Slap Science: March 1

from: to: You know how your snoring is out of control? I’d like to try a new experiment in an attempt to solve the problem. If you are down… from: to: And slapping me across the face helps my snoring how? from: to: THIS IS HOW SCIENCE WORKS ANDY. […]

Phantom Fetus: February 20th

from: to: I just felt something kick me from inside my stomach. I assume it’s one of three things… a parasite, the Chipotle I had for lunch, or a fetus. from: to: Well for your sake, I hope you are full of tapeworms, gassy or your email was hacked. from: […]

Bikini Wax: January 29th 2013

from: to: Hey I submitted the tax stuff and called the floor guy so I will let you know when he’s coming to measure, it has to be during the day I guess. And the BoRics near my work has a sign out front about some sale on facial waxing. from: to: […]

First Aid: November 2, 2012

from: to: I’m just going to say one thing and then I’ll leave you alone. I mean, it’s not much of a “first aid kit” without ether or taffy. I mean, FUCKING REALLY!?

Tracker-Jacker: November 8th

from: to: OMG. from: to: Here we go. from: to: You don’t understand, I feel like my ears are underwater, and like, a mermaid is in them screaming. from: to: No. from: to: I just saw a duck in the bathroom covered in blood. It […]

Lebanese Take Out: September 19th

gangnam style

from: to: I’m so super hungry and we have no food in our whole entire house to make for dinner, not even any cans of those beans with the cut up hot dogs in them from when your dad was here. Also, I lost my keys. And I think our stove is broken, […]

Halloween Party: September 17th

from: to: Jordan- Halloween Party on the 20th, save the date! from: to: Question, is this a costume party? If so, I think I’m going to wear what Lindsay Lohan wore in Mean Girls. from: to: Obvs, though it seems way more fitting if we go Sexy Kitty, Sexy […]

Dishwasher Tabs: August 3, 2012

to: from: Hey- I loaded the dishwasher but you’re out of dishwasher tabs. to: from: You mean… WE’RE out of dish tabs? to: from: Yes, sorry. WE are out of dishwasher tabs, what kind should I get? to: from: The blue gel kind. And WE’RE also out […]

Olympics: August 6th, 2012

to: from: Alright decision time- which Olympic sport can we put our children in so we can sit in the stands wearing cute flag outfits like little athletic muggle parents? Don’t say Race Walking, that whole hip gyration thing weirds me out, I can’t watch my kids do sex moves for medals.