) = more room for my clothes!
My husband isn’t perpetually skinny – but he freaks out if he gains 5 lbs and diets a week and then he’s back to normal. So, yeah, easier for him. Nearly impossible for me, dammit. I enjoyed your post! Very funny and relate-able.
I will NOT date someone that weighs less than me. My type is 6’5 around 250lbs. If I cannot physically hide behind them while they are protecting me from the man I just called a “worthless waste of a penis” then he is of no use to me. Plus, he has to be able to physically carry my 160-170lb weight. Weird I know
I hate people like your husband…my best friend is the exact same way…she gained 25lbs for her pregnancy and 3 weeks after she gave birth, it was all gone…it just sucks. I on the other hand, just keep gaining away, and try as I might, cannot lose it for the life of me! I am able to lose a little bit of weight at a time, but as soon as I stop working at it for a second, it comes back with a vengeance. I secretly smile at skinny girls who cry when they say they’ve gained a few pounds and it still looks they are skinny as boards. Where can I join your support group?
Dying!! Such a great post! I’m dating a perpetually skinny guy and am a curvy girl myself – much respect to you for workin’ out and eating right while you watch him do the opposite!
Kristen, my husband is the same way. And if it makes you feel any better, I was at the jacuzzi with my 2-year-old tonight, talking with a seemingly nice neighbor about taking the kids back to school in the melting heat this morning, and she says, “Oh yeah, and I bet the baby wasn’t giving you any breaks walking up those hills.” Confused, I look at my 2-year-old playing on the steps of the pool, while she continues, “It’s probably turning somersaults in there, kicking away…” At which time the lightbulb finally goes on and I say, “I’m not pregnant!!!” She tried to cover by saying that the jacuzzi jets must have been inflating my bathing suit. Ok, I WAS wearing a maternity tankini to cover my fat stomach, but still. That was awful. And meanwhile, at home sits my skinny husband, parked in front of the computer, eating nachos. Which he probably topped off with some ice cream.
Sooooo not fair.
My husband is exactly the same. We used both to be really skinny, but after I gained 60 lbs (!) during pregnancy, I now look like I eat all his food. And possibly my baby.
My husband is a skinny, but it’s worse than just that. He’ll pig out for a week, put on 10 lbs and then say, oh, I need to lose this. Then he has the balls to wake up 2 days later and he’s 10 lbs lighter. Not even having to exercise or really eat right. It’s SO not fair.
Yeah, I’ve heard my husband on the scale yell out in horror “oh no, I’ve lost more weight!”. What a jerk! Ha.
Yeah, I married one too. It’s unfair to be the one who wears the big pants in the relationship. Love him and resent him for being so damned thin. But, he prefers me curvy. Says it’s better for the boobs.
Mine says the same thing – but hard to take him seriously sometimes when he’s flipping out that the 5 lbs he’s gained in our year of marriage have caused him not to be able to wear his SIZE 29 jeans anymore. Lord. We’re the exact same height and I wear a 14 – don’t want to know what that is in inches!
My husband also is skinny. I, of course, am not. Add to that I’m an inch taller then him, and I don’t believe I’ve ever felt comfortable going anywhere with him in the 15 years we’ve been married. I go, but I am not comfortable. Lately, he’s been totally pissing me off. For example, the other day he leaned against the refrigerator and just stared at me. Finally, I asked him what was up. He says, “You didn’t notice I lost 10 pounds.” Seriously?! I couldn’t believe he even had 10 pounds to lose but he happily informed me he is back down to 155 pounds. My response was, “When you came home on leave 6 years ago and I had lost almost 60 pounds, you didn’t notice.” (I’ve gained most of it back since then, but still.) Then I said, “Oh, shut the hell up.”
Heh. When we got together 10 years ago, my man wore a 32″ pant waist and was about 140# at 5’10″…now he’s in a 34″ & probably high 160s/low 170s…we share clothes sometimes, it’s nice. ;P (I’m 5’4″ & about 160# / size 12.) He’s definitely got a faster metabolism! My lucky break is being a naturally freakishly-slow-eater! ;p
I managed to squeeze into my fiances boxers this year. Seriously my greatest accomplishment.
My husband is slim and fit and doesn’t even try. One year I spent 6 months training to walk a half marathon. He decided to join me the day of the marathon. He hadn’t trained, doesn’t exercise and he finished the marathon with no problem. I limped through the finish line with shin splints and was sore for days.
He has always been able to eat whatever he wants. A snack was a big bag of chips and I don’t mean the single serving bags. He has decided in the last year he needs to cut back on junk food; not because he is gaining weight but because he is worried about health issues coming up. After years of eating junk I made him go to the doctors for a physical convienced that he would have high blood pressure or something. Oh no, he didn’t, the doctor said he was very fit. I hate him.
