Awww, look how precious she is! She looks exactly like me and that dude I slept with outside the DMB concert last year. Just kidding. B  

ANDY! Why aren't you answering any of your 300 cell phones?  Are you on fire?If you're not on fire call me, I think I broke the TV.   -Me P.S. Be nice when you call.

Would it be weird for you if I got these?  I always wished I'd had braces, so let me know:) Love, me

Hey so- The gas guy came to turn off our gas, he said we didn't pay our “bill?”  I gave him money and said I have never seen this "bill."  He said using air quotes doesn’t make things imaginary.  It’s summer, gas should be free, this is a racket, I just emailed them a very [...]

Hey- Do u have a life insurance policy? I’m not asking because I’m gonna kill you, I’m filling out a form...on contractkillers.org.  Ha. No but seriously, do you have one?-Me