Musings

Riding In Cars With Kids

February 28, 2014

I’ve been having car issues. Mechanically, my SUV was cherry. Logistically I wanted to light it on fire and push it into the pond. The problem is that I have three children in car seats on a single bench seat. So what, you ask? Oh, you’ve never put a condom on a dude then tried to […]

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Cheers, Betty.

December 6, 2013

Having a live tree has been a live, in-home therapy session for my closeted holiday OCD. We had such a magical day planned to go pick out the perfect tree. We’d hop in the car and sing Christmas carols the whole way. We’d walk together down the rows and rows of trees, homemade hot chocolate […]

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We’re Boring. We Can’t Help It.

November 20, 2013

For a while there, we could blame our hermitism and societal lameness on the children. Gosh, we’d love to go out, but we don’t have a sitter…. we’re exhausted… Wyatt is sick… Jude has a game in the morning… Gigi swallowed our car keys.  Kids are like built in get-out-of-shit cards. But the real truth of […]

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It’s Alive! Tree Experts Needed.

November 11, 2013

As I mentioned on Facebook, I’m in full-on holiday cheer mode. I know what the date is, but it’s cold and I’m wearing a sweater and sparkly lights are pretty. Some years I need the Christmas spirit more than others, and this year, it’s flowing through me like holiday meth. And I love it. Last […]

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Comfort Flaws

October 18, 2013

I’ve had a lot of downtime, and like chicken soup to the soul, I’ve been feeding the healing process with movies and celebrity gossip and pizza rolls. None of it particularly healthy, but soothing in the same way people on ecstasy like suckers. Somewhere between Meatballs and Meatballs 2 I heard that Charlie Hunnam had […]

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Adulthood. You’re Not Doing It Right.

August 21, 2013

I feel like there are tons of things about being a woman or an adult or even a mom, I should know. And it’s only when I come into a situation in which I should clearly be able to effectively function, that I realize, I have no idea what I’m doing. Somebody take away my […]

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Four Days of Slack

August 18, 2013

Andy and I took 4 days to slack off. I didn’t make any important decisions, I ordered out every meal except for the giant punch bowls of cereal we ate at 11pm, I left the house in jeggings and giant Big Lebowski sweaters and unkept hair, I ignored school supply lists and physical forms, and […]

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The Selfie

July 29, 2013

Sometimes I think the front facing camera is the best invention of the 21st century. Probably even better than the segway or Bruno Mars. It’s a girl’s best friend. We know our angles and have patience with ourselves as we try to figure out how to aim the camera so our eyebrows are even and […]

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Congratulations, Graduate!

June 10, 2013

It’s that time of year. The time, before heading off to the graduation parties of relatives that were young, like, four seconds ago, and I sit there holding a foam plate of pasta salad mentally doing the math on just how fucking old I am now and how fucking long it’s been since I’ve graduated […]

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As It Stands

May 23, 2013

I keep meaning to say more about things. I have conversation ADD. Hey I bumped an old person with my car… oh look! Cool Ranch Dorito Tacos! Plus, I’m like day 3 into a fight with Andy that he has no idea we are having. I’m irritated as hell over his ambivalence, but he seems […]

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