I travel

4am.

August 11, 2010

In my experience, nothing extraordinary ever happens at 4am. When I was a teenager, it was sneaking back into my bedroom window before dawn, praying my mama wasn’t waiting in my room threatening to send me to a convent where they don’t allow push-up bras or wine coolers. In college, it meant drunk food at [...]

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When the cat’s away…

August 10, 2010

I’m not sure what Andy thinks happens when I travel. I imagine he fancies it some sort of non-stop slumber party. We spend all day in our underwear, eating cupcakes, dancing to girly music, having tickle fights. The reality of traveling with me is much less glamorous. In fact, as anyone who has ever roomed [...]

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About Utah, Part Three: I see dead people.

July 7, 2010

524 Main Street does not exist. We drove all around town at 10 o’clock at night, in a rented SUV with Alaska plates. I had a panic attack.  I pulled into an Italian restaurant called Adolph’s. Katie confirmed I was an idiot, and decided she would take over driving. We parked in a garage, and [...]

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About Utah, Part Two: Signs.

July 1, 2010

Disclaimer:  I like to tell stories out of order. This summer, I have spent more time in my crawl space than any other summer before. I asked my mom if she had ever seen this obscene amount of severe weather before, because older generations like to relive stuff and tell old people stories.  She said [...]

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About Utah, Part One: Homonyms.

June 28, 2010

I started writing this in Utah about 48 hours ago However, Utah 48 hours ago and Utah now are two totally different things. A lot has happened.  So much, that I have decided to run my account of Utah in a three part series. Which sounds prolific, but is really just due to the fact [...]

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Dear Nature, you’re hurting people.

March 5, 2010

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but…I think Earth is pissed. I don’t know if it’s because the hills keeps getting renewed, or because Mike Tyson got that tattoo on his face and everybody is still acting like it’s normal, but…ZOMG AL GORE WAS RIGHT. We are having earthquakes, and tsunamis, and I just watched [...]

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I think this makes me a member of the Obama Administration?

January 13, 2010

Disclaimer:  Probably not for dudes.  Unless you liked The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 version, of course.  Jessica Biel is kinda a twat and ruins every movie she is in.), but even then, things could get dicey. I just got home from spending four days in LA. Four days of jamming way too many important events [...]

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Jesus doesn’t frown on a lot of things, but I am pretty sure he hates airplanes. And the new Melrose Place. That show is horrible.

October 16, 2009

Next week I leave.  On an airplane. This?  Is where I convulse, shake uncontrollably, and then vomit on my keyboard. I just don’t think it’s natural for things to be floating in the air. Back in the 80′s, when the news was all, we’re all gonna have flying cars by the year 2000, I was [...]

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The token BlogHer post.

July 28, 2009

I tried to think of, like, a super inspiring post to cover the details of my life over the course of the last week. But I’m so tired. When I open my mouth, nothing brilliant comes out.  Just…bllleeerrrrrggggg. And what the fuck does that even mean? So, I’m gonna go out on a limb here, [...]

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Trippy

October 27, 2008

I am home. We are home. Everyone is home…even that skanky sippy cup full of milk I left on the counter before we left, it’s here too. On the plus side, I am relieved to still have the freedom to roam around my house, not addressing the stinking sippy of rotting whole milk, as 8ish [...]

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