Happy Birthday, Papa.

By |2017-06-14T15:13:39-04:00April 5th, 2013|Marriage, Parenting|

The kids call him papa. I think it makes people uncomfortable, which only goads us on, triple dog daring us into those weird couples who refer to each other as "papa" and "mama" across the room from each other at parties or in line for the complimentary hotel continental breakfast. We have all our important [...]

Unhappy Ending

By |2017-06-14T15:38:10-04:00February 26th, 2013|Marriage|

There are two things in life I won't do. Hard limit. 1. Take a cruise. Boats. Ocean. Deep water. Claustrophobia. Sea beasts. I don't care how awesome Road Rules Semester at Sea or The Suite Life on Deck made it look. No. A million times over. If Waterworld became a real thing, it would be [...]

How The Hell Am I Still Married?

By |2017-06-14T15:14:11-04:00December 18th, 2012|Marriage, Sex|

Wait... how many years have we been married? I don't know? Seven? Eight? Oh my God, eight, this year is eight, shit. We totally missed the window for our seven year itches! If year seven is an itch, then eight is a rash. Sometimes it's helpful to think of marriage as a sexually transmitted disease [...]

Is Motherhood Sexy?

By |2013-11-21T19:25:36-04:00December 12th, 2012|Marriage, Parenting, Sex|

The other day I got an email asking me if I was making motherhood sexy. Gosh, I have no idea. Was I supposed to be? Would my kids describe me as sexy to their friends? Have I been doing this wrong the whole time? I mean, it ended up being an email about pole dance [...]

Fish Tank Head by Brittany & Andy

By |2012-10-26T09:57:16-04:00October 26th, 2012|Marriage, Mental Health|

I took a mental health break this week. I've never done that before, but the weirdest thing happened. Like, my body started to shut down. I was exhausted, my bones hurt, I got confused in the grocery store, my anxiety had taken over. I felt it rumbling around for a while now underneath the surface. [...]

A Hot Bed of Sexual Insecurities

By |2017-06-14T13:47:53-04:00October 9th, 2012|Body, Marriage, Sex|

In this moment, my biggest regret in life is not living years 21-24 completely naked. Not having sex with the lights on, and video taping it. Not making out with a lower class drifter in the bottom of a boat and let him sketch nude pictures of me. I could go on, but you know, [...]

Dakota Fanning Mattress.

By |2012-09-17T11:42:36-04:00September 17th, 2012|Marriage, Musings, Parenting|

We got a new mattress, and it's basically the most exciting thing that has ever happened in our seven year marriage. We aren't even having sex in it because we have this crazy new mattress narcolepsy every time we lay on it. The first night we had it I woke up at 3am fully clothed, [...]

Your Mouth is a Horror Movie

By |2017-06-14T15:38:57-04:00August 27th, 2012|I Draw Horses, Marriage|

The older I get, the less things, in general, gross me out. It's like, you can only ignore the stuff splattered underneath the toilet seat so many times until you realize, nobody else is going to clean that shit up, so you might as well tie a sweatshirt around your face, put on some rubber [...]