Working from Home: the Good, the Bad, and the Pathetic

Work From Home

I was having dinner with a friend the other night when her phone dinged on the table, and as she checked the text with obvious exasperation, she looked up at me and then out the window at the dance of headlights playing on the street beside us and whispered wistfully, I wish I could work […]

Erotic Fiction vs Real Life

sex with socks on

I yell at movie screens. And televisions, especially commercials. Talk radio, motivational speakers, elementary school plays… What the hell, if you’re going to do Grease, Rizzo has to miss her period, it’s integral, I could give two fucks that they’re eight. Maybe don’t do Grease until everyone is menstruating, John Travolta is turning in his […]

Into 2013, With Love.

tis but a scratch

A new year. Time for me to be all profound and manafesto-y. Maybe fire off  a quote or limerick or something. While 2012 can be summed up in the words of Tommy Boy, “Ow, that’s gonna leave a mark,” 2013 is blowing up Monty Python style, ‘Tis but a scratch.” I spent last year both […]

The Great Wide Open

photo(58)

I spent last week in Palm Springs. Brittany fun fact, I actually lived there as an infant, but have absolutely no recollection of the event save for some story about how we used to live near Jackie Coogan, who was Uncle Fester in the Addams Family television show, and that he held me one time. […]

Cough & Pee

I’ve had this consistent dry cough for six days. It’s not even productive, and it bugs that I even know how to quantify a productive cough, because if you were to ask me pre-kids if my cough was productive, I would have been like, fuck yeah it’s productive, it just ate 2 sleeves of saltines […]

Why it’s so hard for me to be religious.

abortion cemetary 2

This is a personal issue I’ve been struggling with. And, by personal, I mean mine. I can’t possibly articulate, value or judge your beliefs. I can only wrestle with my own. There’s an old joke amongst former Catholic School attendees; you can tell who went to Catholic School because they’re all atheists now. Many of […]

Parenthood & Friendship

Admittedly, I’m not good at making friends. Like, I thought I was, and I went about my life thinking I was, but as I age and people’s fucking filters break down, I’ve come to realize that is not the case. I’ve narrowed it down to two basic, yet contradictory, scenarios. 1. I get too close […]

Smut and Sinus Infections

Any minute now. Come on. Just one more second…. Sneezes into my open mouth. Coughs across my plate. Lingering green snotty face kiss. Alright any moment now…. come onnn….. Yes, good, the kids are all better, running around, wrestling, ready to resume all their 800 extracurricular activities I am stuck schlepping them to, which means […]