My youth and current lack of it.

Open Mouth Kissing My Thirties

April 16, 2013

Andy and I are the same age. Born a mere 23 days apart. But if you ask Jude, our math savant son… Andy is 32. I am 30. So, fine, I lied about my age to my six year old son who could give all of zero fucks about the number. But, I cared and [...]

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Garage Fridge

March 13, 2013

This weekend we put a fridge in our garage. We have a garage fridge. Exciting, right? Okay just stay with me here, I have a point, let me muddle about to get there a sec. We put a fridge in our garage… and then I had an emotional breakdown. See? There’s the hook you were [...]

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I Wish I Was…

September 3, 2012

I went through a phase where I begged my parents to legally change my name to Kimberly, when they selfishly refused, I promised to only give my kids the coolest names ever, which is when I swore I’d name my daughter Mercedes. Ahem.

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Between You, Me and the Goblin.

August 8, 2012

By the time I was 14, I knew my way around a boy. Kissing, groping, dry humping…hello, Jordan Catalano in the rain, motivation enough for a girl to find her way around a pant bulge or two. You know, everything except that whole all the way sort of thing. It wasn’t for lack of trying, [...]

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The Swamp

July 23, 2012

I don’t like to get all sappy up in here, I prefer to keep the gooey emotions where they belong, namely, the corner of my closet where I eat my cupcakes; but I’m about to start my period, and I watched The Blind Side last night soooo…okay,  I’ll be quick. There was a swamp around [...]

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My Favorite Things…again.

April 27, 2012

I got in from New York around 2am last night, and as I sat down at my bar with my 20 piece nugget and 3 containers of sweet n’ sour sauce I may or may not have rewarded myself with for making it through 1.5 hours of turbulence next to an old Indian woman listening [...]

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When I grow up.

February 23, 2012

Can you imagine what it would be like if we all had to be the very first thing we ever wanted to be when we grew up?

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Step 2: Ruining Your Life

October 14, 2011

For the life of me, I cannot remember at what age I first felt embarrassed by my parents. I feel like it wasn’t something I knew I was supposed to feel by myself, but rather, something someone else told me I was supposed to be feeling. Wanna ride with me and my mom for the [...]

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How I realized I am old, thanks Damon Wayans.

September 8, 2011

This is Damon Wayans Jr., as seen in the movie The Other Guys and that Happy Endings show they are billing as THE NEW FRIENDS – NO SERIOUSLY GUYS – THIS ONE IS GONNA PAN OUT, FOR REAL.

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My First Car.

August 25, 2011

She died of emphysema and by the time they found her, she was missing a finger.

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