Ikea is not a store, Ikea is a big fucking chore. The parking process is like fucking Disney World, which is annoying to me, as I hate parking…and walking…especially with two kids and a mother who can’t contain herself. She very well may have wet herself at the big gawdy blue and gold Graceland entrance. […]
1. I rarely offer advice…out loud. Sure, I will bad mouth and judge the fuck out of you in my head, but out loud? Not so much. Mostly because I am a giant pussy, I can’t run that fast, plus my ankle always gives out due to an old soccer injury. But. I will share […]
I got my hair cut. Six whole inches. Pretty exciting, huh?! *wink, wink* COPYRIGHT BAREFOOT FOODIE 2009 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.
1. Should I be concerned my pee is a burnt orange color? I feel like I should be. 2. This weekend, I missed out on the biggest event in my home town, aside from Annual Couch Potato Derby, because I opted to spend my Saturday…and most of today…on my knees next to the toilet, the […]
Me: My boobs hurt, and I feel bloated. Pregnant Emily: It’s way too early to have any inklings of pregnancy, it’s all in your head. Me: So me leaking milk is a figment of my imagination?! Pregnant Emily: Wait, what!? Me: I may have exaggerated a bit just then. Pregnant Emily: Jesus. Me: Well, it […]
I am the mom of two boys. Sure, before my first, I may have dreamed about a gaggle of little girls. We’d play dress up, do each others hair, have girls nights out, shop for wedding dresses…but then, we found out we were having a boy, and then another boy, and my pink dreams kinda […]
I used to wear perfume everyday. And now, I don’t even know where it is or if I even have any? My new scent is more like an odor…..mommy odor. I adopted it the day I gave birth to my first son, and I realized that I would have a little person living on my […]