Keepin’ it real in ’08

February 16, 2008

You know, before you have kids, you have this grand notion that, despite the homes of all the other “lazy” parents you know, you will not allow your home to morph into a 24 hour romper room? Listen. All I am gonna say is, you can only entertain your kids with book ends and coasters […]

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An Open Letter to the Crazy Cat Lady Down the Street

February 14, 2008

Listen, I get that you don’t really like us. Which is ridiculous, as I am pretty much the most likable person I know. Besides the fact, that I even made you cupcakes when we first moved in, and I am pretty sure the rule is you bake us something to welcome us to the neighborhood. […]

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“I am consistently inconsistent."

February 12, 2008

I don’t own a Polaroid instant camera, and I don’t really know anyone who does. In fact, I don’t know a single person who doesn’t own a digital camera. I saw a lady at the zoo last summer who had a wind up disposable camera, and hubby and I privately mocked her endlessly for the […]

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Letting our freak flags fly.

February 11, 2008

“Your son is wearing Cars pajamas and snow boots.” “So.” “In church?” Of all the advice I have gotten in my two short years of parenting, and let me tell you, EVERYONE is always giving advice, it would be to choose your battles. Truer words were never spoken. I am comfortable in this relaxed lifestyle, […]

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Everyone relax, I am not peeing on anything today.

February 8, 2008

I think it’s funny that, once I reached a certain age, I can never just be sick anymore, there is always a hint of suspicion. It seems, because I am a woman of childbearing years, any whisper of nausea or flu-like symptoms earns a “tsk, tsk,” “wink, wink,” and a dramatic head nod toward the […]

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The Company I Keep

February 8, 2008

I like to surround myself with the most gorgeous, hilarious, and wicked clever girls around. Plus I naturally gravitate towards any person who uses ellipses as much as I do. Case and point…my darling friend Bunny Mendelbaum. Not gonna lie, I peed my pants a little on this one. Part of my Inheritance… You’re the […]

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Because I am better at this than you are.

February 5, 2008

Why am I in charge of smelling everything? Hubby: Do you think son #1 pooped?Me (cooking dinner): I would have no idea. He then walks up to me, holding said son, and puts his diapered butt in my face. Um, yeah…smells like poop. Hubby: Which one of these is a formula bottle, and which one […]

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It’s 4am, let’s forget it ever happened.

February 4, 2008

I find that when you are up at 4 am, things happen that maybe wouldn’t happen at say…6am. The crazy things that go on my head that early, make my 6am self just wants to kick the shit out of my 4 am self. It starts with a bit of self pity, that quickly rolls […]

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Gag me with a spoon.

February 1, 2008

I should warn you, if you were not a pre-teen or teenage girl in the late 80′s or early 90′s…please stop reading now. This entry will make absolutely no sense to you! So I was dicking around online, and stumbled upon mention of something that tossed me right back into fourth grade. I think. Wait, […]

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Thank you Dark Continent! Goodnight!

January 30, 2008

Ok, what is sexier than a rock star? You know, messy hair, 5 o’clock shadow, ripped jeans, tattoos, smelling of old whiskey and angst, up on stage, playing the guitar. Everyone woman loves them, and every guys wants to be them. They are pure sex. Ya know whats not pure sex? Sitting on a smelly […]

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