may or may not be a medical emergency

Twenty Stitches

May 10, 2013

The following is a totally true and gory story. Also, yes, Andy’s doctor really writes prescriptions for hand jobs, but I don’t think you can actually cash them in at pharmacies. They’re like those coupons you give people on Valentine’s Day when you don’t feel like spending actual money on them. Britt! He never says [...]

Read the full article →

Happy Vasectomy Week!

March 20, 2013

So in celebration of the big snip, let’s relive Andy’s big day, and be thankful the only thing gestating in my belly is Chipotle.

Read the full article →

Pink Eye

March 6, 2013

Last Wednesday, the school popped up on my caller ID. Now, that single occurrence used to send me dashing to the phone, freaked out and scared to death at the news on the other end. But then, I quickly realized the main reason I happen to get calls from the school is for things like, [...]

Read the full article →

Unhappy Ending

February 26, 2013

There are two things in life I won’t do. Hard limit. 1. Take a cruise. Boats. Ocean. Deep water. Claustrophobia. Sea beasts. I don’t care how awesome Road Rules Semester at Sea or The Suite Life on Deck made it look. No. A million times over. If Waterworld became a real thing, it would be [...]

Read the full article →

Phantom Fetus: February 20th

February 25, 2013

from: brittanyherself@gmail.com to: agibbons1@gmail.com I just felt something kick me from inside my stomach. I assume it’s one of three things… a parasite, the Chipotle I had for lunch, or a fetus. from: agibbons1@gmail.com to: brittanyherself@gmail.com Well for your sake, I hope you are full of tapeworms, gassy or your email was hacked. from: brittanyherself@gmail.com [...]

Read the full article →

First Aid: November 2, 2012

December 13, 2012

from: brittanyherself@gmail.com to: agibbons1@gmail.com I’m just going to say one thing and then I’ll leave you alone. I mean, it’s not much of a “first aid kit” without ether or taffy. I mean, FUCKING REALLY!?

Read the full article →

Cough & Pee

November 9, 2012

I’ve had this consistent dry cough for six days. It’s not even productive, and it bugs that I even know how to quantify a productive cough, because if you were to ask me pre-kids if my cough was productive, I would have been like, fuck yeah it’s productive, it just ate 2 sleeves of saltines [...]

Read the full article →

Tracker-Jacker: November 8th

November 9, 2012

from: brittanyherself@gmail.com to: agibbons1@gmail.com OMG. from: agibbons1@gmail.com to: brittanyherself@gmail.com Here we go. from: brittanyherself@gmail.com to: agibbons1@gmail.com You don’t understand, I feel like my ears are underwater, and like, a mermaid is in them screaming. from: agibbons1@gmail.com to: brittanyherself@gmail.com No. from: brittanyherself@gmail.com to: agibbons1@gmail.com I just saw a duck in the bathroom covered in blood. It [...]

Read the full article →

She Sees Dead People. Probably.

September 12, 2012

How are you? I’m ok. Let’s see, what’s new with me… Um, my earring holes closed up, that was a bloody realization in the middle of Anthropology (pssst, I can only fit in their earrings). I finally broke down and bought a pair of Toms. They’re grey. It’s like I’m walking around in feet envelopes. [...]

Read the full article →

Secret Travel Diary: Dallas Or Die Tryin’

September 7, 2012

I’d fly Keanu Reeves Express Air if it was a good price, wasn’t shaped like a phone booth, and they didn’t have a Chicago layover, because O’Hare collects connecting flights like fucking Gollum.

Read the full article →
Page 1 of 10
1
2
3
4
5
...
10