You know that scene in Forrest Gump where he’s been running and running, and he’s wearing that ridiculous trucker hat with a beard, looking like some dude I’d probably date if I wasn’t married or afraid of hair in my teeth?
I grew up in a time that not only had answering machines, but people genuinely missed your call and were eager to return it so they could speak to you with their mouths through a receiver. It was insane, but it’s all we knew.
I know, I just get back here and boom, I’m sorta gone again. But to be fair, I have a really good reason. My second novel just came back with final edits and I have two weeks to complete them and I need to breath into my paper bag.
I am one of those people who walks around this Earth completely terrified of my own body.
Someone just come over and put this damn Lunette menstrual cup inside me correctly. I don’t have the will to figure it out, internet, I just don’t. I tried youtube’ing it, but almost no one has a legitimate menstrual cup insertion video. They all puss out using champagne glasses or diagrams of the inside of […]
Bedtime is a crap time for me. I’ve mentioned this before, but I experienced a traumatic event when I was a little girl in which I woke up to find a man cutting through my window screen with a knife. That basically ruined the whole sweet dreams situation for me, and led to an elevated […]
Do you want me to stop? I blinked away the tears that seared the corners of my eyes. No, let’s keep going. Are you sure, we have a whole hour, you know. You can stop, collect yourself… No, I don’t want to stop. Okay, we’ll keep going, just remember to breath. In inhaled sharply, letting […]
I took a mental health break this week. I’ve never done that before, but the weirdest thing happened. Like, my body started to shut down. I was exhausted, my bones hurt, I got confused in the grocery store, my anxiety had taken over. I felt it rumbling around for a while now underneath the surface. […]
I feel like my personalities change with the seasons. Like, in the spring, Andy knows it’s time for Self-Reflective Brittany who wants to do things like try out a new religion or host an exchange student. I’m pretty sure Jesus was reborn during this time, so I’m like, let’s start meditating and opening our home […]
Did you know Louis C.K. has kids? He does, two small daughters, Mary Lou and Kitty. Why is that an issue, you ask? Oh, it’s not. He’s a brilliant comedian to whom I would give any amount of money to crawl inside his head for ten whole minutes and laze about on all his squishy […]