Musings

Parenthood & Friendship

September 28, 2012

Admittedly, I’m not good at making friends. Like, I thought I was, and I went about my life thinking I was, but as I age and people’s fucking filters break down, I’ve come to realize that is not the case. I’ve narrowed it down to two basic, yet contradictory, scenarios. 1. I get too close […]

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Smut and Sinus Infections

September 26, 2012

Any minute now. Come on. Just one more second…. Sneezes into my open mouth. Coughs across my plate. Lingering green snotty face kiss. Alright any moment now…. come onnn….. Yes, good, the kids are all better, running around, wrestling, ready to resume all their 800 extracurricular activities I am stuck schlepping them to, which means […]

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Dakota Fanning Mattress.

September 17, 2012

We got a new mattress, and it’s basically the most exciting thing that has ever happened in our seven year marriage. We aren’t even having sex in it because we have this crazy new mattress narcolepsy every time we lay on it. The first night we had it I woke up at 3am fully clothed, […]

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Sick Bed Confessions

August 30, 2012

5. I know more Will Ferrell quotes than Shakespeare quotes.

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Motherhood, Irreverence and Womanism at 4am

August 15, 2012

Did you know Louis C.K. has kids? He does, two small daughters, Mary Lou and Kitty. Why is that an issue, you ask? Oh, it’s not. He’s a brilliant comedian to whom I would give any amount of money to crawl inside his head for ten whole minutes and laze about on all his squishy […]

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Between You, Me and the Goblin.

August 8, 2012

By the time I was 14, I knew my way around a boy. Kissing, groping, dry humping…hello, Jordan Catalano in the rain, motivation enough for a girl to find her way around a pant bulge or two. You know, everything except that whole all the way sort of thing. It wasn’t for lack of trying, […]

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I said YES!

July 24, 2012

I learned to be a sexy red head. I learned to love my thighs. And, I learned to follow my heart…..

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Hola Texas! Soy Virgin.

July 18, 2012

I just spent the week in Texas with my friend Shauna. I met Shauna a few years ago in New York City. We were sitting in a hotel room with a bunch of friends, and she was holding Gigi, who was just a baby at the time, when I looked over to find her dripping […]

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Blanket Apology

June 11, 2012

Growing up, I lived in a house with a minimum of 3-4 animals at a time. My mom was always taking in animals, and at one point even had a room with over 100 bearded dragons. Seriously. Having friends over was stressful and required hours of prep work; vacuuming up hair, lighting smelly candles, lint-rolling […]

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Hallucinating.

May 1, 2012

OK, I know what happened. I must have been sleep walking, and thought I was going to fridge to drink out of the milk container, but I actually walked into the garage and drank Round-Up.

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