Blanket Apology

June 11, 2012

Growing up, I lived in a house with a minimum of 3-4 animals at a time. My mom was always taking in animals, and at one point even had a room with over 100 bearded dragons. Seriously. Having friends over was stressful and required hours of prep work; vacuuming up hair, lighting smelly candles, lint-rolling […]

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May 1, 2012

OK, I know what happened. I must have been sleep walking, and thought I was going to fridge to drink out of the milk container, but I actually walked into the garage and drank Round-Up.

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Grocery Time.

January 18, 2012

I have no idea how I’m allowed to be responsible for other people, either.

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Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

January 16, 2012

I think it’s safe to say, that we can all collectively agree that Pee Wee’s Big Adventure was monumentally better than Big Top Pee Wee, for like, eleventy billion reasons not including egg salad sandwiches or Kris Kristofferson.

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Assumptions are for Assholes.

December 8, 2011

Midnight grocery trips have become a weekly treat for me.  The kids are asleep, so I sneak out and let Andy hold the fort down.  I listen to music without kazoos, I get to put my purse in the baby seat area of the cart, the store is basically deserted, and I don’t have to […]

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Vacation Observation.

October 27, 2011

When I see a German family of 4 sitting next to us on the monorail to Disney wearing matching culottes and Mickey visors, and Jude leans over and asks me why they are speaking Spanish to each other, I remember how awesome the world is.

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Tales from the Road Part 1

October 24, 2011

Curse you fear of flight. I don’t know why, in my head, I envision road trips going better than they actually do. I mean, I know my kids are technophiles and they wouldn’t how to sing in a round if it punched them in the face, but really with the constant need for stimulation, already? The […]

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September 28, 2011

This is  a totally true story, though I changed the name of the person involved so I don’t get assassinated or my voter card taken away, if they even do that, I’m not sure, but I think really stupid people vote all the time, so I should probably be fine.  Plus, wouldn’t the REAL punishment NOT being […]

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Cleanliness and Godliness and Drunkeness.

September 7, 2011

Growing up, there was a girl in my class whose house was full of garbage.  She didn’t have a ton of friends, and my mother, being the bleeding heart that she was, often volunteered me at summer day camp to stay the night at her house. The first time I slept over, we watched scary […]

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Turning red.

September 6, 2011

I spent a large portion of my childhood and adolescence trying to get my parents to admit I was adopted.

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