I’m with you! Married to a man who still fits in his shorts from high school when I met him 8 years ago.
My boyfriend is one of those skinny people with muscles and more than likely 0% body fat. We’ll be laying in bed at night -getting ready to go to sleep and he’ll go into the kitchen for a quick snack….then he’ll come back 5 minutes later and when I ask him what he ate? Five – five! cupcakes.
This is a nightly tradition. And it just KILLS me. Because my nightly snack? It’s a sugar free popsicle or maybe some edamame.
Some of it is just the male metabolism in general. My husband’s metabolism has slowed down a little…but all he has to do is cut out soda and fast food for a week, and he’s down 10 pounds! The same 10 pounds that would take me two months of religious calorie counting and exercising to lose!
I am married to the KING of Skinnies. He is 6’2″ and weighs a whopping 160 pounds. We’ve been together since high school and I was just SURE that his metabolism would change with age, but here we are in our mid thirties and last month he wore his high school jeans to paint the front porch. IRRITATING.
My hubby is like that too, but I don’t believe for a minute that his natural thinness will give him longevity, I actually fear that he will be the one sick and on medication because he didn’t take care of his insides. Skinny and dead is still dead. I’d much rather be perpetually 10 pounds overweight, healthy, and around to spend time with my grandkids someday… or at least that’s what I tell myself.
OMG- My life story.
Same here sister.
My husband is tall, muscular, and thin.
Can eat what he wants and NOT work out.
I just look at bread the wrong way and it ends up on my thighs.
*le sigh*
Yes, a support group is needed. My butt will never be smaller than his I’m affraid. Just makes me want to cry when I think about it.
I am actually happy right now because he is having back problems and can’t do much and he has gained 5 pounds…is that bad?
Oh, yes. You’ve described my husband down to the nightly Ben and Jerry’s.
It’s totally. Totally. Unfair.
Not only am I married to a skinny, my mother-in-law is also a member. She has to eat high calorie foods to maintain weight. When we visit, she and my brother-in-law will have contests to see who can gain the most weight (read: they order breves at Starbucks with extra whip while I sip my hot tea). Gag. I love that he’s long and lean but for pete’s sake, do I have to suffer through an entire family of skinny freaks? We had a “come as your spouse” night with friends. My husband wore my jeans. They fit him like a dream except for two perfectly molded pooches where my hips usually go…”all the more to give birth to your children,” said the wife.
My partner is a skinny b*****. It drives me nuts! She lives off of energy drinks, cheezits, and candy. I swear…it’s crazy! Occasionally, if she happens to be off work at the same time as me (usually twice a week), she will eat a normal dinner with the rest of us. Other than that…she eats craps. She is 5’7 and weighs (on a “fat” day)…135…but is usually 125. Yes, I want to punch her. All 200+ pounds of me. lol
I am reasonably athletic and was naturally skinny-ish until I hit my 27th birthday. Then I gained 10 pounds in two weeks. I’ve always loved sports but I’ve had arthritis since I was born that is getting worse with age.
My husband…ran the Florence Marathon without training. OK, well, he ran *a couple* of 15-milers, but mostly he didn’t have time to train because he was in the field with the Army. (“In the field” meant hunkering down in the fall in Germany, sleeping in tents, and eating nothing but coffee and schnitzel.) And yeah, he ran the entire thing. I might hate him a little bit.
I get it. I live it. Right now I’m 37 weeks pregnant and all the baby books suggest “raiding your husband’s closet for clothes to fit the last few weeks.” Umm, the clothes aren’t larger on that side, y’all, but thanks for reminding me.
I just want you to know that you’re at your natural weight and I bet you’re body is amazing. But weight does not equal health, and not everyone can be crazy skinny, it’s not actually natural for every body. You’re probably far, far healthier than any naturally skinny person who eats whatever they want without gaining weight, and they will run into FAR more health problems than you. Just because the country is obsessed with losing weight doesn’t mean it’s healthy or natural. I bet your hubby thinks he’s lucky as hell to be with a healthy, sexy woman like you!
I almost cried today when my skinny ass husband was yelling at me that I am hurting my health. He is probably right but its driving me insane that he can eat everything under the sun without gaining an ounce. I am 5 feet and I weigh 147 lbs, I am overweight, I know. But I also have to literally starve myself to begin to lose any weight. I’ve done it before, I was dropped from 140 to 105lbs before but with much much sacrifice. I just hate that I have to cook delicious food for him and he can eat it with no problems but if I have a few bites I balloon to new girths… Meh
My boyfriend is the exact same way. He can sit while were watching movies, and pig out on all the junk food he wants, and wake up the next morning, and still be the same weight. I indulge in a little bit of chips one night, and it seems like it takes years to burn off
i hate it!! why cant everyone be blessed with a fast metabolism?? 
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