Screw the Dinner Table

Friday night I came home from dinner with the girls, kissed the trio of messy haired mugs on the couch watching some apparent illegal form of Hotel Transylvania, peeked in at Andy playing some totally nerdy computer gun war game, went to my closet, pulled off my shirt, unbuttoned my jeggings, and went to the […]

I am Santa.

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Alright, who’s coming over to clean this mess up? I blame these heathens. On December 24th my house was Priest-clean (what’s that? Oh, click here.), but by 7am on December 25th it turns into a dump and I’m waiting for the Junk Lady from The Labyrinth to pop out all, what’s the matter, don’t you […]

Newsflash: Princess Kate is Pregnant and I’m afraid of heights.

Top of the Rock

I’m in New York City for exactly twenty eight hours to meet with Lucky jeans, more on that later. What matters is… the princess is pregnant. I don’t know what it is about Kate Middleton. Maybe it’s her pretty teeth, her shiny hair, the fact that we are the same size and could share clothes, […]

Cough & Pee

I’ve had this consistent dry cough for six days. It’s not even productive, and it bugs that I even know how to quantify a productive cough, because if you were to ask me pre-kids if my cough was productive, I would have been like, fuck yeah it’s productive, it just ate 2 sleeves of saltines […]

Why it’s so hard for me to be religious.

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This is a personal issue I’ve been struggling with. And, by personal, I mean mine. I can’t possibly articulate, value or judge your beliefs. I can only wrestle with my own. There’s an old joke amongst former Catholic School attendees; you can tell who went to Catholic School because they’re all atheists now. Many of […]

Parenthood & Friendship

Admittedly, I’m not good at making friends. Like, I thought I was, and I went about my life thinking I was, but as I age and people’s fucking filters break down, I’ve come to realize that is not the case. I’ve narrowed it down to two basic, yet contradictory, scenarios. 1. I get too close […]

She Sees Dead People. Probably.

How are you? I’m ok. Let’s see, what’s new with me… Um, my earring holes closed up, that was a bloody realization in the middle of Anthropology (pssst, I can only fit in their earrings). I finally broke down and bought a pair of Toms. They’re grey. It’s like I’m walking around in feet envelopes. […]